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Sorry 4 such a long question.. my girlfriend of 5months recently told me that last year on new years eve she got drunk and made out with her best friend (guy) that night. She says she was depressed after a breakup she had 8 months prior to that and drinking made her relive her depression and she made out with her best friend as she couldn't think straight. She went topless with him but didn't have sex. In the morning both realised what had happened and he asked her if they should start dating after what happened. She refused as she never saw him that way. And they still continue to be best friends.
My question is.. she was intoxicated and made out with that guy.. he didn't refuse her or stop her as he was drunk as well she says.. isnt it date rape if a guy has sexual contact with a woman when she is drunk and would have not done what she did with the guy if she wasn't under the influence of drinks?
Also.. I have started feeling very weird about her past after she told me about this as they are still best friends.. we live and a very conservative society and any girl having many sexual partners or one night stands gets termed as a slut.. or easy or loose girl.. I don't know what to do.. can't get images of her and that guy out of my head.. by the way, she has had 5 sexual partners before me.. 3 that she went topless with.. and 2 who she had sex with.. we are 22 yrs old.. I have a past as well and I'm not bothered about what she did with her boyfriends.. but this one night stand really bothers me... I'm not good friends with any of my exes as she is.. acquintances maybe.. and it makes me feel weird as well.. sometimes I feel I am jealous of the guys of her past as they got her so easily.. (ie.. one night.. or one week of dating.. etc).. I do love her a lot.. bt don't know what to do about this feeling.. please help.. I'm not insecure in any way and I trust her that she will never leave me..

Pboy,

Good lord, we are talking about a situation that occurred before you were even going out with her. They didn't even have sex. She seems to have had control over situation, she said "no" to anymore then making out. Wow, are you really so desperate to hate this guy, that you would even think that this was a "Date rape" situation. This is a good example of how people can get falsely accused of a crime that they didn't commit.

If you cannot live with knowing your girlfriend isn't a virgin, and has been with BY CHOICE other men, then you need to move on. Your past relationships, are just that PAST, and that means no one including new partner has the right to be judge and jury.

If you don't get over this jealousy, and just let it continue to eat away at you, it will ruin your relationship with this lady. Now at 22yros I would hope that the 3 so called people she just went topless wouldn't be considered FULL SEX partners. I would just consider them 3 people she happened to have made out with. Do you really consider the girls you have made out with, even if you got their tops off someone you had SEX with.

It's easy to judge when you can't empathize, am I right in assuming she has a longer sexual resume than you?

In my opinion, you're in a better position dating a girl who has had multiple one-night stands versus one who didn't. She already knows what they're like, so curiosity won't get the best of her and she can appreciate a real relationship that much more.

You'll learn that sexual history is really irrelevant. and not to ask about it in case something like this happens.

So, just don't think about, don't ask about it, and try to forget about it and move on.

Thanks for replying.. I know she isn't a virgin.. n that isn't a problem.. she was sexually active since 17.. n had 5 partners before me.(kissed many others). Made out with 5.. As in 3 topless.. n 2 sex.. I was sexually active after I turned 21.. had 5 partners.. 4 sex and 1 make out (not topless though).. its not that issue..
It's the one night with her best friend who she considered a platonic friend , if she was drunk and depressed.. why couldn't that guy stop her if even he considered her such a great friend.. he got an opportunity and pounced... n then next morning both act as if nothing happened.. n r now still best friends.. n her constant contact with her exes that bothers me.. like even when we are togthr.. she would reply their texts.. etc..
I mean.. I liked all my exes and had a certain emotional connect with them.. but she usually was into it for experimentation because.. 'everyone around her was doing it' n was just in one proper relationship.. n when the guy dumped her she was depressed and had her depressed make outs like that one night and a rebound before it.. so excpt for one guy who she loved.. othrs were casual flings for her for few weeks.. even this isn't a problem with me..
Its just that one night stand that I hv a problem with.. how could she get phsyical with sum1 who she didn't even feel attracted to.. was platonic.. n suddenly that night both get drunk.. n both end up making out topless..

