I've been with my boyfriend a year now and we've been living together for a while. I'm 18 and he's 20. A couple of weeks before I moved in with him, we had a 6 day break up in January because of a rumour that eventually got sorted out. Anyway, about 4 months ago (June), I found out that during them 6 days, he'd sent a picture of his c*** to another girl, and then she'd told him she wanted to sleep with him and so she turned up at his house and they apparently just talked about me and him getting back together (he also commented on all her Facebook pictures of her bending over that week too). Also, I found out that he'd gone clubbing and his friend had met these three girls and had persuaded them to come to my boyfriends house because apparently the girls had 'no where to sleep that night'.
My boyfriends friend decided to cheat on his long term girlfriend with one of the girls he'd met in town at my boyfriends house. The two other girls were sisters, and one of them my boyfriend once fancied but she left early. So, my boyfriend and his friend said that my boyfriends friend slept with the other girl in the other bedroom whilst my boyfriend and this girl slept in my boyfriends room. Even though everyone told me she slept on the floor the whole night and that they never did anything...
Anyway, when we got back together after the 6 day breakup, (I didn't know anything had happened back then), I moved in, and found loads of jewellery on the shelves and my boyfriend quickly through them away and I didn't think anything of it (as he said they were his friends girlfriends) and there were *** stains on the bed sheets and my boyfriend said they were his friends and that girls when his friend cheated. But, when I later found out, his friend had slept with her in the spare bed in the other room! I'm so confused!
So, I asked everyone there that night if he cheated and at first they said yes just to wind me up because I told my boyfriends friends girlfriend that his friend had cheated on her and so they wound me up out of spite. But, then when they all changed their story and said he didn't cheat and that they lied because of me telling on his friend.
I'm writing this today because last night, my friend (who happens to fancy me) told me that a while back, my boyfriend and his friend were bragging to him about sleeping with them girls, but the dates don't add up from what he was telling me.

Please help me anyone, I'm so confused because I'm in love with my boyfriend and I know he really isn't the type to cheat, but everything is so puzzling! :'( thank you for reading x

Well technically he didn't cheat because you were broke up for six days but he should have been honest and say he had sex. He should man up if he truly loves you but since you were broken up in those six days he didn't really cheat. If he loves you he will let you know the truth. Honesty is best even though the truth can hurt. Lies end up hurting worst.

With all these drama and confusion, and everyone so deep in your business I would be confused too. BUT, if you were broken up, he didn't cheat, and that's why its better to talk it out, or cool off a few days before you officially end things, because it saves a lot of problems later.

I think the real question is whom do you trust?

We did not break up though, we were still together but having some space :/

Doesn't matter what you call it, what was the agreement between you?

That we would meet up and talk every now and again. Through that time and still love each other. So I don't understand why he did all this and why nothing else adds up when we were still basically together, just giving space.

Unless you had specifically defined space and the rules of good behavior, then he was free to do whatever he wants, or that's obviously what he thought. I guess neither of you asked if they were free to date others, so with such a vague thing as space, easy to see he thought he was free to do as he pleased.

That's often the case when couples don't communicate, or at least ask what the partner means. Whose idea was it to have some space?

If it was yours, why did you not make your meaning clear? I can bet neither of you asked what you were up to during this space thing and he never bothered to mention it. I would be highly upset with that lack of truth. Somebody would have some explaining to do big time, because I would feel led on.

I would also be of the mind of showing them what real space was, by getting rid of someone that kept secrets, that I was the ONLY one that DIDN'T know. Just me.

It was mine, yes. But I did tell him that we couldn't see anyone else as it was only 6 days and that's just ridiculous to move on that quick after we love each other.
But when we met up to talk, he told me he did nothing with anyone at all and didn't mention anything about all this so I thought for months after moving in that nothing happened so I'm not sure.
I just want to know if he did sleep with this girl and the girl he sent the photo to
Because his best friend of 20 years told me (the one who was there that night) that he cheated but only out of spite because I told his girl he cheated on her. So my boyfriend didn't talk to him for months and was heartbroken that his best friend had lied what should I think?

If you are to confused as to who to believe, step back from everyone and decide for yourself whether he is worth all this drama and confusion. What would be your reaction if you did find out the truth?

Has he been a good boy since then, since this happened a while ago?Only you can decide what you want to do, if its best for you or not. I think you are around to many people you can't trust, including your boyfriend. Maybe you need a break from them all.

Thank you so much for all your answers by the way.

