I've been seeing this guy for a month and I really liked him a lot. We have been friends for 4 years prior but I had a boyfriend at at the time. When we broke up we started to talk right away things got sexual fast. I just thought if he was going to use me for sex I should know now before I get big time feelings for him.

Few weeks pass and he tells me he would love it if I would be his girlfriend he loves being with me I'm perfect for him. I said "yes". That day of him asking me. He got into a car accident his car got totaled and its going to cost him a lot of money to fix if he even can fix it. So weeks go by and everyday we hang out I'm there for him as much as he wants. Gave him my car to use every weekend when I went to work and he would come get me at the end of my shift and we would go back to his place, weeks go by and we talk about him moving in with me and he's all for it so I give him a set of keys. Everything is good he tells me he loves being with he would send me messages through out the day when we would be at work telling me he misses me and he can't get me out of his head every thing a girl wants to hear.

I told him I'm falling fast for him. He said he already fell. Time goes by no fights alls good. Till one day he tell me his car is really getting to him eating him away he can't do the things he wants with out it. I said sorry baby would you like to use my car today. He just kind of shut me out and said no I need to deal with it. I was trying to talk to him about it but he was being really distant about it told me there's nothing you can do I need to deal with it. I said okay I'm sorry I'll give you your space. Next day I sent him a text saying hi are you feeling better today? He replies. No I'm really moody today I said okay I'm sorry ill give you your space. I left it till late that night. Told him I'm sad you have never ignored me like this it feels like you don't want to be with me. He sent a message saying my heart is not in it like yours I need to end this. I was so clueless less didn't know what to say. I told him okay ill come bye tomorrow at 12 and get my stuff we can talk then.

He said OK that's fine. The next morning I notice he deleted me off his bbm? So I just stuck to the plan went there for 12. I sent him a text saying iI'll be at your house in a min. He replies with I'm not even home I got up early today had to do things I have court soon for my car. So I left upset. Told him that its not nice what he is doing and I'll get my things when his court stuff is over which is in a few week. I was not upset about not getting my things. I was upset because I don't understand why he can be so mean like 2 days ago he couldn't be with out me and now his heart is not in it anymore? What do I do?

This guy is a jerk! I hate to say it, because I really do feel for you, and I've been where you are. Had a guy that made me feel great, said all the right things, super hot one minute, then super cold the next.

I'd bet money that he'll soon be apologizing, begging you to forgive him, and if you do, things will be great for a while, until he has another hissy fit.

I know it's not easy, but I don't see this relationship going anywhere. If you want to save your sanity, take it as a learning experience, get your stuff, and forget him. You deserve more.

Having said that, this is totally your call. You can choose to forgive him if he comes back begging for forgiveness, but I'd bet money that if you do, this will happen again, and again, and again.

I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you so much.. really. I would like to get my house key but it will just get me more upset right now ill want him to tell me what I did wrong but I know it will get me know where. Plus he don't want to talk I've called him 2 times last night and he never picked up made me feel so low. I didn't even want to see him today to get my things but I knew I told him I'd be there at 12 so I suck with the plan. Went there and he was not even there. Tole me it was my falut I should have sent him a message saying I was on my way and that he's going to be out for along time. He will drop my things off later today. I was so sad I said don't worry about it. Ill message you in a week or 2 for it. And that was it have not heard from him all day. Should I just leave it for a few weeks or??

I'd leave it forever. This guy is not worth your time, or your heart. Trust me, there is a better guy out there. I found one. We've been together since we were 19, going on 22 years now (OMG! That's more than half our lives, don't do the math!) ;)

He's never played games with me, he's my best friend, lover, husband, father of my children, keeper of my secrets, and my soul mate. He's no less than I deserve, and I hope that I'm no less than he deserves. That's what you should hold out for. This guy, I wouldn't waste money even sending him a text. He's not worth it.

Judt forget that jerk , he's not worth anything n the world,screw him u deserve beter I've been there it's the worst ferling ever but just further move on meet someone mew and b happy :)

The only thing I could say here is that maybe he feels you're too clingy? Just a suggestion.

What I really see is something else though... I have to agree with the others, it does sound like he's a jerk. He is also exhibiting behavior that I believe is in the lines of him having met someone else. I may be wrong but that's what I get out of it.

One thing that confuses me though... you mentioned his car... then court for his car. Court? What kind of accident did he have?

Anyway, forget him and move on... you'll be better off.

Wake up, he's playing games. He's not serious about you, Move on, should have just remained friends.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong, he is upset because you have not given him money for his car. Why else would he make this court thing a big deal, and cancel you getting your stuff, and the clincher is he puts everything off a few weeks because of court?

Come on, how can you fall for this from him. This is what a person does to get sympathy, and keep you hurt and confused. I mean he knows you are a kind, giving, very helpful girl friend and love what he spits in your ear. As you say, everything a girl needs to hear.

I say this is a set up, and he wants money, and you better be VERY cautious and insist on your stuff, and your KEYS back.

TRUST me, he knows exactly what he is doing, and something is up!

I honestly didn't see it that way Tal, but now that you mentioned it, I have to say that I agree. It does seem that everything going on right now has to do with his car, and that's his main focus. She's bent over backwards to help him, lending him her car, helping him out, and now he wants more. Since she can't give that to him, he's using her heart against her, hoping that by breaking things off she'll do anything to keep him, including giving him money, or whatever else it is that he wants.