You are WAY to hung up on her past. Now do you really think she would have any contact with someone that tried to date rape her. This guy didn't pounce, if he did it would have been full blown sex and she wouldn't have him as her BEST FRIEND afterwards. She would have wanted him as far away from her as possible.
My opinion is that you are making too much out of it, but its always easier to feel that way when your not involved. We have all done something that we are ashamed of in our life time. Either get over it, and enjoy your relationship with this lady, or move on.

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Originally Posted by Pboy87

[the issue is] the one night with her best friend who she considered jus a platonic friend. . .

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You're overreacting, that's not a one-night stand. It's kissing (topless big deal). She just broke-up with her boyfriend and, add insult to injury, it New Years Eve where people are supposed to kiss. Being the intelligent guy that I am, I figured out that she made out with her best friend because she was lonely and he had the only available pair of lips she could trust.

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Originally Posted by Pboy87

how could she get phsyical with sum1 who she didnt even feel attracted to.

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You actually answered this question in your original post and I broke it down for you above. Unless you really didn't like any of the ex-girlfirneds you dated, you should know what that feels like.

Let it go.

At slapshot.. you are right.. thtswht she told me.. that she was all alone on new years... didn't want to stay home reading a book ,she had many party invitations , but she chose to go here because it was an old friend who was throwing the bash.. and she drinks in company she trust.. (wht trust.. he made out with her.. :P.) anyway.. she got depressed and then ended up making out with him that night and went topless.. she says he was too drunk as well.. but.. he could have stopped her if he wantd to I feel.. he had some attraction towards her or somethng. She says next morning he asked her if they should date or nythng ftr what happened... she was depressed.. anyone around would do.. so she went with the host... by the way, her breakup was 8months before this.. n she was still not over it? Does depression make people do such drastic things? Really?

At answerme.. she isn't ashamed of anythng.. doesn't regret anythng.. instead feels it was awesome.. n usd to brag about her past when we had initially met..

I won't even get into this one. I agree with both answerme and slapshot.

Also, what's your fetish on being topless or not when someone kisses. It's just boobs?

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Originally Posted by Pboy87

. . . anyway.. she got depressed and then ended up making out with him tht night n went topless.. she says he ws too drunk as well.. but.. he could have stopped her if he wantd to i feel.. he had some attraction towards her or somethng. she says next morning he asked her if they shud date or nythng ftr wht happened... she ws jus depressed.. anyone around wud do.. so she went with the host... btw, her breakup ws 8months b4 this.. n she ws still not over it? does depression make ppl do such drastic things?? really?

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Lol.. . At this point I just have to laugh. There's no indication of moving forward, you're repeating yourself, except your spelling is way off this time around (posting from a cellphone?). You clearly don't want to get over this.

I don't know what to tell you dude. The options are pretty simple: get over it per my suggestions in my first post, or leave her for someone who has a more acceptable sexual history.

I think you need to leave this girl alone before you make her feel bad about herself. This problem is yours.

He was drunk too, it didn't go anywhere and they know each other well enough to know it was just a drunk one night thing.
If this bothers you this much, this girl is not the one for you.

Well.. I really do want to get over this.. I really do.. I just don't know how to.. I mean.. what do I do? She is perfect for me on all counts.. she doesn't mind me flirting with other girls.. doesn't even mind me dating any other girl.. doesn't get insecure.. no jealousy.. nothing.. hell.. she doesn't even have a problem if I go screw sum other chick... as long as she knows I'll be coming back to her.. and am emotionally hers.. is a homely caring girl but also very wild in bed.. I mean.. just perfect.. n we both really love each other.. I really want to make things work.. . going topless and things isn't a big deal for her as well..
But the community we live in.. Looks at such girls very low.. even premarital sex is like a taboo still in many parts of my country.. even kissing a guy is like a 'woah' for many people.. n going topless wouldn't just mean that.. it would mean complete fondling and kissing etc.etc.. It just makes me jealous that others got her drunk and got her that easily... her ex dumped her for another girl as he couldn't handle her fast life and even in bed.. for another lesser girl. Who was comparatively slower.. n was a virgin.. so he dumped this girl for a virgin... n she was devastated as she was in love with him then and went into depression as nothing went right for her even professionally( she was kind of suicidal at first she says.. then she went into her rebound)... so she did all this in her depression.. otherwise she isn't the type who would do this.. depression made her do this and get so easy for that guy. That's why its weird for me and I need advise on how to overcome it..

