I'm 23 and she's 18. We're been dating for about 5months-almost 6 months-since towards the end of September last year. Currently, I'm in the conscripted army and due to personal commitments, sees her for around 2-3 times a week. I usually see her on the weekends and once on the weekday's evening. When we got together, I told her I was under depression and on medication for it and if I chose to break up with her, it would be because I could not, in all fairness, commit to the relationship due to my condition. I sank into depression due to a previous informal relationship which ended on me being cheated. I also told her I would be heading overseas for my studies in 2013. She was fine by it. She lives about 15mins bus ride away from me.

Everything went fine and I begun feeling much happier and relied less on my drugs -or so I thought-until a few weeks ago when she begun tearing when I sent her home. We have never argued once.
I knew something was a missed but she wouldn't admit to anything until we communicated via text. She said she felt insecure, afraid, and confused as regards my overseas studies and my lack of time spent with her. Further, she told me she's no longer happy being in a relationship with me. A few days later, I met her up and broke up with her. She cried a lot and as I walked her back to her place, she gave me a hug and told me she wants sometime to think over the entire situation and that we should not break up at this point. I agreed to it.
After a few days, we met, and we agreed to build on this relationship to our best even when I'm overseas. I assured her that I did not expect her to hang on if she couldn't handle the pressure of my presence overseas but we should at least make the best effort to maintain the relationship. Even after agreeing to be together, she looked really worried and depressed the entire day.

I told her it would be the best if she thought about it again and she agreed. The day after, we met and petted and in the midst of it we agreed to work on the relationship.

A few days ago, after she came back from an overseas holiday with her family, I noticed she behaved slightly less expressive towards me, was less warmer and no longer made the time to meet me as she would have. Over the phone, I posed my suspicions if she regretted being in the relationship with me and if she had any feelings for me. She was silent and begun breaking down. We hung out and text. She told me she felt like she could no longer open her heart to me, and subsequently, she told me she no longer had any feelings for me.I anticipated this to come, with all consideration of her needs and wants at her age. It, however, hurt and saddened me tremendously. We broke up on Wednesday night. Someone whom said she would stood by me and never leave me to someone who said she no longer had any feelings for me and its in my best interest to be with someone better.

Last night, I met her to express my thoughts and officially end the relationship. As I was walking her her back to her place, she stopped, looked at me and shook her head from left to right, and didn't want to proceed. I didn't know what she wanted. But she gave me a hug before I sent her home.

Is this girl truly out of touch with her feelings for me? I'm the sort who gives tons of space and time to her, believing its for the better experience of her and the world around her. I do not probe into her private matters. Should I try to win her back?

She isn't out of touch, its you giving off a really bad vibe. A REALLY bad vibe that would confuse anyone and comes through in your writing like a wave of total negativity. I mean young girls need faith, hope, confidence, and security, and fun and attention, and enthusiasms.

I see NONE of that from you, and hope you change for the better, or leave her alone for her own good, and yours. Sorry guy, but you need an attitude adjustment, or get the meds back, I don't know.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

She isn't out of touch, its you giving off a really bad vibe. A REALLY bad vibe that would confuse anyone and comes thru in your writing like a wave of total negativity. I mean young girls need faith, hope, confidence, and security, and fun and attention, and enthusiasms.

I see NONE of that from you, and hope you change for the better, or leave her alone for her own good, and yours. Sorry guy, but you need an attitude adjustment, or get the meds back, I don't know.

---

I was afraid there would be an absence of respond.

You mentioned a bad and negative vibe from me. Is it something of the sort of being cold and robotic? Look, I'm aware of my personality. I'm a very rational agent who often come across as robotic and this, often reflected in the way I express myself. I didn't celebrate Valentine's day with her because I thought the significance of that event was entirely arbitrary. If by some chain of events, St Valentine's was not martyred, this day would not have came about. And had the orbital distance between Earth and the Sun been greater or smaller, Valentine's day would have been on a different day.

