Hello Everyone,
This my first time on this site and it has helped me just by reading the comments that you gave to others. Everyone's situation is a little different so I decided to sign up. Three weeks ago my girlfriend who I lived with for 5 years told me that she needed time and

Space. We broke up 1 time about 2 years ago but reconciled about 4 months after and have been together ever since. Last time we broke up I almost immediately started seeing another woman. I know it's not right but at the time it helped. She was so

Heartbroke that she almost had a nervous breakdown. Well this time I decided to take it like a man and deal with all of the pain and emotions and I am literally dying inside and she is actually taking it a lot better. She still misses me and I know it hurts her. I have

Lost 10 pounds the first two weeks that I didn't really have to lose in the first place. All I think about is her all day. I poured my heart out which was probably a mistake, and now I am taking advice that I have read. Leave her alone! It is so hard but it's what I am doing.

A few days after we broke up I got 2 tickets to a concert which happens to be an artist that we both like so I asked her to go and she said yes. The concert is tomorrow but I did not call her because of the "leave her alone clause" but she called me yesterday so I brought

The concert up. She kind of acted like she was really unsure about going and asked if my new room mate would want to go instead. Already assuming this may happen I asked him and he does not want to go and I told her that. So she said OK I'll go. Should I take her and if I do how should I act. I have moved some of my stuff out but she told me that I

Don't have to move everything out right now as it is her house. She says she's not looking for anyone she just needs time. I have other questions and more details but this is an immediate concern as the concert is tomorrow. This goes against the leave her alone advise but she agreed to go. Help!!

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So she said OK I'll go. Should I take her and if I do how should I act.

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Since she has accepted you have little choice but to go, and leave the heavy stuff at home, and show her what a fun date you are, and make sure she has the time of her life.

I say just go... hell you bought the ticket. Don't waste it, then go back to your clause. In a similar state and my story is on this board too.

You initiated already, just looks so not smooth imo. You're a Gentleman, be one, you bought the tickets, then go, just don't be so down and what not. Show that you are having fun, it may hurt. You at least you showed her you got what it takes.

I don't think you should have asked her to this concert, it was obvious by telling you to ask your roommate she doesn't really want to go but she still might to be nice, if she's "wanted a break" twice now, how many more times will it happen. I think your idea last time of seeing someone was a better idea.

If you do end up going to this concert with her, if she shows, just act like friends and don't bring up going out all night long. Just see where it goes.

I don't know, those are my thoughts, others may disagree.

Hi there, what a terrible situation to be in and I undestand how hurt you must be. I'm also going through a painful situation with someone close too. Did you get any idea this was going to happen when she needed some space? Did she give any reasons at the time? I know how hard it is to keep going and stay busy when you're so upset. It would prob be best to find someone else to go with to the concert - if you remind her again she might feel that you're trying to pressurise her into getting back together before she's resolved whatever issue is really bothering her. Good luck :)

Ouch! I think since you invited her already you are obligated to take her, but ditch the idea of this being a date or step one to another reconciliation. Go to the show, drop her off at home, call the guys and go out afterward or the next night to get your mind off her. Keep it casual and try to remember, she is the one who asked for "space", so leave it up to her to bring up the subject of possibly getting back together later on, but in the meantime, LIVE! Do all the things you used to do as a single guy, or take up some new hobbies. People tend to lose themselves in long term relationships. So don't spend your time pining for her, spend it rebuilding yourSELF. She will probably see how different you are and want to be with you again and by then you will not have the interest in going back. Hang in there, it does get better.

Thanks for the advice. My friends tell me that I need to quit being so predictable. She and I have been going to the same neighborhood pub for years as we have many mutual friends. We basically go once a week and hang out with our friends and blow off a little

Steam. She is 44 and I am 41. She was in there last Friday night and I purposely did not get there until late. I called my friend as I always do when I am on the way there and she knows I call him as well. When he hung up the phone she asked him if it was me calling

And he said yes that I would be there in about 20 minutes. She asked him if I said where I was and he said no. She also said that she was going to leave before I arrived there. When I did arrive she was there she was still there. I eventually went to her and gave her

A hug and started to walk off and she asked where I had been. I told her I was just making the rounds and continued to walk off. I could tell by the look on her face that she was worried to some degree over where I had been. She also told a girlfriend of ours twice in the span of 5 minutes that I didn't arrive until really late. She asks for time and

Space yet when she knew I was on my way she still stayed. I have to make her emotions come alive as mine are. Should I stay away from this place and just drop off the radar for a while? It has a lot of my friends there which I get some sort of comfort in, but it is really

Difficult for me to be there when she is and us basically acting like we don't know each other. Her emotions were coming alive when I wasn't where she thought I should have been. If I didn't show the whole night I think it would have really made her think that

Much more. She probably had a great relief when I arrived alone. Sometime it all seems like one big game to me. Also thank you so much for your responses. I really love her with all my heart. I am just trying to make all the right moves to not lose her and get her back asap. She broke my heart into pieces and each piece is still loving her.

