Girlfriend "wants a break" - I don't know what to do
Hello all,
I have read quite a few of the longer discussions which have taken place here, and I hope that you can help me with mine.
My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for just shy of 3 years. Last week, she told me that she didn't feel for me as she used to, she just didn't think that she loved me as much as I love her.
Soon after that, she told me she thought it was so stupid, and she made a huge mistake. I took her back, because it was all that I wanted. Now, a week later, she has told me she still has that feeling in the back of her mind, and she can't shake it.
I know the reason she came back to me the first time is because everyone she talked to told her it was a mistake -- including her family and some of her friends. They told her that she would not find someone as good as me, and why would she want to leave me.
Now, she has told me that she wants a break again, and her reason is so that "she can be by herself becuase she doesn't know what it would be like to live without me". The problem is, I thought we were perfect.
My main concerns are these:
It seems since she has gone to school, she has become more social and this might have something to do with why she wants a break. She told me that the thought of the possibility of being with a specific person has crossed her mind, but also swore to me she couldn't see herself with him. She says she just wants time to hink and be by herself.
Also, this Friday night, we were planning on seeing each other, as I was going to go to her school and stay overnight. We still have plans to see each other, though all communication between us until then is at a bare minimum. I don't know what I should do when I see her. I think that if I tell her how I really feel, and break down, she will take me back, though this might be just because she feels bad. I know that shouldn't be what I want, but I am willing to do anything at this point.
One last troubling part of this whole thing is that I asked her this morning if she was sad, and she told me that sad wasn't the word, it was more confusion. Hearing this almost made me break down in class. For the last week between the first time this happened and now, we seemed perfect. I asked her once "Will you stay with me forever" and she responded, "of course". Thinking back on that now, all I want to do is die, beucase I am so afraid that I won't have that again.
She has promised me that when she sees me Friday she will go into with an open mind, and we will try to talk about things then. I know this is only a 2 or 3 day break, but it is my sincere hope that she misses me.
When I see her, should I bring her flowers or do anything to try to win her back? I told her I was planning on bringing her flowers originally (before she told me this) and she said that she didn't want that, bcause it would just make her decisions harder.
I am sorry for writing so much, but I feel like I can't survive.
Somebody please help me :(
Thoughts of her with another
I suppose this is a sort of follow-up to my original post.
My ex and I have been separated for some time, and I have not contacted her, though she seems to need to contact me often. That is besides the point of this post.
I feel that I am beginning to get over it. When I walk, I feel taller and better about myself that I used to. I no longer walk around feeling depressed and upset constantly -- not to say that I don't have my moments. Though overall, I am starting to see myself in a better light than I can remember for quite some time now.
The problem I have now is that I have visions of my ex being with other people and being happy with them. I know it is selfish for me to think that she won't move on to someone else, and she has told me she isn't looking for someone now, it just hurts for me to think of her having what we had, with someone else.
Are these thoughts normal? Is there something wrong with my head?
Suggestions for keeping busy/staying friends?
Guys I'm back again :confused:
I have talked to my ex about not talking so much anymore, she agreed that she asked for space, and was talking to me, so she wasn't being fair to me. We both agreed that conversation should be kept to a bare minimum for a while, and then we can see what happens from there.
Two problems/questions. I have been keeping busy by going to the gym, watching TV, playing my guitar etc... But the problem is, I can't resist the temptation to check things such as her away messages and things. When I see it, like tonight, and there are things like... "Going out", I get upset. I know I shouldn't because it isn't my business, but I just feel like she is moving on without me. Now, she isn't a partying kind of person, and I'm sure she is probably just at a friends, or even her sister's house, but it still upsets me. Does anyone have any suggestions to keep my mind off this? Has anyone else ever been there?
The only other question I have is if is truly possible for ex-first-loves to remain friends after. I have heard from other people that your first true love always keeps a place in your heart, and I don't know if that will interefere with being friends. I understand the first step to being friends is minimizing contact, and that's where I am at. I am prepared to call her, and let her know when I would like to see her again, without any lingering feelings. Has anyone ever been on the other side of this, and remained good friends with a first love?
Thanks guys
I don't understand her intentions?
Well its me again...
For those of you who read my previous posts, you know what I have been through lately, and I am just looking for a little more advice...
Since my girlfriend has asked me for space, I have refused to initiate any contact with her. However, I told her that I would be here for her, if she ever needed me. I told her that I will give her the space she wants, but if she needs to contact me, I won't ignore her...
Well, so far she has done a lot of contacting me. In the last two weeks, I don't think we have gone 24 hours without talking, but 95% of the contact was initiated by her? I don't know how to take this..
I refuse to let myself believe that this means she is changing her mind, and thinks it was a mistake to leave me. I don't want to set myself up for disappointment, I just don't understand what is going on... :(
She has called me more than once and told me that she is very upset, and sometimes feels like she is never going to feel better, or feels like she can't live without me. The best I can tell her is that this is what she wanted, and she has to deal with the consequences of her decision. I told her that I would be here for her to talk to, but I can't tell her that what she did was right or wrong, nor can I tell her if she will feel better. That truly depends on her feelings for me I believe...
Anyone have any insight?