Okay this was brought up in another post by Wildcat. I didn’t want to take away from the original poster but this has been on my mind all day and I just want to get some other feedback on it. The OP was a mistress and as WC points out we’ve been seeing a lot of that here lately. Here’s what WC said..

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

How do so many women get mixed up wit hmarried men????

Not many guys get mixed up with married women - AND if they do they know it's just for sex.

I HAVEN'T READ ONE POST here about a guy who is mixed up mentally, confused because he is dating a MARRIED women.

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EXACTLY! Wildcat is dead on correct. But my question is why? It almost seems like it should be the other way around.

I don’t think it’s any secret that women are better at reading, using, and applying emotions then men are. Women are emotional and use that to their advantage over men. This board is field with men who get caught up being played by women and there emotional games. I know I myself have been caught more than once. I am also a highly sensitive male.

Yet I would never get involved with a married woman. Even for me and some of the situations I’ve been in where I was thinking emotionally and not rationally I realize there is a limit. Marriage is a limit.

So I guess my question is how can such a large number of women who should be more emotionally aware of a married man’s intentions because of their higher acuteness to emotional games and situations get caught up in this problem?

Then on the flip side, why do men, quite honestly like myself very emotional, and some of the other posters here who are just not as emotional as me but still men. In other words they have no advantage over reading a woman emotionally like a woman can read a man. Why are men not caught up in this situation where the women is cheating and he is blinded so much he can’t see what’s going on. Because if you look at our male posters, many of them are blinded by a woman’s emotional games and even know she’s having relations with other guys but they act like the mistresses do. The only difference is their isn’t a marriage involved.

God I hope this makes some kind of sense. In my brain it makes perfect sense, or at least my question does but I’m not sure I’m translating it here well.

In short my question is why isn’t this the other way around, why do emotionally “scarce” men not fall for this and emotionally “intelligent” women do on such a great number?

Not sure I understand what you are getting at. But after my divorce in 1991, I went out with a married man for five years, he was separated from his wife. Then one day out of the blue he turned around and said they were getting back together! I didn't feel much of anything except a fool. I was so mad at him and at myself that I skipped the emotional woe-me stuff. I just accepted it, he was hers. I never got involved with another married man!

If you make your question clearer I might have a better answer. Lol

I think the reasons are far more subtle. I believe the men are far more connected to how wrong it is, partly because they know THEY are wrong. And like it or not, I think men are much better geared at avoiding being responsible for things that are wrong in a relationship. LOL They would not open themselves to the criticism as the women almost blindly do. Women are used to being criticised, we do it to each other as a normal part of daily discourse. Also, it may very well be that married women simply don't solicit affairs in the same fashion as married men do, as predominantly an ego boost and source for sex while holding out the lure of a real relationship to their lover. And to compound it, I don't think men and women view marriage the same as a general rule. The single man is not geared to plead for the married woman to leave her rotten spouse and marry him. Just typing it out here sounds strange, does it not? The statistics support those theories more than anything when you really look at it. I know when I was in a troubled marriage, the last thing I wanted was another complication and it was an open marriage too.

Good question Chuff! I look forward to what others may add too. Thanks.

I think it may be simpler that all that: women are looking for that knight in shining armour and men are looking for some sexual variety.

Actually... I think it's because guys aren't as catty and backstabbing as women are. If a girl belongs to another guy, he's just not going to bother, since there are other fish in the sea.

With women... if she's not our friend, sister, mother, daughter, or grandmother--we don't give a damn about her. She's *competition*! And obviously, (see the sarcasm dripping here?) since she couldn't hold her man, she doesn't deserve him.

Seriously... guys see it as poaching and women see it as if he's fair game if the other woman can't hold his attention, even if the other woman is his wife.

Women get caught in their feelings - they can't help it. Attraction isn't a choice.

People Want What They Can't Have - especially women. Many women LOVE the unavaiable man. Love it!!

Challenge.

Mysterious.

Sexy, forbidden love.

Sneaking around is not boring.

She wants to believe his lies... romance novel stuff.

He gives of the air of very confident, because HE knows it's just a game - he's married so if the gal doesn't fall for it - who cares - no importance into it.

