Ok, Girlfriend of only 3 months, not much compared to some but its been the happiest time of my life. Then, out of the blue, during school she says its not working, That "its not supposed to be this way" that we don't have enough in common. Its been two weeks and a couple days since that, I'm still at a loss for what I did. She's given me a couple reasons. "We werent right for each other" "we didnt have enough in common" and most recently "I blame people for everything"... Yeah. She seemed so damn happy two days before she broke up with me, she left a note on my phone to find while we where watching a movie, it said "You are the coolest person ever I love you so much ur amazing stay with me forever" IDK what happened, but two days later she broke up with me and would barely talk to me, she said she wanted space I gave that to her but kept asking why. Those are about the only answers she's given in two weeks *cough* BS. I wouldn't say that to her but.. I still love her to death, would do anything for her, I forgave her the day after she broke my heart into a million pieces. All I want in the world is to be back together with her, I gave her my heart, gave her all the time in the world for her and I don't know what I did wrong. After two weeks I almost want to just give up, forget it, but I feel like I cant, I don't have any idea what could fill the void.

Her feelings changed and she ain't into you but doesn't know how to express it. Hey it was fun while it lasted, but let it go and accept it and keep your dignity and self respect, by bowing out gracefully. What are you 15 or something?? First girlfriend??

Everybody knows that after a proper time to heal, you will find someone, or something else to fill the void. You just have to get over the shock first.

Well to make it more confusing I have asked her what happened. How could those feelings just disappear. And she told me they hadn't. Again with the not how it's supposed to be. Never been one for dignity. Although I do have a bit of pride and honor. And yes. First girlfriend. I know it was almost certain to happen that we broke up. But it still doesn't make any sense. And sorry to disappoint but I'm 17. Always been a little iffy on relationships. Which made this one special. I was going with no relationships before college and I fell for this girl. Hard. Who had apparently had a crush on me for a good half a year. A little slow on the dating game yes. Again, sorry to disappoint, always been the guy that just kind of watches as the drama unfolds. Feel like I don't belong anywhere. But finally found a place.

While it was special to you, it wasn't to her. Of course what goes on in her mind wouldn't make sense to you. But 3 months is plenty of time to decide she had enough. That's why you avoid the confusion, and leave her alone, and not dwell on the whys of a break up. They happen for any reason. Heck half the time none of us knows why our feelings change.

Okay you fell for her pretty hard, but its time to get back up, and get beyond this.

But it was specialto her. I know that. Over Christmas. I went down toflorida with my family. This was only two months into our relationship. I got her a nice bracelet for Christmas but she couldn't figure out what to get me lol. So all the time we where together she would joke how hard it was to find a gift to get me. And then she got an idea. She wouldn't tell me buy she went around and asked a lot of our mutual friends for ideas. So the day that I had to leave I went to her house for a bit, and then she gave me her gift. It was amazing. She had a gift and a handwritten letter for every day that we would be apart. And we talked almost every night. Even though we where a thousand miles apart. I was in two places at once that Christmas eve. With my family. And in her heart. As she was always in mine. Or so she said. It's so hard to move on. It may have been only three months but I saw myself spending a lifetime with this girl. I've noticed other girls yes. But this one has it all, an amazing smile, beautiful humor, a great body, and an amazing talent for making me feel like the happiest guy in the world. I would do anything to see that smile on her face again. And give everything for it to be because of me. I'm whatever she wants. And if that's a friend then that's what I'll be. But I can't get her out of my head. Only thing I want in the world is her

It was special to her for a while. I have to emphasize, until you realize that the special stuff is over, and you are caught up in a trap your feelings have made for you because the past is over, and the reality of NOW, is what counts.

But no worries, you will understand when the shock has past. Break ups do that to you.

