Hi, I have been cheated not once but twice. Yeah, it may sound like foolish on my part but the first time she cheated me, I was so broken that I turned to drugs. After taking drugs for some months she came back and I was so much vulnerable that that I took her back. It went on for some time and after few months she again cheated on me. I just don't know what to do. I feel like going in a slumber and never come out. It is not crying that I am doing, I am wailing. I want to move forward and I know she is a cheater but I can't take away my thoughts from her.

Somebody please tell me what to do. I don't want to go back to drugs because drugs put me to sleep and there is not ore that I think about then.
I want to face it and I want to move on. The urge to call her I can't resist. What should I do? I have to take myself out of this misery. I don't want to ruin my life again just because someone I love doesn’t loves me back.

Somebody please tell me what to do.

Hello man,

I don't usually reply to posts but I have the need to help you.

I understand what you are going through and how hard it is. I am going through a similar phase in my life right now and there are so many unanswered questions you want to find out and so many thoughts in your head but the best thing you can do my friend , is go out. Even force yourself if you have to. There are many times I was forced to go out when I was depressed beyond recognition and it really helps at the end of the day. There is going to be a point where you will start thinking about her less and less and its going to be better day by day. Try to turn the feelings of pain into feelings of anger and it will help you feel better. I know it sounds bad but it's something I learnt from some books and it really helps.

I hope I helped a bit,
You can make it.

Yeah buddy.
I don't even know what to do with my life right now.
I don't want to go to drugs.
They are easier way out, but I don't want to ruin my life anymore for some one who hasn't even thought twice before cheating me.
At this time I begin to wonder that is it bad to be faithful?
I have seen my friends having sexual relationships with multiple girls and I always told myself that goodness pays back and being faithful is somehting I was proud of myself.
Sometims I even think of going to prostitutes to end it once for all.
Maye having sex with prostitutes will make me think I will have evenge but revenge from whom I don't know.
I might be hurting myself in long run.

I don't want love again in my life.
I wish to hurt myself more and more. I try my best to not to think about her but when I tell myself that I will not think about her, I still think about her.

Somebody please help me out. I have faced bigger problems in my life, but I want help this time because earlier it was my life only. This time I connected my life with some one else and she has left me shattered. Not once but twice.
I can't even cry with my friends. Boys are supposed to be strong.
I don't know what I am writing right now.
when I see my face in mirror, I think of myself as some looser now.

Seldom can any of us face hardships alone, and I think you reach out, as you are doing here to a trusted responsible family member, or friend, and tell them what you need. Support through a difficult time. Even a family doctor or religious leader can give you that shoulder, or encouragement you need to overcome. All of the above if you need it.

Do good things for yourself, and don't see that loser in the mirror, see the guy with much to give, and know that like drugs, you made a mistake and was good to someone that didn't deserve it. They are the loser in this not you because they have lost love while you still have it. Instead of giving it to a loser like her, give it back to yourself, and find a true friend to share it with.

You beat drugs, you can beat this hard time in your life. Now get that friend, or family member to help you get to the next day and heal from this temporary wound.

You can do this, just reach out. It will get better, I guarantee it!

And I also have an exam in September.
I am just notin a position to study.
I know it is me who has to get over with it and I will.
Gosh, maybe some magic happens and my mempry wipes out her.

I don't want to be angry on God.
I don't
I like your signature.
Mine was the exact opposite of Having a relationship should be a bonus to your life and should not be the only reason to be happy.
It was the only reason of me being happy as I had to disconnect with most of my friends cz of her.
Sometimes I felt she manipulated me but being with her gave me so muc joy that I just closed my eyes to it.

How do get over with it.
I am feeling so weak in legs and stomach.
I can'tt ake it anymore.
I have to hear her voice.
I want to hear her say she loves me
Why in the world it happened to me
Is there no God?
I feel like killing myself

Relax guy, this has happened to open your eyes and mind and an opportunity to chart a better path than you were on. I understand the emotions/feelings can be overwhelming, been there, done that, many times.

Maybe now you can reconnect with those you left, and find they had prayed you would some day wake up. You have haven't you? Hell you have already made a few cyber friends you didn't have before. Isn't that a signal to keep trying?

