Ask Me Help Desk - Not sure what this is!

Not sure what this is!

Ive been seeing this guy for 4 month's he says he doesn't want to be in a relationship but his actions show different

Not sure what this is!!

I see him maybe one time during the week but he stays at my house just about every weekend. In the beginning it seem like he was starting to fall in love with me. A few weeks ago he said "we need to slow down cus he's not ready to be in a relationship" OMG that's not what is actions are showing. Now let's get to the juicy part. The sex is the BOMB lol. He performed oral sex on me for the first yime, all I van say is WOW!!

Sounds like he is just interested in a trends with benefits situation.

Is that something you are prepared to deal with?

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Sounds like he is just interested in a trends with benefits situation.

Is that something you are prepared to deal with?

Nope but I really like him.

Nope but I really like him. When Friday came I told him I can't do this anymore. He ask me what did I mean I really didn't explain but I didn't let him come over that night. However, he came Saturday night in which that was the night he gave me oral sex for the first time. I really like this guy what the heck do I do.

Not sure what this is!!

Okay people I'm new to this site , I'm not sure if my questions are posting, if so please give advice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandyapple

Okay people I'm new to this site , I'm not sure if my questions are posting, if so please give advice.

I see no question here - this is a Q and A site. This is more like a blog entry.

Did you bother to look under your own profile to see for yourself?

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandyapple

Nope but I really like him. When Friday came I told him I can't do this anymore. He ask me what did I mean I really didn't explain but I didn't let him come over that night. However, he came Saturday night in which that was the night he gave me oral sex for the first time. I really like this guy what the heck do I do.

You decide whether the sex, oral or otherwise, is worth being a booty call and nothing else.

I believe what people say - if they say they don't want a relationship I assume they are telling me the truth.

I see no signs that he wants a relationship - I do see that he wants/needs a booty call. Every time you say no and change it to yes he "wins" and you "lose."

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Did you bother to look under your own profile to see for yourself?

Good morning, Smoothy. Interesting "question" to start my day (?).

Threads merged

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandyapple

Nope but I really like him.

You really like him, but all you are to him is a booty call. You liking him makes it so much easier for him to use you. Have a bit of self dignity. If he isn't willing to settle down and be in a relationship with you then he's not worth your time and you need to make that clear.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You decide whether the sex, oral or otherwise, is worth being a booty call and nothing else.

I believe what people say - if they say they don't want a relationship I assume they are telling me the truth.

I see no signs that he wants a relationship - I do see that he wants/needs a booty call. Every time you say no and change it to yes he "wins" and you "lose."

Sometimes I feel like that's all it is but other times I feel like he really likes me

Sometimes I feel like It's a booty call and if I tell him that he gets offended and says its never been about just sex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandyapple

Sometimes I feel like It's a booty call and if I tell him that he gets offended and says its never been about just sex.

Then if it's not just about sex, where's his commitment? You need to stand up for yourself and stop being played for a fool.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandyapple

Sometimes I feel like that's all it is but other times I feel like he really likes me

Those other times when you feel he really like you are just him trying to keep you around.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandyapple

Sometimes I feel like It's a booty call and if I tell him that he gets offended and says its never been about just sex.

So keep you panties on and you skirt or pants on. Keep your bra on and don't put anthing in your mouth except a fork or spoon that ever comes back out... See how long he hangs around if you aren't giving him sex... that will answer your question real quick...

Wow!! He says he not ready for s serious relationship yet is because of financial issues right not and it has nothing to do with me. He want to take things slow and make sure its right because his past relationships were all negative. He says I am the only woman he's sleeping with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandyapple

Sometimes I feel like It's a booty call and if I tell him that he gets offended and says its never been about just sex.

So stop having sex with him and see if he hangs around.

How old are both of you?

I'm 42 he is 37

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandyapple

I'm 42 he is 37

At 42 you've never come across this situation before, no similar "lessons in life" until now?

Your wording led me to believe you were possibly in your teens. The sex is the bomb; the oral sex is like wow? Personally I'd rather be home, masturbating, than home being taken advantage of by a "sex is the bomb" and "wow" person - but apparently that's just me.

I've been divorced for 3 years. I've dated men since my divorce but he is the first man I have slept with since my divorce. He was in a relationship for a few years prior to us.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandyapple

Wow!!! He says he not ready for s serious relationship yet is cus of financial issues right not and it has nothing to do with me. He jus want to take things slow and make sure its right cus his past relationships were all negative. He says I am the only woman he's sleeping with.

Last time I checked, moving slow means hanging out and enjoying eachothers company and getting to know one another. Having sex isn't "taking things slow" that would be the exact opposite actually. Something to consider.

Yea dats what I thought and the crazy party about it is since he said take it slow 3 weeks ago it seem like he speed things up.

Help lol

How do you know It's nothing more then a booty call?

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandyapple

Yea dats what I thought and the crazy party about it is since he said take it slow 3 weeks ago it seem like he speed things up.

You need to put your foot down and stop being used. You're just making it easier for him by letting your feelings dictate your actions.

I called myself changing things up a little bit but it didn't work.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandyapple

How do you know It's nothing more then a booty call?

When they are unwilling to commit, yet they still want sex/sexual activities from you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandyapple

I called myself changing things up a lil bit but it didn't work.

Can you please elaborate?

Well, he's not really a phone person even though we talk everyday lol, but since he said we need to slow down I haven't rang his phone in 3 weeks he calls me. Since I refuse to call him

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandyapple

How do you know It's nothing more then a booty call?

Read my earlier post... I answered that specifically... Stop giving him ANY type of sex... stop ALL sexual activity.

See how long he hangs around and how happy he is to be around you... not days.. not weeks, but months...

If it's a booty call... 3 months from now he will no longer be around.

Not sure what this is!!

I've been seeing this guy for 4 months he stay at my house on the weekends but he says he's not ready to be in a relationship, do you think this he is just using me for sex?

Yes. What do you think. We don't know either one of you. He might be married for all you know, yes, no?

He is definitely not married, I know for a fact because he lives next door to my cousin lol. He confuse me because sometimes his actions shows different.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Threads merged, AGAiN!

To recap this never ending story:

OP: "Wow!!! He says he not ready for s serious relationship yet is cus of financial issues right not and it has nothing to do with me. He jus want to take things slow and make sure its right cus his past relationships were all negative. He says I am the only woman he's sleeping with."

ME: "So stop being a booty call and see what he does."

It appears he has told OP time and time again that he is not interested or ready for a "serious relationship." He IS ready to have sex... whenever HE'S ready to have sex.

I know no other way to say this any more bluntly.

Posting the same thing over and over does not elicit a different opinion from anyone (apparently).