I met this girl over a month ago before she travelled. Ever since things have been going on really fine, we both call and spend time over the phone. She tells me everything and so do I. With the way things go on between us, everyone would agree she is my girlfriend. I have told her and keep telling her I love her and want her to be my girlfriend but she keeps saying that she wouldn’t say anything until we meet face to face again and that will take like two months more.

I really don’t mind waiting for two extra months but the problem is that she has another boyfriend whom she wouldn’t boldly tell me she loves but says she can’t just break up with for any reason. Knowing that a girl I love is giving as much attention to someone else as she is giving to me makes me really uncomfortable. She has been with this guy for over a year now and with me for over a month.

Should I stop asking her anything and wait till we see face to face like she said or should I tell her I can’t be in love with someone who has another boyfriend just to see her reaction? I really love this girl and I think she loves me too. Please what should I do?

Let me get this straight. You're seeing a girl that has a boyfriend, and while she's with him, having sex with him, telling him she loves him, you're sitting around waiting for her to decide if you're boyfriend material?

Dude, if she really liked you she wouldn't need a reason to break up with her boyfriend. She just would.

You're a backup plan. She doesn't care about you, and sadly she doesn't care about her boyfriend either. She's a cheater. If she does decide to date you, it's just a matter of time before someone better comes along and she does to you what she's doing to him.

Girls with boyfriends are off limits! She doesn't have the morals to know that, but you should! :(

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Originally Posted by Alty

Let me get this straight. You're seeing a girl that has a boyfriend, and while she's with him, having sex with him, telling him she loves him, you're sitting around waiting for her to decide if you're boyfriend material?

Dude, if she really liked you she wouldn't need a reason to break up with her boyfriend. She just would.

You're a backup plan. She doesn't care about you, and sadly she doesn't care about her boyfriend either. She's a cheater. If she does decide to date you, it's just a matter of time before someone better comes along and she does to you what she's doing to him.

Girls with boyfriends are off limits! She doesn't have the morals to know that, but you should! :(

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She tells me she wants a serious relationship but she doesn't she relationship with the other guy leading somewhere but she is scared breaking up with the guy may hurt him so badly and she doesn't want to cause him pains. In my case, she acts to me like my girlfriend would but wants us to meet again before making her decision. She always apologises when she suspects I'm not happy and always tries to cheer me up. I believe she loves me but just being cautious in jumping into something that might become difficult to come out from. Don't you think I should wait as she said and see what becomes of the whole thing?

Please I really as much advice as I can get on this issue.

I met a girl some 2 to 3 months ago. She told me she had a boyfriend but somehow along the line we got really close. I eventually asked her out, but said she wouldn't give me an answer until she comes back and we meet again because she would like me to ask her directly so she can really see how I feel and stuff.

All this time, I never ceased to tell her how deep I had fallen in love with her. In the course of our adventure, sometimes she says stuff that related to the other guy and when I pick it up against her, she apologizes..

So far, she has showered me with attention and has gotten same from me but the thought of another guy getting same attention from her really drives me crazy and I always voice out my annoyance but she always try to calm me down and tells me to forget about the other guy and concentrate more on what we share.

Recently, when we were planing on how we are going to meet when she comes back, she told me she would like to see the other guy. However she plans to spend more time with me. Despite the fact that I appreciated her honesty and sincerity, I couldn't hide how bad I felt to hear that. We ended the call on a sad note but like always, she called back and apologized to me for hurting me and begged me to understand that this other guy was there before me and hasn't done anything to her that she can use as an excuse to breakup with him but she said I should just trust her that she will handle the situation.

She then told me that she has fallen in love with me but that I should try and tolerate the other guy for sometime while she finds a way to handle him. She claims that the other guy does not know about me and that she told me the whole truth because she loves me.

I really try to forget about this guy but the thought of her calling him like she calls me and telling him she loves him like she started telling me just recently really tears me apart.. already, she has started telling her friends and realations that I am her boyfriend and even plans to tell her mother.

Her every action really convince me that she is already deeply in love with me but the surrounding circumstance is really distorting my thought and causing me emotional discomfort. I really love this girl and am ready to spend the rest of my life with her because of her personality and everything about her except that this situation is really disturbing me.

She has promised to be with me and has asked for time to break up with the guy. Please folks what am I supposed to do? I think I am losing my mind already. What should I do?