I've never been one for reality. Always seems to suck. People murdered every day. Women raped. This world we live in, sometimes I just think it would be better just not dealing with it. Is all the hurt all the pain, the disappointment really worth putting up for the small joy life brings. Not to me at the moment. It's just a waste of my time. I'm the kid that kept to himself his entire life, sat in the corner of the class reading a book cause he didn't fit in with the class. I don't dress. "in" I don't act like the "cool kids" and so I just ignored people. Who cares. Why is a powerful question, ask yourself, why do you do what you do, why do you keep going on, and right now, I've lost my why. I may be seventeen but I know how I feel. How this world makes me feel. It makes me sad to be human. How pathetic people really are. I found something. I gave it my all. During the first month or so of our relationship, I would text her something funny sarcastically and she wouldn't answer for maybe a good 4 hours. And I kind of went, " ahhh I'm sorry" but it happens she just left her phone somewhere. So she made me promise, to trust her, that she wouldn't just leave out of the blue, not going to just let me go. And now I find it hard to trust anyone. To feel the way we did. And then. People don't make sense. And I'm tired of them. I can't do anything without thinking of her. Still love her to death, that really confuses me. People say, it will always get better, you will let go, it will just take time. I'm not sure if I want them to go. These memories. They cause me pain. But are still of the happiest time of my life. She wrote me a note one day, just some of the things she loved about me, when we first started going out. Page long. And I kept it in my wallet. I don't think I'm going to take it out. I don't want to fall for anyone else. I already gave her my heart. Don't want to give it to anyone else.

Sure there is a lot of negative in reality to be seen. But lets not pass over the good. There is a lot of that too. You seem not to be able to see that, and I can understand wanting to hold onto the good that has touched you for a while.

That was only a quick taste of the better things to be had, should you choose to explore it. That is your reality whether you accept it or not, in that you have choices you make within your own reality, and no one else's.

Elloganias,

Listen, most of us know what its like to have to go through a break up. We understand it sucks, and its lonely.

But you are just wasting your time by sitting back and still letting her have control over your life. Get out and do something. You are ticked off about some of the bad things going on in life, so what are YOU DOING to help besides just pointing out how life sucks. Why don't you get off your backside and go help the special needs children to just have a friend, or perhaps volunteer at the either the homeless or woman's shelter, help cooking or yard work or just being there. Why not volunteer to read to the elderly or yet again to the special needs that cannot read.

There is a lot that you can do as a mature 17yro man to assist in making this world a better place to live. There maybe other young people going through the exact pain you are but cannot handle it in a mature way as you, so why not put a ad in school newspaper to get some people together to just be able to talk about what they are going through, it doesn't have to be a break up, maybe its abuse at home, or death of a family member, etc...

Take care

I'm still not really sure what to do about the whole situation. At first she just wanted to not be together but to be really good friends. And I always told her yes I'd love to be good friends at the very least but I still think we can talk about this. Don't really remember exactly what I said. So after a day or two I left her alone and just didn't talk to her or even try to make eye contact in the hallway. I wasn't sure what to do and my world was in shambles, falling apart in almost every way imaginable. And then a couple days ago. I texted her with "hey how are you" just trying to be friendly. Well that was my intention, not really sure how she took it. Obviously she didn't reply. But I found out later that she had un friended me on Facebook and blocked me. No idea why. Got me thinking. And I tend to over think things a lot, bear with me. I had never before tried to even talk to her over Facebook. So. Was it my message from me or was it just seeing my picture seeing me in general. In my fantasy world it's because she's trying to push me away, because she still really likes me but she's afraid to come back. She doesn't trust herself. But that's just me thinking positive. Then she texted me that same night. With hey. Like... Idk. Just so confusing. I still don't want to let her go. I feel that if we talk about it we could solve anything. So.. Yeah. Idk. I've talked to so many of my friends and her friends. And they all answered with.. What? After it happened. Completely unexpected and I'm still hoping it's just a dream. What's reality except for what perceive as reality.

She wants nothing to do with you so it is time to move on and stop all contact --period. You don't want to appear desperate or if your begging her for a relationship. If you see her in hallway just nod your head and keep going, make sure you have a smile on you don't want her thinking you are still hung up on her. Let her think you are over it all.