At homegirl.. I know I have kind of made her feel bad about it sometimes.. as I just cut off when she talks about that guy.. and she does know I have a problem about it.. we have very good communication between us.. but she doesn't know what to do to make me feel OK.. as it has already happened.. and can't be changed.. but that guy is a complete playboy.. bedding a new girl almost every few days.. and mostly into girls just for the sex bit.. its just weird he didn't leave even his best friend and had to add her in his 'list'...

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Originally Posted by Pboy87

she is perfect for me on all counts.. she doesnt mind me flirting with other girls.. doesnt even mind me dating any other girl.. doesnt get insecure.. no jealousy.. nothing.. hell.. she doesnt even have a problem if i go screw sum other chick... as long as she knows i'll b coming back to her..and am emotionally hers.. is a homely caring girl but also very wild in bed.. i mean..just perfect.. n we both really love each other.. i really want to make things work.. .. going topless and things isnt a big deal for her as well. . . but the community we live in.. looks at such girls very low.. even premarital sex is like a taboo still in many parts of my country.. even kissing a guy is like a 'woah' for many people.. n going topless wouldnt just mean that.. it would mean complete fondling n kissing etc.etc.. it just makes me jealous that others got her drunk n got her that easily....

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Let me get this straight.. . You can put your "perfect girlfriend" aside, compartmentalize your feelings for her whilst taking some other broad out to dinner with the intention of sleeping with her that night, and this is a-okay.. . But you're throwing a fit because, before you two were dating, she made with a good friend of hers she on New Years 2010?

Figure it out on you're on your own pal. I ain't supporting this garbage.

No no.. I have never done that.. I'm just saying that she is THAt open to it.. I don't believe in multiple dating.. I love her.. n want her.. that's all... don't get me wrong..

Pboy,

Bottom line is ---its up to you. We have given our opinions based on what we would do,feel,experienced in our lives. You might want to take the time to read some of the other post on this site. How people are going through tremendous heart break because they have no one. You have a young lady that you say you love and want to be with. You better get your priorities straight or we will be seeing you back on this site wondering how you loss this girl. Acceptance is a huge part of real love and you are lacking in that dept right now.

Thanks.will surely try and work on that bit. I know I hv had my share of past sex .n had this been any other guy I wouldn't bother.. the fact that its her bestfrnd creeps me. By the way, could it be possible that SHE used him to get out of her loneliness then?

If your girl friend didn't have sex with this guy what is your problem? He didn't have sex with her, he may have been drunk but he didn't cross the line with her.
If you care so much about what other people think of her, leave her alone. She does not need to be made to feel guilty about what she did with her best friend before she was even dating you.

I think you are to caught up into what everyone else thinks for your own good. Let society do what it does, and you get over yourself by being grateful for having a great partner, and do nothing to mess it up. What goes on in your own head is your problem to deal with, not hers and not fair for you to make it her problem.

I have never given a rats patoot on what the females that I dated did before me, nor their drunken escapades, of their youth, and I highly suggest you do the same, because judging people on what the did as KIDS just ain't the true picture of what they are TODAY.

What may be wrong by one persons standard may not be wrong by another so work on what's common to you both and leave the rest of the BS alone. This is all about the fear of not meeting your standards, and seeing the negatives, and not listening to the whole tapes that have both positive, and negatives because just think, didn't you put all your exes in a negative light according to society? You had sex without marriage and what's the difference between your feelings for them, and your actions that makes it okay, but hers actions that were not okay. That's BS, and hypocrisy.