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Originally Posted by cacman

pls i really need as much advice as i can get on this issue.
i met a girl some 2 to 3 months ago. she told me she had a boyfriend but somehow along the line we got reallyclose. i eventually asked her out, but said she wouldnt give me an answer until she comes back and we meet again because she would like me to ask her directly so she can really see how i feel and stuff. all this time, i never ceased to tell her how deep i had fallen in love with her. in the course of our adventure, sometimes she says stuff that relate to the otherguy and when i pick it up against her, she apologizes.. so far, she has showered me with attention and has gotten same from me but the thought of another guy getting same attention from her really drives me crazy and i always voice out my annoyance but she always try to calm me down and tells me to forgetabout the other guy and concentrate more on what we share. recently, when we were planing on how we are gonna meet when she comes back, she told me she would like to see the other guy however she plans to spend more time with me. despite the fact that i appreciated her honesty and sincerity, i couldnt hide how bad i felt to hear that. we endedthe call on a sad note but like always, she called back and apologized to me for hurting me and begged me to understand that this other guy was there before me and hasnt done anything to her that she can use as an excuse to breakup withhim but she said i should just trust her that she will handle the situation.. she then told me that she has fallen in love with me but that i should try and tolerate the other guy for sometime while she finds a way to handle him. she claims that the other guy does not know about me and that she told me the whole truth because she loves me. i really try to forget about this guy but the thoughtof her calling him like she calls me and telling him she loves him like shestarted telling me just recently really tears me apart.. already, she has started telling her friends and realations that i am her boyfriend and even plans to tell her mother. her every action really convince me that she is already deeply in love with me but the surrounding circumstance is really distorting my thought and causing me emotional discomfort. i really love this girl and am ready to spend the rest of my lifewith her because of her personality and everything about her except thatthis situation is really disturbing me.. she has promised to be with me and has asked for time to breakup with the guy. pls folks what am i supposed to do? i think i am losing my mind already. what should i do?

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Let's see - you've known her two months and are prepared to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her BUT she is also dating/seeing/in a relationship with someone else.

When she started dating you she told you she had a boyfriend, but she continued to date you and you continued to date her.

She says she loves you, but when she "comes back" (and I have no idea where she's coming from... ) she wants to continue to see the other person. Meanwhile, she's some distance away but manages to "shower you" with affection and compliments.

I don't think she knows what she wants, and I don't know why you are in agreement with her terms. Not the least bit unusual to date two people at the same time. I think it is unusual to profess your love but continue to see the "old" boyfriend. I note she doesn't sneak around your back (and is absolutely honest with you) but she does and has been sneaking around the "other" boyfriend's back.

And you are all right with this?

If she really wanted to be with u wouldn't u think she would be with you already? If she really loved u she wouldn't be playing u like that and just stringing u along because its hurting u the most

I think you should walk away. Do you really want to be a rebound and deal with this back-and-forth stuff all the time? She will always talk about the ex and won't be able to let go of him. He will always be in between you two. When you kiss her, she will be imagining his face and lips. When you hold her, she will be remembering how he held her.

Have some self respect and move on without her. Find someone who can be loyal to YOU and not be "confused." If you can't move on and away from her, I have a bridge I want to sell. You interested? It has your name on it in neon lights.

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Originally Posted by jay-stud

If she really wanted to be with u wouldnt u think she would be with you already? If she really loved u she wouldnt be playing u like that and just stringing u along because its hurting u the most

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She is alreay with me but I am asking her to breakup eith the other guy but she wsnt more time in other to do that

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Originally Posted by cacman

she is alreay with me but i am asking her to breakup eith the other guy but she wsnt more time in other to do that

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No. No more time. It is him or you.

First, I find it amusing that you came along after the other guy and you get upset about him... technically, you are the one that interfered and is causing the problem. Now you are expecting her to end it with him and you are mad that she isn't.

Wake up. She doesn't want to end it with either one of you. You ask us what you should do... walk away and find someone who doesn't have a boyfriend already.

So one month ago, my girl told me a guy was asking her out. This guy happened to be her friend's boyfriend. He claimed that her friend was not the kind of girl a man should marry and that my girl is a wife material and that he wants a serious relationship with her. My girl said she told him that she has a boyfriend but he said he does not mind. This morning she called me to tell me that after some times, the boy has resurfaced again and that he is really serious this time. She said he called she severally yesterday spending hours on phone with him. She called to inform me about the situation and to hear my suggestion on how to handle the guy. After inquiring every detail, I told her to give me the guy's number so I can talk to him but she did not welcome the idea claiming she does not want me to fight over the issue. Please people what is this supposed to mean? Could it be that she has a little interest in this guy? What way do I suggest to her to handle the case. I really love this girl and she loves me too.

She should let her friend know that her boyfriend is calling her and telling her this.

Since he is doing this, while still dating other girl, and she is dating other guy, it shows to at least any normal person, he is a creep and a player. No decent girl would even want to give him the time of day.