The bigger question is how do I win her heart back. I text her an hour ago saying I want to win her heart back but she got agitated-this is an assumption-and argued against it on grounds of her absence of feelings. There isn't any reasons to support her feelings for me being entirely vacuumed. It might be true to the extent her feelings have faded from the constant dissapointments but for the feelings to vanished completely overnight would not be possible. I ended the dialogue with me saying we ought to cool off. I wish her a goodnight and she replied the same.
My intuition is that she tells me to back off and that she has no feelings because she doesn't want to deal with potential hurts that entails a relationship with me anymore.

I want to build on this relationship with her.
Regularly, I encouraged her to be open with her feelings and thoughts with me and if there was anything on my part which could be improved or which she thought was an issue. She claims everything was fine until she dropped the bombshell on me on what she felt. The two break-ups were initiated by me because I felt her telling me she was unhappy in the relationship was her manner of telling me she wants out.

She knows I'll be passing to her photos of us soon. I haven't set a date but I've framed the photos and am writing a letter in hopes of being able to express my feelings and thoughts for her to give me another chance. More importantly, to apologize to her.

Look, I know I made the blunder of failing to orient myself to her perspective. I do make effort to maintain this relationship but not in manners she expects. They're subtle and hardly evident but they exists.
Right now, I want to win her heart back.

What should I do?

I talked to her over the phone and she persistently and very surely said she no longer have any feelings for me and she doesn't have to think about it anymore. This went on for 2 hours.

Finally, I said we'll go no contact for 2 months to sort out our thoughts, contacting only on the last day of May.

Then be ready for more of the same guy because your logic is flawed by the illogic of human emotions and feelings. I strongly advise you to take the hint, and leave her alone as I have no doubt she went along with you as a way to break the contact off.

Even the logical mind has to accept the inevitable. She is done with you sir.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Then be ready for more of the same guy because your logic is flawed by the illogic of human emotions and feelings. I strongly advise you to take the hint, and leave her alone as I have no doubt she went along with you as a way to break the contact off.

Even the logical mind has to accept the inevitable. She is done with you sir.

---

She is in agreement for us to go no contact for a period. I do not for once believe her feelings could vanished overtime immediately. I know I disappointed her tremendously but no relationships are perfect. At the very core, I am willing to work on it when I know what the issues are. She bottled up so much, hiding so much from me when I factually seek an open communication.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-644067.html

I met her last Thursday in person. Everything was done as best as I could-I lighted candles asking her to forgive me, tried injecting some reason into the whole situation and to the extend on going down on my knees. She made known to me that while she was at a chalet with friends, she allowed her male friend to kiss her and vice versa, and both of them hug to sleep together. If this was said to spike me, then it was terribly juvenile. If this was true, then she didn't love herself.

Before we parted, I gave her a box with a hand-written letter, a teddy bear and a photo-frame with our photos. In a way, I felt like I wanted her to know that I could do much more albeit the disappointments. We sort of agreed to meet 2 months later although she knew I was very reluctant to wait that long.

Both of us were surely at fault. She didn't communicate to me what she wanted and neither was I very sensitive in noticing her subtle languages.

On Saturday, I dropped her a text asking her if she wanted a movie nearby where we stayed and she said I promised to let her be alone for now. I asked if she was annoyed at me but she called me silly to think that she was annoyed. She said she just needed to be alone for now.

Keep your word and leave her alone for the agreed upon time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Keep your word and leave her alone for the agreed upon time.

---

I suppose I'll try to. The most I'll ever do is to drop her a text once in a blue moon asking how her day was and that's about it.

She knows how you feel, now let her have the time to figure out what she wants. Do not contact her, even by text, if that was what you had agreed to.

She likely had been having concerns for a time, but perhaps didn't want to hurt you, wanted to avoid a negative and uncomfortable situation, thought she could get the feelings back, knows that she isn't ready, or wanting, to be in an exclusive relationship... especially since you will be away, or any number of other possibilities.

Wait and see what happens after the two months.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DoulaLC

She knows how you feel, now let her have the time to figure out what she wants. Do not contact her, even by text, if that was what you had agreed to.

She likely had been having concerns for a time, but perhaps didn't want to hurt you, wanted to avoid a negative and uncomfortable situation, thought she could get the feelings back, knows that she isn't ready, or wanting, to be in an exclusive relationship....especially since you will be away, or any number of other possibilities.

