I am 21 years old and been single for 2 years after a 3 year long breakup with a girl that cheated on me. I am fortunately/maybe unfortunately a really nice guy who knows what he is looking for in a girl. I went to hang out with some of my friends this last week not intending to meet anyone or anything like that, but then when we met up there was a gorgeous girl with them that I had briefly met in the past. I knew from the moment she showed up that I wanted to get to know this girl better and soon found out that she was the same way! She was all about me that night and was hanging all over me and gave me her number and it was such an amazing time.

The next day went much the same and she was super excited to start talking with me and getting to know me although we live 4 hours apart. I was feeling the same way and we were both pretty open with our feelings towards each other even only after a couple days. She said she wanted to take it slow though because she has been hurt in the past by going too fast (which I have too). She also mentioned that her last couple relationships weren't great one that included a boyfriend of 3 years who cheated... so I agreed and said we would take it slow.

We talked constantly for 2 days straight after the weekend about serious things and not so serious things and about where we wanted this to go and were planning on hanging out the next 2 weekends. Then all of the sudden on day 3 after the morning of talking she just up and quits talking to me after telling me she has been thinking about some things in her past lately but she won't tell me what they are because "she knows i like her".I have no idea what is going on and after several hours of nothing I decide I should talk to her and find out.

I talk to her to ask her if whatever had happened earlier in the day was affecting our status... she responds by saying that "I just need some time to myself." So I asked her if she needed me to back off and leave her alone for a bit. She said "yes i just have a lot going through my mind and need to sort through things." then proceeds to tell me "ill talk to you when i can" since this was all pretty overwhelming and unexpected to me I asked her then if what she had been telling me and chatting with me about the last few days and the way she acted towards me was real... she responded that it was all real. That is the last I've heard from her in well I guess its been a day now, but I want to respect her and give her space so that maybe she comes back and starts talking to me again and even though it was only a few days this is harder to do than I could ever have imagined this girl is pretty much exactly what I was searching for. Almost perfect for me!!

Idk what to do now... what do you think is going on? Should I just sit back and wait until she gets ahold of me or should I try getting ahold of her and saying we should slow it down even more and just be friends for a while and talk as friends. If anyone has advice I'm sure open to listening to it! Thank you!

I don't understand why young people today meet and then immediately plunge into a "relationship."

so i agreed and said we would take it slow. we talked constantly for 2 days straight
How is that taking it slow?

I am 21 years old and been single for 2 years after a 3 year long breakup with a girl that cheated on me.
So you were 15 or 16 and had this passionate relationship with another teen for three years? Neither of you dated around or know anything about anyone else? Of course, she cheated on you. She wanted to get to know other guys and not be stuck with the first guy she went out with. Did you date then while you were "single"?

Back up the bus. The next time you meet someone you want to get to know, don't talk about love and the future and "where is this going to go?" and "our relationship." Just date and have fun and talk about life and work and yourself. You're only 21, for Pete's sake.

First thing boy, you never know who's perfect for you unless you complete lyknow that person, even then you don't know. You can't read anyone's mind just by a single approach. The first impression might always be great but you never know.

As you said she's been hurt after her boyfriend cheated on her, with whom she's been 3 years. It might that she ain't in any rush to be in a new relationship, even friends. Because she knows you already like her.

As per your message above seems like she's been pretty open to you. She's probably given a second thought about you two being together and which turns out not exactly what you expected.

It's pretty hard for anyone who's been in a long relationship to move into another, they say "time heals", which anyone on here will agree with. Just give her some more time.

Send her a text or call her, tell her that you understand that she ain't feeling secure after all that happened in her past. You'll be there for her whenever she needs you. And if for whatever reason you feel like you're out of the picture by the way she reponds to you then go NC: no contact.

"IF" she calls or texts you on her own, then you may assume that you're still in but.. don't just try being romeo.. take it easy. Don't ever make her remember her old life; her and her boyfriend. Make her laugh,joyful all the time. Make her realise that there's a better world beyond those walls. Be there for her.

Making friends and hanging out, just not staying idle and think about the past is the greatest heal to anyone with a broken..

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Originally Posted by huskerfan_12

I am fortunately/maybe unfortunately a really nice guy who knows what he is looking for in a girl.

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Does this mean that you are picky?

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Originally Posted by huskerfan_12

should i just sit back and wait til she gets ahold of me or should i try getting ahold of her and saying we should slow it down even more and just be friends for a while and talk as friends.