Time to get out with friends to places she won't be, and start meeting some other girls your age!!

Ok. That makes sense but it's still not good enough. I need a why, to understand. I've never been big on just trusting my emotions and now they seemed to have left a big crater in my heart. I know. I'm crappy at letting go. It's not new to me. It's not easy for me just to move on like that. People said I would be getting over it by now but it feels like it's just getting worse. I think you should know me a bit better. Im not the guy that goes at and hangs with people. I'm the guy that stays home reads or does something else. So not only was she my first girlfriend but she opened my world to something different. To people.. Well. Going to partys. Even the school dance. Always felt out of place and just didn't go before. But when she was with me I felt great. Just wish I could go back. It's not healthy to dwell in the past, but it seems that's all I have left. It's so hard to believe she's completely moved on... The things we said to each other at times. Idk. I guess I just believed in it too much. Watching a movie at her house. She pulled me close. And I said, "don't worry I'm not letting go" and she looked into my eyes and answered, "neither am i" it's just hard to let go.

Well your 17yrs old now, its time to learn the lesson, that young ladies are full of emotions, and Don't NEED AN REASON to dump a guy. Sorry, but that's just how it goes, and let me also advise this that a heck of a lot of guys at your age do exact samething with NO REASON. Your looking for a logical reason, and even if she thought up a reason, it still wouldn't satisfy you.

So you have experienced a different social environment, so keep doing what that. Nobody says you have to go back, always keep moving forward. Perhaps there is a young lady who would also like to experience going to out and possible going to school dances, STOP dwelling and open your eyes to the possibilities that you are missing out on.

I know what your getting at. But I guess I asked this question and already knew the answer. I knew the answer I wanted. But I knew the answer I would get. I can't really just let go. Not completely. It's been good to have someone else to talk to. It's the same story but I still can't believe it. O well. I almost want to let go. But I don't think I can. Don't want to find another girl to fill the void. I want to find the girl. I told her. I promised her that I would always wait for her. Call me a helpless romantic lol. Don't really care. I'll hold on to as long as I have hope. I'm not going to talk to her. But I'll be there for her. If she let's me. I'm not going to go stalker. Blah...

Well I thought you might want to read someone else's post,just to occupy your time. It will do you good to read all the post, and see if you notice some of the same wording between his and yours, if so you might want to take heed and learn now at your age to learn to move on in life without doing the so called WAITING or just opting out on the dating seen.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...st-543017.html

Ok. I read it. I think I've been on this couch for a good hour plus. I've seen a lot of similarities with our ideas. But a lot of differences at the very root of the relationships. A big one. I've been doing the no contact thing. I haven't seen her in person for a long two weeks. Just finished exams today. Had an urge for the past couple days to text her but I told myself that I would wait till after exams. Well here I am an still keeping my silence. It scared me today, after exams I didn't feel hurt, I felt a little sorrow, but a lot of anger. I want her to go out with someone. And get her heart broken. And then maybe she could understand me. That's all I've wanted her to understand me, so maybe she can understand why she left. I didn't do anything... Big let's say.. Like Cube did. Or at lest to me. Which is why I'm so confused. It's still just damn hard for me to believe that someone can just let go. She's never told me, that she didn't love me, that she didn't want me. If I heard that. I feel I could just let go. But she's happy. And I'm about the same as I was before her. She's telling her friends she's taking s break from guys. And I feel I should take a break from girls. Although I miss it. So much. That connection. Want to jump into anything that will make me feel like that. But I don't at the same time

Listen, your not the only one on this site who feels like they were thrown away like a bag of garbage!! Nor are you alone in wanting them to experience the hurt and pain that you are going through.

I do believe in what goes around comes back around!! ---I have lived it BOTH ways!!

The thing is--the pain will dull to a just hurt, then the hurt will dull to annoyance, then one day you will realize that you haven't even thought about her!! This time does come, but its not over night and it doesn't happen for weeks to months, and for some of us it may of taken years. But when that times comes, you will also know that for whatever reason this hurt and pain you have gone through has also made you a stronger, and perhaps a better person in the long run.