Did you not already post a similar question already? Have I not answered this before?

Just curious.

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Originally Posted by Lost Guy

Hello Everyone,
This my first time on this site and it has helped me just by reading the comments that you gave to others. Everyones situation is a little different so I decided to sign up. Three weeks ago my girlfriend who I lived with for 5 years told me that she needed time and

space. We broke up 1 time about 2 years ago but reconciled about 4 months after and have been together ever since. Last time we broke up I almost immediately started seeing another woman. I know it's not right but at the time it helped. She was so

heartbroke that she almost had a nervous breakdown. Well this time I decided to take it like a man and deal with all of the pain and emotions and I am literally dying inside and she is actually taking it a lot better. She still misses me and I know it hurts her. I have

lost 10 pounds the first two weeks that I didn't really have to lose in the first place. All I think about is her all day. I poured my heart out which was probably a mistake, and now I am taking advice that I have read. Leave her alone! It is so hard but it's what I am doing.

A few days after we broke up I got 2 tickets to a concert which happens to be an artist that we both like so I asked her to go and she said yes. The concert is tomorrow but I did not call her because of the "leave her alone clause" but she called me yesterday so I brought

the concert up. She kinda acted like she was really unsure about going and asked if my new room mate would want to go instead. Already assuming this may happen I asked him and he does not want to go and I told her that. So she said ok I'll go. Should I take her and if I do how should I act. I have moved some of my stuff out but she told me that I

don't have to move everything out right now as it is her house. She says she's not looking for anyone she just needs time. I have other questions and more details but this is an immediate concern as the concert is tomorrow. This goes against the leave her alone advise but she agreed to go. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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You should go to the concert because you both agreed already BUTT!! I do agree with the Leave Her Alone thing. When you go to the concert-just treat her like a friend-Kill her with Kindness-this really works in the long run if you stick to it. Treat her as if it is your first date. After that-Leave her alone-that is what she asked for give it to her other wise you will push her away. Do not show her you are hurting, do not pour your heart to her right now. Put sticky notes all over your house and your car to remind you to leave her alone. It sounds crazy but it really helps. She will either move on or start to wonder what you are doing and come around but when she does be elusive and like I said kill her with kindness. Stay busy and keep her on her toes. You don't know what you've got till it's gone and you won't know unless you go.

Well you cannot very well keep going on the course you have took already.. life is short why don't you start meeting other people that enjoy what you do?
The game of playing standoff to me seems childish.. as well as the I need space game... I say move on and find someone who knows what they want in life and is truly ready for commitment.
Give her those tickets I certainly would if I was you and tell her to feel free to do as she pleases.. tell her you are moving on now

GO TO THE CONCERT - BE THE FUN GUY!! NO TOUGH QUESTIONS.

Then leave her alone - you do not iniate any contact for several months.

She just called 10 minutes ago and asked if we were still going to the concert. I told her yes and she asked what time are you picking me up. I also asked her if she wanted to hit a drive through on the way and she said we could just get something once we got there. I know I shouldn't have asked her a couple of weeks ago, but I did. I know I could still back out, but I want just one more time with her to show her how much fun we can have together. I will keep it on a friend basis unless she decides to take charge. It's been 3 weeks today since our break-up and I still love her so much. My life could be normal again with just a few words from her. It's really a helpless feeling.

Be the fun guy - go - laugh. Do not bring up anything about the relationship!! At all. Laugh. Rememebr to smile - whe nshe gets in your car smile!! Smile like everuthing is OK and cool with you.

REMOVE THE Pressure TO NIGHT.

NO DUMB QUESTIONS.

ONLY if she brings up the relationshp - just please - one favor - lets just have fun tonight... no tough questions.

Be the guy you were when oyu first met.

Your goal is to remove all Pressure!! No more pressure.