IT'S ALSO VERY, VERY, VERY, UNHEALTHY FOR A WOMAN TO FALL FOR THIS!!

Hey I want sexy forbidden love too, and I'm a guy!
:)

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Actually...I think it's because guys aren't as catty and backstabbing as women are. If a girl belongs to another guy, he's just not going to bother, since there are other fish in the sea.

With women...if she's not our friend, sister, mother, daughter, or grandmother--we don't give a damn about her. She's *competition*! And obviously, (see the sarcasm dripping here?) since she couldn't hold her man, she doesn't deserve him.

Seriously...guys see it as poaching and women see it as if he's fair game if the other woman can't hold his attention, even if the other woman is his wife.

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You may be on to something here, Synnen. It also may be that men inherently fear the retaliation of another man more than women do with women?

One thing to bear in mind with this topic is the stats say that an almost equal percentage of each gender cheats on their marriage partner...

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Actually...I think it's because guys aren't as catty and backstabbing as women are. If a girl belongs to another guy, he's just not going to bother, since there are other fish in the sea.

With women...if she's not our friend, sister, mother, daughter, or grandmother--we don't give a damn about her. She's *competition*! And obviously, (see the sarcasm dripping here?) since she couldn't hold her man, she doesn't deserve him.

Seriously...guys see it as poaching and women see it as if he's fair game if the other woman can't hold his attention, even if the other woman is his wife.

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Synn, grrrrr had to spread it. But yes, all of which you are saying... Sad, but true.

Seriously, I put it all into perspective when someone said to me….. “If he can cheat on his wife, the mother of his children, what chance do you have?” For me that hit the nail on the head. Women will fall for it and men never say No. It takes something shocking and real to make us 'see' what we are doing to ourselves.

The first thing I notice when meeting a woman is her ring finger. What is or isn't there colors the entire relationship, and a large part of the difference in how the relationship progresses (whether it's something common like being coworkers or something more complicated like a friendship) is the perception of emotional availability. Accurate or not, the first impression defines in my mind how much emotion can be appropriately invested in the relationship, and no matter what, that initial amount is always there (although that is more of a guideline than a rule) somewhere in my mind. And for the most part, this limit in me is based on some perceived limit in the woman, which, again, may or may not even be accurate.

So what happens with the emotional games? Well, getting involved with a single woman puts no limits on the emotion allowed to be invested... there's nothing sitting in the back of my mind telling me that I'm too deeply involved. On the other hand, with the married woman, there's always that nagging feeling that maybe this is going too far, and I should be careful. In effect, I've created a limit on how far I could go with her, and that keeps me from getting sucked in.

As for the gender differences, I believe that women are more likely to develop an emotional attachment quickly than men are, and that they tend to have a more idealistic view of emotional attachments. Women are more likely to get caught up in something immediately, thinking that emotion is a pure thing that can't be wrong... men are more cynical and guarded, so we don't jump in as quickly. When we do, however, we're just as thoroughly invested as women are, and we have less experience dealing with the backlash from misplaced emotion because we get to that point in fewer relationships.

You know... I was discussing this with a friend, and I think I've come to a better conclusion.

Women end up with married men more often than men end up with married women simply because men are more likely to take off their wedding ring.

Women can't make that initial judgement that Nosnosna was talking about, because so many men don't wear rings.

Maybe so. But even when a woman isn't wearing a ring, the guy is much less likely to invest himself emotionally right off than a woman in the same situation... it's just not the way most of us are. Adultery happens both ways roughly equally... the difference in ring-based tomfoolery tells me that men are more likely to be fine with being the (hmm, what's the masculine form of mistress in this context? It's not master... ) than women.

Besides, that test was marking the difference between a guy with a single woman and a guy with a married woman, not between a guy with an adulterous woman and a woman with an adulterous man. The latter is a totally different issue.

