Ask Me Help Desk - Last time I met her was six years ago. What do I do?

Last time I met her was six years ago. What do I do?

We were class mates, never the of best friends. I was always scared to talk to her. After high school we went to different schools, did not meet for five years.

Then we met again. It was mostly me who wanted to spend time with her and she would call back sometimes. This went on for 4 months when I told her I love her. She said not now and she was gone. I tried to meet her but she looked so troubled to see me I had to leave her alone.

After all this time all I do is miss her. I don't know whether she likes me or not. I don't know where she is. What do I do?

Sorry guy but she doesn't like you and its time to get past it and move on with your life.

Move on. If she wanted to be with you or in contact with you, then she would be.

Thanks
It is hard to move on I think of her every time kind of like may be I don't want to

She looked troubled because she knew that she doesn't love you and that it would be in your best interest to break all contact with you. That's how it's done.

You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you as much as you do her. To keep spending emotional/mental time on her is a waste of your time. What did you do in the five years you were apart? Go back to doing that.

I kind of did nothing
Just went with the flow things those were most easy and I could always think of her

Quote:

Originally Posted by john82

i kind of did nothing
just went with the flow things those were most easy and i could always think of her

Why are you wasting your life waiting for her? Get out and do something with your life.

Then it is time for you to change. Thinking about a girl for 5 years without being with her was just a waste of time. You meet up with her and have another chance and still nothing happens. Like others have said, if she wanted to be with you, she would. Do not waste any more energy thinking of her. If you cared half as much about yourself as you do her, you would get out there and start meeting other girls to befriend. Eventually a girl will come along that will make you forget all about this girl. Believe me, it will take you a split second to forget her, as the only relationship you've had with her is in your mind. It's never been real.

You don't want to admit it, but she never really felt anything, She never was a girlfriend, she was just someone you knew.

You thought more of this than there was.

It can't be over, since it never was.

She is not going to come to you, she does not want you.

If you can't get over it, please get mental health counseling, since you appear to have trouble understanding reality about this.

She was not my girlfriend I know that last time I tried to move things forward I lost a good friend may be moving on now will loose me any hope of ever having her around

We did went out sometimes may be ten odd times coffee after work lunch she never said she loved me

Quote:

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

Why are you wasting your life waiting for her? Get out and do something with your life.

It is her I think of whenever I am in trouble when nothing is working out how do I change that

We are missing something here. What is it about you that you cannot see any possibility other than this girl? I'm a man and even though I am in a relationship, I can still see beauty in other women. You obviously have an insecurity about yourself. Are you afraid to approach women? Maybe you don't know how to talk to them? Are you unattractive? Have you ever had a girlfriend? I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but trust me, there is something wrong with your thinking. You cannot have a girlfriend until you feel good about yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by john82

it is her i think of whenever i am in trouble when nothing is working out how do i change that

Get out. Meet new people. Do volunteer work. If you can't get over her, get some counseling. You can't get the five years you've wasted back, so make a new life and live it. If you help others by doing volunteer work, you will feel much better about yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xzylxzyl

We are missing something here. What is it about you that you cannot see any possibility other than this girl? I'm a man and even though I am in a relationship, I can still see beauty in other women. You obviously have an insecurity about yourself. Are you afraid to approach women? Maybe you don't know how to talk to them? Are you unattractive? Have you ever had a girlfriend? I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but trust me, there is something wrong with your thinking. You cannot have a girlfriend until you feel good about yourself.

It took me ten odd years to ask her out so I am slow but going out with girl I don't love a bit odd

I agree with teacherjenn4. There is no better way to heal yourself than by helping others. It will give you a sense of purpose and of self worth. And you will meet good people along the way. You'll soon forget about this girl.

I do have a good life loving family friends work everything just fine just that she is not around

You don't have to be in love to go out and have fun with ALL the females. Stop looking for love and have a great time making friends and getting to know them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by john82

it took me ten odd years to ask her out so i am slow but going out with girl i dont love a bit odd

You should not have a goal of falling in love just from dating. When you go out with a woman, concentrate on having a good time. Do not tell any woman that you love her just because you want to be in a relationship. In my opinion, a relationship is the last thing you need right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by john82

i do have a good life loving family friends work everything just fine just that she is not around

You need to help us here. What is it that you are feeling so strongly for a woman you have never been in a relationship with? Why is it you cannot see possibilities in other women? Why do you want her around when it's clear she doesn't want you? Why are you satisfied with having a pretend relationship in your head? When you realize that the love you feel for this girl is only in a relationship you are having with her IN YOUR MIND, you can begin to come back to reality. What you are feeling is not real. It's just like Monopoly money... it works in the game Monopoly (your mind) but Monopoly money doesn't really buy you a hotel on Park Avenue (reality).

Quote:

Originally Posted by xzylxzyl

You need to help us here. What is it that you are feeling so strongly for a woman you have never been in a relationship with? Why is it you cannot see possibilities in other women? Why do you want her around when it's clear she doesn't want you? Why are you satisfied with having a pretend relationship in your head? When you realize that the love you feel for this girl is only in a relationship you are having with her IN YOUR MIND, you can begin to come back to reality. What you are feeling is not real. It's just like Monopoly money...it works in the game Monopoly (your mind) but Monopoly money doesn't really buy you a hotel on Park Avenue (reality).

So I'm suppose to move on and hope things work out I am a bit scared I always hoped things would workout between us

Quote:

Originally Posted by john82

so im suppose to move on and hope things work out i am a bit scared i always hoped things would workout between us

Yes, you move on and hope things will work out for you BECAUSE they are not working out in what you want from this girl. This fantasy of yours is hopeless, so why would you not want to move on? Why would you stay in a place where there is no hope it will work out? At least moving on gives you a chance to find love in your life. And by the way, things WILL work out for you if you give others a chance to get to know you.

Please tell us how you are feeling now. Is anything that has been said by us helped you in any way? Or at least have you thinking that maybe you should try to make a change?

U all r really nice people trying to move on is a big decision hard one
Mostly everything around me I could relate with her and I am not sure about it too

Quote:

Originally Posted by john82

u all r really nice people trying to move on is a big decision hard one
mostly everything around me i could relate with her and iam not sure about it too

OK, I wish you luck and I'm sure everyone else who answered wishes you well. At least you have some insight from other people. I will say this one last thing. Right now a relationship with this girl or any other girl for that matter is the least of your problems. You need time to work on yourself. You may not realize this, but your hunger and neediness for this girl is probably what drove her off in the first place. Women want men who are not needy or clingy. They want men who are confident and sure of themselves. You do not exhibit any of these qualities. It is possible that you may need help beyond what we can give you here. You are so young to think so old. Seek counseling and in the meantime, just try to take teacherjenn4's advice about helping others. It may help lead you to the beautiful person you could be.