I recently broke up with my ex in December but I've also recently started talking to this girl I've met at my work back in March when I was still with my girlfriend at the time. I haven't really talked to this girl since Jan. 21st and since then we've went on a lot of dates. She says she likes me a lot and when I don't see her sometimes she always says she misses me. She's really outgoing and always wants to hang out which I like and she's also an LPN and is normally busy but she always finds the time to hang out and spend time with
Me. The thing is, is that I want to ask her to be my girlfriend, but when exactly is the right time to do so? I actually made a stupid move the earlier and asked her how she felt about me within the 1st or 2nd week of dating her and she said she likes me a lot. I also asked her if she liked me enough to try to be in a relationship with me but she said not right now because I just recently got out of a relationship and so did she, but here's was five months ago. So how would I go about asking her to be my girlfriend if she pretty much shot me down the first time?

You don't "ask" them to be your girl friend, they just become one, if you are dating and dating a lot then she is your "girl friend" if you mean you don't want to date anyone else, that needs or should be a little longer down the road, It just happens, and then after a few months of not dating anyone else, it just is.

Apologize for what you did last time, and let her know that your feelings for her haven't changed and you still would like a chance in being her boo. Good luck

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Have fun, and forget the titles for now guy, I mean you both just broke up so date and enjoy getting to know each other. See what happens without the pressure of expectations and most importantly, don't build a life around her, do your own thing and let her be a small fun part for a while.

You are moving to fast, so take a hint from her, fun with no strings attached, or commitments.

I've really been out of the game for a while when it comes to dating other people, but I like the advice you guys gave about taking it slow without a label. I actually find it less stressful for now and I'm just going to let everything fall into place down the road. Everything is actually going really good so far and I like it. There's just one question I have though. Since we don't have a label and we're just dating, she's slept over a few times, do we have the opportunity to date other people also? To me that would feel that would hurt her and push her away if she were to find out I did something like that and I find that would hurt me also if she were to do the same. She's told me she's been to a few clubs with her girl friends and it didn't bother me at all; I'm just concerned about what is okay to do even though were Just dating. I like this girl a lot and she even said the same thing to me first. I just don't want to do things that would push her away.

A couple defines the rules through honest communications so be aware to question her rules before you agree to them, just to keep it real, and understand who you are dealing with. Like any couple it's a risk, and an experiment, but don't get carried away by good fortune, good sex, and start making promises you can't keep. You will know when the lust wears of so just stay cool, calm, and collected, and always under control.

Technically, you can date whomever you please, so can she, so make sure you know who you give your heart to, and make sure they deserve it, and know what to do with it. I believe in keeping it real, and keeping it honest, and make sure you say what you mean and mean what you say.

And never be so afraid to lose some one that you compromise your own dignity, and self respect. Then maybe you can enjoy this for what its worth, for however long it lasts.

So things are pretty good right now. It's kind of weird, but everyone who knows that we're dating keep asking me if it's official. Why does it have to be official already? Is it a bad thing that we don't have a label yet this far into us dating? We've been talking since Jan. 21st and so far everything is good I like how everything is right now.

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Originally Posted by vincesez

So things are pretty good right now. It's kinda weird, but everyone who knows that we're dating keep asking me if it's official. Why does it have to be official already? Is it a bad thing that we dont have a label yet this far into us dating? We've been talking since Jan. 21st and so far everything is good I like how everything is right now.

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If both of you are okay with the way things are, who cares what other say or think?

Hey guys so I don't know why this is bugging me so much, but Im starting to have doubts about me and this girl ending up in a relationship. She's been busy with work, working sometimes from 10am-9pm but she normally texts me to ask how's work, what am I up to or good morning/good night. We've been hanging out on a regular basis also and the last time I saw her was Sunday morning when she had to leave from my house because she slept over the night before. I don't know if it's me, but I'm tripping out. I've noticed that she hasn't said I missed you in a while and also when I asked her jokingly over the phone when we were about to hang up if she missed me, she ignored me question lol... So should I even try with this girl? I like her a lot and I've told her. I've also shown a lot of affection towards her to show that I do. What do you guys think?

That pretty needy and insecure to trip over the non contact of a day or so with a female that you have been dating for a month.

Stay cool, calm, and collected, and under control, and show some patience. Take the break as a chance to focus on other things in your life. You have a long way to go before you know, or understand this new stranger, and perhaps you expect too much. Panic, or tripping on things so soon will help nothing, but will drive you nuts.

You are making her way to important already so relax. Expect nothing for the next 6 months, if it progresses, and lasts that long.

Is it all right to ask her if she's dating anyone else or how does she feel about me? The way I look at it now it seems like its going downhill or she's talking to another guy. She rarely texts me and barely comes over now.