Its so strange how it works
She cheats me and goes
And it is me who is begging her to get her back in my life
Someday I will get over with it
But there is long time between someday and now
I appreciate the time you people take to respond to me
I need to be strong
Hell but I am wailing right now
And that is the reason
I don't know
I have to get over with it
I have to
I will
One day I will see myself in mirror and will not be afraid of
I am afraid of everything
Even two birds sitting together hurt me

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get off your a$$, off the computer, and go for a run, swim, jog, anything to make you work hard and sweat. Vent and channel that negative energy into useful work. Go plant a tree, help a neighbor. Paint the house. Anything but sitting isolated feeling sorry for yourself.

Bet if you tried you could stop thinking of her, and think of things to do. Build a bird house for those two birds you cry so much over. And a bird bath, Got a junkie attic, or garage? Clean it to perfection.

You mean to tell me you can't look around and see things that need doing?

Are you sure that if I direct myself to something else, I will get over with it?
I will do anything to get over with it.

I will do exaclty what you say
I will

I will do
U know, heart pains a lot
Screaming all the time I am
I sleep cz I get titired f crying

I can build pretty good websites
I am awesome in it
I can get myself ranked on forst page of Google for any keyword
I race with bikes
I go to gym
And suddenly, I feeel world stopped
Like mrs. havisham of great expectations
But I will get out of it
So next time she even sees me, she will be sorry fr herself
I will not feel sorry for myself

Yes, he is telling you that, and you know what. It's the truth, every single word. Keep active and stop sitting around thinking about it. Eventually, your heart will move on and those feelings will vanish. Hell, you might even find someone you love even more, it may suck to think about that now but give it time.

Time is your friend, and he will help you heal, but help him heal you and get your mind off her and stay busy. Keep up what your doing, and eventually you will move on.

And keep us posted, we care, and want you to be happy, and succeed.

OK.
I downloaded some sleep music and I slept listening to it.
I woke up and I have been not feeling so depresseed this time.
In a week , I have told myself to hold myself together.
I talked to my friends too.
Same person cheating twice, it is like I started to hate myself.
When I called her, she told me what do you want from me.
I was devastated to hear it.
I kept calling her, just to hear that she loves me and everything will be allrite like before.
But I know it won't happen ever.
It is hard to accept this fact that no more of her in my life now.

I opened up my heart again and told her how much I love her.
Its her smiles and eyes I can't unthink of.

I also told her that I am going from her life if she dusnt wants me in it.
And I told her that you should call me beofre tonight if uwant me to be in your life.
I know it is fooling myself.
But at least I can spend one more day in the hope of getting her love.
Cz living without her love is something I can't think of
I could have killed myself instead.
I know she will not rely.
Maybe I will send sm mg tmrw that today is last day and you tell me .
Day by day he craved for her.
Ha ha ha
Why doesn't someone shoots me in my head and heart,
Both pain

No one has to shoot you in the head or heart, you are doing it yourself. Stay away from her, leave her alone. Its foolish to keep going back to a person who has hurt you and expect love. Its illogical and harmful.

Like putting your hand on a hot stove and thinking pleasure will come of it. What would you tell a person who does this??

"You damn fool, keep your hands off a hot stove!!!" Now get back to the plan and stop this foolishness!!

There is always a feeling that everything could be perfect.
Will try meditation.
Have started spending one more hour in gym.
Its like weak body can be trained and made better ion gym
In the same way mind can also be trained and made strong.
Once I am able to control my thoughts about her, It will be a big relief.
Will do meditation daily now.
Someday I will improve.
Better do it than not trying it.
I will improve one day. Have control onmy mind and get out of this depression.
Its like I still think that if she will see me one day, I will get devastated just by seeing her.
I don't want that to happen.
I will control myself.
Do meditatin.
Would do it everyday now.
I did it for 8 minutes tday.
Felt good.
I will keep my hands off that hot stove

I am browsing all our pics and cried today.

Gather them up and put them away, or better yet burn them to end this chapter of your life.

I don't have that courage to burn them
I don't have the courage to burn them

Not now

Store them away, far away, and don't dig them out for a walk down memory lane an pity pot session.

God Yaar?
It is like the exact situation that I went through. Though not on drugs or any bad habbits but it felt like I was being made hollow from inside. Eventually I lost most of my emotions to the phase. I called myself the "devil queen " it made me feel better.

