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Perhaps this is one of the most common question being asked here, and I have read millions of similar questions and answers, but I would still appreciate if someone could give me advise on how to get over a breakup.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me about a year ago. We met in college and had remained close friends until our senior year when we started to date. We have been on LDR for few years and eventually he couldn't stand it and broke up with me last year. But we dragged for quite a long time since then until recently he started to distant from me and later admitted that he's seeing someone else now after I confronted him. I was heart-broken and devastated, especially it was not too long ago we were still discussing about starting over again and he even suggested that he'll find a job in the city where I'm working at now. I love him so much and thought he was the love of my life. We both went through a lot and I thought we could overcome any obstacles ahead of us.

We had actually broken up few times before. The last time we broke up was because he cheated on me. Later we got back together and things were all great since then. We were more in love then before.

About a year ago he broke up with me because he said he couldn't bear the LDR any longer and he felt too lonely. I was quite upset. But the breaking up process has prolonged and we kept frequent contact as if we're still going out. In the beginning of last year, he came to visit me few times and had remained very caring. I was confused whether he was still in love with me or not. Then last summer I finally brought up the topic and asked if he wants to start things over. He answered yet and even suggested that he'll try to move to the same city where I am. I was quite happy.

But few months ago he suddenly began to distant from me and acted very weirdly. Initially I thought because we'd been fighting too much during that time and he wanted some space. Until later he told me that he felt too lonely and wanted to start dating people again. I was quite upset. Then very soon when I found out that he is actually in a new relationship with another person, I was determined to cut complete contact with him.
I felt betrayed though he broke up with me a year ago already.

Since then he called and emailed me from time to time, checking to see how I am. He even told me that he still misses me a lot and that the girl is only there to pass time. He said he still feels that eventually he'll marry me. I was somewhat happy to learn that he still tihnks of me and yet I'm scared to believe his words anymore. I was very confused.

I sent him a present for Christmas (perhaps because I still miss him a lot). Haven't heard from him since Christmas. I then called him after new year and checked if he receive the present. He casually acknowledged and sounded quite cold on the phone. I felt he suddenly changed his attitude. I was again very confused.

He stopped contacting me since then. A part of me felt that he has moved on already and yet a part of me still keep finding excuses for him and all of sort of explanations why he behaved this way. I feel myself in a mess and I just don't know what should I do? What is on his mind? This guy was once my love, my best friend and suddenly he walks out from my life. I am very hurt and want to move on, but I still couldn't stop thinking about him and hold on with the hopes that he'll come back. Am I being stupid?

"Since then he called and emailed me from time to time, checking to see how I am. He even told me that he still misses me a lot and that the girl is only there to pass time."

I only have one thing to say... If he can say that about a girl he is seeing, he can say it about you to some other girl.

What he is doing is wrong, and he could be doing it to you.

Move on, keep busy, treat yourself with kindness and you won't need to seek it out from others.

A part of me thinks he's a jerk and yet a part of me couldn't accept a person I know for so long has become such a stranger to me now. I have known and stayed as closed friends for almost a decade now. He's someone whom I trusted the most.

I don't understand why he tells me about his new girlfriend, that she knows about me and she is jealous of me. Is he just trying to lead me on or simply try to make me feel better. If so, then why suddenly he disappeared? He tells me he still loves me and yet the next day he becomes so cold.

I know I should move on. I am just very disappointed.

You can stop the rollercoaster by stopping all contact with him whatsoever, that includes emails and phone calls. He may have good intentions(?), but he hurts you. You end this drama, and move ahead with a life you enjoy without him.

My long-term boyfriend broke up with me and is now seeing someone else. Part of the reason he wanted to break up because he said I don't listen to him. He wanted me to do everything he asked of me. He thinks I am not skinny enough and that he felt somewhat embarrassed. I am a very stubborn person and I felt he doesn't respect me when he asked me to do this and that, to the extent of changing myself completely. This issue led us to many fights. He is now seeing another girl whom he said it's very nice to him and most importantly listens to him. I am very heart-broken and devastated.

I start to doubt myself and whether I made a mistake for not listening to him enough. Was it my fault that the relationship ended. We were together for 5 years already.

First: No, it was not your fault the relationship ended.

Second: What he was doing to you was emotional abuse.

Third: Do not ever doubt yourself.

Fourth: No reason to be devastated, you should be happy and relieved.

Five: Many people in relationships try to change each other but if he never really liked you for who you are then are you not better off without him? You need to be yourself.