Do not act on fear, or insecurity, that's so unattractive, instead you should be doing your thing and exploring your world and understand dating for a month or so is hardly a commitment, or agreement, and NOT tripping over this lull in the action is the way to go.

I would be talking about life, love, and work, for now. I think you may be a bit to eager to start something exclusive, and committed, and things are going to slow for you. Its always something to pay attention to when your affections produce distance and not closeness. If anything maybe rethink your approach.

Could you be to wrapped up in this to see some reality?

All right so I am a little eager to have her be my girlfriend. I just really like her a lot. I'm not acting on fear or showing any insecurities I have towards her, but recently I've just been concerned. Ive been trying hard not to show any insecurities as to ruin anything between us. We still talk a lot and we normally see each other every week, but I've noticed that when I ask if she wanted to hang out she would always say she's too tired because of work and would apologize for being so tired. Which I understand because of her recently being hired as a nurse and also working as a CNA... The thing I don't get is that sometimes she has time to go out with her girlfriends and stay out late, but when I ask to hang out with her she says she's too tired? Like one night I went to a club with a few friends and I texted her that night to see what she was up to and she said "work as usual haha" but when she got off she didn't text me at all and I saw her that night at the club with her girlfriends. I walked up to her and confronted her saying, "I thought you were tired?" and she said "marisol kept bugging me to go to the club when I got off so I just gave in and went." it was awkward seeing her randomly that night but we both hung out together at the club that night and danced until we went home. I'm just confused? Because I also recently invited her to my mom's birthday and she showed a lot of affection towards me (hugging, kissing, cuddling) and that night when she went home she texted me "<3" n said she likes me. So what the heck? I don't want to get played but so far she is really faithful and honest towards me but sometimes she doesn't want to hang out because she's too tired, but then again she sometimes hangs out with her girlfriends n not me? What's up with that? And also today when she stopped by my clinic for her appointment I gave her a rose which she liked a lot n which she said made her happy and made her smile. She gave me a kiss and a hug but when I asked to hang out with her she instead hung out with her girl best friend instead of me but I understand that situation also since they haven't hung out in a while also because she's so busy...

So what the heck should I give up on this girl? I text her daily just to let her know I like her and she always texts me back. I just don't want to be played and have her date some other guy and also me at the same time. Were sti not boyfriend and girlfriend but we've been dating for about 3 months now so I'm getting to the point where I'm like concerned...

Did your last girl friend dump you or you her?
You sound pretty eager and desperate. Maybe she likes you but does not want a formal boy friend.
I think you should enjoy the time you spend with her but have a social life as she does.
If you can't do that with her in the picture then leave her alone.
Or, you can just ask her how she feels about dating you exclusively, then you will know.

There is nothing to give up on. Just stop pushing so hard. You are obsessed and carried away with the idea making her your girlfriend. By now, you should be well into other options, and not just pouring all your focus into this one. Your are to eager, a step from desperate.

I like the first post (You don't "ask" them to be your girl friend, they just become one, if you are dating and dating a lot then she is your "girl friend" if you mean you don't want to date anyone else, that needs or should be a little longer down the road, It just happens, and then after a few months of not dating anyone else, it just is. )

That's how it usually is. I say don't push the issue of having the label just enjoy the relationship.You don't really need the label.

Also with her being tired and going out with her friends. If she's working late hours than she is tired. Some times you may not want to go out because you're tired but your friends keep pushing you because they haven't spent time with you in a while so you end up going. It doesn't mean she's blowing you off or trying to play you. I would sugguest you plan a special day for her and put some thought into it. If she has a certain day off do it that day. May sure you give her notice though so maybe if she has to work she will still be perpared for the day/night out. Make it special and understand that she is only one person and has to divide her time between work, familly, friends and you. Also don't get mad for her seeing her friends. Trust me you don't want to make her push her friends away it makes you come off as controlling. If you still need that lable ask her to be your girl then. She may just say "I thought I was" - Good Luck!

All right so last night I had the chance to hang out with her for the first time in about 2 weeks. It was the same routine she was really affectionate that night but she was also really tired lol... I'm taking your guys' advice about not rushing into a relationship but last night I was curious to see if she was dating anyone so I jokingly asked her, "so you're dating 20 guys huh? I've been dating so many girls also" n the reason why I asked her that was because we made a joke about it a few days before which wasn't true. Her response was, "if you're going to date other girls you better make sure theyre hot because if they aren't that would make me look bad..haha" after she said that she said "no you're the only guy I'm dating and I like you a lot"... the other thing was that, she was telling me something about her friends and how it's hard for her to hang out with them because they all have boyfriends and that they're single and when they all hang out she is the only one that is single with no one else that's single to hang out with... In my head I was like, so then why be single if you're concerned about others in a relationship... hello I'm in front of you.

