I'm currently writing a second chance letter to my ex boyfriend and we've been in no contact for about a month and a half. How do I approach the question without seeming desperate and needy?
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I'm currently writing a second chance letter to my ex boyfriend and we've been in no contact for about a month and a half. How do I approach the question without seeming desperate and needy?
How long was your relationship and how old are you both?
Do you think giving him abit of space may help?
You don't. You keep the no contact forever, remember the reasons of the break up, and move on. Time will make those feelings of wanting to get back together go away, it has only been a month.
I do get what your saying, but is there hope in getting back together?Quote:
Originally Posted by mmresd
At all?
Quote:
Originally Posted by aimee225
As time goes by the bad fades, the good memories remain.
There was a reason the relationship fell apart. I wouldn't rekindle it and go through the loss, pain, whatever, a second time.
Our relationship lasted 2 years and we are both 16. I was planning to give it to him a little bit later when we both get more space. I've pretty much moved on from the emotional hurt initially... And by getting back together I don't mean like jumping straight back into a full on relationship. I mean like starting new and leaving the past behind and taking things slowly later on but not now. I also want some more time to myself.
I know that but sometimes second chances may be a good thing. Im only saying.Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
Also, it was mostly my fault that the relationship fell apart and I feel like I could make it work now this time around.
Maybe take the risk and just go for it. You never know unless you try?Quote:
Originally Posted by Mewoo123
Well, something in me tells me that it could work a second time. Initially, what do I have to lose? This time around I'm smart enough to end it if it gets bad. At the end if the month j was planning to give him the letter and possibly talk things over, over lunch or something right before school starts.
Who dumped who? Assess the situation only you can answer if a second chance is possible if you lay all the facts
He dumped me because he said that the relationship became too stressful due to constant fighting and that I was really clingy. In my mind, it wasn't always like this, and since we have had time apart, I think we can fix things
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mewoo123
I can argue this in both directions.
You never know the answer if you don't ask the question.
On the other side - you've been apart. You have begun the healing process. What if contact reopens the wound?
Go for it, but be prepared for the worst while you hope for the best. I think its crazy myself, but have seen crazier things happen.
Good Luck!
Tal is right
Make sure you have moved on first from what broke you up and learn from it then reengage
Well I've healed to the point where if he says no I don't see myself being too down about it. I've already made it through the initial break up. I've had friends that have broken up and gotten back together successfully after a few months.
Mewoo123,
How did they get back together and what are the circumstances? Was there a 3rd party, a rebound? Analyze there success and also really think why you want your ex back
They broke up because of a lot of arguments and they just got back together after about 3 months. I want him back because I agree that we needed space but I don't think it had to be for good. I see the issues we had to be fixable and I still care so much for him
Well my advise is if you will contact him, be casual and light hearted and don't give it your all keep it short build slowly
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Not seeming too emotional, or anything like that. I'm going to try to make the meeting casual and as relaxed as possible. I was planning on giving him the note next week (because I'm seeing him for an orientation) and just leaving it at that and wait for him to contact me. If he does? I probably won't make a day to meet up until a week or two later.
Hmm I suggest you do this: call him take him by surprise mention something like this
"hey i heard Aerosmith is in town and will be having a concert i know you like em, hope you are doing well, bye". Mention something he likes and say you know not thought know that he likes it. Say something that doesn't expect a response this will trigger something inside him.
Well I was thinking of doing that but like what if it comes off as me wanting a friendship? I want to be assertive and straight forward
That is pressure and drama I would personally stay away from that until I develop a new solid foundation of the relationship,Quote:
Originally Posted by Mewoo123
Well how am I go about it after that?
See how he responds if he does good if he doesn't it is OK. Just wait what you will be doing is planting a seed here and the law of gestation says we never know when we can sow it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by monsieurjj
I don't believe in playing games in a relationship. It's either over or it's not. I would ask if we could sit down and talk. I'd prepare myself. He'll either say yes or no.
The OP was in a relationship. He'll know the whole "banter" thing is meant for a purpose.