Pressure is what drives women away.

Thanks MJ... you've brought so much joy into my life over the years and now here you are trying to help me on a personal level. Tinsign I know eventually I know that I will have to take your advice but my heart and soul is not there yet. MISSk I will try the post it

Note thing, hell I'll try anything to help ease the pain at this point. For the rest of you it's all great advice, but I am going to and be the fun guy. I feel if she really down deep didn't want to go she would have flat out told me. She is playing my emotions and I don't know

Why. She is really a great girl and she is worth trying for. I'll keep it cool tonight and not be down at all even though I know this may be our last time to be together for ever. Then tomorrow I will let her go. Mutual friends tell me to hang in there because she still loves me.

Good luck :) I really do feel for you...

Thanks to all of your for your advice. I really feel like I have new found friends. All it took was a little of your personal time to make a huge difference in a persons life. I intend to fully return the favor to others. In this world there are no strangers, just friends we have not met yet. Thanks Sarah for the vote of luck because I'll need it. I will let you all know tomorrow about the outcome of our night together. You all are great people!

Hi Guys,
We went to the concert and had a great time. When we got to her house about midnight I was dropping her off and she said I did not have to leave yet but she would be going to

Bed soon. So we went in and watched TV as she laid on the couch. She did have to go work today so I told her I was leaving in 5 minutes while I was sitting next to her rubbing her back. After a few minutes she said "lets go to bed because I'm tired. I told her I would

Love to hold her all night. As we got in bed I immediatedy held her for a few minutes then she wanted to make love. I had a hard time doing this if you know what I mean because my emotions were so high. She got upset because I was having a hard time and she started assuming I was guilty about something. I told her you just don't understand how

Emotional I am right now. I also told her that the last girl I was with is her. We eventually made love but it had no where the impact it could have had or should have had. How can I explain this to her and should I ask her to lunch today? Pleaser help as I know these are important issues.

Don't say anything. Trust me. Let it go.

The soft sensitive type with all the questions and answers is what drove her away.

Just enjoy the thoughts of last night. You open your mouth and a whole can of worms will flow and you WILL be back to where you were. Don't go back to where you were.

You're the fun guy!! Fun guy going forward for a long time. Mr. Sensitive WILL push her away.

Going forward - have her call you more - wait for her to contact you. Seriously the #1 problem most guys get into that come here is OVER communicating - e-mails, cell phone calls, text - all kill relationships.

Wasn't last night over all really great? What you wanted?

Lay low now and be cool - don't be needy. Let her miss you a little bit now.

Be the fun guy!!

DID WILDCAT STEER YOU WRONG??

Keep cool and relax. Do not bring it up. Fun guy.

No you steered me in the total right direction last night. She told me that she had a good time. When I got to her house I left my truck running in the driveway and walked her in.

With my truck running she knew I was leaving and that is when she said that I didn't have to leave just yet. If I had lunch with her I wanted to explain about the sex thing last night and how much my emotions were involved. I don't want her to think I am doing

Someone because I promised her at the beginning of the break up that I wouldn't do that. Could it possibly be good for me to make her wonder? She also made a comment that I

Didn't try to hold her hand and I told her that I was not sure if that is what you wanted me to do. She said she adways had to make the first move in the past but she was not doing it last night. Come to think of it she made the move for me to stay.

A lot of great advice has been given here. Now your biggest challenge is clearing your head:

1) You had fun at concert. Nothing HEAVY.

2) Her last memory of you (the one she will lbe living with) will be 100% positive.
**Note, because you had sex, I would respond in a short positive way,
and let her still see you can live without her, but respect her.

3) NOW WALK AWAY.

4) SHE WILL FIND YOU if she wants to go another round.

5) All the burden of responsibility is gone. It's all on her. Enjoy that.

If you give her time and she comes back it will be GREAT. If she does not, you know it was not to be and *you will have saved yourself from divorce proceedings (10x worse than any break-up) years down the road.

Enjoy, and raise a lighter for me.

Yep.

I can't imagine how your night would have gone if you kept brining up the relationship and how YOU feel - and why you can't be together - blah, blah, blah

She would have gone home and you would never have seen her again.

Should I leave a note or a short phone call being as sex was involved ?

No - lay low - be cool. Wait for her to call you. Be busy. Quit rushing things. I'd wait a day or two if she doesn't call. Do not contact her today. Make her guess a little bit - keep her on her toes - make her miss - she will love you for it! Seriously - you're always in her face and she will run.