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As mentioned above I think that you SHOULD sit back and wait until she get a hold of you. Keep putting pressure on her and she will flee further. You have to realize though that your need for attention is seeming very desperate of you which is a turn off for several females. She may be having some problems or may have a lot of things on her mind but it does not justify her just cutting conversation off with you. Also, you need to realize that you don't really know much about this girl and there is no way to tell if she actually likes you or if she is playing around because she is from out of town. Take things slow, you are talking and feeling as if you have been with this girl a much longer period than 4 days. So, relax, and do whatever you did before you meet her, let things unfold with her as they will.

Good Luck,
Javi

Thank you for the advice mmresd. I have some things that I like to find in the girls I date and so I guess if that makes me picky then yes, but I don't really think I am that picky, but when you feel that spark then you know there is something right about it.

Anyway she loves attn. (she told me that herself) so I guess we were giving and a lot of attn. both ways and mayb I did come off as desperate but I sure hope not... I think you bring up good points though and I think my ultimate plan of action will be to send her a text or mayb call her and say some of the things terry said above then if she still pushes me away I will sit back and do what you said about sitting back and relaxing until she gets ahold of me... or do you think I should get ahold of her at all? I'm debating on which way to go... NC right away or NC if she still rejects me.. both of them suck... but it sounds like just what I have to do.

Yeah, if you like her, give her a quick call or text, but if she doesn't respond positively then just let it go. Because if you pursue this too much you will play cat and mouse for a while.

OK thank you for your advice I greatly appreciate it! :) rather than just putting me down or telling me I'm stupid. Lol this happened to me a time before with one other girl but was over a period of about 3 months rather than a few days so I'm just trying not to completely screw this one up too.. I dislike the cat and mouse game so thanks again!

Don't people date a bunch of people any longer? -- like, Susan on Friday night (ice skating) and Tiffany on Saturday afternoon (shopping at the mall plus Wendy's) and Emily on Sunday (church and then a BBQ at a relative's house) and then next weekend one or more of those three plus maybe a new acquaintance with maybe a library date during the week or walking the dog with someone?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Don't people date a bunch of people any longer? -- like, Susan on Friday night (ice skating) and Tiffany on Saturday afternoon (shopping at the mall plus Wendy's) and Emily on Sunday (church and then a BBQ at a relative's house) and then next weekend one or more of those three plus maybe a new acquaintance with maybe a library date during the week or walking the dog with someone?

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Yes most people these days do date multiple people, however, there seems to be a new mentality, which is to date one person, see how it goes and then decide from there. If that one doesn't work on, than on to the next. No offense, but it's not the 1920's nobody dates like that anymore. Welcome to 2011.

She doesn't want a long distance, part time dating, texting, relationship with you. Waiting for her to change her mind about you is just as bad as being stuck on someone that's not as stuck on you.

The whole purpose of dating is to have fun getting to know someone, not to declare love and loyalty. That takes time. Yes you moved way to fast, with this stranger, and now you should really get the dating and friend thing down better, instead of putting all your eggs into a strangers basket. She obviously values her freedom to explore her world, and keep her options open, rather than be tied up in something to hard for her to keep doing. She knew what you wanted, but didn't want the same thing!

That's what she told you, so go back to doing your own thing and let her do hers. Hey, you tried, looked great for a minute, but didn't work out, so why dwell on it??

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Short, fat, skinny, or tall! 18 - 80! Blind, cripple, or crazy.

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Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

No offense, but it's not the 1920's nobody dates like that anymore.

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1920s?? How old do you think I am?

At least, now I understand why marriage and even relationships are in such a mess these days.

Well I think marriage and relationships are a "mess" because women finally stand up for themselves. But that's just MHO. I know you aren't that old WG :) I was just embellishing.

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Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

Well I think marriage and relationships are a "mess" because women finally stand up for them selves. But that's just MHO. I know you aren't that old WG :) I was just embellishing.

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Women have been standing up for themselves since the early 1970s. It was called feminism back then (dark ages). Unfortunately, women still want to be pleasers. That's why there's a "mess."

I still think women are a bit more liberal now. I also think things that were not accepted in the 70's are more socially accepted now. I think even in the 70's, women may have felt empowered, but it was "in the closet empowerment". I will burn my bra, but make sure I am home in time to cook hubby dinner. Now, I am a rare breed with in my peers. My parents are still married. I don't have a jaded view on men, because my mother was always the head of the house hold. For the most part even making more money then my father. But they loved each other and treated each other equally. So feminism, wasn't something I learned over time, it was something I was born with. Just like sneezing is a natural act, so is being an independent woman. I found it shocking when I got into the professional work force and realized, things really don't work this way. Men still have an issue with women and power and working under them, and women still willing to go to great lengths to please their men.

