Ask Me Help Desk - Got back with my girl after she dumped me

Got back with my girl after she dumped me

So I got back with my girl after she dumped me a month ago. And she said she wants to take it slow which I don't understand that means. Were back together but this time she seems like she's not interested and she says she's tired from work and from school but I mean all she does on her spare time is sleep and hang with friends. She seems really happy with her friends. I asked her why and she said because she has to fake it with her friends and with me and her its real not fake. She seems like its awkward. She doesn't hold my hand,kiss me or anything and we used to have sex twice a week. I don't know if it seems like its pity or I don't know what she's probably thinking. I feel like crap at this point and I do want to work it out but I don't know how to if she doesn't seem up to it. She says I'm mean but I don't know how to act when she makes awkward remarks when I touch her in any sort of way. We never really see each other. And I don't know what should I do. She said she wants to be with me but she's just exuasted. But it seems like she's not into it anymore. I give her space and she thinks I'm being mean and when I'm too around she makes it seem uncomfortable or awkward.

Stop touching her and pushing for physical contact. Be a fun and interesting and agreeable person, not a drag and a downer and needy. Try that for one week, then report back, and I will tell you what to do next.

Im sorry ,but are you deaf to what she says?

The answer is in the question. I know for a fact if I just went to school and work I wouldn't be feeling very intimate I'd be tired.
Not everything is this huge mystery in relationships.

Is it that hard to believe that she's TELLING THE TRUTH
Its not a mystery that if she's been working hard the reason she isn't having sex with you as much and not being intimate is she's tired a lot.
Especially when she told you she's tired.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gamed

Im sorry ,but are you deaf to what she says?

The answer is in the question. I know for a fact if I just went to school and work I wouldnt be feeling very intimate i'd be tired.
Not everything is this huge mystery in relationships.

Is it that hard to believe that shes TELLING THE TRUTH
Its not a mystery that if shes been working hard the reason she isnt having sex with you as much and not being intimate is shes tired alot.
Especially when she told you shes tired.

No no I understand about the sex but even talking? I mean I used to work two jobs and school and still be able to talk to her. She can have fun adventures with her friends but with me its bleh

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Stop touching her and pushing for physical contact. Be a fun and interesting and agreeable person, not a drag and a downer and needy. Try that for one week, then report back, and I will tell you what to do next.

How do I be fun interesting and agree able person without money to really spend for fun

Quote:

Originally Posted by mastergiovanni

no no i understand about the sex but even talking? i mean i used to work two jobs and school and still be able to talk to her. she can have fun adventures with her friends but with me its bleh

Ok but you aren't the same person as her. I am a fighter and personal trainer so my job is extremely tiring. My girlfriend is in law school so her job as a student isn't as tiring ,but yet she is always much more exhausted than I am when she gets home.
Because we aren't the same people
Maybe you can go 12 hours a day nonstop and still be jolly, but it seems like she is not with you in that area.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mastergiovanni

how do i be fun interesting and agree able person without money to really spend for fun

You don't need money to be fun and interesting and agreeable.

In which country or state do you live?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You don't need money to be fun and interesting and agreeable.

In which country or state do you live?

Clackamas,or usa

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gamed

Ok but you arent the same person as her. I am a fighter and personal trainer so my job is extremely tiring. My girlfriend is in law school so her job as a student isnt as tiring ,but yet she is always much more exhausted than I am when she gets home.
Because we arent the same people
Maybe you can go 12 hours a day nonstop and still be jolly, but it seems like she is not with you in that area.

I'm a writer and musician. She's a... idk lol she likes reading and literature but that's all

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Stop touching her and pushing for physical contact. Be a fun and interesting and agreeable person, not a drag and a downer and needy. Try that for one week, then report back, and I will tell you what to do next.

I did that and stop texting like I used to like we used to text constantly and talk on the phone for hours but now I'm the only one that calls most of the time and I always text talk a lot and she doesn't. So its been few days now. Nd I haven't really texted her, I don't know what should I do now

Quote:

Originally Posted by mastergiovanni

i did that and stop texting like i used to like we used to text constantly and talk on the phone for hours but now im the only one that calls most of the time and i always text talk alot and she doesnt. so its been few days now. Nd i havent really texted her, idk what should i do now

I would say to her, "I love you and want this to work, but cannot go on like this. I'm going to give you two days to make up your mind -- either we are a couple or we are not. I want your final decision (in person) by 10 p.m. Tuesday. Until then, there will be no communication between us."

(There will be no goodbye hugs if she says it's over.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I would say to her, "I love you and want this to work, but cannot go on like this. I'm going to give you two days to make up your mind -- either we are a couple or we are not. I want your final decision (in person) by 10 p.m. Tuesday. Until then, there will be no communication between us."

(There will be no goodbye hugs if she says it's over.)