(for the love of good I hope you haven't already)

No I have not contacted her or left her a note. You're saying if she don't contact me in the next day or two that I should contact her? If so than what should I say to her?

Yeah - just be cool about this.

Say HI!! I had great time the other night!! It was a lot of FUN (you're the fun guy)... mention something fun that happened that night. Tell her how GREAT it was to hold her. TEASE HER!! TEASE!! "You're actualy fun to go out with!!"

See - let HER talk - women talk 70% OF THE CONVERSATION AnYWAY - GUYS DON'T GET THAT.

You really think she wants Mr. Sensitive. Mr. Sensitive almost couldn't have sex. Evict Mr. Sensitive.

AGAIN - no women wants Mr. Sensitive - needy guy.

Wildcat, She just called me and asked if I was still at the house so I could do something for her. I was able to tell her what I wanted to about last night and she totally understood everything. The wheels are rolling in the right direction. So at this point just leave her alone right? Your advise has been priceless.

You do have other things in your life to tend to don't you? You aren't just sitting by the phone are you? If you are get busy with a life. The less you say the better.

Lonely Guy,

Your work is DONE. You survived.

Now leave it ALLLL on her.

Any violations, errands, calls, texts, drop-bys inside of 3 months will downgrade your man-stock. Enjoy your freedom.

DO NADA!! (You gain control by relinquishing control)

All I have to say is you absolutely should not have gone inside last night-what happened to all the great advice we gave you. In my opinion, YES it is healthy for you to make her wonder. Remember she is the one that told you she needed space so give it to her. Stand up for yourself, regain some control or you will be right back where you started.

Where are your post its? I think you should not have any contact with her what-so-ever for at least a week. I have been in this very same situation-make her wonder and want you again-the way it was before. Then you can work on the details.

Ugfhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Be busy. You don't always have to answer the phone. You can be busy - you don't always have to do things for..

This isn't a game either. It's about having balanace in your. Balance is key

WHY on earth keep bringing up the tough stuff all the time. QUIT IT!!

This is part of having a spine. You shouldn't always have to run to the phone when she calls. It also shows you have a life and your life doesn't revolve around her ever.

GO SLOW!! There's no rush here - she'll appreciate that.

Ash - good stuff.

I think it was great he went inside. They had not been together for a while.

See - and the women here are going to kill me - women love drama!! Love drama. You be all boring and predictable and be there for her and she will lose interest quickly.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

See - and the women here afre going to kill me - women love drama!!!

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I got news, not just women love drama. Men come with their own version of drama too. Some men. Some women. In fact, you only need look at how some of the posts are "styled" here to see some male drama in action. LOL Lots of repeated letters, over use of certain punctuation, regular use of all caps for emphasis. Hmm? Time to realise this is one man's personal prejudice. :p

(And you were doing so good there for a while, WC)

I can only state that though I haven't necessarily agreed with everything that WildCat has had to say it is my experience that every prediction, analysis and hypothesis he has made has been dead-on balls accurate...

Val - I agree... I get caught up it in a lot!!

Progress? One of the things she always tried to get me to do is to sing karaoke. She has asked me on numerous occasions to sing. Well the "fun guy" started singing on Sunday

And I surprised many friends. I told her at the concert that I started singing and she was a little upset for a minute. Told her maybe she can hear me one night and she said she

Didn't want to (playing hardball). Anyway, last night I went to sing with a friend that does karaoke. After that I went to my hangout to sing. When I got inside she was there. I went

And picked out my song and waited. After I sang she called me over to her and hugged me and told me that she was proud of me and it sounded really good. So she did hear me

Sing after all. I told her that I had to leave because it was getting late and I had to work. She said "I Love You" and I left. She also called 15 minutes after I left and I DIDN'T answer. She

Left a message just making sure I got home OK. Ever since the concert things really have changed. I've followed your advice and it's really making a huge difference. Do you all think this is a smoke screen or am I really making progress??

Oh, she also told me when I sang it brought tears to her eyes.

No it's sincere... BUT - don't rush this... GO SLOW!

It sounds like you're in.

Understand now about being the fun guy?? No pressure. No dumbass relationship questions.

Don't go rushing to call her... that cal lalso may have been kind of a booty - call be it's GREAT you didn't answer.

Right now you don't and shouldn't talk with her every day.

Did I remind you to go slow??