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Hey guys! It has been 2 years since I broke up with my ex and now think I'm ready to start seeing people. Just recently, a guy I work with asked me if I wanted to hang out and we did. I think we both are pretty much attracted to each other. Also, I heard from someone he works with that he really likes me too. The only problem is... he doesn't really show it!! I think he recently just came out of a relationship a couple months ago. I'm confused. I don't know what he's looking for.

Well if you both enjoy eachothers company regardless of attraction then just have some fun together, nothing has to come of it but if it does that's a bonus, if he's just out of a relationship chances are he's scared and wants to take things slowly and not have you as a rebound, so just go with the flow, have fun getting to know each other without complications, the more he gets to know you and vce versa the more you will open up to each other, starting as friends and having fun is the perfect concoction for a long lasting relationship, if it doesn't turn out that you like each other in "that way" chance are you will remain friends and that's perfect because you both work together, it would be awful if you fell out with each other and had to see each other in work everyday. Just let him take his time, for now, but don't let him leave it too long to act mysterious, you may get fed up, but its early days.

Confused how to approach dating
Dating is having fun getting to know each other. Nothing more, nothing less.

Just recently, a guy I work with asked me if I wanted to hang out and we did. I think we both are pretty much attracted to each other.
Working with a guy your dating can be very complicated later, so you better go slow, and be very careful to protect your feelings.

Also, I heard from someone he works with that he really likes me too. The only problem is.....he doesn't really show it!!!! I think he recently just came out of a relationship a couple months ago
That's one of the problems of dating people from the job, others are in your business, and though they may be well intentioned, they can be an unwanted influence, and a source of gossip, and talking too much.

I'm confused. I don't know what he's lookin for.
You won't know anything until you have dated long enough to find out. He probably doesn't know either what he wants, but that's the fun, finding out. But don't get carried away by feelings of attraction, and be eager to hand your heart to a stranger, or move to fast with unrealistic expectations. Or ASSUME he feels as you do.

Have fun getting to know each other without complications>> That's the thing. When people start paying for stuff, I feel weird. The first date we split the charge, for the second, he took care of it. I don't know if I should just tell him I'm confused or just let it be and see what unfolds.

Give it more time, what's the rush? As long as you have the chance to spend time and get to know each other better. Let things flow naturally, no need to force the issue.

2 dates is too early to push the panic button.

I'm aware that dating someone you work with may bring complications. So I really don't want to rush into anything either. I guess I was just a tad bit nervous since it was kind of my first actual one on one hang out with guy. We'll see what happens. Thank You for your feedback :o)

I know getting back into the dating scene is SCARY! Its like here we go again, yet hoping it doesn't have same result. The only good thing is he probably doesn't have any idea either!!

I will say just remember this is just dating, flirting, getting to see if there is anymore then physical attraction. It not a declaration of love or any commitment of a relationship, just getting to know someone. Just have some fun!! Oh, and since your NOT in a relationship just dating remember if he ask you out--he pays!! (oopps showing how old fashion I am)!

Take care

Thank You... Thats exactly how I feel... Here we go again... Oh well that too confuses me about the who pays for who... I actually have to talk to him about this type of stuff,, because its okay for once in a while but not all the time.. its just how I am.. I GUESS

Hey everyone. So I've been seeing this guy for a month or so. When we first started seeing each other he would call only because I didn't have a cell phone at the time. But as soon as I got my phone I have only received texts and no calls what's so ever! We have a very conflicting schedule and he also has two kids from a previous marriage (I haven't met them). Being that we have hooked up really confused everything and I do not know what his motives are. And now he really doesn't text me unless I start it. What is your in put? We've made plans to meet up sometime next week and would like to talk to him about this. Thanks guyz :)

Then you talk to him about it when you do meet up.

Ask him what his motives are;it seems to me he's backing off,so find out sooner rather than later.

I personally hate texting - it's like e-mail, really impersonal.

You need to communicate face to face and be open and honest with him about how you feel. If he doesn't want to listen and shows no concern for how you're feeling, then it may mean that you need to move on.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ng-553694.html

Same guy?? Doesn't matter.

Now that you have a phone, you can call and ask him yourself. Or through a text.

"2 bze 2 cll & cht????"

"Y hvt U cld??"

My point, talk to him about it, most guys hate calling, texting, emailing. We usually take the easiest route. He is probably hitting the text on the fly, while he is doing other things.

Okay. So here is an upate. I told him I was confused and he basically said that he is not trying to rush into things and believes we were moving fast. Yet he was the one to always start text conversation and so forth. I replied and said my feelings were kind of mutual.

But here is my question why back totally back off? :( And hanging out once or twice a week... to me is slow enough being that communication was only done through text a few times a day. Any advice?

Should I take it we are friends like already have from this so far? (This would mean no hanging out) Or should I still hang out with him stuff? I don't want to get hurt again. HELP!

It is the same guy. And I just thought he preferred communicating throughg text so I texted! And we are very busy people. I got used to the fact that he would text during down time or mid day to see how I was doing.