Artist: Kitty Wells Lyrics

Song: It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels Lyrics

As I sit here tonight the jukebox playin'
The tune about the wild side of life
As I listen to the words you are sayin'
It brings memories when I was a trusting wife

It wasn't God who made Honky Tonk angels
As you said in the words of your song
Too many times married men think they're still single
That has caused many a good girl to go wrong

It's a shame that all the blame is on us women
It's not true that only you men feel the same
From the start most every heart that's ever broken
Was because there always was a man to blame

It wasn't God who made Honky Tonk angels
As you said in the words of your song
Too many times married men think they're still single
That has caused many a good girl to go wrong

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Originally Posted by bluerose

Not sure I understand what you are getting at. But after my divorce in 1991, I went out with a married man for five years, he was separated from his wife. Then one day out of the blue he turned around and said they were getting back together! I didn't feel much of anything except a fool. I was so mad at him and at myself that I skipped the emotional woe-me stuff. I just accepted it, he was hers. I never got involved with another married man!

If you make your question clearer I might have a better answer. lol

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I guess what I'm saying is when it comes to emotions women are better at using them and understanding them then men are. Time and again we see men here on this site and even in life around us that get fixated on a girl and can't let it go. She can dump him and go out with another person and he'd still take her back in a heartbeat. She'd repeat the pattern and keep him always hanging on. Yet most of the time the woman is single.

However if that situation is reversed and the guy keeps the woman hanging on, many times the guy is married. In other words a woman won't necessarily let marriage stop her from getting involved or really what I mean is EMOTIONALLY wrapped up into him.

And my point is that despite what popular culture and many women might say about men, we do have feelings and we do get emotional and in reality we have a difficult time letting go or getting out of relationships. But those are primarily with single women. Married women don't give us the same emotional hangups that single women do. However, single women do get caught up by the married man. And since women are "emotionally smarter" then men, to me it would seem that they should not fall for a married mans lies and emotional games like guys would and indeed do with single women. Just not married women.

"Time and again we see men here on this site and even in life around us that get fixated on a girl and can't let it go. She can dump him and go out with another person and he'd still take her back in a heartbeat."

I think women do that too though. We all invest too much too soon and then wonder what the hell went wrong - or worse we wonder what we did wrong.

Welcome back. It’s good to have you back here.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

I think the reasons are far more subtle. I believe the men are far more connected to how wrong it is, partly because they know THEY are wrong. And like it or not, I think men are much better geared at avoiding being responsible for things that are wrong in a relationship. LOL They would not open themselves to the criticism as the women almost blindly do.

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I think your on to something there. I know this sounds funny as an adult but as a teenager, guys learn “guy code” which amongst other things teaches us that we never go after another man’s woman. “bros before ho’s” is something I still hear and have heard for probably 15 years. It’s ingrained into my head.

Of course not all guys follow guy code but I think a lot more do than don’t and when I’ve had girlfriends who were being hit on by guys in the past, and she would introduce me, men are very apologetic and even offer to buy you a round of drinks to make up for it. But if the situation is reversed that girl hits on the guy and he points out his girlfriend, some women make faces and cop an attitude immediately. That’s just at the meeting stage, not even in a relationship stage of knowing someone.

So I think your right when you say men are connected to how wrong it is, because we learn it from each other at a developing stage in life.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Women are used to being criticised, we do it to each other as a normal part of daily discourse. Also, it may very well be that married women simply don't solicit affairs in the same fashion as married men do, as predominantly an ego boost and source for sex while holding out the lure of a real relationship to their lover. And to compound it, I don't think men and women view marriage the same as a general rule. The single man is not geared to plead for the married woman to leave her rotten spouse and marry him. Just typing it out here sounds strange, does it not?

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It does sound strange. But I think the single man sees her as a good time but without the headaches that she has at home. Where the single woman seeking a relationship with a married man is perhaps not seeking the headache but the drama that will come with breaking up a marriage.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

The statistics support those theories more than anything when you really look at it. I know when I was in a troubled marriage, the last thing I wanted was another complication and it was an open marriage too.

Good question Chuff! I look forward to what others may add too. Thanks.

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Thank you. I was thinking about it all day. After I saw it posted I thought a lot about it, because it just seemed strange to me that more emotional guys or guys in general don’t get caught up in this. Especially since we fall for emotional situations more than women do because they can judge emotions better.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Actually...I think it's because guys aren't as catty and backstabbing as women are. If a girl belongs to another guy, he's just not going to bother, since there are other fish in the sea.