I mean I've already said that. She said she wants to be a couple. But she seems like no energy around me and as if its awkward when I try holding her hand out of the blue or hugging her. I'm just not texting her until she texts me. She says she's so tired because she has to deal with her alcoholic mother and school and her job. I mean am I asking too much to be a cute couple like we used to be?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I would say to her, "I love you and want this to work, but cannot go on like this. I'm going to give you two days to make up your mind -- either we are a couple or we are not. I want your final decision (in person) by 10 p.m. Tuesday. Until then, there will be no communication between us."

(There will be no goodbye hugs if she says it's over.)

Is it all right for her to have a celeberity crush? I mean it kind of shows that she doesn't really find me attractive anymore. But she always talks about the main guy from 500 days of summer.

A celebrity crush when she is with you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

A celebrity crush when she is with you?

Yeah. Like that's her celebrity crush right now.

How does it affect her? (How old is she?)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

How does it affect her? (How old is she?)

19. She's talks about him a lot and searchs up him every other day

Quote:

Originally Posted by mastergiovanni

19. shes talks about him alot and searchs up him every other day

She told me that he's making a porno and I don't know if she was just trying to make me irrated. Because she knows I'm jealous type because I have been cheated on by all my other relationships

Quote:

Originally Posted by mastergiovanni

she told me that hes making a porno and idk if she was just trying to make me irrated. because she knows im jealous type because i have been cheated on by all my other relationships

It's time for you to get a backbone. If she brings him up and talks about him, act interested and ask questions and definitely don't act jealous (that is exactly what she likes to see). Actually, for 19, she sounds pretty immature, more like she's 14.

Don't be a doormat. That's why you get cheated on. Either go with the program and be excited with her and fake it if you have to, or tell her no more and then walk away.

What instrument(s) do you play? You write your own songs or short stories or what?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What instrument(s) do you play? You write your own songs or short stories or what?

I play guitar,drums,piano,cello and I sing.
I'm in progress getting published with tate publishing. I write romances

Are you female? Christian romance?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It's time for you to get a backbone. If she brings him up and talks about him, act interested and ask questions and definitely don't act jealous (that is exactly what she likes to see). Actually, for 19, she sounds pretty immature, more like she's 14.

Don't be a doormat. That's why you get cheated on. Either go with the program and be excited with her and fake it if you have to, or tell her no more and then walk away.

So just take it and make it seem like doesn't bother me. I'm just a honest person. I hate I can't really lie because my grandpa who raised me told me not to lie

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Are you female? Christian romance?

I'm a guy. My name is jovanny, means john in italian. No like romances, like takes place in 1900's
I'm a old school romantic.

Then she is not the girl for you. It seems like there would have to be a lot of fibbing and even lying in order to be with her. You need to find someone with values like you have.

Tate is a self publisher and very expensive. How far have you gone into their process? You now can self publish very inexpensively through other means -- Amazon and Smashwords come to mind.

Has your book been edited yet?

What do you consider an old-school romantic?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Then she is not the girl for you. It seems like there would have to be a lot of fibbing and even lying in order to be with her. You need to find someone with values like you have.

Tate is a self publisher and very expensive. How far have you gone into their process? You now can self publish very inexpensively through other means -- Amazon and Smashwords come to mind.

Has your book been edited yet?

I wish I could be with her but yeah your right. And not yet I'm in the middle they gave me a year to finish it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What do you consider an old-school romantic?

Love at first sight. Treat a women with the highest respect. Never let her pay. The man always pays. Talking on a nice stroll through a trail on a nice day be able to talk to them day and night. Find out the person without any help from technology including social networks

Quote:

Originally Posted by mastergiovanni

i wish i could be with her but yeah your right. and not yet im in the middle they gave me a year to finish it.

But you will have to pay them to publish it, right?

A publisher should pay YOU for the privilege.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mastergiovanni

love at first sight. treat a women with the highest respect. never let her pay. the man always pays. talking on a nice stroll through a trail on a nice day be able to talk to them day and night. find out the person without any help from technology including social networks

That sounds like you. Are you actually the hero of your books? You write your hero to be how you think and feel.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

That sounds like you. Are you actually the hero of your books? You write your hero to be how you think and feel.

They're paying for me.

And in my book I'm a guy who is main love

Quote:

Originally Posted by mastergiovanni

they're paying for me.

Tate is a vanity press and wants money to print your book. How do you figure they are paying you?

Quote:

and in my book I'm a guy who is main love

Is Tate going to edit your book?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Tate is a vanity press and wants money to print your book. How do you figure they are paying you?

Is Tate going to edit your book?

My friend who works with them is editing it and he got me connects

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Tate is a vanity press and wants money to print your book. How do you figure they are paying you?

Is Tate going to edit your book?

I just talked to the girl. So I found out that we don't know where we are in the relationships. She said she's afraid of jumping in or that she might be a bad girlfriend because she has a lot on her plate. And that she doesn't feel comfortable around me.