Judge yourself as harshly as you judge her, and maybe you can cope better with those images that your prejudices have conjured in your head.

well ..i really do want to get over this.. i really do.. i just dont know how to.. i mean.. what do i do? she is perfect for me on all counts.. she doesnt mind me flirting with other girls.. doesnt even mind me dating any other girl.. doesnt get insecure.. no jealousy.. nothing.. hell.. she doesnt even have a problem if i go screw sum other chick...

What the hell? I hope you're referring to if you guys broke up she would allow this stuff. You need to get over it plain and simple.

My wife and I have each had our fair share (fair share is an understatement) of sexual encounters before meeting each other. Many drunk times as well. I don't get pissed at those guys or at her, because I expect her not to do the same to me or the girls I was with. Regardless of what I/she thinks of the other person.

The past is the past. Forget the past and live the present, if you can't forget the past then forget the present because she'll be gone!

What the hell?! I hope you're referring to if you guys broke up she would allow this stuff.

@ IT student.. No.. She wouldn't mind that even if now.. when I'm with her.. but I don't want to do such things.. or would ever do such things.. for her physical intimacy isn't a big deal.. thts why she wouldn't making out or kissing or anything just anyone.. but emotional bonding is very important to her..
I am trying my best to forget her past.. but its not that easy as she keeps talking about that guy.. or that guy constantly keeps messaging and calling her up even when we are togthr.. or writing on her wall on Facebook.. so it just pisses me off as it feel she is getting in the way..

@talaniman.. I know I have had my share.. n I have never judged her what she did as a kid.. since she was 17-18.. had sex, made out with her then flings just to experiment and try how it feels... even though I always waited to find someone I loved and didn't just do it with anyone , I'm not bothered about that.. it just makes me feel weird that she had a one nightstand with someone who she considered a platonic friend.. no emotional bonding other than friendship.. no physical attraction to him.. nothing.. tin depression she made out.. thts why its weird.. I will get over it.. but the process is going very slow.. thts why I needed suggestions as to How I could get over it soon..

OH, sorry my misunderstanding, your looking for a short cut to feel better. There are none, but I think if you were not so distracted by the deed, and seeing things through your own morality, you could see facts, and not just YOUR feelings.

Fact is you have to empathize with HER situation. Obviously you have never been at a place where need overpowers common sense. Especially when inhibitions are lowered by ALCOHOL.

You also presume wrongly that platonic friends have no feelings for each other. That's never true, as most good friends have very strong, and intense feelings of love, and loyalty, and a deep caring. So they got drunk, and crossed a line, they stopped before it got to far, and then they would have really regretted it. All they did was make out, what's the big deal.

Another fact you ignore when we feel bad about ourselves, or our situation, is that it can be so bad that we want something to make us feel better. Some fall in a bottle, others fall into the arms of any that will accept them.

You want to get over this, then tell her that talking in details of her past flips you out, and never ask her of it again.

Most of all, to move on, stop thinking of her actions as being wrong. That's what you are really hung up on, You think she was wrong, but the real truth is she made a mistake, learned and don't repeat it. Have you never made a mistake? Did you learn from it? Did you repeat it? If so, give her the same consideration as you gave yourself, and stop dwelling on it. That would be a mistake. Dwelling on her mistake.

As for the images in your head, cope with them. Your thoughts are for you to control from within, so practice pushing them aside and they will fade. Sorry guy there are no shortcuts or magic pill, just keep working at it and don't expect instant results, and you won't get frustrated with your lack of great progress.