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I like this answer. I think this very true. Guys follow "guy code" and women follow... actually women don't any code. Guys are taught through their peers from an early age about "bros before ho's" and women are not taught through other women to stick together. In fact as you point out women are catty and backstabbing and actually enjoy it. It feeds a need for them.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

With women...if she's not our friend, sister, mother, daughter, or grandmother--we don't give a damn about her. She's *competition*! And obviously, (see the sarcasm dripping here?) since she couldn't hold her man, she doesn't deserve him.

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Sometimes she'll be catty and backstabbing if she is your friend or sister. I've never seen it with the mother or grandmother though. Thank God. But I've seen women turn on friends and sisters or put them down behind there backs. Guys don't do that. Even if I don't like another guy I just don't bring him up. I don't put hiim down, I just don't talk about him. But women will talk negatively about other women given the proper platform to do so.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Seriously...guys see it as poaching and women see it as if he's fair game if the other woman can't hold his attention, even if the other woman is his wife.

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Wow. I've never looked at it like that but that's exactly what it is.

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

I think it may be simpler that all that: women are looking for that knight in shining armour and men are looking for some sexual variety.

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But that same theory doesn't hold true of single men that don't want to and stuggle to let go of a woman who is seeing other guys. Many times a guy will be strung along for years by a woman who toys with his emotions.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

You may be on to something here, Synnen. It also may be that men inherently fear the retaliation of another man more than women do with women?

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It's funny I think some woman actually would like the retaliation of another woman. Brings her drama level up and gives her something to talk about.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

One thing to bear in mind with this topic is the stats say that an almost equal percentage of each gender cheats on their marriage partner....

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I should have included this in my original post.

Equal percentage of gender cheat but un unequal percentage of gender outside the marriage believes the lies coming from the married party.

And again, given the woman's abiltiy to read and manipulate emotions, and the man's abiltiy to fall for it you'd think the number would be flip flopped.

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Originally Posted by bluerose

Seriously, I put it all into perspective when someone said to me….. “If he can cheat on his wife, the mother of his children, what chance do you have?” For me that hit the nail on the head. Women will fall for it and men never say No. It takes something shocking and real to make us ‘see’ what we are doing to ourselves.

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But that happens to men too.

Just the man is involved with a single woman. A man will put up with a non married woman sleeping with other guys and stringing along, some times for years. But a man would never put up with that same situation with a married woman.

Yet women will put up with that from a married man. And women are emotionally more aware then men are, so they should be, in theory, the ones who don't fall for the emotional games of a married man.

Okay my cherubs, her's my thoughts on the topic of the day.
I agree with syn on the point that men are more likely to remove their wedding bands. (if any single girl is reading this my advice is to always look for a suntan where a wedding band ould be.) by the time they find out their lovebug is m arried, they are emotionally involved already. They find themselves in conflict with their heart and their head which is telling them to dump the knave.
There are women who go into relationships with married men. To them its physical attachment and sex. They thrive for the thrill of it. Then their conflict begins when they realize they love the guy. He's married, she wants to be with him and everyone knows he will not leave his wife.
Some see an affair with a married man/ woman as safe because they can count on them being discrete. And usually far away where there's very little chance they'll run into their extra curicular activity not get caught.
Women as a rule are more emotional where men can( I didn't say all men or "do") become emotionall detached. They stray because they aren't happy at home or want more than the wife can give. I honestly wonder why these men that stray feel they are the only ones not being satisfied.
That's what I think. Thank you for reading it.

It's all swings and roundabouts. Some people, men and women, deliberately choose married people for whatever reason. Some get tricked, discovering later that the person is married. Some care and walk, and some don't care.

I think it says more about marriage than it does about the people involved. Marriage is dead.

The average marriage today is expected to last about ten years. Those married longer than that expect some kind of medal.

I think part of why guys don't fall so hard for married women is that a guy KNOWS he's crossing a line when he goes after her. So, immediately, a part of his guard is up and may well protect him from getting in too deep.

On the other hand, if the woman is unmarried, there's no line to be crossed and no reason to put his guard up. So, if things go badly, he's may well be DOA since there's no barriers put in up front.

Or, maybe we just fear getting our a**es kicked - that'll work too.

Okay. Kick this one around.