Wait and see what happens after the two months.

---

There is the supposition of me being fearful of her feelings dwindling during these 2 months of non-contact. Under a typical circumstance, I'm fine with non-contact so long she is in agreement to it and she is capable of functioning healthily in a relationship. But this isn't a typical circumstance.

This is a circumstances where I blurted out the 2 months non-contact out of anger-which I thereafter quickly regretted. And judging from how much I understand of her disposition, and the fact that she didn't readily agreed to the 2 months of non-contact(silent on the phone for a bit), I could tell she agreed to it due to a amalgamation of anger and pride- which really is typical of someone in her position.
I'm not risking chances. I change my belief system in accordance to the evidences on hand.

She is part of a team involved in some freshmen orientation on her campus (I graduated from that campus too) later this week. I'll drop her a text along the line of encouraging her not to exert herself too much. I don't intent to make it long-winded nor of multiple exchange. Thereafter, a break from communicating with her until the 3rd week next month where I would meet her to pass her some handmade brownies(she likes me to learn baking them) a few hours before my flight to Iceland for some trekking.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Darrylcwc

On Saturday, I dropped her a text asking her if she wanted a movie nearby where we stayed and she said I promised to let her be alone for now. I asked if she was annoyed at me but she called me silly to think that she was annoyed. She said she just needed to be alone for now.

---

You said you would leave her alone. She reminded you of that statement and told you that she needed to be alone for now. Honor her request and leave her alone. If she wants to seek you out and converse, she knows how to do so.

You need to accept that you are not in control of the situation. You have made your feelings quite clear, and she has also by stating that she needs time to consider her feelings. If her feelings for you are strong, two months will not alter that.

What makes you believe that she is not functioning well in the relationship? Is it because she wants time to think about her needs and wants? Is it because she has stated that her feelings have changed?

It appears as though you are having difficulty accepting her statements to you. It is as if you don't believe what she is saying simply because it is not what you want to hear. You do her a disservice by assuming that she is not capable of making these sorts of decisions, or is in some manner incapable of functioning healthily in the relationship.

You are compelled to continue to reach out to her; so be it. Do so without anticipation of a response and accept whatever response she may give you.

Harshness Warning!

She is trying to get you out of her business, without hurting your feelings so take the hint, and leave her alone. I am betting she hopes you just go away quietly.

For whatever reasons you agreed to this non contact, you should keep it, or do not make promises out of desperation or fear you never intended to keep. Justifying in your own mind to go against your word isn't reasonable. It makes you a liar, no matter how you spin things to favor yourself. You cannot modify it with your own conditions after the fact! That's crazy!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DoulaLC

You said you would leave her alone. She reminded you of that statement and told you that she needed to be alone for now. Honor her request and leave her alone. If she wants to seek you out and converse, she knows how to do so.

You need to accept that you are not in control of the situation. You have made your feelings quite clear, and she has also by stating that she needs time to consider her feelings. If her feelings for you are strong, two months will not alter that.

---

You're right. I'm not in control of the situation but as I analyze, the greater the inclination to eliminate variables.
Looking at the bigger picture, it's really a small issue of miscommunication which somehow, admittedly I felt, blew out of proportion due to her inability to handle her emotions.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DoulaLC

What makes you believe that she is not functioning well in the relationship? Is it because she wants time to think about her needs and wants? Is it because she has stated that her feelings have changed?

It appears as though you are having difficulty accepting her statements to you. It is as if you don't believe what she is saying simply because it is not what you want to hear. You do her a disservice by assuming that she is not capable of making these sorts of decisions, or is in some manner incapable of functioning healthily in the relationship.

---

Not. It is in her character to require a lot of attention in terms of care and affection. She has always been needy of me until recently. On the other hand, I'm an introvert and going into recluse for 6 months at a go without contact with the outside world is something I enjoy. I hate to think that she's struggling with having to deal with the load of emotions and at the same time having to struggle with those emotions alone.

Further, my tentative decision to want to contact her was influenced by female peers who advice me against the 2 months and instead at the very least drop her a text asking how she is just in case she's playing the hard ball and waiting for me to initiate.

