I had special feelings for this guy during my college days but the relationship just went off unsaid.we met after many years to realise that we shared the same feelings till date.but the situations were I was a divorcée with a kid and he was about to get married to his love.he married her and meanwhile we also immensely fell for each other to fulful our lost dream.But now the relationship between us is not as compliant.for I just can't stand him being with his wife and he doesn't want to leave her.he also says and I also believe that he loves me more than her and wants to be with me but the situations don't permit.I am going into severe depression and turning manic.what should I do? I can't live without him

Yes, you can. And you should. (Live without him, I mean)

He really loves me and cares for me. Which he has proved again and again.he is my only support

But he is married to somebody else.he had the opportunity NOT to marry his wife when he met you again, he ia a married man and you are his lover, it will never be any other way, he is having his cake and eating it sorry to be so blunt. There are so many other men out there who are single and can give you their all instead of waiting for someone to sneak around to see you in secret.if he really loved you he would be with you full time.you only get one life, don't wait around for somebody who isn't available

He's not going to leave his wife for you. Pining over him will only drive you insane. You must be able to provide your own support- depending on another for support (especially when he is with someone else) will just end in tears.

I know, when you're really in love with someone who is committed to someone else, you will go to any lengths to carry on hope that they might be struck by a sudden epiphany and run away with you to a far-off country, white horse at the ready- But every day this doesn't happen, it drives another nail into your soul.

You may think that there will never be another person for you- but you'd be wrong.

Do you suggest complete cut off the relationship or we recede back and be good friends who are in touch through e media and occasional meetings

*HUGS* You can live without him if you have the will.

Deep inside you know there's no future with him. I agree with Ikoikocomic that he's not going to leave his wife for you. If he could, he wouldn't marry her when he realized his feelings for you.

Cut him out. Be strong and move on. You deserve better than staying in this misery.

That's entirely your call. You might find that maintaining a relationship with him is too painful, though. A potential solution is to avoid contact with him for a few months to a year, get him out of your system, meet some new people- then, when you're ready, visit again.

Really, I'm a random stranger- how much can you trust my judgement? *wink*

First - What are you doing with a married man.
Second - He is never going to leave his wife.
Third - You lived without him before, you can live without him again.
Fourth - Depression for what exactly? Because you can not have something that you know is not yours.
Fifth - Move on. If he truly loved you he would have never married the other girl. It is time to wake up and look at reality here.

Joe

His wife has little doubt that we are involved.if she comes to know and leaves him,can we live happily or he would blame me for his broken family

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Originally Posted by preity

I had special feelings for this guy during my college days but the relationship just went off unsaid.we met after many years to realise that we shared the same feelings till date.but the situations were i was a divorcee with a kid and he was about to get married to his love.he married her and meanwhile we also immensely fell for eachother to fulful our lost dream.But now the relationship between us is not as compliant.for i just can't stand him being with his wife and he doesnt wanna leave her.he also says and i also believe that he loves me more than her and wants to be with me but the situations dont permit.i am going into severe depression and turning manic.what should i do? i can't live without him

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What should you do? Mmmm let me think...

MOVE on, get a grip of yourself and think and listen to your mind not your heart!

He is married! A cheating married man... who has his cake and yummy he is eating it all, in front of your eyes!

How can you trust him...
Consider this.. OK, what if he leave his wife for you... can you seriously trust this man?

Call me stupid but I would much rather have a guy all to myself,who I know will come home to ME not come home to me AFTER sleeping with his wife. Why settle for second best when you could have it all with somebody single,free,and able to be there 100 per cent.
Of course he is going to tell you he loves you, he is getting what he wants from you,pure and simple.. sex. If there was anything else you would have known a long time ago.. he is married for a reason,and he could have broken it off BEFORE he got married to be with you, that would have been your answer, he didn't, he married the one he wants to be with.
And of course he would blame you if his family fell apart, he will cut all contact more quick than linford christie on lucozade. I'm sorry, I'm not being blunt, I'm being realistic and I don't want to tell you what you want to hear as that is not reality and you will get hurt if you carry this on.good luck, you will need it if this is the way you want to live your life

Remove this guy from your life and raise your child from your other marriage. Get some professional help, as your choice of men doesn't seem to be working for you. You should learn to love yourself, and find out who you are, and learn to be happy with yourself, as the course you are on is all about misery and pain, and that my dear is not love, not even close.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Remove this guy from your life and raise your child from your other marriage. Get some professional help, as your choice of men doesn't seem to be working for you. You should learn to love yourself, and find out who you are, and learn to be happy with yourself, as the course you are on is all about misery and pain, and that my dear is not love, not even close.

