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-   -   Age Difference (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=63988)

  • Feb 18, 2007, 04:09 PM
    dasd123321
    Age Difference
    I'm 20 years old and I have been speaking to this girl who I recently found out was 16. We like each other, do you think its wrong getting into a relationship with her? Is the age gap too big?
  • Feb 18, 2007, 04:14 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    When you are 30 and she is 26 no one cares, In many states in the US if your date invovles sex you can go to jail.

    And if I had a girl 16 going to jail would be basically your last worry so to speak. So even in areas where this would be "legal" also the girls parents opinion would be important.

    I would say that at this age, it is not a good idea, due to her age more than the gap of ages
  • Feb 18, 2007, 04:19 PM
    JoeCanada76
    Not a good Idea, Unless you wait until she is 19.
  • Feb 18, 2007, 04:19 PM
    ForeverZero
    Emotionally she's not even in your ballpark yet. I wouldn't waste my time. Keep her as a friend, and if she's just as compelling when she's 19 or 20, go for it.
  • Feb 18, 2007, 04:41 PM
    kristynn
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Jesushelper76
    Not a good Idea, Unless you wait until she is 19.

    Why 19?

    She must be 18.
  • Feb 18, 2007, 04:47 PM
    JoeCanada76
    An extra buffer year just to make sure.
  • Feb 18, 2007, 05:59 PM
    Nohitter410
    It is isn't worth it. One wrong move and you will be in serious trouble. And do you want that affecting your future and what jobs you get.

    My buddy had the same problem. A girl called him over and they had sex when he was 19and she was 16. ANd it was consensual and she told her parents who told the police and it resulted in something on his permanent record. I don't care if this girl is a supermodel I would stay away.

    18 is the age
  • Feb 18, 2007, 07:19 PM
    talaniman
    Why do something that can land you in jail? She lied about her age so what does that tell you? Run for the hills dude.
  • Feb 18, 2007, 07:40 PM
    valinors_sorrow
    Maybe you ought to be asking her parents, dude? :rolleyes:
  • Feb 19, 2007, 01:37 AM
    chuff
    Personally I wouldn't trust any underage girl. There are all kinds of cases where they had consensual sex or didn't have sex at all with a person of legal age but made up that they did and sent the guy to prison for "rape." If a prosecutor sees this kind of case he's taking you to trial because he sees a young naïve person who can't defend himself against the law and then the prosecutor gets to claim after he's won that he or she is tough on sex crimes. It doesn't matter if it took place or not. At 20, I'm assuming you don't have the funds to defend yourself against that kind of corrupt BS legal system so why even get involved. End it before she decides to see how far she can take things.
  • Feb 19, 2007, 01:04 PM
    shizukamelodi
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by dasd123321
    I'm 20 years old and i have been speaking to this girl who i recently found out was 16. We like eachother, do you think its wrong getting into a relationship with her? Is the age gap too big?

    It's only 4 years! For goodness sake my grandma married my grandad who was 17 years older than her! I say go for it! Who cares if she is younger than you you both like each other! Go for it!
  • Feb 19, 2007, 01:07 PM
    Wildcat21
    No it's not right at all. Find some one your own age. Re-visit in 3 years if you still have feelings for each other.
  • Feb 19, 2007, 05:23 PM
    valinors_sorrow
    Quote:

    chuff disagrees: You are completely wrong. This is illegal and can result in him going to jail. He's got nothing to gain and everything to lose.
    Ummm, I think that depends on the country this takes place in, Chuff? Do we know this is in the US for sure? I just learned from Cap't Forest that in Canada the age is much lower and no telling about other countries... shrugs!
  • Feb 19, 2007, 05:31 PM
    chuff
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow
    Ummm, I think that depends on the country this takes place in, Chuff? Do we know this is in the US for sure? I just learned from Cap't Forest that in Canada the age is much lower and no telling about other countries.... shrugs!

    Okay I'll admit that we don't. In the US that is completely wrong. Somewhere else it may not be so wrong.