Sixth: The only time you should change, is when that change is for yourself. Never change for anybody else except for yourself.

Joe

As a reference point,https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-up-56011.html
Any long distance relationship is a tough thing to do, no matter what kind, or however strong the love is. Any break up can bring negative feelings of doubt and loss of confidence , given the time, and emotions invested in it. With time and effort we get over it and move on by getting a life without that person and learning to do the things that make us happy.

Why do you feel devastated when you already said he did not respect you? Read your own words again.

Someone who respects you should not go about trying to change you over to fit their needs.

You also said that he complained you did not listen to him - that he wanted you to listen and agree to everything he said and you did not. Good for you! You stood up for yourself on that. Why WHY would you want to agree with everything he said, especially if you had a different point of view? It is him who has the issue here, not you. You have a right to express your opinion. Yes, he has a right to his too. That is where healthy discussion comes in. Every couple goes through that and can compromise or else agree to disagree but still accept each as they are - not as someone else tries to make them over to be.

Changing yourself needs to come from within. If you truly see something you need or want to work on. It should come down as an edict from the guy you are involved with. If you want to lose weight, lose it for your own self esteem and health.

Consider yourself blessed here for having back your own life. This guy is a control oriented person. A control freak. He needs to regulate another person's life - be glad it is not yours anymore. There are safe houses and shelters full of women who can tell you just how bad it can get, living with a man like that.

What is happening to you is very natural.
Probably you would have done enough compromises already for your ex. And he is thus trying to put pressure on you. Also for the fact that he is is mentioning to you that the other girl is better and "listens" to him shows that that girl is just a doll, and he preferes you to then her, as you have your own identity and self respect.

This does not outright tell you not to listen to anyone.. judge and think, if it is OK to listen to someone.
Further, everything is mutual- if you scratch my back, I will scratch yours. Else, you can close that relationship. Never feel guilty!

AH! He is trying to use you as his stepni!
Not your guy, you should move on..

No, listening to someone is just that listening, not changing, he wanted someone other than who you are, he wanted someone to mold in his image, not a equal partner that he would respect.

Its normal that your self-esteem and self-confidence are hurt after the breakup. Its normal to question yourself or even doubt yourself. BUT, the most important thing is that you do not obsess over it. This guy doesn't sound like he was very good to you anyway. No one, who cares about you, should make you feel bad about the way you look. Also, if he found what he was looking for in someone else, good for him! Don't worry about people who has left you. If he has moved on, you move on as well. Do not obsess about what you could've done or what you should've done. Take pride in who you are, what you have to offer, and give it to someone who deserves it.

Maybe he has become a habit you are simply trying to break. In order to break bad habits we must replace them with a new, good habit.

Take care of you. Stay strong and stay above the battles.

Let's be honest here. This relationship ended years ago. Truthfully I'm not sure if it ever started. It was long distance with no real promise to come together, he likes you when he doesn't have anybody else to have sex with, and he openly tells you he cheated before and is now seeing another woman. He's made you feel worthless and dependent and you choose to accept it. Now be bigger than the situation and choose to accept that you won't fall for this again. Be bigger than this and do some studying on why you've allowed this.

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Originally Posted by origins13

Should girls always listen?

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Yes.

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Originally Posted by origins13

I felt he doesn't respect me when he asked me to do this and that, to the extent of changing myself completely.

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No.

Listening means you be quiet and don't interrupt or be disrespectful or try to change the person your with. But for you half of this agreement to be met you must do it with someone that accepts and respects the same beliefs. Your ex could not and did not.

Hi, I have posted previously, seeking for support after my long-term (ex) boyfriend broke up with me months ago. It's been awhile now and I'm feeling bit better than before. And yet I still couldn't help from wondering if I was at fault leading to the break up.

My ex and I were together for over 5 years but have been on LDR for the last few years. He's now seeing someone now and one of the reason he broke up with me was because he said I had too much burden on my shoulder that he couldnt' handle me anymore. I have some family problems which are complicated to resolve and which was also why I couldn't move to the same city with him yet.

I was very closed to my ex and we shared almost everything, that includes my family issues. But every time when I got upset from my family problems, my ex would not want to talk to me and said I made him feel stressed out. Eventually he couldn't handle me and broke up with me. This made me start to doubt how open should we be with our partner?

I listened to my ex whenever he got upset or feels down and I expected he would do the same to me. Was I wrong to assume this? Are guys and girls different?