I get what you mean he's been good in most ways, but I did find messages of a girl flirting with him and then he added a 'sex on webcam' girl on hotmail. Even though he said it was a virus added, which I understood because I get them all the time but it still got me thinking.

When I shouted at him yesterday for the girl who slept 'on his floor' thing, he started crying and still says nothing happened with anyone because he was too upset over me, and my boyfriend never cries.

I just need everyone to read about the events during the 6 days and give your opinion on if he did really do anything physical with them, and I know you don't know my boyfriend but he doesn't seem the type as he shows he loves me and always does and is always there for me and just really doesn't seem the type, I can't explain it.

I think you are afraid to trust him, and need some reassurance.

I do.

Where do I find it? I've tried everything possible, talked to everyone possible and have gotten nowhere.

What do you want to do? Either believe him, or don't. Make a decision.

Okay, well from what you've read, what do you believe happened? I need some other people's opinions on this too

I'm really self-conscious about myself and my boyfriend's past isn't helping at all! I've been with my boyfriend a year now and currently live with him. The thing is, I've put on weight and it shows more because I'm really small too. I also have a lot of stretchmarks all around my breasts, which aren't a pretty sight to look at. I cut my hair short and realised it doesn't suit me and that adds on to the mess.

Reason I am asking for advice for this is because my boyfriend has posters of glamour models (he took them down to make me feel a bit better but still has them in the garage) and he still looks at other stunning girls like celebrities and glamour models and whoever has the really skinny big boobs kind of body. He used to watch porn behind my back, until I caught him so he's apparently stopped, but the thing is, he wasn't watching sex porn, he was watching videos with titles such as 'sexy tattooed slut fingering herself' and other ones of just really stunning girls rubbing themselves, yet he told me he got turned on by the actions involved, not the girl :S ? Confused.

I don't want you to dislike my boyfriend completely because he does reassure me that he loves everything about me and tries to make me feel better, he just gives off the impression he wants to glamour model or slut!

Another BIG insecurity has appeared because I found out almost everyone who he's slept with or been with and most are complete Slags, although they are the skinny, big boobed person as per!

I just don't know whether to leave my boyfriend about this :/ I love him to bits but I'm also afraid he'll get someone really pretty after me, which will just make me want to cut off my own skin (I'm not psycho, that's just an extreme idea of my feelings lol)!

I'm just soooooo down on myself! I feel like I need to become a really skinny slut to make his eyes pop out of his head! I just want to be normal again, this has become too much, it's even made me want to kill myself before!

Please help me, I'm trapped and need advice :'(

I might say that you are over thinking about the situation at hand. Come on, you hair will grow back, if you have gained wait you can work out..
Your boyfriend loves you for who you are. And even married guys watch porn.
As long as he loves you, honest and loyal to you, nothing to worry about. Take a look in the mirror, and be proud, because he loves you.

thank you for answering :)

I understand he loves me and everything, it just hurts that he gets attracted to all the glamour models and sluts and pretty girls and stuff when he's with me, because he seems to be more attracted to people like that because his eyes pop out more for them than they do for me (I dressed up a couple times during sex and he just doesn't seem bothered, yet his eyes pop out at them) :/

Another thing is that, he hasn't slept with all of them, but before he got with me, no exaggeration here, he's been with/being seeing/flirted/exchanged naked pictures with MOST attractive girls round our town :( some even models, and from what I've seen on their pictures/emails, he's gave them a lot more compliments about their looks than he ever has me, when he's been with me a year!

I know I'm going off on one lol but for example, He'd commented on a girl (who he knew) picture of her with her boobs covered with her hand and they other hand in her knickers and he'd put 'gorgeous babe ;) xxx' and all he's ever put on mine (been with him a year now) is 'nice pic x' :/

I don't get why he's with me at all :'(

You could remove every dirty picture, make him promise to never look at porn again, put a blindfold on him when you are out in public, cancel the TV service, have him sign his signature to an agreement that he'll never look at another woman, in blood, before witnesses, and declare his devotion to you and only you, by way of a huge 1/4 page ad in the local newspaper, and still you are left with the problem.

The problem being that even if you were the only woman he looked at, he would not like what he saw, because you do not like who you are.

He chose you, over a big boobed skinny woman, which he could have had probably. He chose you, the whole kit and caboodle. You. The person. Not you- hoping you can change into a different person. He didn't choose you thinking that, well... with a boob job and 26 workouts a week at the gym, and a diet of lettuce for a year- she might be okay. He chose you.