The most important part -most of us in this situation are crying for no fault of ours. I know how it feels to care for someone , love someone, know that you are there and getting not the same but a fair part of the feelings.

It is not bad to love someone , You can love that girl in your mind till you are ready to move on, but you see through it that you continue to socialize. At this point of time it is a bad idea to confront her and tell her your feeling cause she won't understand ( for the fact she did not understand you to begin with ). Hoping that she will come back will make you think over it again and again.So just start with calming down yourself and being friendlier with your thoughts.

Time heals all the wounds as they say- it works may be in months , years or decades. You may even not remember her name. Don't try to shut down your thought , let them come , talk to a mirror, a friend or anyone close.

Ya I know those who have gone through a thing like this can understand. Its like the hell breaks loose on you , you suddenly realize that breathing is a problem , you may even get panic attacks ( like your hear beats faster or something ), but things are suppose to get better after a dark night, day will always come , a bright one now.

Have increased time of working out in gym. Using hynotic music to put me to sleep. Have started doing 10 minutes meditation too. Have not called her. I write messages to her but never send them. I save them in drafts folder. But never send them.

Whenever I feel the urge to cry , I do. I cry and then when I get tired of it I stop.
And put some relaxing music and try ot get my mind off her. I keep telling myself it will not be over unless I help myself. I want to help myself. Yesterday I went out with a friend and his girlfriend and seeing their love together, I cried my way back.

I keep telling myself that God is with me. He will help me. I will help myself. I have not called her. It is like sometimes I feel the urge to ruin her life like she did mine. But then her smiling face and all that talks that she did with me.
Love still overpowers the hate that I am trying to build her for her. Maybe I will not succed, I have loved her more than myself.

One thing I know. I have to help myself. I have to get over with it. So that in future, I nvr ever cry for her or for anyone .

God, I still love her.

You're doing well man. Hang in there! I am going through the same right now. Mine was my fiancé (but she broke that part off). We dated a total of 2.5 years. I suspected she was cheating about 8 months ago, and I questioned her on it. When I did she just went silent. Wouldn't return my calls, nothing. I finally got so pissed I wrote her off. Then after a couple months of loneliness and weakness I called her and we somehow started seeing each other again, I typically would never have dealt with this, but I was weak (physically). I think I have heart problems, which makes me extremely tired, and depressed, thus my weakness. Now I have good insurance with a new job so I am getting it checked out. Anyway my point is, if you are weak physically, it will make you weak and vulnerable emotionally. Keep working out. Get some music you enjoy working out too, and crank it. I have also started meditating, and I am doing positive affirmations. They do work! I used to do them years ago and after 30 days I felt so good that women were drawn to me like a magnet everywhere I went. My 5 step plan is:

• Visualize myself successful and happy (positive visualization)
• Meditate 20-30 mins/day
• Positive affirmations when I am stuck in traffic or whenever else something negative pops in my head. This is extremely important as the internal conversation is key.
• Work out atleast every other day
• Make a plan on how you are going to improve your life. You have time to focus on you and your future...this is the time to do it. The wonderful woman you will eventually meet deserves the beast you have to offer...and you deserve the best you can be. Don't forget to take action on your plan...a little something everyday.

I read this somewhere, and saved it, because it encapsulates how mine treated me. Hope it helps you...
Here’s what you need to know about your ex:
1) If they left you with no explanation after a few years of dating, you will soon realize that you’re better off without her. Cowardly women who run away and pursue self interests without having the decency to close the door behind them will forever be in unstable relationships. You got lucky. Take your out. Imagine if she did this when you had kids!?
2) Your mind will play tricks on you. You fought, she didn’t make you a great person, and you weren’t really as happy in the relationship as you think you were. If you’re lucky, she’ll find another dude to deal with her bs and you can walk away clean.
3) The Rebound Depression: If she’s with another guy immediately after the break up, you may start feeling like you really want her back. Don’t do that. This is your self-esteem trying to protect itself. Stop. Think about this: She is a parasite. An organism that can’t live alone and needs another for food, habitat, and support in order to survive. Do you really want to be with someone who just leeches off you and gives you nothing in return? Be happy that you’re parasite free and know that there are so many women who have whatever one redeeming quality your ex does, and many many more.
4) If you thought that you were happy with this self-interested nutcase, imagine how happy you’ll be with a woman who brings the best out of you—the woman of your dreams. She won’t pull this bs on you and will be the woman you always imagined that you’d marry.

