My boyfriend and I have dated for 8 months and we have recently been getting in little fights. I think it's because we were livig together and we were always together. He just told me he needed space and we needed a break for two weeks.

Let me give you some information about him. He is the most honest straight forward guy. Not just to me but to everyone. Trust has never been an issue. He told me he wasn't doing this to find someone else. He was simply doing it cause he wants things to work but he's unhappy and he needs to take a step back.

I was mean to him sometimes because I knew I could be. He would just take it. It got to the point where I would just start an argument about nothing. Anyway he asked for space and I am having a hard time giving it to him.

This is the third day and the 1st two days I have talked to him and texted him and blew his phone up. All of my friends say stop texting and calling him, but is there an easier way for all of this? At the end of the two weeks it would be ideal if we were back together! Help?

If you keep bothering him, you are not respecting his "time" and "space"

You need to talk and set rules, can you both talk once a day, is one email or two email a day OK or does he want no contact at all. Then you set a day, two weeks in the future to meet and discuss the last two weeks.

But to be honest the "I need space' or "I want a break" is almost always a break up.

He just wants you to start learning staying without you..
But accrdng to me silent would work in your case.. Just stop msgng n stop ol d contacts until 2 weeks... See if he told you 2 weeks.. give him.. Have control over you.. Engage yourself in some work which is really important... 2 weeks after it he would come himself.. U would know aftr 2 weeks what is he exactly..
If you keep msgng n callng him.. Its not a space..

He said we will talk once a day. When I talked to him last night he seemed pretty annoyed. But I told him that I trusted him to tell me at any time he feels like we won't be together. I mad a list the first day of things that needed to be changed and how I was going to fix them.

Last night he told me he wanted it to work out. So why is he doing this? Yes I know I shouldn't text him. But it's questions like that that I want to ask.

If its usually a break up than I don't want to do this two week thing. So what do I tell him?

My boyfriend wants to go on a break for 2 weeks. He says we are both single and that he just wants to live his life and see at the end of two weeks if we need to be together. He's a straight forward honest guy and told me he is not doing this to be with other girls. I think he just needs to find himself. Do I do no contact? If so how?

Yeah, treat this as a break up. Go no contact forever, don't know what you mean by how... Think of all the ways you can communicate with someone, and just don't do them. Phone, email, Facebook, face-to-face, texts, etc.

Of course you do NO CONTACT, and the how is to have fun and leave him alone. He will call when and if he is ready!

This is most likely a real break up, would you really want to go back after he has dated others for two weeks. This is not what people who really care for each other do.

He said he wasn't going to Get with other girls and he wasn't trying to move on he just really needs to figure some stuff out.

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He told me he wasn't doing this to find someone else. He was simply doing it cause he wants things to work but he's unhappy and he needs to take a step back.

I was mean to him sometimes because I knew I could be. He would just take it. It got to the point where I would just start an argument about nothing. Anyways he asked for space and I am having a hard time giving it to him.

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Seems you gave him no choice as not only are you impulsive, and out of control, but mean to boot.He had no choice but to step back and unless you straighten up your act in the next two weeks he ain't coming back.

Maybe some anger management classes or something like that, but its not realistic he will keep putting up with your mean bad behavior. Even go so far as to have a check up if you are prone to wide hormonal changes. ANYTHING to get some guidance in the right direction.

I mean you can understand can't you that you cannot terrorize your own partner! I think this is your LAST, and ONLY chance to make amends and gain his confidence again.

Yup, do No Contact and live your life without him totally.

Threads were merged for the entire story

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Yup, do No Contact and live your life without him totally.

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I agree.. Start from a new beginning... Enjoy your life start doing things which give you joy.. Consider it as your break up.. Take up a calendr in d box you start writing your feelings for him.. Your thaughts about him.. But yes involve yourself in othr friends.. Do thngs meet up new people.. Face book and yes don't talk about you boyfriend with your friends the more you talk d more you will be disheartten you both don't speak until 2 weeks at all and aftr that discus calmly what he exactly wants and don't argue... Dat day just hear what he says think about it and reply him aftr a day or two.. Think whethr you want to go back to him or no.. Cause if he did it once again he can ask you for it.. Don't take any deccission in hurry

The first three days I talked to him. And pretty much blew up his phone. Do you think I've ruined it?