Ok. Not really responding to your answer but I just talked to her. For a good.. Hour I think. Not sure. And she was able to explain it more to me, or maybe I just listened more. It's cause I wasn't right for her. She loved me. We talked. I brought up that I felt she just kind of threw it away. And she kind of snapped at me. Which was probably a good thing. She told me she loved me. Just as much as I loved her, but that I wasn't right for her, yes it was special. But :( she didn't want me to change for her. Sadly I really would. But she told me it wouldn't work for her. And not much you can say to that. So. We decided. Maybe in the summer we can talk to each other again and be friends. That it's really not going to work right now. Now I just really miss the feeling of a relationship. Just feels empty. :( almost wish I was interested in someone else at school... O well. Guess I'll just relax for now.

I just want to let you know that I have been through the same thing. But my relationship last almost a year and a half. And she told me the same reason as your ex told you. It is been like 3 months since she broke up with me. All I can say is that I'm getting better and better. And yes she was my first love, and first of everything. So I know how you feel. Have you thought about that her feeling just changed /passed the honeymoon stage and don't want the relationship anymore?? My Ex had a serious depression, and I was the one who help her out during that period beside her family. I was the one who is always understand her. But at the end of our relationship I was really stress out because of school work and family stuff we had couple fight, I was expected her to understand me and support me. But do you know what she did? She broke up with me, because of some bs reason, and said that we aren't right for each other.
All I want to say is that my ex changed her feeling, and she doesn't want the relationship anymore, same as your ex. They just simply fall out of love.

Im sorry bro, No contract is the only way that help you to move on!!

Well... I've been feeling better I guess. Until today. I just hit the wall hard. I really am feeling that I would rather have never met her, never fallen for her because now it hurts. And I feel worse than I did before. I know how wrong it is. But suicide looks o so comfy. To let go of all this crap of life. I don't really believe in an afterlife, on the fence is the closest I get to any religion. So if I end it all. I know I will never feel this way again. I won't have worry, I won't have sadness, I won't have anything. Not a care in the world because I'm not alive. Still don't understand why she broke up. Probably never will. She's completely moved on, today at the lunch table she came over at talked to some mutual friends o ours. I couldn't even look her in the face. Couldn't even acknowledge that she was there, because yer presence alone was a deep burning feeling. I did what everyone said. I haven't talked to her since that last post. But she's always on my mind... Like a disease that's sucking away all the joy I've felt. Turning It against me. I feel I can't talk to anyone, even this post I'm going to look at peoples responses but I can't trust people anymore. I don't know if I can. I can't feel my heart. I'm not happy when I complete something or see someone smile. I wear a mask all day. But behind that mask my eyes are dead. It's easy to pretend if you don't feel anything. Smile... Tell a joke, I've been pretending for years... I've had practice. And I want to blame her, I want to blame myself. But I don't know what I did wrong. And I know there wasn't much I could do but I still blame myself. I understand what I'm going through. But I'm not sure I want to save myself. I don't see a point. I don't have much of a will to live anymore. It would be so easy to just fade into the background. Disappear. From nothing to nothing.

When I got heart broken so many years ago, I hit the court, and developed a killer cross over dribble, and a learned a few techniques for a better butterfly stroke. I was like you, hurting bad, and didn't want to be around people, then the anger came down and I could just sit. I worked hard on that cross over because, I was to mad at the world to do anything else, so every freaking day, 2-3-4 hours. Couple of weeks later I was running rings around 'em, and I wasn't mad, or angry, or sad, or depressed. By the end of the second month, I was partying with the guys I was playing with, and one of them had a sister, who had a friend, and we hooked up for a few weeks, and she dumped me, can't remember why right now, but what's s a guy to do? Back to the courts, the pool, the darts, BOWLING, yeah I love to bowl, to bad I was never that good, but always had a great time, and met a lot of great people, and that was a great time. Never did worry about filling that void ever again though, because I was having too much freakin' FUN.

