About 6 months ago my girlfriend broke up with me to pursue this long distance relationship. After about 4 months she came back to me, with a lot of work on my part. We are back together but she still is talking to this guy, and is going on a family vacation with his family and her family. Their fathers are good college buddies. Should I be able to trust her to go on a trip with him and come back to me still? Should I ask that she sever all ties with this guy? Also when we were broken up we were having sex all the time and now that we are back together she is not interested in having sex. What could this mean? IF she is not having sex with me is she getting her fill from someone else?

Who knows if she is being sexual with someone else now but there are definitely some genuine concerns you've listed here. For me, which I realise may not be how you view this, there comes a point where it all gets too messy for me and after some serious contemplation, I realise the mess is pretty much at their end of it. Its then that I begin to pull away by making "this won't work" statements to them. If those statements are not responded to with appropriate concern, then I issue myself walking papers. I still believe there are far too many people in the world who can make it work like I can make it work to be seriously bogged down with someone who isn't willing to work it out. You seem to be the only trying to work it out in this one, which won't work in the long run. There is not working hard enough and there is working too hard -- true love is more like the Goldilocks thing, its "just right" in the middle.

She may never tell you what's wrong but that in itself is wrong and you'll need to respond to it.

On the surface, I'd say that you'd be crazy to trust her. She broke up with you to chase the other guy. Now she's back to the fallback guy - making you choice number two.

A little deeper though, it could well be that in the four months she was gone she came to realize that this guy wasn't for her. Given the family ties you describe, it wouldn't be unreasonable that she is keeping communication open with him because of the upcoming family vacation.

It's impossible for me to know which way this sways... You have to judge that for yourself. If you don't know her well enough to "be sure" it's the latter, and not just the result of "alot of work on (your) part", I would consider this relationship "a mess" as Val described.

I think the sex question is a separate one. She is likely still emotional over what has happened, and just isn't into it right now. I don't think you can read too much into it at this point.

Hmmmmm - lots going on here.

I HOPE you didn't beg and plead all day long?? Bother her too much?

This SEEMS like a one sided relationship. Are you REALLY back together or just Friends??

IF you are really together that means this guy isn't all that. BUT, I think you're plan B!! No one waqnts to be plan B - EVER!!

"Should i be able to trust her to go on a trip with him and come back to me still?"

I agree with Val - give her walking papers if you don't trust her - or if she's not into it. You'll save a lot of heartache!!

"Should i ask that she sever all ties with this guy? " Yes, I would - after a coupe months of dating again. Be cool if it's only been 2 months. Nothing shuld bother you. Dating is DATING!! She can date more than one person. Be busy, never needy - ever. Don't call so much.

Quite frankly you should be hard to get!! Learn about this.

"Also when we were broken up we were having sex all the time and now that we are back together she is not interested in having sex. What could this mean?" Quite frankly - are REALLY together - me thinks NO!! Talk to her about it point blank - you need the answer - BUT might not like it. Sorry - but it sounds like she's getting it from someone else. HUGE DEAL BREAKER FOR ME.


"IF she is not having sex with me is she getting her fill from someone else?" yes.

This gal sounds like more trouble than it's worth.

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Originally Posted by Radium

About 6 months ago my girlfriend broke up with me to pursue this long distance relationship.

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So that right there tells you all you need to know about what she thinks of you. Your just a holding card until she finds something different. And she doesn't even view the holding card with very much value because she took a huge chance with a family friend and a long distance relationship. That's a big chance to give up a sure deal.

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Originally Posted by Radium

After about 4 months she came back to me, with a lot of work on my part.

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How ironic. You didn't have to work for it at all. She would have come back anyway. You were her back up plan and you made that only too clear by working to get her. Seriously stop and think about that. SHE DUMPED YOU for another guy. YOU WORKED FOR HER to get her back. She holds all the cards here and you're a holding card until something better comes along.

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Originally Posted by Radium

We are back together but she still is talking to this guy,

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Do you have a backbone? She doesn't think so I promise you that. This woman is walking all over you. She dumps you for another guy, you beg for her back and now she's back and talking about another guy. Do you honestly think she gives a damn about you? She doesn't. She's a user and your being used.

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Originally Posted by Radium

and is going on a family vacation with his family and her family. Their fathers are good college buddies. Should i be able to trust her to go on a trip with him and come back to me still?

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She'll always come back to you. You're the back up plan. Should you be able to trust her that she won't have sex with him again. No, she will.

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Originally Posted by Radium

Should i ask that she sever all ties with this guy?

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Well you should ask that she sever all ties with you the way she's treated you. But if your going to prolong this self inflicted punishment you shouldn't ask her anything you should DEMAND it.

