My name is Andrew. I've been more or less going through a downward spiral for the last 10 years and only after a 3 year vacation in the department of corrections, did I finally realize how chaotic my life had become. I was more or less living in a fantasy world up until March 26 2012. I've lost a child who was murdered by a crystal methamphetamine drug addict. I'm going through a very difficult divorce right now which is breaking my heart slowly but I'm dealing with it in my own healthy ways.

I need to know if it is possible at all to begin to talk to my soon to be ex-wife about all the reasons I used to treat her like a piece of trash. What's worse is that when we got together, I treated her like gold until her family got wind of my lucrative past. Me and her were inseparable. I would travel on foot or by bike or skateboard 2-3 miles every other night sometimes just to see her. To say we were in love was putting it mildly. However her family found out about my past and decided as families typically do to get involved in our personal life. I wasn't happy about it and that more or less was the beginning of the end of us in many ways. I grew bitter over the years we were together and more or less refused to treat her the way I used to. She grown since to more or less hate I and I can't say I blame her. She has since had 2 children with another man. I want to be able to respect their space but at the same time let her know how I was feeling back then. I'd really like to be able to speak to her about the past.

Can someone please give me some advice on how to speak to her about this? I could really use the help and closure

The first thing you have to ask yourself is who you're doing this for. Are you doing it for her, or for you?

The second question is whether you expect this to change anything. Are you hoping that by telling her this she'll forgive you and you two can have a relationship again.

Third question. If you're doing it for purely selfless reasons, only to give her closure, are you 100% sure that she needs it? Is she happy right now? Will you cause more harm than good? It can't only be about your need for closure.

Be honest with yourself about all the questions I've asked you. Who do you really want to do this for, her, or you?

I will agree with Alty, why is there a need for this, why or what is the issue with moving on, you talk about starting over, and a new start, then do it,

Why not leave the world you were living in and just worry about getting a new start.

First I'd like to thank you Alty for the response you gave me. It was very well- organized and heartfelt. I really appreciate that.

Now then. I'm in a discipleship ministry. I just got out of prison as previously mentioned. I need some advice on how to get around questions a potential employer may give me regarding this. How can you tel when you've actually said enough. Is it something that comes with time? I've really never experienced this before. I've always been a very open individual with people although it has caused me problems in the past. They say to be truthful while being interviewed. How can I be truthful when I've also been told to stretch the truth at times or even not to speak of my lucrative past at all...

Once again I could really use the help.

You answer their questions, nothing more than is required. Stop talking and don't worry about a silence, it is a trick that interviewers do. When it gets quiet, they expect you to start talking.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

You answer their questions, nothing more than is required. Stop talking and don't worry about a silence, it is a trick that interviewers do. When it gets quiet, they expect you to start talking.

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Thank you very much Chuck

This question is strictly centered towards the woman or the gay men I guess who frequent this forum.I need some solid advice.

I'm a 25 year old man in need of advice on how to talk to woman as weird as that sounds. I was incarcerated in a Florida Prison for 3 years . I feel completely uneasy at times when attracting them. To be completely honest I've never had a healthy relationship with a woman as of this current date. I'm a down to earth guy, White male 5'3 slowly getting more athletic and with-in the next 2 months will more than likely have a full six pack and built chest due to excessive cycling while looking for jobs around the greater orlando Florida area. I'm a very passionate individual, looking for a woman to help me experience my more sensitive side and to help keep me comfortable through the process.

Any advice on attracting different kinds of woman

I have the confidence and truth be told I'm actually very comfortable in my skin. I can be a very laid back and easy going individual but I can allso be very competitive when I choose to be. How do I attract a different caliber of woman? Should I research the type of woman? I'd prefer a more simple woman. Any advice.

Side note: I'm not trying to establish a Relationship while using this Forum. Any worries of this nature are completely unnecessary. Thank you.

I hope you get some answers AGold, but this is not a dating site. You would best be hooking up with a dateline, friends4U sort of forum. But not this one.

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Originally Posted by tickle

I hope you get some answers AGold, but this is not a dating site. You would best be hooking up with a dateline, friends4U sort of forum. But not this one.

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I appreciate your advice but I'm not trying to date anyone over this forum. I respect this forum and it's views. I'm honestly just seeking advice for my current situation.

Volunteer--at an animal shelter, a hospital, a library, join a book discussion group or a writers' group (at a library or park district--or start one). Be honest about your background, and if you're turned down, keep looking or come back here. There's a place for you. You're a good writer and probably have a few stories in you somewhere. ;)

(Oooops, I'm older than 40. Is that okay?)