The point, if you get off your a$$, and do your thing, healing goes better, and faster because, time flies when your having fun. Forget the masks my friend, just be yourself, and do your thing, because who cares if they like you or not, who cares if they accept you, or not? Who cares if they reject you, or not? It doesn't matter because you love yourself more, than they hate you.

Trust me guy, no female is worth all that, until you meet one, and you will after a proper healing period, that will be better than the others. And the good news, you can enjoy many on the way to meeting her, so this is hardly over with, its just this one got away, her bad, the next one will be better, so you better hurry, and learn how to cope with your losses, because, your missing a lot sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, instead of doing great things for yourself.

Come on, no more romantic sick thoughts, get real with it, and get up, and see what you can do for you.

Hey again, guess I'm doing better. Well I really do read all of your guys responses. I know I may not take them as seriously as I should. Sorry. I've never really had a thing though. Played basketball for a while but was never really interested in the sport myself. I've got the physical body to be a football or basketball player but I've never really gotten into it. Just doesn't capture my mind. I do like bowling though, every weekend me, my brother and my mom have this bowling thing. Usually really fun. Like you where talking about the partying with friends. I've never been that guy. And I'm not sure if I want to be him. I did. For her. I really found it enjoyable at times but not so much now. I need a hobby, or a job. Probably both. I just don't know who I am. Don't really care what you think but if I feel for someone that strong the sky's the limit I would go for her. I know that's me. Ive never been one for caring for myself. For the longest while I cared for myself cause she cared for me. And now without that. Just don't give a crap about a lot of stuff. Ive never had a real reason for living. Just passing the time. I'm pathetic, scared and excited at what the future might bring, hiding in the comfort and happiness of the past. I don't really put myself out there. And this is the first time I really put myself out there for another person. And I'm still not sure if it was a good idea. At times. It's the best. But other times. I want to die. It's just hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel. And Its getting hard to keep believing in that light...

I think over time you take from this experience that you have learned what's possible if you give it a try. What you could do if you were as good to yourself as you were to her, and start defining yourself by what YOU do, not who you have.

If that experience was great, the NEXT one has to be better. Maybe its not basketball that turns your crank, maybe its chess. Don't you know there are possibilities out there if you just heal properly, and go for it? A life that you enjoy without a partner, takes time, and work to build, and brings out the best in us. This is only a temporary funk, and it will pass if you let it. If you find ways to be good to yourself.

Volunteer at a soup kitchen or hospital and meet some people who have more problems than just being dumped by some female, and you will learn what real courage is and what it means to not quit on yourself, over a temporary setback.

This is bit a speed bump on the way to better things. You just have to keep going, and building, and rebuilding yourself. That's a helluva job, no doubt.

... I just don't know who I am. I don't know who I want to be. And that's not something I can just ask, it's something I have to figure out on my own. I don't say it enough. Thank you. I always say Im not a big people person, but here I am. Talking with complete strangers about my problems on an Internet site that the whole world could see. I guess it makes it easier for me, that your complete strangers. You don't know who I am and I don't know who you are. I can get your unfiltered responses. I don't know what I want to be, I know core values which I would never go against, but not the outer part. To fill in the corners of the map, I've got the outline but the land itself is mine to mold, I'm not sure if I want the raging volcanoes, the cool flowing landscape or the constantly flowing ocean. I know who I wanted to be for a while. But now it's lost to me. I know it's foolish. I knew it at the time. But I didn't care. I wanted to be exactly who she wanted me to be, no matter what. Do anything for her, And what confuses the heck out of me is I still would. I just. I felt so attracted to her, in every way possible. I loved everything about her, I told her that quite often, I don't think she ever realized how much I meant it.

Still don't know where trust fits into my little world, I had it, but now it's gone. I don't trust anyone anymore. I feel like I can't. That I'm always trying to protect myself from them somehow. Never letting anyone get too close. Idk. My minds just a scrambled mess. All these thoughts and of course all oxygen conflicting, like a battle in my head. All my feelings take up arms and defend themselves accordingly.