I have to be honest about being in the current position of analysis paralysis.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Harshness Warning!

She is trying to get you out of her business, without hurting your feelings so take the hint, and leave her alone. I am betting she hopes you just go away quietly.

For whatever reasons you agreed to this non contact, you should keep it, or do not make promises out of desperation or fear you never intended to keep. Justifying in your own mind to go against your word isn't reasonable. It makes you a liar, no matter how you spin things to favor yourself. You cannot modify it with your own conditions after the fact! Thats crazy!

---

That isn't true. I went to the hospital right after meeting her that day as I wasn't feeling too well. It was in the wee morning when we parted and she asked if I needed her to accompany me to the hospital. I made it known to her I'm fine alone and she begged me to promise her I'll be all right. From this, it would be suffice to make the assumption she isn't trying to get me out of her circle.

Hey, after having told me in the face I no longer meant anything to her(regardless the truth-hood of this statement-perhaps out of anger and disappointment or perhaps downright true), what's stopping her from telling me to off from her life?
At the end of the day if she wants me out, I'll do it. I just didn't want her to be thinking on the other end why am I not dropping her a text. Girls are complex as I've learned. You can't take at face-value their words at times.
Our relationship would have been so much easier right from the start if a female's words could be taken at face value.

In concluding, I'll do to my utmost best to leave her alone for the 2 months I promise.

It is time to let it go, her feelings have died, now it is time to kill yours. Go no contact and start to heal from this relationship, she has made her decision, the only thing left to do is to accept it.

Just a quick update:

I text her last Wednesday wishing her all the best for some camp activities she was involved in. She text me goodnight.

On Saturday, we text again. I initiated the communication on both occasions. But it came to a point where we both got heated and begun exchanging angry and hurtful messages. It started with her being really mean, cold and sarcastic. I didn't know why she turned into someone like that as all I request was to gently suggest for her give us a short period of a month to go out together to see if we could rekindle everything and if it doesn't work, I'm done with this chapter of my life. She argued that I was the most selfish guy she ever met. I'm not sure if this was said out of anger but when we dated she said I was the best guy she knew as I was always patient with her as handled her moodiness and neediness.

It's heart wrenching to see her changed from someone whom I used to know into someone who is downright mean. She also made it clean with me that because of my inability to sense her needs, she gave her heart to another guy and at present, has feelings for another guy. This guy I suspect was her good friend, the same guy whom she made out with before we even broke up.
This is such a lame excuse! But, nevertheless, it didn't affect me to any degree knowing she made out with someone.

I always thought that no matter what the issues were in a relationship, so long both parties put in the effort to improve things, the relationship could only strengthen. I didn't cheated on her although I had many opportunities. After all, isn't relationship all about the constant process of learning more about the other partner-both good and the ugly-into the twilight years? Let's face it. We do get busy as we grow older. At my age then. In my perspective, relationship isn't about just you and me drinking maple syrup under the setting evening sun. It comes with a truckload of commitments and planning for the future and there were things I had to do so as to save enough for University.

My question is why is it that when I made the simple and most innocent mistake of not having enough time for her due to my commitments but despite so went to great length to ask for feed backs about our relationship where she would say everything's fine, she could not forgive me but yet I could. At this stage, the circle of friends her age of predominately 18 and 19 sees me as the bad and unworthy guy for her. They opined that because I didn't spend much time with her, I am to be accused for the demise of this relationship.
Yea "right", if only life is all about Love and people could survive on being in Love solely. What naivety.

She was really annoyed yesterday and subtly justifying her emotional attachment to another guy on grounds of my supposed neglect. I cannot understand where the profluent of hatred and anger stems from. When finally I told her I intended to get us both an expensive sapphire gem couple ring to signify my commitments to her just before I head abroad for my studies, she went silent on me.
Really I hope she's guilty!

I doubt she feels guilty, insulted by you trying to bribe her with an expensive gift maybe, but surely not guilt. You didn't take the obvious hint, so she turned mean. Will you get it now, and leave her alone?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

I doubt she feels guilty, insulted by you trying to bribe her with an expensive gift maybe, but surely not guilt. You didn't take the obvious hint, so she turned mean. Will you get it now, and leave her alone?