I think you'll be surprised by the answer. She will tell you that you have no right to demand anything of her and how dare you say such a thing. This is going to come from the woman who dumped you for someone else, had sex with someone else, kept you on a short leash, and now brags to you about this other guy. But she'll tell you that you have no rights because she has been taught by you that you will back down.

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Originally Posted by Radium

Also when we were broken up we were having sex all the time and now that we are back together she is not interested in having sex.

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Wait, you mean to tell me this little angel used sex as a tool to keep you in check. The same woman who dumped you for another guy, who had sex with another guy, who brags about the other guy on top of all that she used sex with you to keep you in check and not wandering too far.

Of course she did. And I know this sounds like I'm coming down on you but believe me I've been in (sadly) similar situations before. The one constant is that when you start talking about ending it or leaving they start having sex more.

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Originally Posted by Radium

What could this mean? IF she is not having sex with me is she getting her fill from someone else?

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She is either getting from somewhere else or she knows she doesn't have to give it to you because she's got you locked in for now.

In the end your being used and she's a user.

Dang Chuff... I wish I hadn't frivolously used up my greenie point on you this morning because I really really liked that post of yours and I can't rep you for it now. BOO HOO

That... was some Chuffing!

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Originally Posted by Radium

About 6 months ago my girlfriend broke up with me to pursue this long distance relationship. After about 4 months she came back to me, with a lot of work on my part. We are back together but she still is talking to this guy, and is going on a family vacation with his family and her family. Their fathers are good college buddies. Should i be able to trust her to go on a trip with him and come back to me still? Should i ask that she sever all ties with this guy? Also when we were broken up we were having sex all the time and now that we are back together she is not interested in having sex. What could this mean? IF she is not having sex with me is she getting her fill from someone else?

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Do not let her go.

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Originally Posted by jb520

do not let her go.

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That's it?

Ain't that much love in the whole friggin world For me to take back a woman who dumped me and had her fun and then comes back to make me jump thru hoops and then on top of everything ...............NO sex? A dog would treat you better!!!! Dump this girl so you can stop being ...............................!!!!!!!

Don't let her go?

Get rid of her now??

No sex?? She's not your girlfriend - you're nothing more than her doormat. Put his gal in her place.

U hate when these guys post and run. Dude - give us some feed back.

Ok so here is the deal, if you had read my last question you should kind of know what is up with me. If not here is the run down. Met a girl we dated had a great time she went on vacation and cheated, Twice. Came back broke up with me tried a long distance relationship with the other guy but was still F-ing me. She broke up with the other guy and we got back together, Then we stopped having sex and she said we were nothing more than best friends. Now we have been broken up for two months. I was sending her texts and she said that it should stop and we should not talk for a while before we can be friends again. So I did and then not more than a week had passed and I get a random text from her asking what I am doing. Immediately my phone rings and I answer it is her. We exchange words briefly and then she quickly hangs up. She then sends me a text apologizing for the quick hang up. I slide it off and say its OK. I then get a text saying that it really upset her to have talked to me on the phone and she doesn't know why. I slide it off with no response. Then two days after that call she sends me another text asking what I am doing and then saying she miises her friend and wants to hang out. SHE MISSES ME? What the hell is that once I begin to move on she comes back in and misses me. So I agree I hang out with her for like two hours and things are fine by me but she can't focus and just have a good time and talk to me. She was doing her laundry and cleaning her house, didn't know that's what hanging out was. I leave. Still not really thinking much about it. I send her a text asking if she wants to hang out. No response. Now my question is should I even be playing this stupid little game, And why am I still doing this. What could she possibly want out of all this I would like to know. What should I do? Be a d*ck and tell her to get lost or hang around see what happens? That's all I got help me please.

She's using you. She's a player. She's emotionally insecure and immature. She just wants the "man of the moment" instead of being alone. Tell her to stop contacting you. Why in the world would you even bother if she cheated on you twice? Don't respond at all if she does attempt to reach you. She'll stop... for a few months... then she may try again when she's bored one night. Don't bite or it will start all over again.

Hope this helps...

Didi

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Originally Posted by Radium

Ok so here is the deal, if you had read my last question you should Now my question is should i even be playing this stupid little game, And why am i sitll doing this. What could she possibly want out of all this i would like to know. What should i do? Be a and tell her to get lost or hang around see what happens? Thats all i got help me please.

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The answer to questions depend if you want drama in your life. If you do, hang around. If not, tell her to get lost.

Ask yourself this question: Would I be happier with her in my life?

I don't know you, but the answer seems to be "no" based on how you expressed your frustrations.