Hey talaniman.. thanks 4 writing it so nicely.. well.. I know all they did was making out.. but in my country.. even kissing is a big deal.. being nude in front of someone a much bigger deal.. there are people who exist in my society who do not marry girls that are not virgin.. I know it's a ****ty thing. But the society here is Male dominant.. guys screw around.. bt if a girl does it.. she is an outcast and no one wants to marry her..
About her situation.. she was dumped in April 09.. had her rebound and in a about of depression made out with him once.. again going topless with him.. but then never after that.. and told him she couldn't give him a chance as she wasn't over the ex. And is still friends with that guy.. who was 14 yrs older to her..
I don't have anything with this guy.. but it just pisses me off to see him message her almost every time we are together.. because the very first time that she and me were together and making out.. she would occasionally move back and reply this guys texts and then get back to me.. I wasn't upset then.. but later was hurt that though she was physically there with me she was messaging a guy from her past who a she had physical relations with. She apologised about this when I told her that it did hurt me but the reason she gave was crap.. saying that she was doing that as she thought I was playing with her and she started liking me so didn't want to have an emotional bond with me as it would just hurt again so she kept getting back and distracted herself. Weird that I was the only guy in her life that she did this to.
I never asked about her past.. I wasn't Ever bothered about knowing anything about it.. she used to say it to me herself.. her escapades.. her first kiss.. with who.. how she made out and went topless the very first time... her first sex.. with who.. why.. because her friends were doing it so even she wanted to try it.. her constant relationship for almost 2 years.. how the guy wasn't that good in bed.. the sex positions she has tried with him.. then the guy.. who said he always loved her.. dumped her.. as she wasn't virgin when she met him and he wanted to marry a virgin girl and found himself a virgin.. she then went to that 35 yr old guy.. he was her rebound.. she was depressed one day and made out with him.. that guy is her fathers student and regular drinking partner with her father( she stays with parents).. n then that she got drunk on new years eve.. she was all lonely and depressed and made out with that guy.. (sometimes it does make me jealous as he was such a lucky dog that he got a girl on new years that he didn't even think about making out).. n then how they continued being friends.. ALL these details were given by her to me.. over the months that we dated.. without me ever asking for any of these details.. I don't know why it was important for me to know..
She would keep saying that the new years night make out was Awesome and fantastic.. but once during our conversation she admitted not remembering much of what happened.. her other guy friends now hit on her whenever she is drunk and tell her.. if you could do it with that guy why not with me etc.. I mean.. they think this of her.. it just hurts me..
And then when we first had sex it pained her as hell because she hadn't done it for almost 1.5yrs.. n then some days later she told me that we need to work on our sex as its not great.. we spoke on this and she kind of has trust issues.. she says she would perform much better in a one night stand.. or with a stranger than with someone who she is emotionally bonded with as she screws up , gets conscious and can't let go completely with the person she loves as she has certain trust issues... she never opened up with anyone before.. except me.. not even her ex boyfrnd of 2 yrs and has never felt an orgasm with him.. she says she did once with the first guy but that was by accident as she didn't know she was going to orgasm or she would have held back and has always been holding back ever since.
All this about her past.. I didn't need to know.. but.. she told me.. I appreciate her telling me.. but seriously.. girls.. don't give out so many details.. please.. it screws up the mind as no guy wants to imagine what his girl did elsewhere.. before... and the problem here is that she is still close friends with each one of those guys.. if it was the past.. why not let those guys go their own way..

Tell her you don't want to hear about all of her escapades. I don't think you two are right for each other and it may be best to let her go.

Comment on Homegirl 50's post

I did.. and since that day it has stopped.. why do you feel we are not right for each other? Other than this one issue.. we sometimes feel we are soulmates. That deep bondng.. thats why I want to get this stuff out of me as well..

Whenever I am With her.. when we meet.. I can never get upset or angry or hurt by anything that she says.. it just can't happen.. its just when we aren't together my mind works weird. We stay in different cities and she comes down to meet me when free.

Thanks guy for more facts, but I will not comment on the society you were raised in, while I think you are a product of that society, it would be unfair to judge you for it. It is an obstacle to personal growth and individual understanding, but that's something you have to deal with.

I can only add that you should never fear the competition, or what you think is the competition. Insecurity and fear are but distractions from getting the facts, by paying attention to your partner, and learning her ways on a deeper level. That's how you get to trust her loyalty, and know her true character, and know how to love her mind.

When you can overcome that fear, your queen will follow her king to better things and let go of all else. Now that doesn't mean she will not get along, and be friends with exes, it means you will not be threatened by them. A man leads by the example of his actions, and deeds, and has NO NEED to urge others to follow through fear, intimidation, or force. They will do so willingly.