Guess you wll never learn, so get help!

I fully agree with Tal. You need to look at why you have treated him the way you have and how you can change your behaviors. So far, you haven't given any indication that you are truly willing to change. Yes, 'blowing up his phone' and not giving him space and time are a continuation of showing him that your needs are more important to you than he is.

Out of the eight months you have been dating, how long have you been living together? Do you still have a place together? If you are the one still staying there, then the only time you should contact him is if there is an emergency involving the apartment (plumbing breaks and floods the place type emergency) or to make arrangements for him to pick up any mail/bills that might arrive during this time and need immediate attention. If you left, then let him contact you. Have a set time to pick up your mail and have no other contact with him.

For the next two weeks (restart the 'break'), show him through your actions that you do respect him and his needs. Get out and make certain you have friends and hobbies/interests that give you time apart from him. Hopefully, he is doing the same. You shouldn't be spending all of your time together. You should have support systems outside the relationship. Think of it as blowing off steam so you don't blow up at him.

Do I think you have made an irrevocable mistake by contacting him? Not necessarily. I think IF you both want the relationship to survive, it will take patience and working through the issues before you move back in together. I think you both need time to show that you can move forward and work on the issues. I would expect the end of the 'break' (if you are still together) to be a beginning of working things out instead of a continuation of the way things were. I would not expect to be moving back in together just because the 'break' is over. Go back to the beginning.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

I fully agree with Tal. You need to look at why you have treated him the way you have and how you can change your behaviors. So far, you haven't given any indication that you are truly willing to change. Yes, 'blowing up his phone' and not giving him space and time are a continuation of showing him that your needs are more important to you than he is.

Out of the eight months you have been dating, how long have you been living together? Do you still have a place together? If you are the one still staying there, then the only time you should contact him is if there is an emergency involving the apartment (plumbing breaks and floods the place type emergency) or to make arrangements for him to pick up any mail/bills that might arrive during this time and need immediate attention. If you left, then let him contact you. Have a set time to pick up your mail and have no other contact with him.

For the next two weeks (restart the 'break'), show him through your actions that you do respect him and his needs. Get out and make certain you have friends and hobbies/interests that give you time apart from him. Hopefully, he is doing the same. You shouldn't be spending all of your time together. You should have support systems outside the relationship. Think of it as blowing off steam so you don't blow up at him.

Do I think you have made an irrevocable mistake by contacting him? Not necessarily. I think IF you both want the relationship to survive, it will take patience and working through the issues before you move back in together. I think you both need time to show that you can move forward and work on the issues. I would expect the end of the 'break' (if you are still together) to be a beginning of working things out instead of a continuation of the way things were. I would not expect to be moving back in together just because the 'break' is over. Go back to the beginning.

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We don't live together as in we have the same bills he has his own place. But we spend every night together and every second outside of work.

I can tell he is so annoyed by me! But also when I talked to him last night I'm pretty sure he would have told me the break was over if he truly wanted it to be.

He told me that he WASN'T looking for another girl and he WASN'T trying to move on. He's just trying to find himself again. I really do respect what he wants I just thought that contacting him would make him realize that I'm fighting for the relationship.

He said he doesn't want the same relationship that we had because he was unhappy. And so I honestly don't think he'll come back. I know y'all are going to tell me "well then it wasn't meant to be". Although that's true, I just want someone's advice on how to turn this around and get him back!

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Originally Posted by 012345

I just want someone's advice on how to turn this around and get him back!!

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I think that ship has sailed.

You can't control yourself, and he won't come back until you do. Now go turn yourself around or forget it!

Why are you being such a troll! Arguing instead of taking the advice?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You can't control yourself, and he won't come back until you do. Now go turn yourself around or forget it!!