Good luck dude! The world is your oyster, but only if you go and take it.

Beartest... I just read more of your posts! You had to quit handing out with your friends because of her? This fact and the cheating both point to a girl that may have Borderline Personality Disorder! They are some of the most toxic, addictive, emotionally draining people you could ever date! Mine had several of the BPD traits and they are emotional vampires. They will suck you dry trying to make the relationship work. Go read this article and see if some of this is what you dealt with. If so than you are lucky to be done with that! It is the same bull I am dealing with. I still miss her so bad it is unbelievable. It really does feel something like getting over a bad drug addiction. I have not been addicted to drugs, but I know the relationship was not healthy for me, but I still want her back, but a little less every day.
AT ANY COST: Saving your Life after Loving a Borderline.
http://gettinbetter.com/fiftyways.htmlhttp://

Love to hear back from you on what you think...

redbaron68. Dude, I am feeling much better after reading it. It is a common trait of women
Ha ha ha
And I thot the girl I loved was unique.

Very helpful article and I am feeling much better now.
I wish I was your girlfriend, :P at least I would have felt loved.

Sometimes I do get negative thoughts, and I feel suicidal, I keep telling myself that I have to help myself.

The idea of getting some one else in my life is not the issue right now.
Right now, I want to work towards being emotionally strong. I do cry at times.

Reading your article has kindled hope in me, that I can be a better person rather than crying out aloud for someone for whom I am no more than trash.

Even I had options to go to some other girls( I am not a stud but I do get some girls at my side sometimes) but even If I talked about kissing , I felt I am cheating my girlfriend.
Dude, you are a life saver. I still miss her, badly, but I will accept the fact that she is not coming back and I will help myself.
I love this place.

I have an exam coming up in September and I will study for it. I will devote all my time in it and there will not be a sinlge minute I will think about her.
I know it is impossible but I will try my best. And I will do it.
I don't know if I deserve some one else in my life or not, but I do know that I have to be emotionally strong and mentally strong.
The first time she cheated me and went, all my friends told me that she is not better or me and I should move on. Instead I decided to play Mr. havisham and just went into a misery well by taking drugs and never ever came out with it.
If we love some oone, they don't have a right to ruin us just because we can't live without them.
I will help myself this time. I will get over with it. I do cry and I do miss her and I love her terribly.
But it is time now to make myslef strong emotionally, not for her but ofr myself.
I want to do it for myself and just myself.
What exaclty are positive affirmations and how to do it?
I do meditation and use hypnosis music to sleep.

Update

I got an sms from her today that I never understood her and that I am a loser.
It came because I told one of my friends who happens to be a mutual friend that I will no longer try to get her back in my life. He must have told her and she texted me that I am a looser and that I don't understand her.

I replied that I am trying to get on with my life and I will never be a part of your life again what ever happens.

It was like it occurred to me that a girl who manipulated me so much again wants to make use of that fact that I love her.
It took me lots of courage to tell her that and I hope I don't brek down now hinking that maybe I could have called her and listened to her voice.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by beartest

Update
I replied back that I am trying to get on with my life and I will never be a part of your life again what ever happens.

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Impressive! VERY impressive. Extremely VERY impressive!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Impressive! VERY impressive. Extremely VERY impressive!!!!

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I don't know if it is impressive or not.
When I was replying and typing in the message, I was so afraid what if she changes and if I wanted to get her back she will tell me that it was me who rejected her then and told her that no need to come back in my life.

I believe inmyself now, partly not fully.
I know it is me who has to work it out and no other one will come to my rescue.

You know, even though I knew that I was being treated like a spare part in her life, I was happy to be a part of her life, for all the love I had for her.
We are human, not programmed robots.
I will practice more yoga and more workout in gym and I will get my confidence that I can be better alone and I don't need anyone else to make me feel loved.
I will love myself.

