Threads merged

I have a problem. Me and my ex have been broken up for about a year and a couple months but I still want her back. I haven't gotten over her at all. It seems that my love for her has gone beyond what it should be. I've been doing stuff out of the ordinary for a long time. For example, when I go to sleep, sometimes I wake up with my notebook beside me with a paragraph to even a song written by my hand that wasn't there before. Or I'll watch a movie, no matter how funny or serious it is, there will be a scene that reminds me of her in both a good or a bad way, and end the end I'm hurting cause I don't have her anymore and I don't know if I ever will again.. Please help.

How do I get the love of my life back? We had one of those rare connections and now it's gone. I've found myself doing anything and everything to let go of her. I've done the NO CONTACT, I've been her friend, I've talked to her about it (the odd thing is she tells me that the latest I'd have to wait is 10 years [whatever that means]) I'm scared that in 10 years there will be nothing but more pain do to the false hope and waste of time. With the no contact, it lasted for about 3 months but something didn't feel right, I'm talking about felling bad about anything, it was more like I knew she needed someone or something, and I'm one of the people who know her best and probably the only one who will come running. Every time I've felt that I was right. I'm confused and need help.

Confusion comes with break ups, but your mistake was breaking NC!! Go back to it and stick with it this time, and rebuild a life that you enjoy without her, so you can do your own thing and be happy and let her do whatever she does.

Pretty simple guy, when you get dumped its hard as hell to stick around as a friend, hoping for more. By doing so, you have stopped all your healing, and find yourself stuck on someone, that's not as stuck on you, and unless you change that, YOU WILL STAY CONFUSED, AND MISERABLE.

NO CONTACT again, but this time do it right.

I hope it works. But how do I shake the feeling of something being wrong with her?

It will fade if you let it, and mind your own business. Just because you have a feeling, doesn't mean you HAVE to act on it, does it?

You do have business of your own to mind, if not, that's a problem to be solved.

What was the cause for d breakup? Was it mutual or onesided?is she still available.. asking all facts

There is a thin line between love and obsession, and the two can be easily confused. It seems as if you cannot stop thinking about her. How can you forget something that is constantly on your mind? You need to find distractions from her. First off, as tala said, do NC. Then, if you feel like there is something wrong with her (which is something that I have experienced myself), let it go. How do you shake it? You IGNORE it. You are not psychic and you are in no way emotionally binder to her, so if there is a way that you could know if she was in some type of danger you simply don't have it. So, get over it, go running, work out, concentrate on school an work, and when you have patched yourself up look for someone who wants to be with you. Open your eyes and look at your reality, rather than living in the past, because I guarantee you that she is not feeling the same things you are.

Good luck,
Javi

It was a onesided break up cause of distance, yeah she's still available. I'm going to try my best, cause its not fair to this girl who actually does want me

So go try your best to get her back.but be firm on your decision this time!

But I don't know how to go about doing that

Just contact her and see how things are on her side.. begin talks casually. If she is still interested she will hint it!if not then you hint it! If still no chance just move on! But you will be satisfied that at least you tried.

Whoa, guy leave the ex alone. Lets be clear here. Get your own life together without her, not make it worse by trying to get her back.

That wouldn't be fair to the new girl that likes you either. That's what you deal with first, being honest and straight with her. Having her thinking she has a chance in hell while you live in the past is as dishonest and selfish as it can get in any relationship, as what's not fair was trying to replace an ex you still have feelings for AND want back, with some unsuspecting person, who is willing to invest time and emotion into you.

Deceitful, dishonest, and selfish are the words that best describe what you are doing now. That makes for an unhealthy relationship, because you are not healthy enough to maintain one. Don't go back move forward, and be honest enough with the new girl, so she can protect herself, even if it means leaving you alone until you have unpacked your past baggage from your failed relationship with the ex, so you can at least make an honest effort with a new romantic interest.

If you don't, you will only be headed for another failed relationship for sure. More misery, and more baggage for the future. You need to heal from the ex, thats the priority.

OK I understand

Well good news ajwain, she contacted me... we tlked for alil bit but I tried to keep the conversation as neutral as possible

I recently asked a question about trying to get over or back with my girlfriend. Everyone suggested that I don't contact her. Well before I asked the question I was contacting her every so often. Soon after I asked the question, about a week or so later, she contacts me. She was scared that I got seriously hurt or even died. So I talked with her and asked me a couple questions

1. Why do I hardly talk to her anymore?
2. Why when we do talk I remain at a friendly distance?
3. Do we still have a future?
4. If possible can we get back together in the near future?
5. Do you still love me?

What does she mean by this?

Your post is a little confusing. Is it your intention to get over her or to go back to her?

The questions she has asked are a mute point if you have recently broke up. I wouldn't ever say that you can never be friends but, it does take time after a breakup.

You don't get into the circumstances of your breakup but, regardless, once couples do breakup in the vast majority of cases it is much better to just stay that way.

Don't get all spun around by all these questions... she could just be curious. If she wanted to get back together with you she would have plainly said so.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Duckie7990

1. Why do i hardly talk to her anymore?
2. Why when we do talk i remain at a friendly distance?
3. Do we still have a future?
4. If possible can we get back together in the near future?
5. Do you still love me?

What does she mean by this?

---

One step at the time. Before you worry about what she meant by all that, do you have an answer to all her questions?

You need to figure out what you want before worrying about what she wants. The reason you need go to no contact is because you haven't cleared your mind yet. Once you've sorted out the mess in your mind, then you will be in a better position to talk to her.

That's why we merge posts, to get the whole truth of the matter and one thing you skip over is that you have another girl who likes you, and you have not done the No Contact sufficient to heal, move on, and not be confused.

So now the ex wants to know your intentions, and end the confusion you make for her. Until you make a decision, be willing to take a risk however it may turn out, or your confusion will continue, and I truly hope that you are not cheating on some other female, whose only mistake was believing you were mature enough to know your own mind.

You had no business bring confusion to the ex, when you were pursuing someone else, or letting them pursue YOU. No wonder you aren't honest with either female, because you are not honest with yourself.

I am honest. I let every female I've dated after her my situation and they were good with it. I guess cause they feel that I will latch on to them and forget about my ex. And yes I had answers for her. Im a up front honest guy because I used to be one of those "players" until I got a taste of my own meds, and now I see what I was doing was wrong and from then I decided to try to settle down, though I'm still young, I don't see a sense in being with more than one woman.

If you are as honest as you say, how did you answer your ex? Why are you even talking to her in the first place, while being with another female??

I contact her when I have no one else and when she contacted me I was single, well still am. And the answers to the questions were:

1. "i wanted to give you space and get myself together"
2. "Because i dont want ot interfere with your current relationship"
3. "i dont know"
4. "depends"
5. "yes"

Why are you even talking to her in the first place, while being with another female??

Contacting her when you have no one else is your problem to solve, not draw her back into your drama.

1. Why do I hardly talk to her anymore? "i wanted to give you space and get myself together"

2. Why when we do talk I remain at a friendly distance? "Because i dont want ot interfere with your current relationship"

3. Do we still have a future? "i dont know"

4. If possible can we get back together in the near future? "depends"

5. Do you still love me? "yes"

Lets be honest here, you are actively try to break up her relationship, to get her to come back to you!

But I'm not. I know that doing that will push her further away. I'm not say this with underlined meaning