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Volunteer--at an animal shelter, a hospital, a library, join a book discussion group or a writers' group (at a library or park district--or start one). Be honest about your background, and if you're turned down, keep looking or come back here. There's a place for you. You're a good writer and probably have a few stories in you somewhere. ;)

(Oooops, I'm older than 40. Is that okay?)

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"Ask and it will be given;seek and it will be found;Knock and the door will be opened"

Yes 40 is fine and thank you for responding to my question and taking it as seriously as I did. To be honest I am somewhat worried about the whole situation. I am actually very comfortable in my own skin at the age of 25 I dress however I feel comfortable which varies from day to day. I kind of have this whole surfer/ skater personna. People tend to think I'm a druggie which I'm not anymore. How can I get over this Wondergirl. Will you be wonderful for me today?

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Originally Posted by AGold737

Yes 40 is fine

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*cough* OVER 40, like your-grandmother-over-40, but my brain is good. :)

Be careful with the attitude. I was in charge of library volunteers and court-ordered community service workers for years and years, and know that a tough or swaggering attitude will get you nowhere. Also, be careful with smarmy sweetness. You might sucker in a few people, but the smart ones--the ones you want to favorably impress and get to know--won't buy it.

Let me see. Where does that take us? Are you with me so far?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

*cough* OVER 40, like your-grandmother-over-40, but my brain is good. :)

Be careful with the attitude. I was in charge of library volunteers and court-ordered community service workers for years and years, and know that a tough or swaggering attitude will get you nowhere. Also, be careful with smarmy sweetness. You might sucker in a few people, but the smart ones--the ones you want to favorably impress and get to know--won't buy it.

Lemme see. Where does that take us? Are you with me so far?

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Yes mam, Please continue.

Please define Smarmy Sweetness for me

First there is not "love" at first site unless you have been talking perhaps for months on the internet and have not seen each other and then meet and it all comes together.

What two strangers have is "hormones" or "lust' and/or "sexual desires" And the funny thing is no one knows what it is going to be. For some women, a 50ish or 40ish man with some grey and even a few extra pounds may be more what they are drawn to

They have some some instant sexual desire for the man with the tan and six pack but also often feel they may be too shallow and more into theirself.

There's a guy here you will want to meet and get some great points from. I'll invite him to this thread. I've known him from various sites for about ten years. His user name is (lower-case "e") excon. I'll PM him to look at this thread and comment. (We don't take discussions off the boards because there might be another guy or girl out there looking for help and advice like you are and will read this.)

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

There's a guy here you will want to meet and get some great points from. I'll invite him to this thread. I've known him from various sites for about ten years. His user name is (lower-case "e") excon. I'll PM him to look at this thread and comment. (We don't take discussions off the boards because there might be another guy or girl out there looking for help and advice like you are and will read this.)

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I'm definitely going to want to meet excon thank you wondergirl

Thank you. I'll be waiting for his input

What yours terms for "simple" want to raise their own chickens and veggies and don't own a TV set and does not wear make up ?

Most likely not, but one persons simple is another persons strange

That was such an awesome response! I like your sense of humor Bro.

Really I can't even begin to describe my dream woman more than likely because woman tend to be so complicated just like us men are. Just when you think you have the individual figured out they pull something new right out of no where. Then of course you are left wondering WHOA! Didn't see that one coming and your back at square one...

You haven't even walked around the neighborhood and looked at the various possibilities before you commit to one style. You're thinking ranch style but maybe saltbox would also be nice. It's too early to build fences for yourself, i.e. limit yourself.

Ya got to meet Tal too.

No my version of simple is someone who has simple needs, simple wants, and wants to have clean fun I/e going to beach,movies. Maybe can teach me how to dance since I have yet to learn to dance.Someone who has time for me since I will definitely have time for her.

I think the best way to attract females is through friends and activities you enjoy, and develop through friendship enjoying the company of others. But if it's a one night temporary lust filled slam bam thank you ma'am type of thing, then you visit your local watering hole or meat market, and you get what you get.

I know you are young, 25, so the caliber of females or gay guys you may be looking for is going to depend on the caliber of activities and endeavors you take part in, but first, you best decide on what kind of person you are, and how patient you can be, because even with on line or quick dates, there is seldom a such thing as instant success.

Its all about experimenting, and exploring your world, and chosing carefully the path you take. How much risk are you willing to take and how smart you are about who you give your heart (and body to).

Enjoy the process, it's a rather long and tedious at times but can be as fun as you make it.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I think the best way to attract females is thru friends and activities you enjoy, and develop thru friendship enjoying the company of others. But if its a one night temporary lust filled slam bam thank you ma'am type of thing, then you visit your local watering hole or meat market, and you get what you get.