---

Don't turn this into a diatribe against me.

I've thought hard and decided to cut her from my life henceforth.
This girl is still young. She holds precepts of an idealistic relationship and what love is divorced from the reality of the responsibilities life entails. While I did not have much time with her, the time I've given to her were all that I had left from my vital commitments to work and my service to the nation. As we grow older, we take on greater commitments and burdens not just to meet the needs of the present but also to lay the foundation of the future for our love ones.
Throughout the 5 months we dated I've sacrifice tremendously not just in terms of seeing my close friends but also adjusted my introversion and huge appetite for space to myself to accommodate hers.

When I explicitly made clear to her my current busy lifestyle and future intention to study abroad before we dated, she was fine with those. It was my mistake to have assumed she had the degree of maturity I had. Sure, I fell into the label of being a pest when I "didn't" got the hint but I had always been me. I was the same person she met 5 months ago, and the same irritating person she now perceived me to be.
The only difference is she has never seen me before under such a circumstance. Love is not tested when someone is their best; it is tested when we continue to love them when we're seen their worst.
Gladly, having had experienced horrible people in my life and going through the loss of important people in my life from a young age, I learnt never to take anyone's word when those words are said in happiness. They are fleeting and untested. In a way, I had reserved myself from her words of "love" said during the honeymoon period. Am I a skeptic or a negative person? I am not, because promises made from happiness just is untested, and the fact of it having been untested is consistently been proven to be true.

Time is the best revelation to her and that will come when she one day begins embarking on her career or further studies.

It could be as simple as being incompatible at this time in your lives. That's the logical conclusion to this 5 month relationship.

I cannot comment to her motives, only what you have written about yours! The flaw in your logic, is that you pushed to hard, to fast, to soon. While its true a relationship is a series of good choices, the honeynoon phase has to be fun, as you learn about, and adjust to your partner, to decide if this is worth pursuing further, or not.

She decided it was not. It's that simple. It happens to us all. It just took you a while to accept it. I have no reason to be against you, and recognize your frustration at the break up. That too happens to us all.

I say leave her along. From your posts and my experiences as a female, it seems like she started cheating on you when her mood and character started changing. I think you said she became more distant and her attitude changed. That usually happens when a female has feelings for someone else and wants to end her current relationship. But you are right feelings don't just end over night. It has probably been a long time coming for her but it always hits the other person out of the blue. When she first started crying she probably felt guilty for her actions (happened to me when I was around her age. I just couldn't hold that guilt in) But she has continued the relationship and doesn't want to be with you. No one know what the future holds but I say to just leave her alone and give her space. If you keep questioning your relationship and trying to convince her to go out with you it will just drive her away and make her hate you for being so persistent. I don't think its an issue with you going overseas since it will be a whole year before that happends and that's probably not even on her mind yet. She has just found interest in someone else. You shouldn't call her or text her again. If she wants you back she will get in contact with you. Really take my advise and have no contact with her unless she initiates it she will just end up pulling even harder from you if you don't.

I've a bright future, am intelligent, in good physical shape and looks. The world is my oyster and since I'll be overseas there's more girls of many nationalities to date from.
There hasn't been any communication from me to her for the past 4 days and I intent to keep it this way unless there is a good reason- like, her needing suitable blood transfusion for anyone in an emergency case in an accident. Yea I'm a universal donor.
Indeed, I feel bad not having met her needs but it wasn't something that I had control over. She made her choice and while I would have wished to give her a beautiful ring to demonstrate my commitment, I think this would have to be kept for another girl. I suppose the whole thing about me "pestering" her was to validate my effort as having done my best so there won't be any "if's" in the time to come.
I'm sure I'll meet someone who appreciates the why and what I am going through at this point in my life and when the day that someone does appear, I would share my fruits of labor.
I have already removed our photos on Facebook and am glad that I returned all her love letters to her the other time. The only thing left is the message log on my phone.

Good luck and I hope you find someone that feels proud to call herself your girl!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by terisa87

Good luck and I hope you find someone that feels proud to call herself your girl!

---

Slight problem here!