    Just out of curiosity... you know I mean just for trivia... what countries might those be... no reason... ummmmmm never mind, just scratch that thought.
  • Feb 19, 2007, 05:33 PM
    Nosnosna
    Four years is nothing, in the end... it's all down to the people involved. Just remember that there are vast differences in people of different ages, so you have a whole lot to overcome to even get started. The younger you both are, the more dramatic these differences become... 16 and 20 have some pretty drastic differences. 20 and 24 do. 50 and 54? Not so much.

    The trouble with relationships with younger girls is that you risk their becoming overly invested in a relationship too quickly (due to lack of experience), and you risk being hurt by their short emotional attention span.

    Figure out the law, think long and hard about whether you want the baggage from the age difference, and do what you decide is right. I'll think it's a mistake if you go through with it, no matter your reasons, but in the end it's up to you. Just don't get into anything without going through it thoroughly beforehand... there's too much at stake to jump in.
  • Feb 20, 2007, 08:17 AM
    Jacki336
    I met my boyfriend when I was 16 and he was 20. Now I'm 17 and he is 21. Just make sure that you are open with both of your parents. I made that mistake and am now trying to figure out how to tell my parents. Anyway, I say go for it. You know whether she is mature enough for you. So if you like her, then go for it.
  • Feb 22, 2007, 12:21 PM
    shizukamelodi
    I mean love is love what the to rules and age boundaries?
  • Feb 22, 2007, 01:57 PM
    talaniman
    In America, since I pay the rent and my daughter lives with me, guess who has the final say?? I don't really care what they do next door, or across the ocean.
  • Feb 22, 2007, 02:29 PM
    AKaeTrue
    Did she lie about her age, or after conversation back and forth with her, you learned of her age?
    To answer your question, it really depends on where you live... What are your age laws?
    Here are a few things to think about:
    1) The law where you live.
    2) Her maturity level may not be where yours is.
    3) If she lied about her age, how can you trust that she's really 16? These days, I have seen 12 and 13 year olds that look 16 and 17 years old.
    Just something to think about...
    Kae
  • Feb 22, 2007, 02:34 PM
    98u9ui9
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by dasd123321
    I'm 20 years old and i have been speaking to this girl who i recently found out was 16. We like eachother, do you think its wrong getting into a relationship with her? Is the age gap too big?

    I think u should wait until she is 18
  • Feb 22, 2007, 02:38 PM
    Squiffy
    My partner and I have an age gap of 7 years, it doesn't cause us any problems. My advice would be to get to know her, don't rsh into the whole sex thing, it's a bad move depending on where you live. Meet her parents, be the perfect respectful gentlemanly friend. It might be boring and time consuming but if she is special she will be worth it.
  • Feb 22, 2007, 09:38 PM
    talaniman
    Sorry I can't get past the lying about her age. What else has she lied about, and what else will she lie about? What kind of relationship do you think can be built on a lie?
  • Feb 22, 2007, 11:53 PM
    Hopeful1
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by dasd123321
    I'm 20 years old and i have been speaking to this girl who i recently found out was 16. We like eachother, do you think its wrong getting into a relationship with her? Is the age gap too big?

    If you are really in love with this girl, you will leave her alone. The two of you are in completely different positions in life. She is still dependent on her parents and you may not be. 18 and 19 are acceptable. 16 and 17 are not. The other option is to call her up in a couple of years! =)
  • Jul 3, 2007, 02:27 AM
    shizukamelodi
    Wel OK , try and keep in touch tell her that ina few years maybe , but she is too young at the moment to think about that sort of stuff.I live in spain so the age gap rule I don't know.and after the while if you still have feelings for her go and ask her.but dun rush into sex it might scare her.
  • Jul 3, 2007, 02:39 AM
    iAMfromHuntersBar
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by chuff
    Just out of curiosity..........you know I mean just for trivia..............what countries might those be....................no reason................ummmmmm nevermind, just scratch that thought.

