So my girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year and a half now. We love each other very much, and we spent a lot of time together. Things had been going really well until the start of this summer. My girlfriend started claiming I didn't like her as much anymore which couldn't be farther from the truth. I would do anything for her.

Anyway, we went on vacation and she would get mad if I was spending too much time with my brother/brother in law. Not a big deal, but I did start spending more time with her. Well as the summer went on I was working in the evenings while she worked days. I would bring her lunch sometimes and things were good. Then in July she started hanging out with her friends. A lot. She would go swimming with another girl, and like 5 other high school guys, two of which have liked her before. I got a jealous, and we would have a light argument about it from time to time.

Then school came. I was going to be a sophomore in college and she was going to be a freshman at the same college. I'm not like a lot of college guys, I don't party, drink, etc. My freshman year I spent EVERY weekend driving an hour home to hang out with her, because she was still in high school. She was glad I didn't go out and party because she didn't have to worry. Well this year things started OK but then she wanted to go out and go to parties. I got mad and said no. I told her I never went to parties my freshman year, so why should she get to. We fought a lot.

This went on for a few weekends until she had enough. She wanted to take a break. I had a lot of time to think, and I believe I had been too harsh. I was too selfish and too controlling. We've been on a break for 2 weeks but we've seen each other about 7-8 of those days. She asked to hang out with me and I asked to hang out with her.

We didn't talk about the break. We just had fun, and I was helping her study. We even fell asleep together one night. I apologized and told her things would change in a note. I was acting like her ex-boyfriend who was a complete d-bag. Right before she went home this weekend she said "this hasn't been much of a break, has it?" I said no. She left and we haven't talked since then.

So now I'm completely lost on what to do. I gave up all of my weekends my freshman year to see her. I've apologized, and said I will change. I have no doubt about that. I was a guy who thought I didn't need friends, I only needed her. So that led to us spending every night together. I realize now that sometimes I need guy time and she needs girl time. Its funny because like I said earlier this summer she thought I wasn't spending enough time with her.

Well basically I love her so much, and I don't want to lose her. What do I do this week? Any reassurance if this has happened to you? Thanks for taking the time to read this.

One more thing, there is not another guy involved.

And sorry for the wall of text. I was going to edit it but I guess I can't.


Edited/T

For now, take some guy time and build a social life for yourself that you enjoy. Seems as though you have tied everything to being with her and not taken full advantage of exploring your own world, or yourself.

When your whole self worth is wrapped up in a female, my friend, you are in danger of being lost in knowing who you are. This is your chance to find yourself. TAKE IT!

This is actually one of the first posts I have seen where the OP (you) acknowledges his mistakes and realizes his wrong-doings. I really can't pick you apart for how controlling and obsessive you were because you already realize that and are willing to change. That right there is the biggest step. Realizing there is a problem, accepting the problem, and the willingness to change the problem.

However, there are a few things I still have to say before I give you my advice.

1. It may or may not be too late for you to change. I guess you'll find out when you see her again. My point is if she does get back with you, stick to your word about change. Don't abuse second chances because smart girls aren't giving you many (if any).

2. Breaks? Breaks are a sign that something is quite right in the relationship. The biggest thing you need to do is sit her down and discuss this "break" and it's terms and conditions. Does this mean she is free to sleep around, or is it a mental/physical break. Either one is bad because when you're truly in love, you don't need a break from your loved one.

My advice:

Let her go. Have her break under the condition you have discussed the terms of this break. Take some guy time and pamper yourself with things you like to do for once. Clear your head, who knows you just might realize a thing or two on this "break" too.

I know for a fact she isn't going to sleep around. We were each others firsts and were both not like that. I realize I was stupid. Thank you for your answer. Any advice on how to let her know I've changed? Anyone have any other advice on the whole situation?

First let me respond by saying don't act like you ever know a person 100%. I made that mistake and I lost a fiancé and a best friend due to it. (not hard to figure out what happened there)

Second, as much as you want to communicate to her and express how much you're willing to change, you shouldn't. Obey her wishes on the break, it's what she asked for and it's what you should do, not only for her but for you too. Make your time productive and worth-while and express your feelings of change once communication is reestablished.

Let me tell you a story. I want to because I am not much older than you and I have a similar story. (super short version)

I was engaged. I was her first. She was not mine. We started fighting more frequently. Took a break. She started sleeping with my best friend. I didn't know. We got back together. Dated for another 2 years. Didn't find out until we were broken up.

Point of my story is to never assume anything.

Ohhh I was with you bro

Right up until the point you said well I didn't go to party's so why should you

Big big mistake there esshhk

You do know that not all people are the same as you said your not like most guys
Which honestly I think is a very admiral quality good on you.
But don't force that down anyone's throat.


I think you're a good guy you have seen your mistakes now you just got to work on yourself

The best advice I can give

Never ever make your girlfriends life your life!
Because you will become so depended on her and will alienate all the potential friends you could have made.

Always have your own life and if you bring a girlfriend into that let her come along for the ride with you and do it together.

So for now go no contact get out more and remember the mistakes of this relationship

You have to figure she, unlike you, wants to party, and have a great time with friends, like all young people do, who have their first taste of freedom from parents, and being away from home. You may as well let her, because she will do it with, or without you. You don't have to tell her, or convince her you have changed, she will see that for herself, but first you have to do as she asked and let her do her thing her way, without the begging, pleading, needy kid stuff.

