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My ex broke up with me a bit over a year ago cause she had just started uni and said that she isn't going to have time for me and is going to get busier and busier, but then a couple of months after she was with someone else I had had bad times getting upset because I thought we going well she isn't that far away because she has a young son who is two now who stays at her parents cause she lives away, she said I had done nothing wrong and I shouldn't beat myself up but we never speak any more and don't understand why I miss her so much when I have been with my current girlfriend for over 6 months who is fantastic can anybody help me understand why I'm strugglin about my ex when I've got something good going for me right now

Sounds like you didn't get over your ex before you started your current relationship. You say that everything is great but, is it really? How do you feel about your current girlfriend? If you truly have strong feelings for her then your ex should hardly even come to your mind. You should try to focus all your attention to your girlfriend otherwise it's not very fair to her and perhaps it's time that you take a step back to work on getting over your ex.

I suspect because you keep getting updates from friends, (or the social network) as to what she is doing, and maybe this rebound is not working as well as you say it is, because your heart just ain't completely in it.

It could be as simple as you have not had enough time for a proper healing yet, and you can't understand what you haven't completely accepted.

It has been over a year though and I thought I was over it but this has just started happenein again suddenly

Something triggered your reaction. What was it. Even the time of yea has to be considered. Like the date a year ago that you broke up maybe?

Whatever the case may be don't overreact, let the feelings pass, by getting busy with what ever you are involved in now, thereby leaving the past in the past.

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I am really annoyed at myself that I can't et over my ex it ended over a year ago yet anything to do with her gets to me in some way then makes me think about our time together and I get upset all over again, I feel like I want her back but its been so long I don't see why, is there anyway I can stop being a fool and just get on with it

Everyone deals with loss differently. Try avoiding her, delete her number. Do your best. Its harsh but often a good technique. You will only thing of her more and what ye had if something triggers a memory. Its totally understandable and by the sounds of it she really made an impression. But don't go out, get wasted and sleep with random girls. This makes you sink into a hole that is hard to get out of! If you get the chance and meet a girl try and make her as opposite of her as possible. Maybe it was the idea of her you miss so much. You need to find something that makes you kick.. A buzz! Once you find it you have found the key.

Have you completely wiped her from your life in this past year? Meaning, no poking around on Facebook to see what she's up to, no texting, and no running into her.

I deleted her from phone, social networking etc more or less straight away after it happened cause I couldn't handle it at the time but its been so I just want to be able to get through a day without thinking about her or her son, I keep myself busy and I get away a lot on holidays etc went traveling last year just want to be like where I am with my other exes and it just be like there another person that's it

Quote:

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it ended over a year ago yet anything to do with her gets to me in some way then makes me think about our time together and i get upset all over again

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While a year has gone by, do you still have to see, or interact with her at all?
Are these the things that trigger old memories and feelings?
When was the last time you saw her, or her son?
Do you still have pictures and momentos of them around you?
Exactly what do you mean "anything to do with her" gets to you in some way?

I feel like I keep repeating myself but I can't seem to get over my ex we were together ages ago but it feels like it only just happened io've never been like this with any of my other exes I really don't understand and I am so annoyed at myself that I'm not moving on, there must be a way to get over her I can't feel like this as much as I do after such a long period

I feel like I keep repeating myself but I can't seem to get over my ex we were together ages ago but it feels like it only just happened io've never been like this with any of my other exes I really don't understand and I am so annoyed at myself that I'm not moving on, there must be a way to get over her I can't feel like this as much as I do after such a long period

How long were you together and how long has it been?
I'd like to know your ages as well.

We were together a year but broke up nearly 18 months ago I'm 26 and she's 22 she has a little boy who I met when he was 4 months old and we broke up after she went to uni

Something tells me, you still have contact with her in a way, browsing old photos - perhaps something online like Facebook, or just about anything that you keep checking?

In the page for relationships, there's some post called sticky's which absoletly wonderful advice on what to do you get over your Ex. I'd like you to try and read them.

I have looked at them previously when I tried to get past this before I don't know why it keeps happening I don't want it and there is nothing I cab get in contact with her I deleted it all a long time ago

Anything that reminds you off her you need to get rid off.

Or you will be constant reminded of what you don't have in your life and your pain will go on and on.

I don't have anything that reminds me of her well not here anyway I moved not that long ago but can't recall having anything there either, I don't know how I'm supposed to do it wehen its in my head

Check out the no contact related threads in my signature.

It takes time to move on.

I know it takes time but surly its been long enough to stop feeling like I do

I'm still struggling aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhh

Are you happy with the new girl or not? Maybe you got into this to replace the ex, and you can't.

I am happy when I'm with her but a lot of my time is spent thinking about my ex its been sso long and I want her back but I can't speak to her because its been so long, its getting really hard I don't know what to do with myself

I don't think you should be dating anyone yet.

It's not fair on the new girl;she's a rebound,as you don't seem to have allowed yourself to heal from the breakup.

Your ex is in the past,live in the now and look forward to the future.

You have replaced one female for another, and have never allowed yourself to properly heal. Seems you think that getting a new girl, will help you get over the old one. Seldom happens that way, and even though it was 6 months after the break up, the new girl is just a rebound you jumped into. That's hardly fair as you needed more time to unpack your baggage, by yourself, on your own.

The new girl is but a distraction, and its very telling you don't think of her when she isn't there. I suspect you just wanted someone to fed your hurt ego, and bring back yourself esteem, by having someone who is there for you. Those feelings are common after a break up as we feel rejected.

Something you should pay attention too. Maybe when you are not with the new girl, you are doing nothing but dwelling on the past, and not busy moving forward as you need to be.

My advice, when she pops up in your head, have a chore, or project ready for you to jump into.

I seem to worry about what other people think of me too much, I don't have any contact with my ex but have thoughts on my mind of what she thinks of me I don't want her to hate me because I thought we had a good time together but with it ending quite quickly then hardly a word from her in so long just wonder how she can not care but not me

Because she is having a good time, and you are not!

But why do I care so much about what other people think of me? I didn't do anything bad by my ex I don't know if just getting the chance to speak to her then I'll be fine