I never intended to text or communicate with her ever since Sunday and I felt I was moving on pretty fast.
I need to mention that she's on my Facebook and we promised to remain as friends. She was on my list still the day before because I saw her activities appearing my news feed, but yesterday I realized she was no longer. Dropping her a text, I asked why did she removed me as friend and she just kept saying things like, "Sorry, we can't remain friends or sorry, I feel much happier without your existence" and after a while she said she didn't want to see my activities on her news feed. I told her I could always hide my activities from her. I told her I don't care if she has a new boyfriend because I'm moving on well and she has her life to lead. It's puzzling! She claims she doesn't feel anything for me nor has a hard time moving on but she the things she does demonstrates the converse.
The only thing that I can think of is she's still sore and angry about the break up. Things didn't worked out between us as we had hope and we didn't broke up on a bad note in general. The reason why I want us to remain as friends is so that I know the people whom I care are doing great in life. I don't like the idea of both parties having to pretend as though both didn't existed.
Oh yes she's in a relationship with the guy whom I suspected. Man, how people cheats these days.

You shouldn't have contacted her when she de friended you. She's trying to cut you out of her life for good. It happends sometimes when people break up. You should be doing the same because you won't be able to move on if you're still thinking about her. Go out on a date with someone else or go out with the guys so you can try to keep your mind off her. It will take some time but you'll be happier in the end. As persisent you were with trying to keep her put all that energy into something else (activites, dating, parties) . If you are out most of the time having fun eventually she'll get ut of your head.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-644067.html

The break up was 2 months ago from today. She got attached 3 weeks later.
Just last week, I begun to text her with the most recent one yesterday. It went horribly wrong. I received a call from her phone number but it was her boyfriend on the other end and we argued. He was telling me how much he loves her but I managed to get him to pass the phone to her with the promise that this would be one last contact with her before I fly overseas for my studies. When she was on the phone, she was mean, cold and angst, and didn't quite want to speak to me. I tried to make her realize that I did love her but I was careless in making certain mistakes like breaking up with her twice and not spending enough time with her. No, but she was still angry, frustrated, impatient with speaking to me and said she was scared of me sending her so much messages.

As promised, I deleted her number. I have no means of contacting her anymore-she blocked me on FB and I don't remember her number.

Did I just pushed her further into this new boyfriend? Is this the end? Would there be any sort of reconciliation in the near future once the anger and negative emotions on her part dies down?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Darrylcwc

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-644067.html

The break up was 2 months ago from today. She got attached 3 weeks later.
Just last week, I begun to text her with the most recent one yesterday. It went horribly wrong. I received a call from her phone number but it was her boyfriend on the other end and we argued. He was telling me how much he loves her but I managed to get him to pass the phone to her with the promise that this would be one last contact with her before I fly overseas for my studies. When she was on the phone, she was mean, cold and angst, and didn't quite want to speak to me. I tried to make her realize that I did love her but I was careless in making certain mistakes like breaking up with her twice and not spending enough time with her. No, but she was still angry, frustrated, impatient with speaking to me and said she was scared of me sending her so much messages.

As promised, I deleted her number. I have no means of contacting her anymore-she blocked me on FB and I don't remember her number.

Did I just pushed her further into this new bf? Is this the end? Would there be any sort of reconciliation in the near future once the anger and negative emotions on her part dies down?

---

It's time for you to move on with your life... she's moved on with hers and surely resents your desperate (and frankly, pretty disturbing and pitiful) intrusion into her life. Her being frustrated with you sending lots of messages, not wanting to talk to you on the phone, are not sinking in to you: That she's done with you and you are verging on stalking, obsessing and pestering. Stop before you go too far.

And if you don't understand that not only the relationship is over, but that you are frustrating and probably SCARING her, then I advise you to seek out some professional counseling and help to advise you about how to cope in your personal relationships.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by WisperWill70

It's time for you to move on with your life... she's moved on with hers and surely resents your desperate (and frankly, pretty disturbing and pitiful) intrusion into her life. Her being frustrated with you sending lots of messages, not wanting to talk to you on the phone, are not sinking in to you: That she's done with you and you are verging on stalking, obsessing and pestering. Stop before you go too far.