So she should explain, why she felt she needed to talk hours to him. And if I was her boyfriend, I would explain if she wanted to keep talking hours to him, I would not be around to talk to then.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

she should let her friend know that her boyfriend is calling her and telling her this.

Since he is doing this, while still dating other girl, and she is dating other guy, it shows to at least any normal person, he is a creep and a player. No decent girl would even want to give him the time of day.

So she should explain, why she felt she needed to talk hours to him. And if I was her boyfriend, I would explain if she wanted to keep talking hours to him, I would not be around to talk to then.

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Thanks a lot but do you think I should insist on talking to the guy or is it a wrong move?

Talking to the guy is not up to you.

Having said that... ask her why she talks to him for hours.

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Originally Posted by cacman

some one month ago, my girl told me a guy was asking her out. this guy happened to be her friend's boyfriend. he claimed that her friend was not the kind of girl a man should marry and that my girl is a wife material and that he wants a serious relationship with her. my girl said she told him that she has a boyfriend but he said he does not mind. this morning she called me to tell me that after some times, the boy has resurfaced again and that he is really serious this time. she said he called she severally yesterday spending hours on phone with him. she called to inform me about the situation and to hear my suggestion on how to handle the guy. after inquiring every detail, i told her to give me the guy's number so i can talk to him but she did not welcome the idea claiming she does not want me to fight over the issue. pls people what is this supposed to mean? could it be that she has a little interest in this guy? what way do i suggest to her to handle the case. i really love this girl and she loves me too.

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If she's not adult enough to talk to the person who is calling her, she isn't adult enough to be anyone's girlfriend. This sounds like a Junior High question. YOU don't need to do anything. SHE needs to either end it... or not.

She has no interest in him but talks to him for hours?

She is a girl/woman pitting two men against each other - she "loves" you and you "love" her BUT someone else is pestering her and she just can't tell him to leave her alone (for whatever reason) so you are supposed to call him and tell him that she is your girlfriend, at which point the other person will ask you why your girlfriend talks to him for hours if she's not interested in him - and it's a good question.

I know that I don't talk to my friend's boyfriends and husbands, and I don't look to my husband to tell them to stop calling.

I think you're being played.

Nice, Judy. Well said.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

Nice, Judy. Well said.

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Thanks all for your responses. Somehow someway, she has not talked about this guy for like three days now and I am really tempted to inquiry the situation of things from her. Please people should I do that? Should I just forget about it until she talks about it again?

Is she still with her old boyfriend that she is trying to get rid of for you? What happened with that? How old are you both?

Yeah but she hardly talks to him these days. She is still assuring me that she will take care of him. She has told her family and friends about me and I talk with them.

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Originally Posted by cacman

yeah but she hardly talks to him these days. she is still assuring me that she will take care of him. she has told her family and friends about me and as a matter of fact i talk with them.

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You talk to her family - about what?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You talk to her family - about what?

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I'm just trying to make you understand that at least I am more of her main lover and she proudly talks about me to the people that matter to her. Is that not good enough for a plus?

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Originally Posted by cacman

i m just trying to make you understand that at least i am more of her main lover and she proudly talks about me to the people that matter to her. is that not good enough for a plus?

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That's a difference between us - I want to be the ONLY lover, not the "main" lover. I also would deeply resent my "lover" contacting my family for any reason. If you are partners, yes. For any other reason, no.

You are starting to sound very desperate.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You talk to her family - about what?

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I'm just trying to make you understand that at least I am more of her main lover and she proudly talks about me to the people that matter to her. Is that not good enough for a plus?

I understand its just she needs rime to ditch the other guy. She said all she needs is a fault from him. She initially told me that her relationship with the guy would lead nowhere as she cannot marry him. I just believe and trust her cause everything she has ever told me checks out.

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Originally Posted by cacman

i m just trying to make you understand that at least i am more of her main lover and she proudly talks about me to the people that matter to her. is that not good enough for a plus?

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I would care less about how she talks and more about how she acts.

So she tells people who matter to her that you are her "main lover"?

Love/relationships are not "games" of pluses and minuses. She's either in love with you and with you... or she's not.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I would care less about how she talks and more about how she acts.

So she tells people who matter to her that you are her "main lover"?

Love/relationships are not "games" of pluses and minuses. She's either in love with you and with you ... or she's not.

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No that's not what I meant. She tells people just about me. The only people that know about the first guy are herself and I. the first guy does not even know about me but she told me about him before confessing her love to me and how she is ready and willing to be with me but needs time to gradually ditch the boy sincedoing it outrightly will hurt him so bad but however promised me that before the end of the year when the boy will be done with his exams, she will finally break up with him. She is already telling me she wants me to go with her during her cousin's wedding. Don't you think I should at least trust her a little longer?