Beartest,

She had a chance to show how sorry she was and change her ways the first time she cheated. She didn't even try then, so her chances of ever changing are very very slim. I know that is a tough pill to swallow because it hurts your pride. I am dealing with the same stuff right now. The problem is she never really appreciated you (in a way that healthy person would) and that's tough because you sound like a great guy. Some girls just don't get it. It sounds like you have been trying to make her understand how great the relationship was, but you are trying to be logical about it, and she doesn't seem to have the capacity to be logical, so don't expect her to be logical when she can't be. Yours and mine are the type that don't get it, and probably never will. She has the problem and now she has made her problem your problem. Don't let her do that to you man. Pick yourself up dust yourself off and learn from this. By the way the only loser is someone who doesn't learn from their mistakes... and it sounds like she hasn't learned a thing. The fact that she can send you a text like this should be a reminder of that. Think of that text as a gift to remind you of that. Would the real girl of your dreams do that to you?

You will be all right it will just take some time. Someday, soon I hope, you will look back and wonder why you ever put up with what you have for so long.

You have a lot of negative self talk in your head, and getting rid of that will help. Here is the link about affirmations:

Positive affirmations for positive change - Stepping Stones

You want to face it without drugs, then just do it. We are here for emotional support, don't be a coward and just give up. The only way you heal from this is with time, time alone, without drugs, time in which you need to use to become a better person, and everntually, this time will allow you to start fresh.

I won't give up this time.
It is because of people like you all here, that I can help myself. At least I know how to help myself now. Before, I took it as a misery and just wailed and cried upon it.
I will take my time and I will heal myself.
Thanks to all the people here for your support.
I really appreciate it.

I would be posting some updates here just in case I don't know if I am doing it right or not, because I still have some weak spots in me which I would like to mend here on this forum.

Thanks once again everyone.

I have been restraining myself from seeing her pics and looking at my phone constanlty if there is a message from her or a call maybe, but only to find it is of no use.
Sometimes when I am seeing TV, I wail when I see the love involved , I try to control myself and I think I have been doing pretty good job, I tell to myself, that if she had needed me , she would have not left me like this, then I should also get along with it, am doing meditation, going to gym, studying and keeping everything off her , even not browsing her Facebook profile, as I read here, it is not wise to put my hands on a heating stove, it would be who would get burned.

You are really doinng good guy, as healing is a long arduous process, like paint drying, or grass growing, and emotional pain is sometimes as hurt full as physical pain.

Nothing gets you through this process better than being busy with things you enjoy. And fun people. Ever hear te expression "Time flies when your having fun."?

Its TRUE!!

OK, I have done enough to not to call her, going to gym,studying and all,
I am doing pretty fine I think,
Sometimes I cry but I have deleted all messages,photos ,everything from my PC and Phone that reminded of her.

I am now facing a new problem, I am angry all the time because of I lost someone I loved, I want to love myself but all I end up with is cursing myself ,
I wantt o love myself and do what I want, but I can't, I am cursing myself,
Please help

Drop the I can't thinking, and just do for yourself. You may not e a successful as you want, but you can still see the benefit of tying. Make a list of some new things you want to try, and make a plan to try them, and then make time to work the plan.

Make a day to do something good for yourself, like shop for a new shirt, a haircut, or pedicure. When faced with what you can't, find something you can. You don't have to be angry at yourself, be good to yourself instead.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Drop the I can't thinking, and just do for yourself. you may not e a successful as you want, but you can still see the benefit of tying. Make a list of some new things you want to try, and make a plan to try them, and then make time to work the plan.

Make a day to do something good for yourself, like shop for a new shirt, a haircut, or pedicure. When faced with what you can't, find something you can. You don't have to be angry at yourself, be good to yourself instead.

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Hi talaniman
I really appreciate you helping me out and It was your initial posts and everyone else's that made me cope up with the excuciating pain I was going through.

Today I did something that I thought I would never do, I went to her Facebook profile, saw her new pics and she was wearing those puma shoes that we brought together, I cried and cried seeing that.

I have figured out this, that if I want to heal myself, I have to face it, I can't run forever from her memories and her, I cried for like 15 minutes and wiped my tears and tried remebering the god times we shared and then washed my face.