Are women more likely to go for a married man and not care because they do not fear the wife?

And do men hold back from becoming involved with a married woman because they are afraid of a run in with the husband?

Could it be something as simple as that?

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Originally Posted by bluerose

Okay. Kick this one around.

Are women more likely to go for a married man and not care because they do not fear the wife?

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I think that's very possible. Women in certain situations are more fearless than men. This is certainly one of those situations. Ironically enough the man fears both women in this situation though. He fears the mistress telling and his wife finding out.

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Originally Posted by bluerose

And do men hold back from becoming involved with a married woman because they are afraid of a run in with the husband?

Could it be something as simple as that?

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Perhaps, but that doesn't explain why single men get caught up waiting for a woman when she is openly telling him she is dating other people. The single guy waits for her if she's single with other guys, but not if she's married.

Well, I think sometimes a woman ends up dating a married man without realizing he's married. And by then emotions may be involved. I can honestly say if I found out I was the other woman, no matter what, I'd be like I'm out of here. (I truly believe once a cheater always a cheater!)

Anyway, I've said this a million times - I do not trust women. I trust my husband 100%, he knows better than to stray. But, at the same time I've VERY territorial. I see it as most men will only try to be with an attached woman if he really feels she's interested... he'll wait for a cue. However a lot of women won't... if there's a man she's interested in, she's going after him, attached or not. Women are completely vindictive. And not all women are looking for an emotional attachment either, some just want sex too! That is 1 misconception about women, everyone thinks they get deeply involved & I know of some who have had more than 1 or 2 one night stands.

Bottom line for me is marriage is sacred. When I took my vows I meant them therefore I would never cheat & I would never want to have an affair with a married man because I don't want anything to do with someone who doesn't have more respect for the woman he vowed to be faithful to.

I agree with what someone else said here. Women see other women as competition whereas most men would rather just play the field or move on to the next one. I am not speaking for myself or all men as not all us men are shallow but I do see a lot of shallowness in people. Women are very emotional creatures but then some men are too..

Here is a question though, not sure if it is relevant here but I will ask it anyway..

Is it so wrong for men to show their emotional side yet be judged as weak and inferior in terms of what society would deem as Masculine and attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex?

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Is it so wrong for men to show their emotional side yet be judged as weak and inferior in terms of what society would deem as Masculine and attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex?

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Hi Geoff,

If that does happen, that men are viewed as weak for showing emotion, then YES that is WRONG.

To me, it is far more weak to hide and conceal your emotions, then be strong enough and to have the courage to reveal truly how you feel. Far easier to hide, it takes great strength to be a real man and show his emotions.

And to me, nothing more attractive than a man who can show his emotions. Happy, upset, disappointed. And found the men who kept everything in, as not having the ability to open up and share what they were feeling. I felt kind of sad for them and it was hard to get to know them and trust them.

Sorry, you didn't ask for a book, :D - So to answer your question, Yes it is wrong ( In my opinion)

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Originally Posted by Allheart

Hi Geoff,

If that does happen, that men are viewed as weak for showing emotion, then YES that is WRONG.

To me, it is far more weak to hide and conceal your emotions, then be strong enough and to have the courage to reveal truly how you feel. Far easier to hide, it takes great strenght to be a real man and show his emotions.

And to me, nothing more attractive than a man who can show his emotions. Happy, upset, disappointed. And found the men who kept everything in, as not having the ability to open up and share what they were feeling. I felt kind of sad for them and it was hard to get to know them and trust them.

Sorry, you didn't ask for a book, :D - So to answer your question, Yes it is wrong ( In my opinion)

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Interesting... but did you always think that way or is that a result of your maturity? The reason I ask is that I think a lot of women, especially those women in their 20's see it as weakness and that is why they tend to go for the types that are really quite immature and unable to express themselves emotionally>>in essence, Jerks with a false sense of confidence.

LOL - Geoff you have the nicest way of calling me OLd - just kiddn. :)

Geoff, honestly, YUP, I always thought that way. And I saw those types of guys just like you described - "Jerks with a false sense of confidence". For that reason, I would just stand back and watch them and think, "oh my". But you are right, some of my girlfriends, would go for them and end up months later, crying on my shoulder. But there were also girls, my age, who thought the same as I did. So they are out there Geoff.