You can't get a direct answer unless you ask a direct queston. I would ask for a second chance, ask if "you" could take it slow. There's something to be said for, "We had a good thing. I know I screwed it up. I've learned from the experience, I miss you, please - can we try again?"
Life is too short to play games. (And "Aerosmith is in town" sounds like you want him to take you to the concert!")
I don't believe in games either, and if you send him a letter, then be specific and direct about what you want. Why drag out the drama and anxiety of what his response will be with gestures and games?
If you have had no further contact since the break up, chances are he may have decided to move on. Or is enjoying being single.
Whatever the case, if you are going to take the risk, then be direct, as that's not desperate as long as you can be amicable, and accept whatever decision he makes. No begging, or arguing. If you cannot bow out gracefully, then don't do it.
I think.. You should enjoy being young and single.
You don't need to be tied down in a relationship at 16.
Just have fun with friends and family.
Just wait for the right person to come along when you're a little older and really ready for him/ her
Wait you are 16, here is the deal the relationship you HAD with him is dead its gone its down the river. Rushing things is resurrecting the old relationship you had with him which the relationship both of you don't want, don't rush start something new, imagine this is a new guy would you rush things?
Quote:
Originally Posted by monsieurjj
But you posted this: "hmm i suggest you do this: call him take him by surprise mention something like this
"hey I heard Aerosmith is in town and will be having a concert I know you like them, hope you are doing well, bye". Mention something he likes and say you know not thought know that he likes it. Say something that doesnt expect a response this will trigger something inside him."
You were giving advice on how she can "trigger something inside him."
?
Yes it's the attraction and the connection you once haved, imagine connecting with someone you know and like and you want to start something with that person what do you do? Build more rapport right but slowly so you don't appear needy. These are the things I will do if I want my ex back however I want to evaluate myself first if I have moved on completely and have let go of the past bad things if you haven't then the relationship will likely to fail again and that's what you don't want a double heart breakQuote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
Quote:
Originally Posted by monsieurjj
You missed my point - I thought you were saying to contact him, use Aerosmith, bring yourself back to "his" attention followed by a post about you're too young at 16, let this go.
I wasn't sure which "side" you were on.
What I'm saying is with all due respect as I'm really sure you are more experienced than me is that if they want a new relationship they have to start something new and fresh let go of the past let go of the old relationship, start something new what I suggested about the text is about reconnecting how to start contacting in a light hearted manner without appearing needy and desperate just a friendly note :)
Lets be clear, I think chasing after a guy who dumped you and hasn't made an effort to talk is a bad idea. But in the case of this poster, I don't think she will move on unless she tries again, simply because she has fixed herself, and wants to see if that's enough. That's why coming at this as a new start only gets you in the friend zone, so I highly suggest a honest direct approach instead of a lot of chasing, and hoping.
Tal,Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Isn't pressure a killer? I just want her to have this mindset when she contacts her ex that she expects nothing totally not needy and not desperate, I want her to have her power back when she approaches this "new" relationship. I think she better come in with a confident self that will attract her ex back. Though in order to do this I think she needs to postpone this idea for another 2 months
It's a risk, no matter what. But making it a game to play gets no where. You may be right though about letting the healing process have longer to work. But the OP isn't interested in healing, and cannot accept being dumped. She changed herself, and should find out if its enough,or if he is willing to take a second look.
She says she is prepared for another rejection. I take her word. We will see.
I wish her the best and I think we all agree on that I just hope she is ready for anything, luck favors the prepared that is why I suggested being completely healed before going into thisQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I wish her the best and I think we all agree on that I just hope she is ready for anything, luck favors the preparedQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Thanks guys. And yes, I'm still going through with the direct approach because I find myself going no where with beginning with casual talk with my ex. He just might get the idea if wanting a friendship. And yes, I'm hoping for a yes but going in expecting no. If he says no, then I can't change that... At least I tried and if my new self isn't good enough for him, I'm 100% it will be for someone else. I just have to give it a one last shot.
Good luck my friend let us know how it goes
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