I don't know if this even makes sense, or I am just ranting. Either way I am hijacking this OP's thread :o

To the OP, don't put all your eggs in one basket, you're young. Get out there and meet lots of people. Watch the movie "He's just not that into you" it really goes both ways. Don't settle for anything less then the best. At this early in the game you shouldn't have to worry or wonder what she is up to, and you shouldn't have to change nor expect her to change. After all, if someone needs to change in the first year of dating, then it's not really them you are in love with.

I agree that you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket. Heck, you just met this girl and already you're wondering why she wants to distance herself? It shouldn't matter. You two aren't an item yet. It may well be that you were moving too fast for her, when she clearly stated she wanted to take things slow.

I also agree with Bella. Hubby and I have been together for 21 years, married for 16, and we're equals in our home.

We should start a new thread and discuss this, it's an interesting topic, and I for one would love to discuss it, but not on this thread. :)

It didn't work so I think I will follow the advice of relaxing and living... if I find someone else then I won't hesitate to go for them instead if she decides she wants to talk to me before then I may listen to what she has to say. Thanks for your help though!

I would have liked to have moved slow as well but she wasn't having it so I just went along with the conversations she wanted to have, but I do agree that we moved too fast. But thanks for the response! And its all right I'm pretty sure ill prob just move on.. if she talks to me again then ill cross that bridge when it comes! Thanks again

That's a great out look and attitude Huskerfan. Lots of fish in the sea...

That's the way to look at it. You can see more options and opportunities when you don't get stuck on just one picture.

Not only is there a lot of fish in the sea, but billions of females on the earth! A few of them have to be great for you. Maybe more!! The fun is finding them.

All right interesting turn to this whole deal... she has texted me last night and tonight both first. I didn't try to contact her she texted me at her own will, but she texted me in a way that she is just telling me stuff that is going on in her life and doesn't ask anything about me or act interested... so I try to keep the conversation going for a while but then she texts back with a one word text or something and so I just quit texting... but then sometimes she texts back with another statement about something... im going to guess she may just be trying to drag me along as a "backup" or something. Or mayb she is playing hard to get.. or mayb she is just trying to be my friend?. idk she confuses the heck out of me lol right at this moment I'm not really worrying about it too much it just kind of confuses me and I thought mayb a girl would have a good idea what her strategy is here?

Sounds to me like she's playing games. She wants you to be interested, she doesn't want you to stop trying to contact her, but she's really not that into you.

She can't stand that you may not be into her, so she texts with mundane things, hoping that you'll boost her ego by being desperate. When you start to respond, she posts one word answers. When you stop responding, she texts in order to keep you interested. She needs that ego boost.

That's my take on it, from a women's perspective.

Drop this girl. She'll only continue the games.

I agree, she's just not that in to you. If she texts you, answer her with one word responses, or even better with nothing at all. When she asks why you haven't responded or "what's up" (and she will, ignoring a girl drives us nuts!) just explain you have been really busy, and didn't have the time.

Would you be willing to be just a friend? Would you be able to look past all the "kinda" and "sorta" hints that you previously received, and go forward on only a strictly friend basis? If you like this girl, for who she is, and truly want to get to know her, there is no harm in being her friend.

She has kept you in the friend zone. Sort of like a boyfriend, but no romance, and its better than being bored, and unwanted. As she weans herself off what once was intense feelings, she keeps her options open, and can take up any interest she wants, and since your cool with it, there is no reason for guilt, nor will she miss you since she is free to text, call, or phone, and get a response from you.

Now that you know this, maybe you will see the value of No Contact, and being unavailable to be filled with confusion or false hope. The best thing about NC, is you will not be her emotional tampon, or her "girlfriend", free to cit chat, and chatter with.

NC gives you the chance to do something else besides being tortured by what ever she is doing, and mistaking her emotional farts as LUV signals. Got that? She is making you her g/f with balls!! Don't let her, and don't be mad about it either. She is a female that has no friends, YET!!

Thank you! Sounds very much like what's happening. I find it hard not to text her back but I honestly don't want her as bad as I did a couple days ago because of all the bs she is pulling so ill take your advice. Thanks again!

I am fine being her friend and getting to know her which is what I would have liked at first, but she came on so strong that she got me, but those strong feelings are fading so I could be all right moving forward as just friends and getting to know her... thanks for the advice!