It sounds like she has a toxic personality and isn't a very good person to be friends with. She cheated on you, twice. What kind of person treats a friend with that much disrespect and dishonesty? Sure, you aren't dating anymore, but loyalty is just as important in a friendship as it is in a relationship.

The way that she is acting is immature and selfish. It sounds like when she is bored or feels bad about herself (maybe after being rejected by another guy) she runs to you for a brief self esteem boost. That isn't fair to you, you don't deserve to be used that way.

I wouldn't waste any more time or energy on her if I were you. That includes not bothering to "tell her off" or anything of that nature. I'd do my best to ignore her calls and her text messages, no matter how desperate they seem. She probably won't go quietly into the night, but you are in the position of power here. She only can continue to bother you if you let her be a part of your life. It gets boring pretty fast when you have a one sided friendship with someone, so give her a taste of her own medicine and phase her out.

Good luck!

WAKE UP CHAMP!!

Have a look at what is going on here when your not around she wants to know what your doing she is interested in you but your going about it the wrong way.

Disappear and when she calls tell her your busy going out for dinner and then hang up...

Don't let her ask who with and don't tell her tell her your not with her at the moment so she does not need to know anything in your life...

Then when she calls next time get her over and get her pant s down and teach her an absolut lesson!! Then tell her yourve gota go out don't sit around and be friends show her that you're the man and your busy
BUSY LIVING LIFE!!

She won't believe it tell her you two arnt an item at the moment and your seeing what you want from now cause she's taking to longer


DO THIS NOW> LET ME KNOW HOW YOU GO

Start ignoring her. Every time she gets lonely she calls you but it has nothing to do with you she just doesn't like herself very much, so she needs somebody, anybody to be there for her. The more you keep hanging on and playing by her rules the more your going to be losing this emotional game.

Take charge and when she texts or calls don't answer them. Let her know through your actions that you don' t need her or her stupid games. Actions speak louder then words and that might teach her to straighten up, but the reality is she did cheat on you, so she's not worth any more of your heartache and pain.

Radium this girl seems to have some deep rooted problems. Why are you letting her treat you like a puppet? Seems to me like she is just stringing you along until something else comes along... she'll try it if it doesn't work out she'll give her" best friend" a call he'll run to comfort her and entertain her. There is an old saying. "pretend like it's raining and wear your rubbers" esp if you take mckenzie134 advice.

Why wait and hold out hope for anything, with some one who cheated on you, and is now putting you in the friend zone, and having what she wants from you, whenever she wants it. Disappear from her life completely, and let her wonder about that.

When my husband and I first got together he had a girl like her who would text randomly and when she found out he had moved on she kept it up. She kept saying she just missed her friend but didn't want to hang out when I was around. I feel sorry for the girl but I know that she isn't somebody to get involved with. At least not until she grows up a little. Go find some body who doesn't string you around and say goodbye to this girl.

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I agree its just hard to let go. You know.

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Yes I do know but don't let your fear of being alone, or starting over keep you in a really unhealthy relationship, guy. That's not love and there is none in your life at present so love yourself and get healthy.

Hay I red your previous post from back in February and LISTEN CAREFULLY CHAMP YOU HAVE TO TAKE CONTROLN You are SUCH A WUSS AND WIMPBAG. NO GIRL WANTS THAT.

This is what happened she got rid of yo cause she metsom other guy but it was long distance and well she can't see him much so she has to keep you for she does not what to be alone. Well he can't see him he's too far away and he probably told her list oit won't work. Yet when she can go see him let me tell you now HE WILL BE BENDING HER OVER HIS BED DAY AD NIGHT AND SHE WILL Definitely BE GETTING A BIG FILL UP FROM HIM!! GUARANTED She's COPING IT ALL HOLIDAY!!

You are talking and acting crap look she says she wants to know if you want to hang out and you say IS SHE MISING ME and then you go running ober . WRONG BUDDY When sherang you should havesaid you can come over here if you want and when she gets there get her pants down and show her what she's guna get from now when she comes around cause with a girl like this I have know idea why you want to be talking for and hour ALL YOU SHOULD BE DOING IS PUMPING HER AND SENDING GER ON HER WAY. YOUR OTHER OPTION ISTOJUST SAY NO IM TOO BUSY ALREADY CATCHING UP WITH A NEW FRIEND TELL HER ITS Probably BEST IF YOU Don't CALL ME AND TELL HER YOU THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND SHE WILL BE BETTER OFF WITH HER OTHER GUY SHE Won't BELIEVEIT.