Seems as though he thinks far more of you, than you do yourself. And you put him in an awkward position of dealing with a woman who has no self esteem, and a low confidence level- even thinking she has to torture herself to find something in common with poster women who have been airbrushed. Why would you do that to him, and why, more importantly, do you undermine yourself.

If you "don't feel good enough for him" as you say, turn that around and put the reality where it belongs. You don't feel good enough- for you. It has nothing to do with him. He doesn't have a problem with you. You have a problem with you.

Before you steer this relationship into the nearest toilet, try to realize that the position you have put yourself in, is because of insecurity. On the surface, it is your weight, or your cup size, or your haircut. But that is not the reason.

Until you get yourself into counselling, and figure out why you externalize your 'problems' onto other people and things (the porn stars, the poster girls) to satisfy a need you have, not to allow yourself, to accept yourself as you are.

Otherwise, these fears, will ruin this relationship, and every other relationship, because you will carry the same problems you have with yourself, every time.

Hi,Mozzarellaa,

I know this must be a real pain,but to be truthful I think they are just watching out for you.
To them being "old school" they think that 18 is very young in their eyes your just a child,so they continue to try and protect you which actually would be quite sweet if they just didn't cause so much trouble.

They are your Grandparents, so with respect are getting on in years. I wonder have they lived in their house for many years! Also in the same town, if this is the case, it could simple be that everyone knows them and they know everyone else. The minute someone sees you where ever you may be, I suspect that all the "mr & mrs Browns" tell the "mr&mrs Jones" who then tell the "mr & mrs smiths" etc.. etc... get the idea. So eventually it comes back to your Grandparents.

(Might I just add... no dis-respect intended to any people bearing the names of.. Jones,Browns,or smiths)

I wouldn't trip on that. All that stuff is in your head.

Ive gone from chubby to thin.
Dated girls all shapes & sizes.

I had posters of girls. Directed shoots, read magazines, whatever. I love women.
I like what's inside the best. Confidence. The real stuff. Personality.

True people love you for you. That's that. Whether a boyfriend or friend.

Beauty is yours, no one else's.
Not mine, or his.

I don't know what to think or do!
My boyfriend stopped watching porn ages ago because he knew how much it was hurting me.
We've been together a year and live together.
Even though I don't do this, he knows I'm very good at computers/hacking etc so if he deleted his history, he knew I could get it back if I wanted.

Recently, I noticed two 'cam girls' added to his hotmail account. One called Jess Smith and the other called Horny B****. I asked him who they were and he said they were just spam viruses (you do get a lot on hotmail sometimes) and that he never added them. They weren't viruses though, but real people paid to turn guys on by webcam. A big argument happened the day I asked him about it. Anyway, I forgot about this until the other day when his old hotmail from nearly a year ago was reactivated and these same girls were on that account and he admitted that when he was single years ago, him and his friends used to add people like that just for the laugh.

What caught my attention was that in a moment of anger, I retrieved his deleted recent adds and it said that 'attempts to add Jess Smith' and showed he'd tried to add her or she'd tried to add him 6 times!

I'm confused! He doesn't use his hotmail for chatting to friends but just business. He has me and his guy friend on there now, just the two of us, but about a month ago now it showed these two girls on his friends list.

I go to bed early for college whilst he stays up late playing on World of Warcraft and whenever I sneak downstairs, he's on World of Warcraft so I'm confused because he's not doing anything wrong whenever I sneak down. I've tried talking to him countless times about these girls but it always ends up in an argument about me not trusting him and snooping.

What should I think? He hasn't had any girls on his hotmail after he deleted them.

OMG Mozzie, are you going to keep living in fear, or just tell the guy how you feel before you drive yourself crazy every time you find a reason to not trust him??

Trying to catch him cheating is plain crazy and you shouldn't even be in a relationship with someone you have to always try to catch him in something.

You shouldn't even be in a relationship if you cannot control your own fears. Or have not healed from past hurts.

That's not love, nor is it healthy.

Okay Skimmed through the thread. Here is a theory. The more you accuse him of sleeping with other people. The more you show that you do not trust him. The more fear and paranoia you develop. When combined all these things and searching for everything possible in trying to catch him doing something wrong. Guess what your pushing him away. It is like you want to push him away and keep him at a safe distance for some reason. Maybe you were driving him crazy and actually wanting a reason to blame him for something to get out of a relationship that you are not comfortable in?