And to make it better... She texted me, wanting to be friends again. Last week sometime. I said yes of course. I'm not going to be an arse... But I'm not sure which side of me really said yes... The part that still loves her (I'm not going to deny it, it's there and I've tried to squash it for a while, it's a persistent feeling) or the part that wants to be friends again. Or it could just be the love hiding under friendship. But then there's the part that says heck no. Get away, do you know what you did to me? Every time I see her in the hallway I can't look her in the face. I have to suddenly change the song on my iPod or stare intently at that ceiling tile. Although, when I'm in the hallway I'm always looking for something, and I'm not going to kid myself... I know what it is. But whenever I see her face, hear her laugh. It's like a joyous sound to my ears.. While someone tears out my heart again and again. I want to be friends. But I still want to be more. I know I should move on. I know it would be better. But she's that angel. Always shinning, always out of reach.

I want to ask her, if she feels anything still, but I know the answer I'll get, but I don't want to believe it. I can't ask her, but I still want to. I want to be free of these feelings, but I want to be back in her arms. I know which feeling is stronger. But I'm too ashamed to admit it. Even to people that I'll never talk face to face with. I'll never know you more than your username. Is it really so simple... Did the hormones in her body just stop, are my feeling genuin. Or are they just the body's way of getting us to mate. I want these feelings to be more than just hormones. I don't want to give up. I cant. I know that's me. Stubborn as hell. With a feeling of honor, that's me as well. To do anything for someone I care about... Aye.

Your post is almost to honest to comment on. It bring back some old buried memories. You really are good at painting feelings with words, you really are. You may be stubborn, but the sensitive side shows, but by now you are seeing that learning about life isn't easy, that why they call what you are going through "growing pains".

You will have a lot of those tough times, and tough choices, in the future. No way to avoid it, and I hope you are stubborn enough to grow through it, and be stronger and better later. For now it's the suffering through it, and be content to know you can make it.

As for the female, she wants to be friends, but honestly, that will only bring pain at this time, until you are over her a bit more. No need to be rude, just be busy doing your thing, and be polite and brief when you see her. In this way you can be unavailable for the unnecessary torture, and still be polite about it.

Feeling suck when you have to cope with them in mature positive ways, but believe me it gets better.

Quoting Tal
,

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ;

When I got heart broken so many years ago, I hit the court, and developed a killer cross over dribble, and a learned a few techniques for a better butterfly stroke. I was like you, hurting bad, and didn't want to be around people, then the anger came down and I could just sit. I worked hard on that cross over because, I was to mad at the world to do anything else, so every freaking day, 2-3-4 hours. Couple of weeks later I was running rings around 'em, and I wasn't mad, or angry, or sad, or depressed.

---

I spent my time playing guitar to get completely absorbed and nothing else intruded on my mind.

As Tal said you give vivid descriptions, and bring back how bad it was to feel so confused and hurt .

I tried to be someone's else's ideals and just ended up doing
A poor job of it, and it caused a lot of collateral damage.

When the realization of "it is really over" came, I was changed into a zombie for quite some time.

Then from zombie to" angry and stupid", to " ashamed and stupid" To "plain stupid" . The anger decimates IQ.
Indescribable torture.

And even though your time together was three months, mine 12 years , I know by your post you feel much the same.

It will get better , more slowly than I want to admit, but the pain eases .
It's not easy or fast . But it will happen. Get a guitar or something you can lose yourself in at times. That's how I keep at least some of my sanity.