You need to ask him these questions and find some way of deciding where this is going-if anywhere.

He said,"things are going great. Its just that we've been busy..." I told him what I thought of everything and hope I didn't scare him off. Lol Needed to be said though. I basically said that I think hooking up confused things and that the time we had to see each other wasn't good to really get to know each other. But that everything is cool.

As far as deciding where this is going- I get everything is good but we moved too fast... So really don't know. This is a tough cookie to figure out. :P

There are many ways to back down a bit, and the best way I think is keeping a balance in your life with a very active social life. Especially with guys, and don't get attached through sex. That's the biggest, and hardest thing to slow down, and the surest way to get hurt. Sex does not equal love, caring, or concern, and people go through and do a lot of things to keep it going.

It skews your whole perspective of things, especially when jumped into very early. Essentially, you have handed your heart to a stranger, and has he proved he deserves it after a month or two of limited dating? Be honest, its not the number of dates, or the sex, it's the quality time of getting to know who you are sharing time with, after the lust has worn off, and you figure out what's really there between you.

Balance your life and back off to a safe emotional distance until the lust has worn off. That could be a year or more, or next week, but to protect yourself know it for yourself. You have already given this guy permission to run his own program, but you don't have to go along, just to have a date or a love buddy

*Balance your life and back off to a safe emotional distance until the lust has worn off. That could be a year or more, or next week, but to protect yourself know it for yourself.

Will definitely see to that! Thank you everyone :)

Good luck!

More Updates! So its been 3 months... same thing. Communicates through text and so on. Problem now is the hot and cold treatment. Now we are starting to go days without texting each other. I haven't been initiating the texts or the idea of hanging out. I've made sure to keep myself busy and not be available at all times when he wanted to hang out. We always hang out at night which leads to hooking up and it's made me feel a bit weird so I'm trying to avoid this also. I'm really not sure what he wants and don't want to bring up the talk with him either. I'd like to get to know one another without hooking up now. I guess because of the distancing back and forth. Now I just feel like giving up and not texting back or anything. This sounds rude but I'm trying not to get stringed along or used for sex. I hope he didn't think I was looking for a casual fling? I mean, he would send me cute texts and stuff. Now it's just stopped. Also, I don't know if he is seeing other girls too. What should I do guys?

I previously warned you of making attachments more emotional through having sex ( I presume that's what you mean by hooking up ). Instead this is the time to be talking and seeing if there is a basis for a relationship that you mutually agree on. You have skipped a whole lot of laying the ground work for understanding through communications and have entered the limbo world of wondering what's on his mind, what his intentions are, and where is this thing headed.

You have yet to back up to a safe distance, and evaluate what you already know, and communicated honestly enough to make changes, or progress to what the next level should be. That's why you are dangling in the limbo of the unknown. Not only are you impatient, and very hopeful, you have done a great job of sharing your body, but not communicating with him and establishing your own boundaries. You have gathered no facts while playing the role of being in a relationship.

Many people I have found can only date one person at a time, and that's okay if you can recognize that its very easy to become dependent on the company of one person when you have no other options by which to follow, and get very carried away because its so easy to focus on just one person. Sure we are busy, and have friends, but dating is restricted to one person, so that's where all the feelings of romantic connections are focused on. Throw lust, and sex into that one person, and you can see where emotional bonds and attachments can be quite strong and distracting.

That's where you are, caught in limbo and don't know where to go. Step back to a safe emotional distance, stop having the sex, and start asking questions, and get answers, and pay attention. When there is no communications, just texts and sex, there is no building anything that will last. Whether you know it or not, you have given this fellow a part of you before he has proven whether he deserves it or not. I can't blame him for not being in a hurry, and its apparent that you are.

Slow down, and gets some facts, and proper communications established, face to face, person to person, and have more dates with others, not for sex, but for perspective. Not for a future relationship, but for friendship, and fun. That's what dating is about. Its not an interview for a relationship. The only commitment in dating is sharing a great time with someone. Not marking time until you get comfortable and agree to go to the next level.

You haven't marked enough time, or paid enough attention before the hooking up, or had enough fun, nor communicated honestly, and that's not dating. Its pursuing high hopes that this will last forever, and assumes very wrongly he feels the same way. The fact that you don't know is warning enough that you have missed something important.

Date others, for fun and friendship. Protect yourself MUCH BETTER!!

I know you have questions, fire away.

(You have yet to back up to a safe distance, and evaluate what you already know, and communicated honestly enough to make changes, or progress to what the next level should be.)-Well, he texted me asking me if I was upset at him and I basically told him that sex weirded me out and that is why I am backing off.
(Slow down, and gets some facts, and proper communications established, face to face, person to person, and have more dates with others, not for sex, but for perspective. Not for a future relationship, but for friendship, and fun.)-The constant texting no phone calls should have been a red flagg. Shame on me.
I don't think I will be hearing from him anymore that I told him how I felt. Oh well. It will definatley give me an insight as to what his intentions were. Thank very much Talaniman!

