Ask Me Help Desk - Girl I like has boyfriend but I think she likes me back

Girl I like has boyfriend but I think she likes me back

At college and met this really kind, pretty girl a few months ago. Whenever I pass her she gives me a lovely big smile and once I met her in a club, put my hand round her waist and she gave me a big hug back. There's been lots of other things that made me strongly suspect she liked me so ultimately I had enough confidence to ask her out. Unfortunately, though she clearly wanted to stay in touch and was very nice and apologetic, turns out she has a boyfriend, probably all along. I'm confused, she's 'single' according to Facebook and why act all flirtatious if she was taken?

Flirtatious doesn't mean she wants to cheat on her boyfriend. Maybe that's her way of being friendly. You just can never know, but you do know what you take as encouraging signals may not be what you think.

Maybe she doesn't have a boyfriend but she likes someone else and knows she might have a chance with that person, but don't give up she may come back

Well, she must be a very friendly person with everyone if your theory's right! I will look around, but I'm going to stay close friends with her as well.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Flirtatious doesn't mean she wants to cheat on her boyfriend. Maybe thats her way of being friendly. You just can never know, but you do know what you take as encouraging signals may not be what you think.

Well, my gut told me otherwise and there were a few signs I got that I couldn't quite explain that had alarm bells ringing and they do say it's the small things that are often the most significant... However, obviously the ball is in her court now and I am trying to look around, although that may take a while since I'm probably not going to meet many girls long enough to get to know them for a while... You must understand that while your advice is quite right it may occasionally be more complex in real life.

It doesn't matter, you need to respect the relationship and leave her alone.

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Originally Posted by mmresd

It doesn't matter, you need to respect the relationship and leave her alone.

Leave her alone? And I never said I didn't respect the relationship. I was just pointing out that things aren't always so straightforward and won't change overnight in either direction.

Trust me, the facts will outweigh the feelings.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Trust me, the facts will outweigh the feelings.

Well, I hope someone better comes along soon then if that's the case, from my past experiences that's the only way I can ever truly move on.

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Originally Posted by Rain909

Maybe she dosnt have a boyfriend but she likes someone else and knows she might have a chance with that person, but don't give up she may come back

I think she does have a boyfriend though, I don't think she'd lie to me. I guess there are so many possible answers to this - what my gut and brain are saying is much the same but you will always get people who perfectly reasonably suggest it just isn't worth the hassle and that you move on immediately.

Its always been my experience that the easiest way to move on is to always have a life that you already are happy with. Then you are never dependent on having a female to be happy with yourself. That what keeps you from being stuck rather easily, attached really fast, or give your heart to a stranger that doesn't deserve it, or knows what to do with it.

You will always have your own thing to so, and be very careful who you share it with. You will never fall for BS because you are lonely, or bored, or just plain alone. You will be very able to remove yourself from bad situations, and adjust to whatever reality throws at you.

I don't think my life is bad, I have a good social life and a few hobbies that I take seriously.. but perhaps having never had a girlfriend before it makes me want one more than a lot of other people. My life is fairly complete but the fact I don't have a girlfriend does I admit leave a gap that I notice more and more as I get older, I hope that doesn't sound too bad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Its always been my experience that the easiest way to move on is to always have a life that you already are happy with. Then you are never dependent on having a female to be happy with yourself. That what keeps you from being stuck rather easily, attached really fast, or give your heart to a stranger that doesn't deserve it, or knows what to do with it.

You will always have your own thing to so, and be very careful who you share it with. You will never fall for BS because you are lonely, or bored, or just plain alone. You will be very able to remove yourself from bad situations, and adjust to whatever reality throws at you.

I don't think my life is bad, I have a good social life and a few hobbies that I take seriously.. but perhaps having never had a girlfriend before it makes me want one more than a lot of other people. My life is fairly complete but the fact I don't have a girlfriend does I admit leave a gap that I notice more and more as I get older, I hope that doesn't sound too bad.

Should I contact her in any way again?

Hey, the girl at college I asked about a while back again (see my previous q from my profile) Well, I never managed to ask her number (I think she'd give it, I honestly just forgot!) so we've kind of lost touch completely over the summer months, particularly given she doesn't use Facebook much either. When I asked her out, she said she had a boyfriend. Kind of annoying to think that I had kind of dug myself into a hole that could have been avoided had I previously known that but nevertheless I remained convinced she liked me. However I felt it would be wise to look out for other girls over the holidays while at work etc. Well no one has stood out but I do at least have my friends I guess. Anyway, in short, given the above, should I try to contact her again? Is it possible, after all, that neither of us know what the other is thinking anymore?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Obanite331

Hey, the girl at college I asked about a while back again (see my previous q from my profile) Well, I never managed to ask her number (I think she'd give it, I honestly just forgot!) so we've kind of lost touch completely over the summer months, particularly given she doesn't use Facebook much either. When I asked her out, she said she had a boyfriend. Kind of annoying to think that I had kind of dug myself into a hole that could have been avoided had I previously known that but nevertheless I remained convinced she liked me. However I felt it would be wise to look out for other girls over the holidays while at work etc. Well no one has stood out but I do at least have my friends I guess. Anyway, in short, given the above, should I try to contact her again? Is it possible, after all, that neither of us know what the other is thinking anymore?