Why are you being such a troll! Arguing instead of taking the advice?

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Umm troll? That's weird. I'm not arguing! I'm getting all my information out there do I can get all the advice I can. This guy means the world to me. I would hope that at the end of the two weeks he wants to be with me. I was just asking if anyone thought that I may still have a chance to get him back? I haven't talked to him today and don't plan to.

He would have told me last night if he wanted to completely break up and not use the two weeks. But he didn't. So yes I am going out and hanging with my friends and stuff but that doesn't mean I'm still not wanting to be with him.

Then act like it and stop the rude impulsive behavior! Not for one day, for two weeks and forever. Stop being a raging pest. Because you can. Now do the RIGHT thing! Make HIM happy, not unhappy.

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He just told me he needed space and we needed a break for two weeks.

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He asked for space, no contact, just for 2 weeks. That's all he asked for, but what did you do?

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the 1st two days I have talked to him and texted him and blew his phone up

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I can tell he is so annoyed by me! But also when I talked to him last night I'm pretty sure he would have told me the break was over if he truly wanted it to be.

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You blew it. He asked for space and you didn't even give him an inch of space. He asked to be left alone for two weeks and you hounded and hounded and hounded.

If he wasn't already aware of the type of person you are, he is now.

It's time to leave this poor guy alone, I doubt that there will be a relationship after this.

Well thanks.

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Originally Posted by 012345

Well thanks.

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I know that's not what you wanted to hear. If you want someone to tell you what you want to hear, ask you friends, they'll sugar coat it for you. We won't. We base our posts on what you've written.

You have control issues. That much is obvious. You were controlling with him, and mean (because he let you be mean). When he asked for space you continued the control by blowing up his phone with messages. You can't, or won't give up the control you have over him. That's not a relationship, and it seems like he finally realizes that.

If you want any chance of saving this then you need to get your issues under control. Do you want a boyfriend or a puppy that does everything you want it to do?

Do not text him anymore. Let him be. Give him the 2 weeks he asked for, and during that 2 weeks better yourself. Change how you treat him.

I can't say that this will bring him back. It may already be too late for that, you've done quite a number on this poor guy. But even if you two are over, changing your behavior will help you in your next relationship.

I wish you luck.

Thanks! I do know that I am controlling and that's why I want so bad to control the situation. But I have realized that I just can't and if I want him back I have to quit now.

Like I said I know he would have told me we we're completely over and there was no chance yesterday of that was the case. I do think I slipped far away from him when I texted and called him.

But hopefully you are right. I need to give him the remainder of these two weeks and work on my controlling self so that this won't happen again.

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Originally Posted by 012345

Thanks! I do know that I am controlling and that's why I want so bad to control the situation. But I have realized that I just can't and if I want him back I have to quit now.

Like I said i know he would have told me we we're completely over and there was no chance yesterday of that was the case. I do think I slipped far away from him when I texted and called him.

But hopefully you are right. I need to give him the remainder of these two weeks and work on my controlling self so that this won't happen again.

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Good for you! I'm glad you listened. :)

I hope you stick to this, and actually do take control of your own behavior. That's the only thing you should be controlling.

I could say "if you care about him you'll do this for him", but really, you need to do this for yourself. You need to get to the bottom of why you treat him the way you do, and why you're so controlling. Even if it doesn't work out between the two of you, and that very well could be the outcome of this, you need to work on yourself so that your next relationship doesn't end like this one did.

I can understand control issues. I have them too. I've had to work very hard to get over my control issues. For me it stemmed from things in my past. I felt that controlling things would spare me from getting hurt like I did in the past. I only ended up pushing people away.

I can't say that I have a complete handle on things. I still tend to dictate things, and I can be controlling when I don't rein myself in. But, I'm a lot better than I used to be. Thankfully I have a husband that understands and accepts me for who and what I am.