It doesn't matter the rules and concepts of others. You have to choose the path you take, and weather the storms of life for any one to be comfortable enough to follow. There is nothing wrong with having fears of that unknown tomorrow, as long as you don't let it stop your journey, or regret taking that chance that the journey was worth it.

Don't let society give you the excuse of not pursuing your own life, and taking your own risks.

You are very insecure and I don't think deep down you trust her or feel she is "up to standards" That is not fair to her. Coupled with the fact you two live in different cities and spend time away from each other, it does not help the situation which is why you are having the feelings you're having now.

I completely trust her.. and there isn't any insecurity issue at all.. I know for a fact that she won't leave me for her exes or for any other guy because I have full faith in our love.. the problem is.. that she was naïve.. very simple.. and sometimes I feel that the guys used her depression situation to be physical with her. This is all that I'm saying. If she was best friends with her ex boyfriend I wouldn't have been worried because both loved each other. But these flings she got into.. made out.. when she was experimenting or depressed just makes me feel as if the guys took advantage of her situation. That's why it makes me feel weird. I know for a fact that she would never go away from me.. even though we are in a long distance relationship. Its just uncomfortable for me to see her around those guys who instead of helping her out when she was depressed got physical with her as she wasn't in her right frame of mind and didn't mind some physical intimacy to raise her spirits and make her feel wanted again.
I won't let society live my life. I have decided that.. and called her up today and told her that I really love her and wish to be with her for very long. I have realised.. morals are made in our mind and those morals make us judge people as wrong doers.. who don't live by Our morals..

Comment on talaniman's post

I don't think there is any competition. What would I compete for.. I already have her..

Good, then eventually all the images fade, and the distance will be dealt with by you both.

Thanks.. :).. I am trying my best to change. The images won't go, but I'm changing my whole thinking process about physical intimacy, which I used to think should only be linked to love, and without it was wrong.. my 'morals'.. :P.

Well your last post has pretty much put everything into perspective.

You two have different 'moral' standards. You can't cope with her standards obviously. i.e. having physical intimacy with someone she wasn't in love with.

Im sure your not going to change your morals standard for her so why continue this?

well I am trying to change my morals for her.
but its just a bit tough. Especially with all the details given to me.. where she made out.. with who all she went topless... who she made out with.. what emotions were running in her mind when she made out with those guys... everything.
I mean.. even if you say.. u liked a person.. were attracted.. lust.. infatuation.. crush.. any of these emotions and then made out.. it was still understandable.. its just hard to accept that a girl makes out with a random guys because she was in depression.. on 2 different occasions, places and different guys. Just because of depression? Wow.
I am trying to get over it slowly.. but.. the process is a bit too slow. And I am changing my morals and thought process and values for her.

wow.. she just told me that all the guy who she said she had just made out with and gone topless with.. she has had Oral sex with them.. she always lied to me that she hadnt ever gone oral with them but today she blurted it out..Wow.. this feels horrible.. that i can't take the makeout and then i find out about her going oral with all of them and then she doesnt remember what more happened when she was drunk on new years.. wow.. i was trying my best to get over the makeout bit and this new level has me cringe inside..

My girlfriend, always told me that she had made out with different guys going topless and jacking the guy off and had sex with just 2 guys. . Recently after 5 months she tells me that she had gone oral sex with all of the guys that she was with ater her ex and did it all only because she was depressd. She was drunk and told me that she had made out with her best friend .but today told me that she doesn't remember exact details but she thinks she had done more.. like oral or something. This has really disgusted me as I had finally got over the fact that she had made out with those guys.. just kissing and topless but this is a new level to it.. Also.. I stay in a country where pre-marital sex is looked down upon.. I was fine with the guys that she was with in complete consciousness.. but when she doesn't remember what she did is just a disgusting thought. Feels she was used by her friend. How to I deal with my girlfriends past? I wanted to marry her.. but now I'm not even sure if I want to be with her anymore..

There is no need to start more threads about the same things so your post were merged.

With all the new information we know that this is a long distance relationship, of 5 months and you just keep finding out new things about her past that you just can't handle for whatever reason.