I think its good to be open in a relationship. You should be able to tell your partner how you feel and what's bothering you any time.I also think that he should have been there for you like you were there for him when he was stressed. Maybe he's self centered and don't really care about others feelings.but you haven't done anything wrong...

Sounds like you were the giver and he was the taker and you should be glad he is long gone. You did nothing wrong except give to an ungrateful partner so leave him in the past and look to the future with some one who deserves you.

We should be able to share nethin with our loved ones... nethin!!
If he is not giving you this much space then its good for you that he is gone... u r in a very good state now... otherwise you may hv repented it later...

<<But every time when I got upset from my family problems, my ex would not want to talk to me and said I made him feel stressed out. Eventually he couldn't handle me and broke up with me. This made me start to doubt how open should we be with our partner?
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I think of course a partner should listen. Men try to fix problems more than listen, so maybe he felt like he could not help you fix your family problems and this is why he felt he could not handle you.

I am actually going through the same thing as you, kind of... I have had bad family problems for the last 5 years, I have been at the point of wanting to end things a couple of times. At the start I would bottle everything up because I didn't want to bother my partner with my problems,then one day he asked me to tell him everything, and ever since I have told him about it all.he has helped me to deal with the (ongoing) worst time in my life, I don't think your partner is the right one for you, if you love someone you don't run away from that person when they have problems,you try to hep them through it,life is hard and there will always be problems for people to get through,the right man will help you through everything and still be here at the end.

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Originally Posted by rol

Men try to fix problems more than listen, so maybe he felt like he could not help you fix your family problems and this is why he felt he could not handle you.

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This is an important difference between men and women that often causes misunderstandings. Men tend to assume that if someone tells them about a problem, they're asking for advice about how to fix it. If that's not the case, and all you really want is someone to listen and nod their head and look sympathetic and say things like "I can see why you feel that way", then be sure to tell the guy up front that you're not looking for advice and you don't expect him to fix it for you or tell you how to fix it. Better yet, find a girlfriend to talk to.

Have been asking lots of questions here these days and really appreciate you all for reading and replying! You guys really helped me through the dark hours.

I received an email from my ex-bf yesterday (whom I dated for 5 years, broke up with me months ago and now has a new gf), just dropping few lines to update me his whereabouts. We haven't spoken for weeks already. I was a little surprise to hear from him and got me start thinking of him again.. sigh... Anyhow, I just replied his email in few lines, saying that I'm doing good and wish him luck on his job search. (By the way, he sounded quite formal in his email and addressed me by my first name instead of the name nick my friends including him call me. It feels a bit sour as he sounds like writing to a stranger).

I have began to accept the fact that we're over and yet a part of me still have a wishful thinking that he still misses me and would ask me back. (We chatted about a month ago and he told me that he still misses me and was confused whether he should break up with his current girlfriend now).

This afternoon I suddenly had the urge to write to him, telling him how I feel and that I still miss him a lot (which I do!). But I hesitated and am scared that this will backfires sooner or later. Reassure me that I should move on and continue no contacts with him. Really need support from you all! Thanks! :rolleyes:

I think it would be best for you to remain out of contact with him. This could just set you up for getting hurt again and debilitate the progress you have made with your healing. I know it is hard to give up hope but you really must try and eliminate these thoughts. If he were thinking of a reconciliation with you, I am certain he would make the first step and it would be best to step back (which you have done) and move on with your life. Nobody knows what the future holds but you can manage the present by doing what is right for you, and you alone.

Although it is always hard to listen to my own advice. I would say don't contact him either. I mean, you know he has a new girlfriend etc, you said he was formal with you. I can relate to the formal part, it feels strange. I don't know what they try to prove with the formal thing, to distance themselves from us emotionally? Sometimes even the contact being formal is enough to upset you. I would steer clear for now.

I would agree with everyone above. Don't send him anymore emails. When you see an email or phone message from him, just delete them. Out of sight out of mind. Whatever the reason is that he feels he needs to give you "updates" is beyond me. It sounds like he is trying to keep you haning on just in case this new girlfriend doesn't work out. What a jerk!! Go meet someone new and have fun girl! Forget about him.

Yes - quit contacting him He;s just looking for attention.

Woud have been best not to respond.

I'd eve nblock his e-mail if he is giving these laim updates.