As IT said though, never assume what others will do when you have no control over them. People can change in many ways and for many reasons, so don't hurt yourself assuming, and presuming anything. Just accept the high school teen has grown into a woman, and respect it, no matter what YOU want.

At your ages, enjoy the moments, because the future is a ways away, and to far for plans.

Well I have come down off my "high horse" recently haha. I did tell her I would love to go to parties with her and stuff, and that I understand she needs to go out with her girl friends too. Thanks for the input. Ill take all the help I can get.

Good luck :) I wish I was your age again -_-

One more part to the story. We both live in the same dorm, and I work at the front desk when I'm not at class. Ive been leaving her notes over the past two weeks (like 5 notes total) and dumb little presents that wouldn't mean anything to anyone except her. I know, kind of lame and childish. Anyway, last week while we were still on 'break' we were hungry so we shared some chicken noodle soup. It was her last can. Im thinking about buying another can and putting like a 2 sentence note on it. Apparently she really liked the other notes, but they obviously didn't work because were still on a break. Do I gve her the can with the note or no?

Stop :) right there

You are reading too much into things and way way over examining everything
Keep on like that and you will never heal or be able to move on and be on a break
Because right now.. she is on a break from you

You are not on a brake from her.

Stop all the notes stop everything
Go no contact let her come to you

I know it's hard but right now. Your looking and acting like a hurt lost puppy
Stop it
If I had a rolled up news paper I would roll it up and for NO!

Haha all right thank you very much. I know everyone has problems and I appreciate you taking the time to help me with mine. NC it is. If anyone wants to tell me anythig else ill gladly listen.

I just want you to realize that at the age you're at now, anything can change. As I told you my story earlier, nothing is guaranteed.
What I wanted in high school was different then what I wanted once I hit 22. People change, that's life, accepting this and the possibility of losing her will make the impact not as rough.

Am I saying you will lose her? Of course not, but you assume too much with too little to go on.

A break (albeit unhealthy) is still a break and needs to be treated like one. NC from here on out will give you both the time you need to pay attention to yourselves.

Stepping away from the world for a moment often reveals the things we have over looked. Take this time and you will realize what belongs and what doesn't.

No more notes, no more soup.

This wasn't serious. You had your fun, now split.
Let her be.

Don't make it serious after the fact.

NC, baby, you were right about that. Do it.

No time for a broken heart.

What am I assuming? Serious question. I don't know.

Nothing. You know what they say about assuming...

"NC it is."

I say yeah.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by siiimmons

What am i assuming? Serious question. I dont know.

---

You assume that there's no chance she'll sleep around on this "break".
You assume that the mere fact that you're willing to change will bring her back and give you that second chance.

Holding on to this hope will drive you to never let go of her. To be honest it's what you need to do. If it's meant to be, it will be. Until then NC and enjoy your time (whatever way you see fit).

You assume she wants what you do, a future together when all indications are she lives for the moment, not the far future. She is exploring her options which is what a break is about.

Everyone who gets dumped never understands what's going on and assumes if they ex is nice, its just a phase, but just because you have been demoted to the friend zone, an become an option, instead of a priority, doesn't mean it goes back to the way it was after this phase.

That in itself is an assumption that keeps you stuck, and waiting.

New twist. As I was typing my responses last night my mom starts texting me. She starts telling me that I need to tell my girlfriend she needs to make a decision by tomorrow. I say no, I'm just going to wait it out. What I didn't know is that my girlfriend (ex I guess) was about to text me to come hang out after I got off work.

As she was about to send the text my mom texted her! She told her to stop stringing me along, and making me feel like crap. Now this is crazy of my mom. She's a high school counselor, and has always liked this girl. So the next day my ex asks me to talk. She tells me how she is still in love with me. She also tells me how she was crying last night about us an how she was about to text me until mom texted her.

Needless to say I was pretty ticked at my mom. So my ex and I talk and she tells me she can't be with me if my family hates her. I leave to go to class. We talk a little more after class and I help her with a paper. She leaves for her class and I text her saying "this isn't about my family, your family, my friends, or your friends. Its about me and you. I love you". She replies "thanks Ethan. I love you too" that was the end of that.

She then texts me at 1 am and asks me how my B ball game went. I didn't reply till this morning. Advice? Oh and if a mod wants to edit this go ahead. I typed it on my iPhone and couldn't scroll up to reread.

Yeah OK.

Your mom was trying to protect you don't be angry at her.

She was right your still being led around after all this, the only thing that has happened is that you are just more confused than you were..
You know why moms are normally right is because they have been there before and have a few more years on you ;)

So OK you are going to go back to no contact tell your mom that your intentions was right but your actions was a little wrong let me deal with my problems

And that brings me to my next point actions speak louder than words but what has she done? She says she can't be with you because of your family?
Who says that?

You need to get rid of this women in your life

Remember girlfriends come and go but family stays.

Can't say this enough stick to no contact tell your mom to do the same

I won't address this deal with your mom, but there is no reason for her to use that for an excuse, or you to allow her to lead you around, thinking she will change her mind. That's not even showing love on your part.

I think you leave her alone, just so you keep your dignity, and self respect. Your mom should have told you that, not her.

Yes.

Don't diss your Mom. She wants what's best for you. Probably doesn't like seeing you miserable. Can't blame her.
Wrong of her to text her, though. Bad for you.

Tell your Mom you are going NC for good. Way better.

Maybe your Mom will follow your example.

Stop texting your ex. Avoid her. Stop.

You are acting like you are in elementary school.

Awww...