To be honest, I seriously doubt that she calls you up, and gives you new details about her past sex life. I think you keep digging and digging for every little detail, and freaking out with every disclosure. No matter how much you love someone if you can't accept and handle them for who they are, then you need to leave and stop all this drama.

I mean who talks about past sex ALL the time? You have been going out for 5 freaking months and you both are finding things out about each other, and that's normal, but if after 5 months the negatives outweigh the positive, then you have a decision to make about how YOU handle things, and if indeed, thoughts of a future are realistic. So far, marriage is a stretch, and just idle talk, sounds good, but has no basis in fact.

My friend, her past will not change and it seems neither will your attitude, and I seriously doubt if you change the morals you have been taught for this female without changing who you are. Forget marriage, because you are so caught up in her past to even see if she would be a good wife and mother, so I don't see you getting past this anytime soon, because its to big of a deal to you.

So how long is this distance thing going to last, and why is there a distance thing so early in the relationship anyway??

well.. we met at a party in my city and hit off, started facebooking, flirting , texts the next day onwards and would meet when she would come down.. we message and talk on the phone regularly.
and no.. I have NEVER asked about her past.. she keeps 'confessing' them and that too at the worst times.. like when we are having a very intimate conversation or are very close, etc. she just says she felt close and connected and so said it then.. and says it because she doesn't want to hide it from me.. but she keeps telling me half truths.. and months later the complete thing comes out..
Anyway, she would always just tell me that she had just madeout with all those guys (her first guy who was just a trial to check if she was straight, rebound and one night thing with best friend) for the past 4 months and I seriously promise you.. today I wanted to be back with her. I had gotten over everything.. I wanted her.. as I appreciated her telling m the truth and that it was just making out topless.. not anything more...
but today as we were talking she blurted out that she had done oral with them. I was taken aback.. and asked her why she lied to me before.. then she says she didn't.. she had told me before.. but I clearly remember she hadn't.. then she says.. she went oral with her rebound but isn't sure if she did with the one nightstand as she was too drunk to remember anything but she thinks that maybe she did but doesn't think she had sex... this just freaked me out.. she doesn't remember and says if it was any random guy she would have still done that as she was lonely.
I used to believe that sex is only due to love.. but I am changing my whole thinking process for her.. but the one night stand just freaks me out.. Any guy would have done.. that's disgusting.. and.. it also makes me kind of jealous that she went oral with all these guys in the first instance but not with me in the first time.. she wasn't even connected with me the first time as she was messaging the rebound... I really like her.. but I don't know what to do..

If you have to change your morals for a person, that person is not right for you. Not that there is anything wrong with her but you are on two different pages.
She is who she is and you are who you are.
Do you think you will not get another girl if you let her go?

Any relationship that does not have honest enough communications to get through confusion and differences isn't going to work. It doesn't mean one partner is better than the other, but it does mean that you may not be compatible in the long run, or don't work together well enough. Your bodies have met, but your minds have not. At least not yet. You keep talking, or forget it.

@ homegirl.. I don't mind doing that for her.. we gel in every aspect.. we think alike.. sometimes even know what the other person is thinking.. she is perfect on all levels except that our morals on sex don't match. She takes it very casually and has given head to many but I feel sex and physical intimacy is just for the special and ones you love..
I'm really confused.. I mean is it worth changing my whole thought process for her ,my morals n values on which my existence so far was based because I know that we perfect for each other on all other counts? Or should I leave her n find someone who thinks like me on morals regarding sex but may never match so perfectly on other counts? I really don't think I might find another girl like her.. but even.. I may never ever again have to be with another girl with such a wild sexual past.. I'm confused to the core..

She lies a lot and I don't like it.. though she confesses because of the guilt.. it still hurts.. the only differences we have are on this topic of sex...

Can't you forgive her past long enough to learn her morals NOW? If you can't what's the point? Again, you are so freaked out by who she WAS, do you even have a clue who she is NOW??

Its nothing to forgive.. she hsnt wronged me.. I am no one to forgive.. its uncomfortable to know she was so loose with them.. I love her but sometimes I feel they came by did her one night and went and she gave it to them so easily.