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Thanks a lot. It was so loving and caring advice instead of admonishment.with no offence to anybody

Thank you to all of you O loving people.Though you don't know who I am you took out time to share my problem and guide me with your valuable advice

That's what we are here for :)

If he is cheating on his wife, he will cheat on his lover

I agree

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Originally Posted by Krs

michelle5971 with all due respect.. if you read my post properly thats what i inclined..... he can cheat on his wife means he can cheat on his lover too!!!!!

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Exactly. That is why I agreed with you

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Originally Posted by michelle5971

exactly. that is why I agreed with you

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Opps :o
Me wrong! As it didn't come up with agree or disagree...
Sorry :p

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Originally Posted by Krs

opps :o
me wrong! as it didnt come up with agree or disagree....
sorry :p

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;) no problem, I should have been clearer

I am in a similar situation although I didn't meet my love until 7 months ago (he was already engaged). He got married this past Sat... and I feel the same way you do. A part of me in missing. People are so stupid! They think that we don't know that we should walk away from these relationships. I know he isn't going to leave her... that is besides the point. I don't know what to do about my heart. You can do what I decided to do. I am going to move far, far away from him. I know that if I stay here I am going to someone get weak and see him again. I have better morales than that, and I cannot do it emotionally. I think that judgemental people need to realize that we (women) aren't the only ones at fault here. We are not evil people looking to ruin relationships and homes. These men make us believe that we are the ones they love and that they are just stuck in their relationships. We can get through this! Be strong. Let him be the one with regrets. If he does leave the relationship, he will always wonder if he made the wrong decision. You don't want to live like that do you? Let him wonder about you! He will miss you and most likely will have a miserable marriage to the person he loves but is not "in love with". I am sorry you cannot cheat on someone you truly love. I know that from experience. It would kill you inside. I am with you on this one. Take care and good luck!

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Originally Posted by freebird1981

call me stupid but i would much rather have a guy all to myself,who i know will come home to ME not come home to me AFTER sleeping with his wife. why settle for second best when you could have it all with somebody single,free,and able to be there 100 per cent.
of course he is going to tell you he loves you, he is getting what he wants from you,pure and simple..sex. if there was anything else you would have known a long time ago..he is married for a reason,and he could have broken it off BEFORE he got married to be with you, that would have been your answer, he didnt, he married the one he wants to be with.
and of course he would blame you if his family fell apart, he will cut all contact quicker than linford christie on lucozade. im sorry, im not being blunt, im being realistic and i dont want to tell you what you want to hear as that is not reality and you will get hurt if you carry this on.good luck, you will need it if this is the way you want to live your life

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These relationships are never just about sex. These relationships are as real as the next one only they have complications. Many times these men feel trapped by their family or obligations and get married even though they are unsure of their feelings to the person they marry. Believe me! I have been on both sides of this fence (which I am not too proud of). Some of us follow our hearts rather than our heads. It is not necessarily a bad thing. The man I love that just got married... we talked everyday on the phone, ate dinners together, spent numerous hours together, etc... Do you think I had sex or sexual acts with him every time I saw him? NO! Not even close... the relationship was a lot deeper than that. I wholeheartedly believe that you can love more than one person. Even if a person is married to someone they love but are not in love with... they still don't want to hurt that person. There are no easy answers for these type of relationships, and I have found that those who judge... somewhere down the road... get themselves into these very situations.

You have to let him go. It is not fair to his wife that he is cheating on her. Do you realize that you are the other woman? Also if he loved you so much, he would divorce her and marry you. Imagine if you were in the wife's shoes... would you want your husband to cheat on you?