I stayed far away from those characters and tended to date older guys or just preferred not to date at all then to have to deal with the "circus act" as I referred to it. I was a bit quiet so I took a lot in. I did realize, when watching these guys, it was just a part of growing up for them, and I just hoped they would grow up in a real hurry, as I just didn't see much happiness waiting for them, nor for the person with them, if they continued like that.

That's nice of you to say, Allheart, but I've never seen a woman actually appreciate that in a man. In fact, and I know chuff will agree, most women (in my experience) appear to view emotional men as repulsive or contemptuous.

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Originally Posted by LBP

That's nice of you to say, Allheart, but I've never seen a woman actually appreciate that in a man. In fact, and I know chuff will agree, most women (in my experience) appear to view emotional men as repulsive or contemptuous.

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But I think what people want changes with age. I think women appreciate these qualities as they get older and maybe have been burned by these shallow 'jerks' as we refer to them which makes an emotional man more appealing.

Then again I may be wrong and I am certainly not speaking about all women.

Hi LBP,

I am so sorry that has been your experience. Honest I am. That just stinks. Guess what, if I was a guy, I wouldn't want a "women" who thought a man was repulsive for having and showing emotions. Perhaps, these women have something lacking in them, that they are not able to deal with viewing emotions from a man.

LBP, I am not just saying these things. I honestly believe them. My father was a big strong macho man. Big guy. Funniest man on this earth. But he also had a serious side, I guess you would call it macho. A man's man. Hubby was a little leary of him in the beginning and hubby is no wallflower.

But I tell you what, my Father expressed every emotion he felt. No, he didn't walk around blubbering. But if he was happy, we knew it, if he was upset, we knew it. And if something touched his heart, we knew it. That to me is a man. The most most precious memory I have of my Father, is when us girls chipped in to by him a rocking chair for Christmas. He loved to rock in his chair. LBP, what I saw was a real man. Tears stinging his eyes, his heart just filled with joy, and he was speechless for minutes. I cherish that memory and always will. My Father didn't have much, and getting that chair from his girls meant the world to him, and you know what, we all knew it, because he was a man, a real man that expressed emotions.

I honestly, and please forgive me I do not mean to put anyone down, but I find it troubling, when a man can not express himself.

Not just words LBP, I honestly believe them and I am not alone.

Hmm

I kind of have a different view on how guys are...

I see the adultery issues everywhere. I feel like it is a shoe-in with the military lifestyle. Being over here, I have told my coworkers (Men)I am just going to wear a ring, or tell any guy who hits on me that I have a boyfriend. But then my coworkers joked saying, haha that's not going to help, that will just make things worse- they will want you even more if they can't have you.

I have not tested this theory, but it makes sense to me. The things is when I think about any of the guys here wanting to get with a married or 'taken' woman it is because they don't want the emotional attachment. They just want sex. The fact that the woman is already emotionally attached to another man means she shouldn't get attached to a sexual affair.

On the other hand, if a woman knowingly gets with a married man, its more of she thinks that this man has lost his emotional attachment to the wife, and she may have a chance to 'catch' this man. Or maybe some women think like men in the retrospect that the man is already attached and she won't have to worry about him having true feelings for her.

In the end I feel as though most women just have a more emotional attachment to men- whether they want to or not. Men seem to know how to avoid and block those attachments.

Ok I just lost my train of thought... arrg.

I think many of you have hit it on some very good points on how each of the sexes view relationships and marriage and feelings. I think women tend to follow emotion more than mind, and men tend to follow mind over emotion.
(Though don't get me wrong, I know many many stories that contradict this idea)

Geoff,

I'm not in my twenties. Lol

But I was born and brought up in Glasgow, Scotland, "where men were men." lol

I have to confess to being one of those people who thought for a long time that it was a sign of weakness to see a man cry.

You're correct when you say it is something we come to understand as we get older. My grown sons have been through some stuff and have often come to me for a little comfort. I never once thought of my sons as being soft or weak. I believe understanding them helped me to understand the 'emotional' side of men.