Well I Can Relate To That My Baby Daddy Went To Prison For 5 Years. I Moved With My Mother And Met This Younger Guy. And Fell In Love. It Was All right At First But He Was Very Abusive To Me Physical And Mental.he Had A Drinking Problemand He Was Just Stupid.we Where Together For 2 Years But We Broke Up About 2 Months Before My Ex Got Out.so Me And Him Got Back Together.and A Move Away.he Found Another Gf But We Still Talk And See Each Other When We Can. I Still Love Him Very Much

Well Maybe He Still Cares And Wanted To See How She Is Doing.I Don't See Nothing Wrong With You And Him Being Friends. My Ex Was There When My Dad Die. He Help Me . My Dad Was The First Person To Die That Was Really Close To Me.thats Maybe Way Am Connect To Him Like That. But You Will Make The Right Chose For Yourself

I know exactly how you feel, I have the same situation with my ex. And guys here told me smth I ( and I am sure you too) realized long ago, but was afraid to say it out loud.
MOVE ON!!
I guess by saying that to someone else I make sure I move on myself, but I know how terribly hard it feels. Just wanted to wish you luck, it takes guts to pull yourself together to put an end to this.
GOOD LUCK!

Thanks everyone for your support! Am working hard to move though I still think of him a lot. Hopefully time will heal!

Good luck with you all too! =)

After 5 years together you probably have a hole in your soul you could drive a truck through. Its only been a few months and yes its going to be really rough, but look at how you reacted to his email, cool calm and brought it here to your safe place. Great move. Your stronger than you think and your instincts are right on. Even though he has a new GF he still has trouble sleeping I bet, but forget his motives they are what they are and you sent a good message to him that you won't just melt at the sound of his ooops emails. And now you've proven that to yourself as well. Good job. Hang in there we are open 24/7.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

After 5 years together you probably haave a hole in your soul you could drive a truck thru. Its only been a few months and yes its going to be really rough, but look at how you reacted to his email, cool calm and brought it here to your safe place. Great move. Your stronger than you think and your instincts are right on. Even though he has a new GF he still has trouble sleeping I bet, but forget his motives they are what they are and you sent a good message to him that you won't just melt at the sound of his ooops emails. And now you've proven that to yourself as well. Good job. Hang in there we are open 24/7.

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Had to spread it Tal but great post.

Spot on!

You are further on than you think. Don't jeopordise that now by doing something you'll regret!

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Originally Posted by wap

Although it is always hard to listen to my own advice. I would say don't contact him either. I mean, you know he has a new girlfriend etc, you said he was formal with you. I can relate to the formal part, it feels strange. I don't know what they try to prove with the formal thing, to distance themselves from us emotionally? Sometimes even the contact being formal is enough to upset you. I would steer clear for now.

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You're quite right, wap! It really upsets me when he's being so formal in his email. He addressed me by my first name (instead of my nick name which all my friends called me including him). After all we had been close friends for many years before we dated. I don't understand why ex does this? Are they trying to reassure us they want to keep a distance? But anyhow, this helps to kill my hopes and forces me to move on.

Have posted previously. My ex broke of 5 years broke up with me and now has a new girlfriend. Was quite upset and had stopped contact for few months already. Didn't reply his emails or picked up his calls. Eventually he stopped all those. Recently he has been sending me many forward emails, which he didn't do so when we were dating. Those forwards are sent to me only and he usually adds few words or a line of commens. Perhaps I'm analyzing too much into this, but I couldn't help myself from thinking why is he doing this? Does he expect me to reply? In a way, I feel a little happy that he still thinks of me. Yet I know I have to stop myself from having any hopes and really move on.

So just venting it out here and hopefully I can continue the no contact :)

Yes continue the no contact, those emails are a CRUMB of an attempt to get a reply out of you.

I'm with rol. Stick to your guns, he's hoping to keep you on the back-burner and he's just testing the water.

How strange to send these? Yeah, don't respond. He is looking for some kind of attention.

Yeah a miserable crumb!!

Delete right away and don't even think about them.

Seeking attention, don't give him any!

Probably some of you have read my previous posts. Am now in the process of moving on from a five years relationship. My ex broke up with me and started seeing someone since few months ago. I was quite upset and cut contact with him. Since then, he had emailed me from time to time to give me update on his end, but I never replied. Then after a month of no communication, he called me last week and gave me an 'update' of him. I kept the chat short. But he called again few days later. In the conversation, he never mentioned about his girlfriend or whether he still has one but he said to me several times that he still care about me and still put me on his top priorities. I'm confused and am scared to believe his words. I tried to ignore him and yet I couldn't help myself from wondering whether he wants a reconciliation with me? Or he's simply giving me false hopes!