What's holding her back? She told me one of her ex's who she broke up with because he kissed her best friend was texting her the other day asking if she would be at her friends party and she told him no and to stop texting her because she was trying to sleep. Should I be at all concerned about this other guy and the chance of them hooking up again? I didn't really feel comfortable when she told me this and it made me concerned lol...

Why don't you just talk to her? Don't joke, don't throw out hints, just ask her what you want to know.

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she said that she said "no you're the only guy I'm dating and I like you a lot" .

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Take her word for it.

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the other thing was that, she was telling me something about her friends and how it's hard for her to hang out with them because they all have boyfriends and that they're single and when they all hang out she is the only one that is single with no one else that's single to hang out with... In my head I was like, so then why be single if you're concerned about others in a relationship... hello I'm in front of you.

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Why should she take a risk of jumping into your arms, given your own resent failures and knowing she has her own disapointments to get over. You ignore these FACTS at your own peril Mr. Insecure Eager Beaver.

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what's holding her back? She told me one of her ex's who she broke up with because he kissed her best friend was texting her the other day asking if she would be at her friends party and she told him no and to stop texting her because she was trying to sleep.

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Point made, but all you can see in your eagerness is competition that scares you. Your fear makes you look like a kid, and not a confident man and poisons your thinking. It makes you see goblins behind everything she says or does. I bet if she farts you see that as rejection, or some bizarre sign of something scary. Stop taking this personally and smell the coffee.

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Should I be at all concerned about this other guy and the chance of them hooking up again? I didn't really feel comfortable when she told me this and it made me concerned lol...

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Who cares? Never be afraid of the competition and have foolish concerns, NEVER, do your thing in a fun confident, HONEST way, and the competition can worry about YOU! How about that for an attitude. If you have "concerns" about every little utterance, then you should not be trying to date or pursue any one. That's not how it goes. Attract a female because you are happy and confident, and she is secure with you and your ability to share that happiness with her.

Now be patient and be a GREAT listener, no advice, all ears, and see if she wants to have fun with you, and don't ask about official titles for 6 months, if she can stand your scary A$$ that long.

Too harsh? Blunt? To bad, get with the program, be a confident, secure, happy man. No matter what she tells you. Work on your humor bud!

Lol all right do last question on this girl... Like I said earlier she's been really busy working 2 jobs, one as a CNA and an LPN and she normally works long hours. Just a few days ago she told me she's starting to feel "very different" and feels like we should just be friends. I asked her why and this is what she texted me, "Sorry Im Workin. No just the schedule and stress goin on. I feel like we'd be better as friends :/". And... "Dating stresses me out lol I'm always so worried about your feelings and feel bad for working". She said she likes me a lot but doesn't feel like we're right for each other. I called bull**** on that because when we've only been on a few dates that were late at night after she got off from work and never really got to "hang out" because of her work schedule. It's also weird because in person she's really affectionate with me n my fiends are even surprised that she just wants to be friends because they said she's a lot closer to me than how my ex was. I don't understand how someone can really like you and than just give up on you because of a stupid feeling. I even told her that I understand her whole work schedule and that it didn't bother me but still... What the heck? I fail at girls... I took your guys' advice and was never jealous, eager, or too "clingy" with her. It sucks because I really liked this girl. Probably the best out of all I've dated and really honest but just super busy and it just killed it for me when she told me this.

If you stop trying to get a girl friend, and be happy with friends at this stage, then you could be having fun, with many, while you await a true romance. You have to admit that you were wanting to be here priority now, knowing her work schedule.

What she told you would not disappoint me at all, because I would not have the high hopes you have that makes you single minded. Its just to soon my friend to be wooing her, before you get to know her. And way to soon to think of putting all your eggs in her basket.

I can only recommend you back off and keep other options open as it may not be working with this female, but as far as dating others casually, its wide open. I mean why would you limit yourself at this point in time?

I think the best romances start as just friends, and develop over time, naturally. Hard to start anything when it's a notion of more than friends for the very beginning. But you tried, it didn't work, no shame in that, but don't sulk about it. You do have a fun, happy life without her don't you?

Of course I do lol... I was just surprised she told me that after how she acts with me in person and her always telling me she misses me and like me a lot. But I understood her whole work situation. It just really sucks because this girl is really fun and really honest to be around so it kind of bummed me out when she just wanted to be friends. At least she was honest and straightforward about telling me compared to leaving me sitting and wondering why this girl hasn't called or texted me in a week or two.