Please don't keep opening new threads on the same subject.

If you were her boyfriend would you want someone to continue to contact her despite knowing you were in her life?

Act accordingly.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Please don't keep opening new threads on the same subject.

If you were her boyfriend would you want someone to continue to contact
her despite knowing you were in her life?

Act accordingly.

No, but if I was I'd make it clear I was so other people didn't. I just mean contact as friends anyway, I don't want to be a and force them apart. Might just wait until the next chance meeting I guess.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Obanite331

No, but if I was I'd make it clear I was so other people didn't. I just mean contact as friends anyway, I don't want to be a and force them apart. Might just wait til the next chance meeting I guess.

I wouldn't worry about tearing them apart -

Quote:

Originally Posted by Obanite331

No, but if I was I'd make it clear I was so other people didn't. I just mean contact as friends anyway, I don't want to be a and force them apart. Might just wait til the next chance meeting I guess.

Putting your life on hold and waiting for someone to end their relationship is just as stupid as trying to pursue someone in a relationship.

Stop kidding yourself and move on with your life. If the opportunity presents itself great but why sit around and wait for it.

Leave her alone and get your own girl for love, romance, friendship, or whatever.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Leave her alone and get your own girl for love, romance, friendship, or whatever.

Sure, 'talaniman', I shall just pop down to the shops later and 'get' one.

Ah, maybe the problem is I'm overanalysing this too much. Maybe I'm destined to live alone. ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I wouldn't worry about tearing them apart -

That's quite an oblique answer, though given what I know about this site now it doesn't surprise me. Am I not to worry because you think the scenario of me tearing them apart couldn't happen or because if it did, it would maybe be for the best?

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

Putting your life on hold and waiting for someone to end their relationship is just as stupid as trying to pursue someone in a relationship.

Stop kidding yourself and move on with your life. If the opportunity presents itself great but why sit around and wait for it.

I KNOW. I've been here before and I definitely don't want a rerun and so believe it or not I am trying to be cautious. I just wanted to hear some advice from strangers asides from my friends, that's all. Also, depends what you mean by putting your life on hold - if someone better turns up I will know right away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Obanite331

That's quite an oblique answer, though given what I know about this site now it doesn't surprise me. Am I not to worry because you think the scenario of me tearing them apart couldn't happen or because if it did, it would maybe be for the best?

Because I don't think it will happen. I thought it was rather clear. I don't think you should spend a lot of time worrying about breaking "them" up because if you had a chance "she" would have made a move by now.

I'm not stupid thanks very much. That's a fair point but I don't see how she could have done anyway since most of the time passed since I asked her out have been holidays and we live hundreds of miles apart during that time. Given that I never got round to getting her number and her disdain for social media generally, it would be rather difficult but yes, it's still a point I'm all too aware of.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Obanite331

That's quite an oblique answer, though given what I know about this site now it doesn't surprise me. Am I not to worry because you think the scenario of me tearing them apart couldn't happen or because if it did, it would maybe be for the best?

It takes two to form any kind of relationship and at the moment she's not with you. Why isn't she if you're so much better than her current boyfriend? In the end it's her decision who is better and it doesn't look like you're her choice so why are you still pressing?

You need to move on. You're coming off as a tad obsessed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

It takes two to form any kind of relationship and at the moment she's not with you. Why isn't she if you're so much better than her current boyfriend? In the end it's her decision who is better and it doesn't look like you're her choice so why are you still pressing?

You need to move on. You're coming off as a tad obsessed.

I love how people are automatically 'obsessed' just because they like someone that isn't available for a time. I didn't choose it - the hole, shall we say, was dug before I knew she even had a boyfriend and that's the problem. And before accusing me of anything you might have read what I said to your previous comment rather than picking holes in other ones - I said that I had been here before and certainly don't want a repeat of it, and that I am on the lookout while, simultaneously, horror of horrors still linking this girl a teensy bit...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Obanite331

I love how people are automatically 'obsessed' just because they like someone that isn't available for a time.

What makes you so sure that her relationship won't last? The fact that you're so positive that she's "isn't available for a time" contradicts your own words about how you're "not" obsessed.

Move on, for your sake.

You can say what you like given you aren't in my situation - I'd honestly love to see how you'd cope if you were. If it isn't meant to be I will inevitably move on as I have had to do several times already...

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

What makes you so sure that her relationship won't last? The fact that you're so positive that she's "isn't available for a time" contradicts your own words about how you're "not" obsessed.