Hey guyz... so this is where things are now... I know I was suppose to be distancing myself to reflect on the situation. However,3rd round is a sure charm... ugh.. I don't even have words for this. I don't know if I should be totally honest and tell him why I have been so distant and unemotional at times and explain as to what I felt was missing. Although, maybe he doesn't even care and is slowly leaving.

He has attempted to email me after not contacting me for several days, and I have replied short and simple. He probably knows I'm upset and that in itself is unattractive.
My question is, having said all this, should I write him a letter explaining my actions or just let him come to me AGAIN as to why Im being stand offish or just let the wierdness at work ride out???

I work with him and want to try to keep the peace... and I also like him and would like to maybe someday hang out again.

Hello again everyone. Questions:

-Why is the guy I'm dating pulling me in to push me away?

-I feel uncertain about things. Why? Is this because of my past relationship gone bad or is it because of
Lack of communication I'm having with him?

-Am I being too needy to want to talk to him every now and then?

-Should I end seeing him?

-Should I go NC on him too? Or would that seem rude?

-And if I do go NC, its going to be awkward know since I work with him.

-I think if you have a genuine interest for someone you would at least call them once a day. Does anyone
Have any opposing views. We hardly text or call each other... but then there are days or weeks when we communicate. Confuses me.

Any advice would be great. I just want to get clarity back into my life once and for all. I feel like I should have never started dating people. I made huge mistakes with this one! Help!!

Okay guys,

I've been seeing this guy for 6 months or so. In the beginning he was very attentive. However, after or month or so he said things moved too fast and didn't want to rush into anything.

SO I totally stopped iniating contact just followed his lead per say!

Anyway, he started to only text me once in a while (twice per week) then didn't hear from him for 3 weeks, then texts me to see how I was doing. Since I ignored his attempts he then said he would leave me alone.(I think I was being cold a little... yikes)

Afterwards, I recently wrote him a letter saying that though I was interested in him I was uncertain how to deal with our situation anymore and asked him if he just wanted to be friends instead.

NOW he is ignoring me and has not replied or texted me back... We are both in our mid 20's and thought we could have handled this a little bit more maturally here.

-Could he be annoyed?
-really not sure how to act?
-And yes I still Like him
-How do you think he might have taken the note? Sometimes I think maybe he thought I may have been trying to end it nicely but in reality I truly just wanted to be friends to relieve the pressure and feelings I had for him.

Did you try calling him and speaking it out, rather than texting him?
Anyway, my guess is, he knows that you like him, but he does not want to give in yet. Reason being, he is not ready to take a responsibility. And he knows a relationship is not a joke. In my opinion, he is not annoyed but he does not know how to handle the situation.
But the clear picture can only be given by him.

But I asked for friendship!
And I get no response and get avoided instead?

May be he likes you, and when you say that you are ready to be friends, he doesn't know what to do. Like I said before, guess he is confused.
But these are all may-be's. Have you tried speaking to him about this? I don't think this is a matter that can be discussed over text messages.

-Texting was always our way of contact due to our busy schedules and I don't want to harp down his through if he is already having issues with this.

I thought maybe there was a possilbility that he was losing interest too, but at the same time he still checked up on me and wanted to hang out and would question my mood when I appeared distant. And, if losing interest was the case, why look for me at all?

We work together and it makes things a bit uneasy.

~But thank you BK for your input.

Your welcome. I agree with you. You can wait for the right moment.

When things ain't working out, you walk away, leave it alone, and date someone else. Don't even try to force a friendship, that may never happen and trying to force on only drags out the drama. Clean break, let go. Deal with your feelings at work by just being in control of yourself, and professional.

The bottom line is leave him alone.

It's time to let this go and have no more contact with him-he's not interested in any kind of relationship.

Accept that and move on.

I am trying to leave it alone and haven't contacted him ever since. I just feel horrible after everything but I guess this is how the truth of what we had comes out :(

I've been talking to others in the midst of the rocky moments. Its just my situation with him bugs me because I actually liked him.

That's sometimes how it goes and sad though it is, with acceptance comes the ability to move on to bigger and better things.

-Alright... so I found out he was seeing another girl! I am so livid but also extremely disappointed in myself. I feel like I've been deceived!

Just yesterday he texts me back to say that he's just been busy and that he would like nothing more than to be friends! THEN ASKS WHERE THE HELL HIS KISSES ARE AT! What did he take me as a joke?

Anyway... I also found out that he was seeing someone else so I confronted him and told him to stop the flirting since we are just friends.

In all honesty, I really am hurt by all this.

-But play it off to him as if it doesn't fase me... ugh.

-I DID tell him though that I felt saddened by it all.

Any words so I don't go bolistically crazy on this guy... I feel as if he should have told me at least.

Before you get mad at him and his behavior, look at your own. Not to be cruel, but what did you expect from him??

Its so easy to get carried away by your own feelings. That's what's been going on since February. Now here we are. Hope you have learned the difference between dating and romance, and all the complications in between.

Now put this experience behind you, regroup, rebuild, and let the learning process unfold, so you will understand yourself much better. Anger is but part of the grief process.