Ask Me Help Desk - How can I persuade my girlfriend to show me more affection?

How can I persuade my girlfriend to show me more affection?

So, I am with my girlfriend for 9 months now. I love her very much. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. But the thing is that she is not showing me any affection. At the beginning she was always kissing me and hugging and things like that in public and I was like "we shouldn't do that in public, what may others think..." but after some time I wasn't interested what other people may think and kissed and hugged her and it was great.

But for like a month or two now she isn't showing any affection. When I am coming at her with kisses and hugs, she is reacting like I was. I started complaining that she isn't showing any affection. So she said that she had just enough of it and that she wants some space, which she couldn't breathe that I am showing too much affection. So I did like I was told to, but nothing happened. I wasn't showing affection neither was she.

So after some time of complaining I came to the conclusion that it must be hard for her when I am always complaining, never having enough so I thought that I would stop that but the thing is, what can I do when I really want to kiss her or cuddle or just touch her and she doesn't want to. I don't want to complain but what should I do? Count to ten or things like that?

Ummm, ask her when the right time is I guess...

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesie

Ummm, ask her when the right time is i guess.......

I asked her and she said that she will come when she feels like kissing and hugging but she didn't come...

You might be smothering her with insecurity in other ways --- yes?? Don't do it. Give her space...
Complaining is a form of trying to control her and get her to do what you want. Giving her space means allowing her to do what SHE wants or needs to regardless of how you feel. Don't rely on your girlfriend to make you feel good. See what you can do FOR her.. . maybe she just feels all your neediness underneath the "loves and hugs" you're giving and it turns her off.

Don't be too clingy. A lot of girls don't like it when guys are really clingy. This is something like what my parents went through when they dated. At first my mom was all lovey dovey but when she hit college she just stopped wanting to be touched by others. This confused my dad as well. But he has grown used to it over the years and is grateful for the affection she does show every once in a while. My mom didn't even know why it happened but she just gradually acquired personal space issues. This may be the same way with your girlfriend. Don't take it personally just start getting used to it. She may just be going through a phase or she may stay this way. Don't be clingy. Go with the flow. -

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesie

Ummm, ask her when the right time is i guess.......

He is kind of right ,coming from a girls point of view,she probs want to cut down on the public affection ,what you should do is take her some where special and romance her girls love that then at the right time ask her if is OK.Also if she is pulling away talk to her about how you got attracted to each other

Xoxoxox Sharni <3

Thank you guys! So I can't change her but have to accept her. Maybe it's just a phase and when not than too bad she is to important to me for giving up on her. I'll try to be not too clingy. Again thank you very much !

Affectionguy

Maybe she is no longer feeling you. A girl is not going to get all kissy kissy when she's not feeling you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Maybe she is no longer feeling you. A girl is not going to get all kissy kissy when shes not feeling you.

Can You define "not feeling" me? Sorry but I don't understand it.

It's slang that means "not feeling close to you"

Quote:

Originally Posted by WisperWill70

it's slang that means "not feeling close to you"

Thanks! But that's not the case.

When I was in my first relationship many years ago I went through the same situation as you.

My advice is to spice up your relationship a bit. Do something she enjoys, take her shopping, go to the cinema, go for a romantic walk with a picnic (this worked for me), list goes on... By showing her a good time once in a while will really help to bring her closer to you; this will help her to realise to you really care for her, and this will bring her closer to you.
Also, try to cut down on the affection and try to be less needy.

Remember that there are two people in a relationship and both people should be putting effort into the relationship. If you do everything for her and she gives nothing in return, just forget about her a find someone who will love you as much as you love them.

Good luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by rocketman11

When I was in my first relationship many years ago I went through the same situation as you.

My advice is to spice up your relationship a bit. Do something she enjoys, take her shopping, go to the cinema, go for a romantic walk with a picnic (this worked for me), list goes on....By showing her a good time once in a while will really help to bring her closer to you; this will help her to realise to you really care for her, and this will bring her closer to you.
Also, try to cut down on the affection and try to be less needy.

Remember that there are two people in a relationship and both people should be putting effort into the relationship. If you do everything for her and she gives nothing in return, just forget about her a find someone who will love you as much as you love them.

Good luck!

Thank You very much!

Quote:

Originally Posted by affectionguy

Thanks! But thats not the case.

Newsflash, when your girl does not want to kiss you, does not want affection from you and tells you she needs space, when you feel like you have to beg for affection, she is not feeling you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Newsflash, when your girl does not want to kiss you, does not want affection from you and tells you she needs space, when you feel like you have to beg for affection, she is not feeling you!

She wants it just not so much as I. She says she needs space because I want to kiss and hug all the time.

Why are you suddenly so clingy and she is not. Didn't you guys have the opposite problem at the beginning?

You don't persuade (or manipulate) anyone into doing anything. Either you like how they are or you move on and find someone more suitable to your needs. She doesn't show you affection, talk to her once, if she continues to fail in this department then tell her she is not giving you what you need and move on. Your need for affection is smothering her, either you accept the lack of attention or you leave, these relationship is doomed if you continue wanting something from someone who is not willing to give it to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Why are you suddenly so clingy and she is not. Didn't you guys have the opposite problem at the beginning?

Yeah, we had the opposite problem, and I just don't know why its now this way...

You need to maybe face the fact that you two are not on the same page. You are not a match

Quote:

Originally Posted by affectionguy

Yeah, we had the opposite problem, and i just don't know why its now this way...

I still think she is just not feeling you like she was before. When you go from wanting to be affectionate with a person to not wanting them to touch you, something is wrong. The feelings have changed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I still think she is just not feeling you like she was before. When you go from wanting to be affectionate with a person to not wanting them to touch you, something is wrong. The feelings have changed.

Nope, she loves me just as she loved me before she just does't show it as much as I want her to.

Then you either accept what she does do or leave her alone. You can't make someone be affectionate.
But you had the affectionate her before and you shot her down.
I hope things work for you but I still think her feelings for you have cooled off.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Newsflash, when your girl does not want to kiss you, does not want affection from you and tells you she needs space, when you feel like you have to beg for affection, she is not feeling you!

This spot on accurate...

I tell you now, treat her right. IDK who you are but please man, don't get your heart broken! My girlfriend just recently cheated on me. Please treat her right. Look up ways to show affection! PLEASE I beg you, whoever you are. She is about to cheat on you because she lost affection. Gain it back while you can and stop doing whatever you are doing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cjsmithh102

I tell you now, treat her right. IDK who you are but please man, dont get your heart broken! My girlfriend just recently cheated on me. Please treat her right. Look up ways to show affection! PLEASE I beg you, whoever you are. She is about to cheat on you because she lost affection. Gain it back while you can and stop doing whatever you are doing.

Are you for real? Do you enjoy being treated like a door mat? Did you even bother reading the thread?

Are you 16?

If you have to ASK for more affection... then you don't HAVE a relationship worth sweating over. Get over her and move on.