Eventually you are going to do so much damage in your relationship for your behaviour that eventually you might just push him into the arms of another women at some point. Then you can blame him and say what a horrible person he is and end it. Then you got your wish and your worst fears came true. Who would be blamed for this?

So in ending either you want to be in this relationship or not.
Either you trust him or not.
Remember no one is perfect but stop looking for trouble.

We do not know if he slept with anybody else or not. Only he knows the truth. It is up to you to believe him or not. None of us can say if he did or did not. It sounds though that your desperate and keep pushing for answers from anybody and everybody even people who does not have the answers.

The only person that truly knows is your boyfriend and if he says he did not do it. It is up to you if you believe him or not. So what is it?

You probably should also read my other questions for a bit more detail about our relationship, e.g. how long we've been together etc.

We were still together but I stayed at my Aunts for 6 days to give us a little breather, and I recently found out that he was talking to this other girl behind my back but only friendly talk, no flirting.

Anyway, I found out most things about this, so I'll list them in order now;
1. She said to him through text that she wanted to sleep with him and he apparently replied 'thanks' with no flirting
2. So he sent her a picture of his privates and she replied 'nice!'
3. I later found that on the same day he commented on pictures of her bending over and with her breasts hanging out on Facebook and when I confronted him, he said it's because she looked pretty in the and didn't comment because of the breasts/***
4. They hadn't even met before, so they decided to meet up at the end of his road and take her back to his as she didn't know where he lived.
5. He told me when he met her he thought she was ugly and looked nothing like her pictures, and that's all he said
6. They're both adamant telling me that all they did was watch a film and then he hugged her goodbye and paid for her taxi home, when I confronted them both.

I'm leaving him because of this, I mean, I you have time, read my other question 'did he cheat' and see what else he did within the week. Should I stay? Or should I go?

I really want your opinion on what you think REALLY happened, thank you :)

Leave him, If he has time to send pics of his "area" then he should have time to find another girl :)

I believe that if you think that is cheating, then he has cheated. You can either forgive, forget, and try to regain trust, or break up and try to redo your life with someone who is not going to try to be hooking up with females every time you are not home.

I agree... if it is cheating in your mind, it is cheating. Whether anyone else thinks it is cheating, is beside the point. Do you want to be with someone who would be that involved with someone in just a few days of your being away? If she were going to be sleeping on the floor, why not sleep on the floor in the other room, or on the sofa? I'd put some of his actions beyond innocent flirting.

If it had been a situation of your relationship actually ending, and you both were aware of that, that would be one thing. He does whatever he wants to, as it would be no concern of yours. If it was a situation of still being a couple, but taking some time to think on things, that would be entirely different.

I guess you could make arguments one way or the other whether he cheated but... In my opinion, he isn't worth being with. If a 6 day breather had him doing things like that, it really makes me wonder what he would do normally. On top of that, it appears that you believe he cheated so, in effect, he did cheat.

I think you are way better off not having to deal with him at all. Let him find someone that will put up with his crap.

I also think its time for you to let him go before he drives you crazy with his ways with other females. Go now, not tomorrow.

I agree, he sounds like a waste of your time, energy & heart.

You already know, I think.

Imagine a life without snooping...

He did cheat, I found out tonight :'( thank you for all your answers anyway

I'm so sorry to hear that. You can do better, I know you can.

Take care.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mozzarellaa

he did cheat, I found out tonight :'( thank you for all your answers anyway

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So very sorry... it will get easier in time. It has nothing to do with you, what you look like, whether you have gained weight, etc. It is a flaw in his character. He has shown several times now, by his actions and his lies, that he is not worthy of your love or trust.

It may not seem like it right now, but you will find someone who is worthy. Surround yourself with your friends and family until that time comes.

I'm sorry.

As much as it hurts & sucks, now you know that you deserve better.

There's no reason to be w/someone that lies & looks elsewhere.

Take this time now to regroup, hang w/loved ones.

Don't let this get you down. Its actually a sign that there are better things ahead.

Keep posting if you need a hand. Anytime.

I don't know stains on the sheets and he lying saying his friend slept in there but really he did, people only lie when they trying to hide something, I'd say he basically caught for the simple fact he lying.

Update:

Found out he cheated on me with 4 girls, including the girls I had suspicions about on my questions. Also, I found out he'd attempted to cheated with another 3 girls, but never got round to it.

I'm putting this to help others realise that love is blind, and to not wonder what happened, but look at the realistic point of what could've happened :)

He sounds like a pig. I hope you realize that in the long run, you will be better off without someone like that.

Take care and good luck to you.