The reason I am posting it here because I wanted to make sure I don't break down again seeing her happy without me, well she is happy without me, I cried looking her smiling face and I DID NOT BREAK DOWN, I just cried.
Earlier I used to like wail for hours. I wiped my tears and told myself, she has started her life, I should also start mine now, and if she is not in my life now, I should work for a life that I wanted, before she came in my life, I will do this, I know, because deep in me, I know, I can't chage myself. I have planned to go on having sex with some prostitutes too, but I don't want to. I wanted to do it because I wanted to end the better things about me.
I won't now. I can face her memories now, I won't run from them. I have a life, and I will love myself, more than anyone could have loved me.

Exercising helps, and doing yoga too. Earlier I used to wail for hours and sit down numb like I am falling in a black hole, not knowing where I am going, just waiting for my life to end.
Today, I saw her pics, saw her smiling , saw her happy, and I did not broke down, I just cried and wiped my tearsw and here I am ,posting the update here.
The yoga and exercising surely did made my mind strong, I need more of it, till the point when I see her in person and can face her without crying my heart out to her, not that I lan to face her in my lifetime, but if I can make myself strong enough to do this, I can tackle any problem I will be facing in my life, because if I have the courage to not get hurt by the only person who can hurt me, whom I gave my life, I can sure as hell withstand anything.

Hi, everyone
So I get a text from her that she wanted to know that can everything be alryt like before?
I said I don't know and I don't want to know now

To that she started telling me that I am selfish and think only about myself

I called her on her birthday and then wished her hapy birthday.

I really don't know what to do
I feel like she is just manipulating me again and I feel again like a spare part in her life

I am falling weak again

I am constantly trying to not to fall for her again but she has started everything again( calling me by d name she gave me) and all that

I told her I missed you lots and it would be very diffici\ult for me to live with my life again without you, and I will live it, and I don't want you to com back

She replied that she also doesn't wants to come back and all that

And then she started shouting again at me that I am selfsih and I think about myself only

Earlier I used to live with the fact that she is manipulating me bcoz I used to feel happy with her

I still feel happy when she calls , but all that what I have went through because of her, I can't forget all that, and sooner or later I will seek redemption if she is with me

I don't know what to do now
Its like I know I will be better without her, but its like I am putting myself again in this situation that I know has no escape

Some one please tell me what to do

Its really simple, you go back to what you were doing before she texts you, and stop the contact with her. Time to ignore, block,or whatever you have to do to cut the contact, as it just brings you pain.

You start over with yourself, and let this current situation, and the pain fade into the distance. Don't dwell on this latest incident, as you learn to deal with your pain, by focusing on the things that you enjoy, or will enjoy without her.

Agree with talaniman. I by the way what kind of person would cheat on you then try to come back and call you the selfish one. Let her behavior remind you why you are better off looking after yourself and waiting for a girl that you can have a healthy relationship with.

Yeah, when ever she tells me that she loves me, I just can't believe it
I laugh it to myself, some tears roll down on my eyes, cz I know she just wants me to be a spare part in her life, and nothing else, and I had wished for a fairytale :)

I talk to her once or twice daily, and I am surprised that I don't go on telling her how much I love her and what she meant in my life, I guess, I have done enough already,

It just takes a second for me to rrealize that she is the same girl who just left me twice thinking I would be able to cope up with the trauma of being without her, and figure out a what to do with my life without her in it,

And you all know what, she just succeeded in it

I have figured out living life without her,
I am going to gym, blogging , studying, doing yoga and meditation,
After all, once getting up from bed without her wishing me good mornig too seemed herculean once, it still takes heroic effort to do it, but here I am doing it daily,

It is so strange what love makes us to do, even getting up from bed seems heroic task at a point,

Why are you talking to her once,or twice daily? That would appear to be torture to me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Why are you talking to her once,or twice daily? That would appear to be torture to me.

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Yeah, it is torture , but you know what, I figured out, if I will not deal with this, this would( occasional talking) to her would be torture to me in future,

When we break up, even a single phone call seems miracle from eternity with thousand of thoughts pouring in when we see the number flashing on our screen,

It ain't happening now,
I would do it until the day she becomes a phone number in my cell, nothing else,

I do whatever I was doing and one thing I would like to point out here,
Doing yoga helps in dealing wth this better,

To be honest, tears still drip from my eyes, but once I accepted that she is gone, it is not so painful as it was before.