Five or six years after my divorce my ex and I went out together for a year. Then we had 'The Talk', we said sorry for all the troubles in the marriage, we cried and we cuddled, and then we decided to leave things as they were. And I never felt closer to him in my whole life than I felt at that moment - during our 'Talk'.

I can see your point BlueRose.

I guess because I am such the emotional type, I feel everything, I never understood those that didn't, at least to some degree. I would tend to get my feelings hurt when they wouldn't express themselves, so I just steared clear. I often wondered "is anyone home in there???". Perhaps that's just my way of thinking though. But I did feel this way in my 20s as well, no different. But guys in their 20s, when I was in my 20s, were on a totatlly different path then I was.

Anyway, that's just my view.

I agree with what some others have said here already. Women tend to get attached easier and romanticize things more (yes, even if you get involved with a married man), whereas men may be able to walk away easier and look at things more logically. Women release a bonding hormone after sex called oxytocin. Men do too, but their higher levels of testosterone overrule it, so to speak, therefore they don't get the "warm fuzzies" like we ladies do after sexual involvement. Our emotions take over our logical thoughts.

This is going to sound really daft now but sometimes I wish I did not care so much and I did not have my emotional self awareness so as to avoid getting hurt. Yet I am proud of this because deep down I know that this is a really good thing. You should never change anything like that, neither could you..

Its all about being true to yourself and others!

Sorry for being random again.. LOL>>need a coffee:)

Geoff,

That is what makes YOU so special. The key is, what will stop the hurt, is when you do find that someone, who is special enough, to not only recognize that quality about you, but who will truly appreciate it.

So, don't try and fight it Geoff. You shouldn't!! What I have learned, as I got older, is the circle of those who have a place in my heart, got smaller, but much more meaningful.

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Originally Posted by Allheart

The key is, what will stop the hurt, is when you do find that someone, who is special enough, to not only recognize that quality about you, but who will truly appreciate it.

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Thanks Allheart, I've got to try and keep remembering that one.:)

Cheaters be they man or woman are so selfish about their own needs and wants that they don't care about crossing boundaries or hurting feelings to get what they want. That will lie to everyone even themselves in an effort to justify what they do and why they do it. They will take willing to take outlandish chances to get what they want because that's their priority, what they want over anyone else's needs. They can be the nicest people in the world as long as their wants are met and the most devious and deceptive to get what they want. There are probably as many females as males who fall in this category but I think it's the female who is most willing to discuss it publicly as you never see a guy coming to this forum anyway, and having problems with his married mistress. I think men are more undercover and private about what they do than are women. Just my 2 cents after one cup of coffee.

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Is it so wrong for men to show their emotional side yet be judged as weak and inferior in terms of what society would deem as Masculine and attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex?

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I don't know if it's wrong. I do know it doesn't work. I also know I really hate it when I hear women say "we just want a man who can express himself emotionally" when the masses of them don't respond to those men.

Being a emotional guy I wish it were seen differently. I don't hide behind anything and I am who I am. I think most guys don't even know who they are and they hide behind layers of emotions which I guess is the mystery women love. But in my logical male mind it seems like someone would rather be with someone who trully knows themselves. But I don't know if women look at it like that.

I also know the best success I've had with women is blowing them off. If a guy gets turned away he generally leaves. But I've had some women who I wasn't interested in pursue me for months. Even if I wasn't interested in them at first. I showed them no emotion. In fact I guess I showed them a lack of emotion. Yet they perceived it as strong or masculine. As I look back now and realize that when I opened up to women on a emotional level, it was usually about the time the relationship started heading south. So I agree that it's wrong, but I also know, at least from my own experiences and those I've seen, that it doesn't seem to work in real life.

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Originally Posted by LBP

That's nice of you to say, Allheart, but I've never seen a woman actually appreciate that in a man. In fact, and I know chuff will agree, most women (in my experience) appear to view emotional men as repulsive or contemptuous.

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I do agree. 100%. What's worse is women as a group say they "want a man that can express himself and his emotions" and yet they don't respond in real life to those men. I work in a bar and I see this pattern of behavior repeated time and again. So it's a catch 22 for emotional guys. Be emotional like women say and get ignored or be a jerk which goes against our grain and get attention.