    Here you go chuff;

    Age of consent - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    I knew The Netherlands was set at 14... but 12 for other countries! That's... wrong! :eek:
  • Jul 15, 2007, 08:27 PM
    L-001-06-H
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by talaniman
    Sorry I can't get past the lying about her age. What else has she lied about, and what else will she lie about? What kind of relationship do you think can be built on a lie?

    Tell me, when did he say she specifically LIED about her age? I've seen this post somewhere else too. ;)

    Edit: tell me talaniman, what are you dissagreeing to? What did I say that's incorrect here, because I only made one statement, and that you even agree too. Also, I can prove that if you're saying you never said that before, that you are full of crap. Would you like a link?
  • Jul 15, 2007, 09:04 PM
    talaniman
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by L-001-06-H
    tell me, when did he say she specifically LIED about her age? i've seen this post somewhere else too. ;)

    Lie by omission.
  • Jul 15, 2007, 09:17 PM
    L-001-06-H
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by talaniman
    Lie by omission.

    Not technically a lie, if they're like me and someone else, it's more of a "this is how i feel either way" thing... and probalby didn't even know ti was THAT big of a difference when referign to that thought anyway...
  • Jul 15, 2007, 09:41 PM
    talaniman
    Young females love the attention of older guys and know exactly what they're doing, and you had better wise up to that fact, before you get caught up in a young girls BS.
  • Jul 15, 2007, 09:48 PM
    L-001-06-H
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by talaniman
    Young females love the attention of older guys and know exactly what they're doing, and you had better wise up to that fact, before you get caught up in a young girls BS.

    This, I have to admit, I have nothing on either side... other than what you ay is true. Something to consider, that's for sure. Just one thing, always weigh all the issues, outcomes, and possibilities, good and bad. Everythign has two sides. However, talaniman has a good point here.
  • Oct 11, 2007, 08:21 PM
    spectoryan
    IM 26 and I hope to god that my girl friend hasn't been liying to me if she's 16 cause if she's 18 it's OK but if she has been lying to me and she is 16 I could go to jail if she is 16 and we had sex I hope to god that girls and guys don't lie about age because there is a Law stating that if people aren't leagaly old enough to have sex that they can't get into big trouble... and anyone reading this maybe in different countries it's OK but not in the United States is it all legal for a girl or guy under 18 to have sex at all period! So unless you want to go to jail and spend time in the slammer forget about it!
  • Oct 12, 2007, 08:31 AM
    chris28
    I can tell you I was in something similar 9 years ago and I would advise against it. Not only is someone at that age emotoinaly unstable they have not a clue what they want at 20 u might be the same but you def have a better idea of life and relationships... at 16 no one wants to really be serious and if you are eventually one of you are going to start with the what iff, could be another guy she wants to try maybee you want someone older who knows I just think it's a waste of time plus could be jail time forget it!
  • Oct 12, 2007, 09:26 AM
    smoothy
    Unless you like the prospect of sharing a jail cell with a big homosexual brute with a thing for prison raping young guys I'd strongly advise against it.


    Basically because in many states that's statutory rape.
  • Jun 11, 2008, 05:25 PM
    Kaege
    I think that's perfectly fine.
    If her parents are okay with it and nothing promiscuous occurse, then I see no problem.

    I say go for it, and I hope you two are happy together.
  • Jun 12, 2008, 04:47 AM
    smoothy
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Kaege
    I think that's perfectly fine.
    If her parents are okay with it and nothing promiscuous occurse, then I see no problem.

    I say go for it, and I hope you two are happy together.

    Depends on what country he lives in. Here in the USA in most states that is considered statutory rape and carries a jail sentence. And no a 16 year old girl can't "Consent" legally.
  • Oct 9, 2009, 11:25 PM
    xsoftballchicka
    Age is matter of feeling not years. Therefor if you care about her that's all that matters. As long as your trusting with her, and she is with you. Yep mhm!

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