And if you don't understand that not only the relationship is over, but that you are frustrating and probably SCARING her, then I advise you to seek out some professional counseling and help to advise you about how to cope in your personal relationships.

---

I would never stalk on her. What's with the association with someone who is afraid of losing what he loves with the act of stalking, obsessing and pestering?

Right now, I'm planning on selling everything I have and go out into the world for a few years. Would this be a good idea?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Darrylcwc

I would never stalk on her. What's with the association with someone who is afraid of losing what he loves with the act of stalking, obsessing and pestering?

---

Well because that's exactly what you've started to do. This is not about you being afraid to lose this person who doesn't want anything to do with you. Her boyfriend got involved and called YOU because you're freaking her out. You said yourself that she was stressed and upset being on the phone with you, that she was concerned about all the messages you are sending. Bluntly, - she doesn't want to deal with your emotional meltdown. Pestering and stalking is the persistent belief that you "love" your target and can't let her go and have to keep trying to communicate this when SHE doesn't want to have the communication.

Take this as a cue to get a grip! Not because you're a bad person, but because you owe it to yourself to be happy and loved.

Don't sell your stuff --- but moving on and seeing more of the world is a good idea if it's to be happy--- not if it's because you want to storm out on life and make a point/show her how hurt you are.

Have fun exploring tee world, and despite YOUR feelings on the matter, unwanted attention is bad behavior.

Did I just pushed her further into this new boyfriend?
No she went willingly from the get go! Nothing to do with you!

Is this the end?
Its been the end for a while, you just can't accept it. Hope you can now

Would there be any sort of reconciliation in the near future once the anger and negative emotions on her part dies down?
No way, you asked for the anger and negative emotions by pushing to far! You got it, and all you had to do was take a hint, and think, instead of letting YOUR own feelings get you carried away.

It's been 3 weeks after our last heated conversation. During this 3 weeks things have crystallized and what happened became clearer to me.

1) Was I at fault? Never. I made it clear to her before our relationship that I was a responsible adult and had commitments. This girl said she saw a future with me and wanted us to work through the long distance relationship when I leave the country in December. I took her words and this relationship seriously which was the reason why I worked so hard outside of my military commitments to save up and be financially self-sufficient to return back more often. Even with my busy schedule, I saw her for at least 3 times a week and that was still within a healthy decent amount of time needed for a relationship to function.
Not only was I busy saving up for our future plans but also I wanted to give her a promise ring before I left the country.

2) I had good reasons to believe she was influenced by her peers and her current boyfriend to believe I neglected her. I think the distinction lies in our age and hence the differing concept of what love entails. To her and possibly her peers, love would have meant spending as much time together as possible. She's 19 so what else is there between studies and relationship?
I'm 23 and there are a truckload of commitments.
I felt very betrayed that she chose to believe the words of peers and especially the words of a guy who was trying to sway her heart to him.

For 3 weeks, I have been asking myself many questions. It appears I now know how I wanted to give myself closure. I want to redeem my integrity and clear the misjudgments she has towards me. I wanted her to know the specific reasons as to why I was so busy. At this point, everything I said would come across to her as all words and no actions. Hard work don't always reap immediate fruits. I think at this point some of the effort I have been putting in during our relationship has yield fruition. I have saved up a decent amount to be able to return back to visit her had we been together still. Not only is this true but I also have enough to buy for her the promise ring I've been eyeing while we were together. I have paid the deposit for the ring. The ring costs $2000. It's beautiful. She failed to see my love to her was expressed in being a responsible adult who was laboring to give her a future that was secure.

September would be our one year anniversary if we had still been together. I intend to drop the ring together with the letter at her door step on the date we got together. The letter serves to explain everything in great details. The ring is there as a tangible and physical object to prove that it was why I had always been so busy. Lastly, for all that she has been through, she deserves the ring and I love her enough to go to great length to clear the misunderstandings in hope that the bitterness in her heart would be dissolved.

I do not expect her to return to me and I would be making this clear to her. Closure for me is when I have explained to the fullest in the letter and dropping the ring together with the letter at her door steps. The moment she reads and see the ring I would have lifted the rock in my heart.