This guy is really no good.

I really don't think money is the thing. He has a good job that makes way way more money then me. (That's not it)... Some other girl? Maybe. But I think I would have had a little clue about it or feeling. Nor here or there its been 2days now and I haven't heard a word from him. Told him I'd give him a few weeks and ill be back to get my things. The question now is how do I handel it when I see him? I would love to know why?? But I know I can't be the one to ask that. It has to be him to bring it up. I'm hoping by me giving him time he will be thinking about what he did and what an *** he was so he can explain himself. And we can go on with life being friends. Because in my eyes any guy that makes a girl cry is not worth her time. Its just so hard to take them words in at this time.

I agree, and you don't need his kind of friendship at all.

MERGED/Edited/T


I was trying to be there for him telling him love yeah he got scard and backed off. Other then that I don't know why?
Its been 2 days now with out me or him talking. Ill being seeing him in a weeks how do I go about it? I want him back but don't want to blow it. I think its good for me that I'm leaving it not talking to him. But its also scaring me that he might move on

So you want to go back to someone this immature and strange? Consider it a lesson, if he comes back it would be OK to put him through hell. Something went wrong with him and he shut you out most people repeat their behavior so it will more than likely be what to expect in the future.

Ya it's really immature and strange know I shouldn't want him back. I should move on I'm going to try. Now I'm left with what do I say? Or how do I go about it? When getting my keys and things? I'm not in any rush for them. Because if I look at his face ill feel like a fool. It would have been way better for me to get them the day after this all happen. Now that time is passing I'm feeling more embarrassed about the hole thing

You need to be a little more independent. He tell you he is going through a rough time and you badger him with questions, you GIVE him a few hours to calm down and then attempt at getting close again. There is no reason to talk to your boyfriend ALL the time. I would have pushed you away too. When something like this happens, you need to give space, but that means not talking to him until he talks to you. From personal experience I can tell you that losing a car even for a little while can be VERY stressful. The only thing you can do now is respect his original wishes, which was to give him space to sort out his problems, if you do ANYTHING else, you will only make things worse between you two. By the way you ended your question "should I even bother?" makes me wonder if you value this relationship at all, if you really feel that way, I would highly recommend ending things now.

I agree as well, you don't need him around, let him go and you will be better off alone. Concentrate on improving yourself and don't be manipulated by his tantrums.

I'll third that.

Lacey, you can do better than this jerk! You deserve better than this jerk! I can promise that you will find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. But remember, people treat us the way we allow them to. So stop letting this jerk treat you this way! Expect better, because you know you deserve better!

As far as giving him his space I should have! I just didn't understand why would he need space now? A month later? When all this happened he wanted me there with him everyday. And its not like I was the one saying we need to be with each other I'm not a cling on kind of girl. It just turned out that we were with each other all the time. He made the plans for the next day that I followed thur with. & yes I should just let him be the one to contacted me I understand that. But what if he don't. How long should I wait it out? Remember he has my house keys!! And yes I put should I even bother because he left me in a text message saying his heart is not in it as much as mine. That was it.

YOUR threads have been merged and edited for the whole story in one place.


He has shown you his true character and you better not ignore what you are seeing from him. He holds your stuff hostage just to keep you confused with false hope, and its working like a charm. You either forget your stuff, and change your locks or formally request everything in a letter with 4 copies, on to him, one for your record, and one to the police. Be specific, and give dates, and this will rattle his cage and you can handle your business,

Then move on and don't bother trying to make a relationship, or friendship with this nickel slick fool who talks nice, but his words, and actions DON'T match!!

Protect your a$$, your heart, and your mixed up confused head!!

Sounds like he has moved on and he did it in a way that is just not cool.
Get your locks changed and forget this jerk.

When should I contact him about my stuff and my keys?*


Edited/T

Today, get it over with, get it out of the way, and move on.

And I don't understand why you disagreed with me.

I would say to handle your business ASAP and make a very clean separation from him. How dare he manipulate you by holding your stuff hostage. Or as said never contact him, and change the locks.

When you allow bad behavior and mistreatment, you will get more of it!

On a side note, its very difficult when you copy and paste and make new thread, drives the editors NUTS!!!

I believe the queston should not be 'what did I do wrong?' (we all do things wrong) but 'what did I do wrong to deserve this?'

Its hard to find angle where this looks good for you:

1: let's suppose it is not about you, but him (probably his car). Life deals up problems and this how he responds to this one, he is cold to you, a fledgling relationship is over. Chances are this is how he consistently manages his emotions - that does not bode well.

2: maybe it's about you, something specific you did, something that slipped under the radar: if we have upset someone to this extent we usually know why. So something slipped under the radar, he was ultra sensitive, maybe unreasonable, and over reacted (even if he had other pressures). If something small slipped under your radar, chances are something else will again and again. So you have to re-tune and become ultra sensitive to his needs and emotions (while he is not to yours) and the relationship becomes unbalanced and unhealthy - guarding against every small thing you would become oppressed..

Or 3. It is innate to you. Your characters aren't as good a fit as you thought initially: that is a pretty tough thing to overcome.

We all do things wrong but are the responses to those mistakes proportionate and constructive?


His actions (as read) appear disrespectful and it appears that it is all on you to keep it going and that creates an imbalance, in my opinion, which is not healthy. You appear to have put a lot of effort in but not received the reward. General behaviour does tend to repeat itself.

Good luck with whatever you do.