ACTUALLY WAIT TO SHE CONTACTS NEXT AND TELL HER YOUR TOOBUSY AND TRYING SOME NEW THINGS NOW AND HAVE MET SOME NICE PEOPLE SHE WILL BE RUNNING OVER BUT MAKE HER WAIT Don't RUSH GIVE IT A WEEK THEN TELL HER YOUR CONSIDERING GIVING HER ANOTHER CHANCE SHE WILL CHASE TAKE YOUR TIME That's THE KEY SLOW!! DO IT NOW...

She's playing you along like a fool.. if she really wanted you back she would come out and tell u.. but what she's doing to you now is preventing you from moving on! its like she doesn't want you moving on at all! I think you should come out in de open and ask her what de hell is she playing at! u need to no to put your mind at rest so you can move on or ye could sort out de pieces of your relationship that's left!

My girlfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago. A lot of things went on between us. She cheated on me once, but we worked through that. Then we got back together, things seemed OK. Then she stopped having sex and being intimate with me. When she was little she was sexually abused by a family member from the time she was 11 till she was 18. She says she is not in love with me and that there is not hope of it happening. I still think of her daily and she was my best friend. I believe that there was something between us. It was love. I also believe that due to her being abused that it has caused her to not become intimate with anyone, even herself. She just does not know who she is. She is 22 and I am 25. The thing that is odd was the other night after we have barely spoken she sent me a text message at 3:00 Am saying that she could smell the sea air from her window and then we talked more much like we used to do. It was nice and I didn't want it to end. Unfortunately it was really late and she fell asleep. I awoke the next day and sent a text to her asking if she had fallen asleep. The response I got was anger, she said I was annoying and that she never wanted to speak to me again. I thought this behavior was odd. My questions I gues to all of you are. 1) Do you think due to her trauma that she does care she just doesn't know how to deal with what's going on. 2) why can't I let it go and why do I keep trying to fight for her back. I would love to be friends with her, after all she was my best friend. There is a feeling I have that makes me feel uneasy and sad. What can I do about these feelings, and what could I do to get her back or let her go?
Please help if you can.

Since I don't know the whole story, hers and yours, I can only say what I think. In my opinion, she is playing games with you. She is probably just seeking out male attention anyway she can get it, which often happens with abuse survivors. I would guess that when she is alone, lonely, or bored, she texts you as her old standby. When she is back in the presence of someone else she likes, she completely disregards you and your feelings.

She will continue to use you as a back up, if you continue to let her. Not only are you allowing her to use you, you are enabling her bad behavior. You are willing to take her back at any given moment regardless of how poorly she treats you, makes you co-dependent. That means you are both better off without one another, and you both have issues to work on.

Stop all contact with her, and get busy building a life you enjoy with out her. It takes time and you have to stay busy.

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Originally Posted by Radium

She cheated on me once, but we worked through that.

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She stayed the same and you accepted it and took her back. That is not working through it. Plus she cheated on you so she isn’t worth your time anymore.

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Originally Posted by Radium

Then we got back together, things seemed ok. Then she stopped having sex and being intimate with me.

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So you were a convenience for her, not a person she was interested in.

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Originally Posted by Radium

When she was little she was sexually abused by a family memeber from the time she was 11 till she was 18.

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If true, and give her ability to lie to you, that’s a big if, but if true that’s sad. That’s also not your problem. If she needs help for that, then her using you and you abusing yourself will not help either of you.

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Originally Posted by Radium

She says she is not in love with me and that there is not hope of it happening. I still think of her daily and she was my best friend. I beleive that there was somthing between us. It was love.

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It wasn’t. It was a game. It was a way to toy with you. She even told you, so I don’t have to.

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Originally Posted by Radium

I also beleive that due to her being abused that it has caused her to not become intimate with anyone, even herself. She just does not know who she is.

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Well you can’t help her find herself. Only she can do that.

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Originally Posted by Radium

1) Do you think due to her trauma that she does care she just doesnt know how to deal with whats going on.

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I don’t know if I believe her. She controls you through making you feel bad for her, so what’s to stop her from making up this story so that you feel bad for her, try to do nice things for her, and she never has to put out. And that’s exactly what happened.
Let’s assume it is true that she was abused. How is punishing yourself going to help her? How is it going to get you into a relationship with her?

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Originally Posted by Radium

2) why can't i let it go and why do i keep trying to fight for her back. I would love to be friends with her, after all she was my best friend. there is a feeling i have that makes me feel uneasy and sad. What can i do about these feelings, and what could i do to get her back or let her go?
Please help if you can.

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Quite honestly, you have to quit talking, texting, emailing or contacting her in any way. You need to remove her from your life because she doesn’t put anything positive into it. In fact she drains life from you, as you would probably agree with me on. So drop her and then grieve for a little bit and then start making yourself happy again.