I have called off my relationship but it is a major heart break. Feeling very lonely and helpless.Couldnt there have been any better solution.This pain is even worse than the pain of seeing him with his wife

The basis of our relationship was not sex.sex can't bring in so much of concern, love and care.so much of joy and happiness

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Remove this guy from your life and raise your child from your other marriage. Get some professional help, as your choice of men doesn't seem to be working for you. You should learn to love yourself, and find out who you are, and learn to be happy with yourself, as the course you are on is all about misery and pain, and that my dear is not love, not even close.

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I have called off my relationship but it is a major heart break. Feeling very lonely and helpless.Couldnt there have been any better solution.This pain is even worse than the pain of seeing him with his wife

This is the last time I am going to reply because I think preity your mind, your head. Your how do I put it nicely, does not sound like your fully operational. You have no concience and you still do not get that the pain you might feel now will help you learn and grow, I would hope. Knowing that you did the right thing. You had to do it. If you did not you would be at a lot more risk later on if you were in a lot deeper.

I wish I could say more but I would probably get kicked off this site if I did but you still need a wake up call which you should have already got with everybodies help here.

NO THERE WAS NO OTHER SOLUTION EXCEPT TO CALL IT OFF WITH A MARRIED MAN.

GOODBYE AND GOOD NIGHT. I HOPE YOU EVENTUALLY LEARN SOMETHING OUT OF THIS.

JOE

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Originally Posted by preity

I have called off my relationship but it is a major heart break. feeling very lonely and helpless.Couldnt there have been any better solution.This pain is even worse than the pain of seeing him with his wife

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There are many choices you can make, but there is no better solution than to leave him and his family alone and use this time to heal. Painfull as it is you will find yourself in a much healthier place if you work through the process and then find yourself. It will be better for all involved, trust me and as hard as it seems now, the happiness you will find will make the pain more than worth it. It is time to find the life you enjoy and makes you happy without the drama of jealousy and crossing boundaries brings. You can hurt, or get busy building that life. It is your choice and will work if you put the WORK into it.

Hello!! He's married. You haven't said he has left his wife.

END ALL CONTACT WITH HIM UNTIL HE HAS SIGNED DIVORCED PAPERS AND HAS MOVED OUT.

This guy is using you. Sorry to say. He's having his cake and eating too. He's playing on your insecurities and low selfesteem.

You're the mistres. He's willing to cheat on his wife... he'll cheat on you.

This guy is sick because he plays on your insecurities. Has he left his wife? No. And he won't.

Wildcat,

She is sick. It is not only the man that is sick. Especially after all the help she still does not get it that it was the right decision to make. LOTS OF STUPIDITY. On her part.

Joe

Yeah, unfortunately the best advice for her is a good therapist and talk deeply with a good family member. She loves the attention he gives her - which he plays on.

I don't think it's fair to call her stupid.

Haven't you ever loved someone where it didn't work out because of obligations (not necessarily a SPOUSE) to other people? Their parents were sick, their kids had to come first, etc?

You don't treat anyone ELSE as an idiot when they're having a hard time with a breakup, why be mean to her?

Granted, I'm of the opinion that you can love (and be IN love) with more than one person at a time. Our society just doesn't support that in everyday life, so such relationships (at least one of them) are doomed to failure.

The problem isn't that she loves him, or that he loves her... it's that he made a promise to another woman that he isn't keeping. I agree that she should break things off with him, but not because "he doesn't love her" or any of that tripe. She should break things off because she wants a commitment from him that he can not give her. She should break it off because he is lying to and cheating on his wife... but if she truly believes that he loves her more, then he is lying to and cheating on HER with his wife!

Bottom line is: This is an unhealthy relationship. There is not enough honesty in it, and communication between the THREE of you is shoddy at best.

I'm ashamed of you. You're judging her for falling for a man who was NOT married when they started having feelings for each other. If you have to judge someone, judge HIM.

Honey.. you need to let him go. He had the chance to commit to you and didn't. If he wasn't willing to call off the wedding, then he's not going to call off a marriage. Move on, cut him out of your life, and be happy.