Have you considered therapy? Is there something in your past that's made you this way? If you want to talk about it, we're all here to listen, and to help. We're not counselors, but we are honest, upfront, and we'll tell you the truth. I guess you figured that out already. ;)

Well thank you. I think I'm just going to try to fix myself for him. And for myself. I know you say it won't work out. But I really really hope it does!

I didn't say it won't work out, I said it was unlikely. Anything can happen, no one on this site knows what he's going to do anymore than you do. Only he knows. We could all be wrong.

If you treated me the way you treated him, and did the things you did, I wouldn't go back. But that's me. I'm not him.

If you were treated the way you treated him would you want to continue the relationship? Be honest with yourself.

1TOTALLY ignore him! Let him miss you and stop being so clingy and mean to him! Treat others the way you want others to treat you!

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Originally Posted by 012345

Well thank you. I think I'm just gonna try to fix myself for him. And for myself. I know you say it won't work out. but I really really hope it does!

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The key words are 'for me'. If you don't make the changes for yourself then they won't stick and you will be repeating the same thing over and over again.

Understand that as harsh as we are on you, all the 'blame' is not your burden to bear. He needs to look at himself and see what changes he needs to make. He should not have allowed you to treat him the way you have. He should have put his foot down long before now.

If the relationship survives the break, you are going to have to work together to mend the foundation. Do not allow guilt or any other negative emotion to cause you to think you have to do everything to make up for the past. Accept responsibility for what you did and make the changes to be a stronger and healthier partner and move forward whether he is with you or not.

Good luck.

I did something horrible. Yesterday I saw him in the car with a girl driving to the next town. And I told my friend and she lives by him. And she said she would see of the girls car was there on the way home. It was. I got upset and texted him this morning. He said I was making this easy and the girl wasn't even there he drove her car from a friends that she stayed at.

You should have kept this to yourself until you had enough facts. But drama queens can seldom contain themselves from such reactions and confusion.

Think before you act! I don't know what the facts are, neither do YOU!

What do y'all think?
He's supposed to call me later?
Do I say something to him?

Would it be too much to expect you just to listen, and give yourself time to think about what you hear without the dramatics, emotions or over reactions??

No I mean I realize I should have stopped and thought about it. Or turned my phone off so I wouldn't. I really don't know what to do anymore. When he calls what do I do? Obviously I suck at break ups, or I wouldn't even be asking for advice.

Disappear and have no more contact and ignore attempts by them. Thats a clean break and totally appropriate when you get dumped.

But I suspect you will continue to run guys off with your out of control impulsive behavior (CRAZY!! ). Maybe being single and working on your issues would be better than continue getting into these crazy situations. I doubt this is the first time this has happened to you.

You have to have noticed that despite great suggestions you always fall back on "I don't know what to do.".

You do know, its just that you don't want to. Yet you wait for the solution you want to hear, how to get him back. YOU don't. He has to come back on his own, and he shows no signs of that. Actually it seems he is stringing you along, until something better comes along.

The advice I've already posted still stands. Obviously you're not listening to that advice, you're just pretending that you will.

That's your choice, but it doesn't seem to be working too well for you.

Since you won't listen, I'm done. Either learn from your mistakes, do what you said you were going to do, or continue to make these mistakes and drive the final coffin into this relationship.

You're on your own now. Time to put on your big girl pants and sink or swim. Just so you know, so far you're sinking.

Good luck.

Whew! I just read this thread and here's my take... He thinks you're a controlling loon and you're proving to him that he's right. You need to back off and leave him alone and hope that's enough. It may be too late already.

I know if I was in his position and this was going on, you'd be looking for someone else to have on the leash.

Okay thank you for your advice. I am really good at listening to advice I just have weak will power.

He talked to me tonight about what happened this morning with me texting him and he said it made him mad, but he isn't giving up. He still just needs space and that will help.

It opened my eyes and Every time I have the urge to text him I'm just going to turn my phone off for sometime. I'm sorry I didn't put the stuff y'all said in action and I really hope that it's not too late. :) thanks again guys and I'll post updates and those of y'all who are still willing to give advice please do!

We will expect frequent reports as you fight off temptation to contact him!