I know you are young, 25, so the caliber of females or gay guys you may be looking for is going to depend on the caliber of activities and endeavors you take part in, but first, you best decide on what kind of person you are, and how patient you can be, because even with on line or quick dates, there is seldom a such thing as instant success.

Its all about experimenting, and exploring your world, and chosing carefully the path you take. How much risk are you willing to take and how smart you are about who you give your heart (and body to).

Enjoy the process, its a rather long and tedious at times but can be as fun as you make it.

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You are an awesome individual and a very accomplished individual. I look up to you in many ways. Thank you so much for the advice. May you be blessed by the God I do my best to serve. Jesus Christ

AGold. I met my husband when I was still pretty young. We were both 19 at the time, and we've been together since. I'm slightly older than 40 (41 to be exact), and my husband and I will be celebrating our 17 wedding anniversary in a little over a week.

Why am I telling you this? Well, bear with me. ;)

I have a past. A past that most people don't want to hear about, and I won't get into here. But, I will say that I dated a lot before I met my husband. I dated all the wrong guys, a few nice guys, but most of the times, the guys I dated, I dated for the wrong reasons.

The night I met my husband I was actually taking a break from dating. I had come to a crossroads in my life, and for once I wasn't looking for a guy. I was happy being single, and wanting to be single for a while, to figure out who I am. My hubby just happened to cross my path that night, and when he asked for my number I seriously thought "fine, I'll give it to you, and we can be friends, but that's it!"

Well the little bugger sneaked into my heart.

In my experience, when you stop looking, that's when love will find you. Just go out, meet people, be open to every experience, every friendship, and when you least expect it, love will find you. It sounds corny, I know, but for me it was so very true. Heck 22 years together, 17 years of marriage, 2 beautiful kids. That pretty much says it all. And trust me, if you had told me 23 years ago that this would be my life, that I'd find a guy that loves me despite everything, I'd have laughed in your face.

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Originally Posted by Alty

AGold. I met my husband when I was still pretty young. We were both 19 at the time, and we've been together since. I'm slightly older than 40 (41 to be exact), and my husband and I will be celebrating our 17 wedding anniversary in a little over a week.

Why am I telling you this? Well, bear with me. ;)

I have a past. A past that most people don't want to hear about, and I won't get into here. But, I will say that I dated a lot before I met my husband. I dated all the wrong guys, a few nice guys, but most of the times, the guys I dated, I dated for the wrong reasons.

The night I met my husband I was actually taking a break from dating. I had come to a crossroads in my life, and for once I wasn't looking for a guy. I was happy being single, and wanting to be single for a while, to figure out who I am. My hubby just happened to cross my path that night, and when he asked for my number I seriously thought "fine, I'll give it to you, and we can be friends, but that's it!"

Well the little bugger sneaked into my heart.

In my experience, when you stop looking, that's when love will find you. Just go out, meet people, be open to every experience, every friendship, and when you least expect it, love will find you. It sounds corny, I know, but for me it was so very true. Heck 22 years together, 17 years of marriage, 2 beautiful kids. That pretty much says it all. And trust me, if you had told me 23 years ago that this would be my life, that I'd find a guy that loves me despite everything, I'd have laughed in your face.

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Thank you so much Alty You've actually brought a tear to my eyes. I've been a loner for a very long time and have been very frightened to let people fully into my personal life due to a fear of them running when they found out about my past. If you're willing I'd like to tell you a little bit about myself. So I can begin to get it off my chest

Dude this is YOUR thread to bare whatever, and get whatever off your chest. Sure some we meet in life will not like the real you, and of them you should never be frightened of, NEVER! Maybe the numbers who accept you may be smaller than the ones who recoil, and run from you, but the ones that don't run will be TRUE friends, and not the fake ones who smile in your face and stab you in the back.

You are to young to even worry about what the fakes think of you, and its not even their business what you did in the past. Lose the shame and guilt and forgive yourself, and never again be afraid of what others think of you.

I recall how you started this thread, after you brought up the closure thing, (I know about making amends for past wrongs!) you said this

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I have the confidence and truth be told I'm actually very comfortable in my skin.

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So keep it real, and be as you say you are, as your anonymous here any way.

I agree with Tal. This is your thread, and whatever you feel comfortable sharing with us, feel free, we're here to listen.

Heck, I've opened every wound I've ever had on this site. It took a lot to do it, but when I did, a great weight was lifted, and the best thing of all, everyone on this site stood beside me, helped me through my past issues, and even my present ones. The people on this site are the best people I've never met.

So share with us, if that's what you want to do. No pressure at all. You can tell us as much, or as little as you feel you want to. Just make sure not to give out too much personal info, no real names, no places, because even though the people here are wonderful, this is the internet, and this site is open to the public.

I learned that the hard way. :(