It takes 2 to tango!!

Unfortunately my dear even if things were to go in your favor you might be blamed later on and destroy you relationship with him... manic episodes and depression are hard to deal with I know I went through it. I am a self proclaimed cutter and that is how I delt with it-I am not suggesting that you start. It was the hardest thing but after a year of healing from both I have come to realize that life can not be willed into submission. That sometimes your happiest moments are your saddest and the relationship that seems to be so perfect might just be deadly. Know dear that you are beautiful and special and that even if he does leave his wife you will always be the other woman. Go out there an reclaim your independce and know you are worth more than the title of "The other woman"...

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Originally Posted by Synnen

I don't think it's fair to call her stupid.

Haven't you ever loved someone where it didn't work out because of obligations (not necessarily a SPOUSE) to other people? Their parents were sick, their kids had to come first, etc?

You don't treat anyone ELSE as an idiot when they're having a hard time with a breakup, why be mean to her?

Granted, I'm of the opinion that you can love (and be IN love) with more than one person at a time. Our society just doesn't support that in everyday life, so such relationships (at least one of them) are doomed to failure.

The problem isn't that she loves him, or that he loves her...it's that he made a promise to another woman that he isn't keeping. I agree that she should break things off with him, but not because "he doesn't love her" or any of that tripe. She should break things off because she wants a commitment from him that he can not give her. She should break it off because he is lying to and cheating on his wife...but if she truly believes that he loves her more, then he is lying to and cheating on HER with his wife!

Bottom line is: This is an unhealthy relationship. There is not enough honesty in it, and communication between the THREE of you is shoddy at best.

I'm ashamed of ya'll. You're judging her for falling for a man who was NOT married when they started having feelings for each other. If you have to judge someone, judge HIM.

Honey..you need to let him go. He had the chance to commit to you and didn't. If he wasn't willing to call off the wedding, then he's not going to call off a marriage. Move on, cut him out of your life, and be happy.

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Thanks a lot for getting into the depth of my feelings and not being judgemental. You really understood what I am here for. Even I live in this society and know that I should be called a mistress or other woman looking from the perspective of society.but to tell a blind that you are blind doesn't serve the purpose.to hold the blind person's hand and help him cross the road really requires humanitarian concern.Thanks once againn

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Originally Posted by preity

Thanks a lot for getting into the depth of my feelings and not being judgemental. you really understood what i am here for. even i live in this society and know that i should be called a mistress or other woman looking from the perspective of society.but to tell a blind that you are blind doesnt serve the purpose.to hold the blind person's hand and help him cross the road really requires humanitarian concern.Thanks once againn

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I think there's a problem with your analogy here, the point that others here are pointing out is that you CHOSE this path. A blind person doesn't choose to be that way, at least not in any meaningful terms.

Know that I was never judging you in the least! You can't help who and when you fall in love-it just happens, but I want you to know that you are better than you give yourself credit for and you deserve a guy that loves you and can be with you! I don't doubt that the love is there by each of you but at the same time he has another life with someone else and you should know that you deserve that same life;unfortunatly it doesn't look like it can be with him. To many factors play into "if" he gets a divorce... you will be known as the other woman and even though at the time it won't play as a factor in the relationship there is a good possibility that it will later on. I just want you to know that you have people that love and support you and want to see you fully happy...

First of all, get counseling and medication for your depression and mania. Secondly, you need to come to the realization that he is now married, and is therefore off limits. The fact that you might have had a "dream" years ago doesn't justify trying to take him from his wife now. You need to just forget about him and move on.

Letting her know is not the way to find out the answer to this if that was where you were going with this. Personally I would give him an ultimatum, you or her. If he stays with her you have to accept this and cut him off. Sending emails etc will lead to him saying things like "I miss you" and "I want to see you" and you will slip back into this affair. If he did leave her to be with you though, would you trust him? Would you be sure that if things got hard he wouldn't consider running back to her? Or could you be certain that she won't fight to keep him and win? Are there children involved? If there are then you really are never going to win!