Move on, for your sake.

You can say what you like given you aren't in my situation - I'd honestly love to see how even you, as an 'ultra member' would cope if you were. Move on overnight would you? I have an inkling it might not be a marriage made in heaven, but yes, 'ultra member', I can't be sure and even is it do I reckon I'm top of her list? Again, I can't be sure, its just something most of us in the situation I'm in would ponder over I would think. If it isn't meant to be I will inevitably move on, given someone else I like enough appears..

Oh and I honestly wonder why I bothered demeaning myself by posting anything on this since all of the contributors have silly titles like 'family expert' and ultra member' haha and give you completely predictable 'advice' making it seem as if I'm being a total bellend, ignoring anything that makes me seem remotely rational and only pointing out the bad parts of my situation.

I think you need to leave this girl alone. She had a boyfriend when you first me her, she is probably still with him.
I think you should just count this girl out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Obanite331

You can say what you like given you aren't in my situation - I'd honestly love to see how you'd cope if you were. If it isn't meant to be I will inevitably move on as I have had to do several times already...

So you don't think I've ever been in your kind of situation before? You don't think I've ever wanted something but I just couldn't have it? I'm not answering your question for the joke of it. I have been in a situation like yours and no I didn't cope so well because I didn't have people to tell me how to get through it. It sure would have been nice for people to try and kick me in the butt and tell me to straighten out, to move on and forget. I wasted a lot of time over that girl. I was the same as you willing to wait because the guy she was going out with was a real... well you know where that's going. I ended up meeting the girl I'm still with today a couple years after that and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Obanite331

Oh and I honestly wonder why I bothered demeaning myself by posting anything on this since all of the contributors have silly titles like 'family expert' and ultra member' haha and give you completely predictable 'advice' making it seem as if I'm being a total bellend, ignoring anything that makes me seem remotely rational and only pointing out the bad parts of my situation.

And after this comment comes into play, I think we're all done here. We donate our time to help others whether it's what you want to hear or not. If this is how you treat people, I can see why she doesn't want to be with you.

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

So you don't think I've ever been in your kind of situation before? You don't think I've ever wanted something but I just couldn't have it? I'm not answering your question for the joke of it. I have been in a situation like yours and no I didn't cope so well because I didn't have people to tell me how to get through it. It sure would have been nice for people to try and kick me in the butt and tell me to straighten out, to move on and forget. I wasted a lot of time over that girl. I was the same as you willing to wait because the guy she was going out with was a real.....well you know where that's going. I ended up meeting the girl I'm still with today a couple years after that and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Yeah but while everyone on here is saying what you are my trusted friends are saying the opposite so I don't really know what to do. I think that, as you said, even if it turns out you have wasted time you come out the other end eventually. I wasted years on someone who didn't even have a boyfriend and clearly didn't like me, maybe the mistake I've made this time is that this time she is so much nicer to me and proactive. Or maybe I haven't learnt, but there have been other girls I've met that I liked and then moved on from pretty quickly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

And after this comment comes into play, I think we're all done here. We donate our time to help others whether it's what you want to hear or not. If this is how you treat people, I can see why she doesn't want to be with you.

Yeah, that'll be why...

Maybe I should just piss people off, it seems far easier.

Maybe consider that your are spending far too much time on a female that has a boyfriend, and maybe you mistake her flirtations that are probably just friendly with false hope she likes you for more than friendship. When you are smitten any attention can feel good, but that's exactly why everyone is telling you to leave her alone, because they have been there and know where following your heart, and high hopes leads you.

Your friends are trusted, but are they experienced? So consider also what would have to happen to get what you want. She would have to dump her boyfriend, or cheat on him. And as bad as you may have wanted her, could you trust a cheater,or even someone that could dump one guy for another so easily?

That's why you leave females with boyfriends alone, period, especially if you think being a friend will get you closer to romance with them. So deal with the feelings that bring about the thoughts of her so much and stop dwelling on what you want from her, and see that it ain't going to happen in a healthy way.

I am sure you can see better options and opportunities for romance with a better partner than one that's taken. But I think we all are some what obsessed with things we can't have and that alone is why we want it more. The real questions are how far will you go to get what you can't have, and for how long will you let this distract you from having better for yourself?

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Its always been my experience that the easiest way to move on is to always have a life that you already are happy with. Then you are never dependent on having a female to be happy with yourself. That what keeps you from being stuck rather easily, attached really fast, or give your heart to a stranger that doesn't deserve it, or knows what to do with it.

You will always have your own thing to so, and be very careful who you share it with. You will never fall for BS because you are lonely, or bored, or just plain alone. You will be very able to remove yourself from bad situations, and adjust to whatever reality throws at you.

That's true, but isn't really advising them is it? I don't think I'm happy with my life entirely but how I'd fix it I have no idea...