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After 9 years relation my boyfriend needs time to be alone and concentrate on his work.
He's not sure anymore about his feelings.He moved back to his country. We decided to keep contact but he don't do that. It's 2 months ago. I'm waiting to hear him.If we go further with our relation or not?
We had I very nice relation and the same values and goals in live and a lot of love.
I think you need to accept that your relationship is over.
He's not bothering with keeping in touch,so stop waiting for him,and start rebuilding your own life.
Sorry for your loss. This has probably been on his mind for a while.
But,like Amicon wrote, it's time to accept that it's over... to grieve , to heal, to build a life without him.
How cruel to disappear from a long term commitment, with no word for so long. He is doing his thing without you, and you should be doing yours, and realize that as good as you thought things were, he DIDN'T, and left you in complete LIMBO.
Don't just sit and hope he comes back, rebuild your life, so you won't ever be dependent, or hopeful he comes back.
Two months and no word, nothing?? Not something to put up with.
He did not say it is over, needed time for himself and his work.
I think you must come to terms with the fact that a person who moves away,then doesn't get in touch,is a poor excuse for a human being who is too much of a coward to tell you he's breaking up with you.
You need time to heal and get over the horrible way he's chosen to end this.
He has a lot off stress with his work and things did not went how he expected.
He has a lot off his stuff still in the house and we share business intrests.
So for sure we need to talk things out.
And he's a loner.
I can understand a guy being stressed at work, I am a guy, but that doesn't excuse taking it out on you, so stop making excuses for him, and start taking care of YOUR best interests.
Because he is stressed, doesn't excuse bad behavior. Or stressing you out. Got to be a better way to handle himself, don't you think?? Can you even contact him? Do you know exactly where he is at? What he is doing??
I agree with both of T's posts.
I also thought it was terribly rude to just up and leave like that. I'd not do that to someone even after two dates let alone a long term relationship.
To the OP, believing - and even defending - his lame excuses really paint you as being quite dependent on him. I have symphathy but much less so where a person refuses to see the obvious and defends the very same person that has caused them pain. As if the excuses weren't insulting enough, he leaves in such a tasteless and disrespectful manner, heck even I don't like him!
Work, him being a loner (I suppose that means he will never be in a relationship again, right?) are all very silly excuses aimed to get rid of you without actually telling you that. Seriously, I love this person soooo much but I just can't be with her because I have a lot of work on my desk. I suppose married folk are the least busiest people in the world seeing as how they return home most nights?
Turn the lights on and distance yourself from this clown. Trust me, months or years down the line you'll see it too and be glad you did it when you did.
Sounds to me that he's completely given up on the relationship regardless of how he said he wants time for himself.
After 9 years, you should have a very strong support system for each other. So when times are tough, you lean on each other for strength and not disappear from each other's lives.
Telling you that he needs time to himself is letting you down easy. Actions speak louder than words. He's disappeared for 2 months, if you really loved someone, wanted to be with them and they wanted to be with you, would you really disappear from their lives?
I think is pretty clear for him breaking up with you if he hasn't said anything in over 2 months... Live your life and stop waiting for someone who told you he needed space and went to another country.
Good luck,
Javi
He left me some emails but no words about the relation only about a money issue.
You have to know we were like soulmates. So it is very weird for me to see his behouvior now.
But he had very difficult to speak about his feelings before
Yes I know his address. But he don't take my calls or text message or mails.
Ans last time he said we see each other soon. You don't say that if you want to break-up? No?
Look back on Iwish's original post.
That says it all.
It seems to me that you have lived a long time living his life, not yours. Different agendas, master & slave. Hanging on.
Now its time to break free.
You can't take back the time, but you can live free, as all. Without fear or misdirection.
Be happy now. Go NC. Disappear.
I haven't read the other posts, so if I'm repeating what's already been said, I apologize.
Here's the facts.
No one likes to hurt someone. It's a lot easier to say "I need a break" then to say "I want to break up".
You boyfriend doesn't want a break, he's done, moving on. He's just too big a coward to tell you that.
He's not communicating because he's hoping you'll figure out that the relationship is over without him actually having to say it.
This is over. He's done. He just doesn't have the guts to tell you.
Move on. You don't need him.
Shall I trigger him with giving sometime and text message or email?
Or better wait and let hime come to me?
Was that a few months ago he said that? I would tell him if he cannot keep in touch then don't bother coming back. Then I would plan a life without him.Quote:
yes I know his address. But he don't take my calls or text message or mails.
Ans last time he said we see each other soon. You don't say that if you want to break-up? No?
Shall I trigger him with giving sometime and text message or email?
Or better wait and let him to come to me?
Just me, I would be highly offended that he didn't make his intentions know. No communications, no relationship.!
But there is still so much to talk about! I have his stuff in my house ,we have the same bankaccount etc..
Why a person after a very nice relation break all contact?
I would sort out the bank account and protect my money;box his stuff up and move on my life.
ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to amicon again.
Cover Your Own ***, concerning your money. If these things are not important enough for him to contact you about, then use your own judgment, and work in your own interest.
I doubt he is putting any money in the joint accounts, nor has any money in them, so what's to discuss??
Worry about what it is you need to do for yourself right now because he isn't. He is doing for himself!
I agree with the points made above - taking time is one thing, but disappearing for 2 months without a word is a whole different thing. Also - just because he said "see you soon", means absolutely nothing, but having you wait for him wile he is living his life...
When you are soulmates for 9 years and went throw difficult times it is unbelieveble to accept! I still want to see the good in him. Or is this naïve?
You are completely right! And I think also like that. But a break temperaly( I HOpe) after 9 years it is possible. People chance and need something's time for themselves no?
He has all but disappeared;he doesn't get in touch-he's a coward who was too scared to face you and break up with you.
How much longer are you going to wait in limbo,clutching at straws?
Who knows what he's thinking. We can't read his mind. The point now is that you need to worry about yourself. Figure out your money and feelings.
The unanswered questions that you have in your mind are very valid questions, but you're not going to be able to get any answers if he doesn't want to communicate with you. I understand that it's difficult for you to accept that you won't be getting any answers. But you have to set aside these questions so that you can worry about immediate concerns first.
Take this one step at the time. Figure out the immediate issues first. One day you might get the closure that you need from this break up, but it's going to take some time.
The result of 'I need time for myself 'is he had someone else for those months.
Now he say this was the mistake of my life.
He loves me but don't see a future with me.
I still love him and want to forgive him but he don't see it that way.
What can I do?
Leave him alone.
Move on.
It doesn't make sense to invest anymore of your time or heart on someone that doesn't feel the same.
Hes using you.
"He loves me but don't see a future with me"
See? What's the point?
Give up?
Look the writing's on the wall-in c a p I t al s-it's over.
Please let this go and start healing.
He's not worth another minute of your thoughts.
In other words, he went experimenting with another woman while keeping you as the safety net / backup plan.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikiw
Oh look! His experiment failed and he came back to his backup plan.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikiw
What changed? He's still leaving you hanging as the safety net.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikiw
Loving him and wanting to forgive him is one thing. But he obviously doesn't care about you the same way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikiw
Keep him out of your life and continue healing from the break up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikiw
Remind yourself and I will do it for you now too, that you deserve to be treated better than this. You deserve to be with someone who considers you his priority and not a dormat.
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