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Originally Posted by cacman

i understand its just she needs rime to ditch the other guy. she said all she needs is a fault from him. she initially told me that her relationship with the guy would lead nowhere as she cannot marry him. i just believe and trust her cause everything she has ever told me checks out.

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Do you really think so low of yourself to put up with this nonsense? Because that's what this is... nonsense.

Based on your story, she sounds like a liar, a player, and a manipulator. Not only to you, but to her boyfriend.

See, this is where I always get confused... when people, such as yourself, come on here and ask if they should stick it out to see if the other person will end their current relationship... I always ask, "if this person is doing this to their significant other, what makes you think they won't do this to you?" So I ask you the same question.

You have only known her for a short period, so how do you know her stories "checks out"?

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Originally Posted by cacman

dont you think i should at least trust her a little longer?

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NO! Here is why... because if she really wanted to be with you, then she would put on her big girl pants and tell her boyfriend that she is no longer interested in him.

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Originally Posted by Enigma1999

NO! Here is why....because if she really wanted to be with you, then she would put on her big girl pants and tell her boyfriend that she is no longer interested in him.

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Actually whenever we talk about this other guy, we quarrel and it hurts us both so she begged me to try and forget about him ans pretend he does not exist while she gradually bring what they had to an end. Considering the agreement we have over the issue, what do you suggest I do now.

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Originally Posted by cacman

what do you suggest i do now.

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Honestly... I would end it with her. You are not her top priority.

She seems very selfish and what she is doing is wrong (to both you and her boyfriend) and deep down I think you know that or else you would not have come on here asking for advice.

However, the choice is yours.

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Originally Posted by cacman

i understand its just she needs rime to ditch the other guy. she said all she needs is a fault from him. she initially told me that her relationship with the guy would lead nowhere as she cannot marry him. i just believe and trust her cause everything she has ever told me checks out.

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Here is my take on this statement, why does she have to wait for a fault?
Everyone has faults, so pick one already, if it makes her feel justified in dumping him.
Bottom line, if she wanted to dump him she would have already done so.
You are being played.
"Main Squeeze" is an old term from my dating days.
Simply put, the refusal to commit to one person or the other, because they were having too much fun with more than one person, making the unhappy party the "main squeeze" made them feel just special enough to hang around

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Originally Posted by Enigma1999

Honestly...I would end it with her. You are not her top priority.

She seems very selfish and what she is doing is wrong (to both you and her boyfriend) and deep down I think you know that or else you would come on here asking for advice.

However, the choice is yours.

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You came here for advice. The advice has 100% been that she is playing you. You don't want to hear it and respond with "but ..."

I am also surprised that you have such a low opinion of yourself, so little self confidence, that you are putting up with any of this nonsense.

I truly don't know why you posted the question when you clearly don't want an answer. If you only want to hear someone agree with you, go back to talking with her family.

I ve heard you all, thanks so much. As it is now, she is not close. She travelled home to dpend her holidays with her family and she will be back early next month. I'm considering waiting for her to come back so I can for the last time ask her to make her choice not on the phone but face to face. She said she will be stoping at my place first, spend 1 week with me before going inside her school since they are hardly allowed to come outside the school gate during the school session. She however said I have to allow her visit a friend of hers whose place is not so far from the other guys place to enable her see him for the last time so I was considering asking her to use that opportunity to end things with him if she truly wants to be with me and if she does not, I will at least be sure she does not know what she wants, then I will have no choice but to move on. Folks I can't deny the fact that I really love this girl and that it took me time to love again after I and my first true love parted ways. Permit my being sentimental in my jugdement. So what do you guys think of my plan? Does anyone have a better idea of how to handle this?

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Originally Posted by cacman

i ve heard you all, thanks so much. as it is now, she is not close. she travelled home to dpend her holidays with her family and she will be back early next month. i m considering waiting for her to come back so i can for the last time ask her to make her choice not on the phone but face to face. she said she will be stoping at my place first, spend 1 week with me before going inside her school since they are hardly allowed to come outside the school gate during the school session. she however said i have to allow her visit a friend of hers whose place is not so far from the other guys place to enable her see him for the last time so i was considering asking her to use that opportunity to end things with him if she truely wants to be with me and if she does not, i will at least be sure she does not know what she wants, then i will have no choice but to move on. folks i can't deny the fact that i really love this girl and that it took me time to love again after i and my first true love parted ways. permit my being sentimental in my jugdement. so what do you guys think of my plan? does anyone have a better idea of how to handle this?

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I'd walk away, but if you want to be played as part of some competition, nothing is stopping you.