I wish you well

... I'm still looking for her, always looking for her in the hallway between classes. I want to see her, that smiling face, and to hear that angels chorus that is her voice. I'm not sure what to call these feelings, love or obsession. I desperately want to be able to spend time with her again, to talk like we did. But now it feels almost like before we got together, all these feelings for her but I can't do anything about them. Even the mention of her name almost brings me to tears in class. Just today, a teacher mentioned her name a couple of times and I had to walk out of class. Everyone is posting and all my friends are telling me, do your own thing. I don't have a thing. I've tried to find things, anything, but I've come away empty, feeling worse than before, my mind likes to make circles, I'll think to myself "why am I doing this again?" and it will answer "so I don't think of Nikki"... That doesn't really work. I've only felt really at home, like I really belonged, in her arms. I know that might not be true but that's how I feel. I want to forget, or go back. I can't think of anyone else. Not in any way. When I dream of her, I regard as a blessing and a curse. She's always in my head, but I want her in my arms. I don't know what to do. I don't want to do anything. I know I should let go, I've always known that. But it doesn't make it any easier. I still love her dammit. Even if she doesn't love me, even if she tore out my heart. I still love her. I can't show it, I keep these feelings inside and they aren't going away... They feel like their growing. It's not getting better with time. Not yet. It's getting worse.

She was your first girl friend, your first step outside of your comfort zone and you poured everything in to her.

Oftentimes when you first start to date you are madly infatuated, you eat sleep and breath each other. All of that slows down after a while and you begin to see things as they are. She saw that you two are not a match. That does not mean there is something wrong with you, it means you are not right for her and truth be known, she is not right for you either.

You are hurting now, you have come out of your hole seen the world in a different light and now you feel you're left out there naked. You're not. You're out here, now move around on your own, explore the world outside of your comfort zone on your own.
You seem to be an intelligent young man there is plenty out here you can connect to.
You two enjoyed each other for three months but you are not a match. This was your first experience so there will always be a soft spot there, but you will get over this.
There is something and someone else out there for you.

The problem that's still nagging me is how much I fell for her. Over the three months I got to know her I loved her more and more every day, I could really see myself spending the rest of my life with this girl. She was that amazing to me, I don't know why, I just clicked with her, like I've never clicked with someone else. Its just hard to imagine myself with anyone else anymore. Talked with my parents finally. My dad started yelling at menand I yelled back, I put my hand through the wall in my room and stared at him, he marched me downstairs and yelled at me somemore I think I needed. I'm feeling better about the whole situation now, my pain. Her loss. Now I almost have an anger toward her. I want nothing to do with her. Cause obvIously she didn't feel the deep connection that I did. I just wish that she hadn't done it just out of the blue. That she sat down and talked to me about it rather than saying it and running away. It's still a problem to me that no ones even close to her in how much I like people... Nothing I can really do about it though

It is not her fault that you two are not a match and neither is it yours. It is what it is.
You are 17, believe me you will feel this way again.

I know what I have to do. I have to let go. But I know I don't want to. I know I should let go, but I don't. I know it would be better to let go, but I don't. I don't want to give up. I never asked anything from her. She was always asking what I wanted for christmas. I always answered.. You. Cause that's all I really wanted in the world, it's all I still want, I would give up everythingzx just to go back. To do it all again. To find that happiness. I haven't felt in two months. I've seen a therapist, he told ke what I already knew. That it's mental. The root of the problem, I've know it for a while already. I don't want to give up. I want to keep my promises to her. Just because someone breaks their promises doesn't give you any reason to break yours. And unless someone with an answer can move me. I'm not going to give up. It's almost a challenge. I want an excuse to not give up. And I've found it. I'm almost hoping someone can talk me out of it. But at the same time...

When you get sick and tired of being miserable you will move on. When you get tired of wallowing in misery you will move on. You don't want to, and as long as you don't want to you won't.

All this time you spend poo pooing over a young lady that does not want you is time wasted. There could be someone out there looking at you, wanting to get to know you and you are absorbed in misery.
You need to get over it, is not attractive and it is a waste of time.

If you don't let go, promise or not, then you will make a pest of yourself, and lose your dignity and self respect. You will really be hurt, when she finds another and you are still stuck in false hope.

When she left you my friend, she released you from your promises, so why are you holding on so hard to something that no longer exists?

Because I promised. I spoke words from my heart and through them I told her I would always wait for her, never let go, binding words to me, I can't break my promises so easily, which is why I barely ever promise someone something. Because when I said those words. It meant a lot to me. If we don't keep promises then we aren't even true to ourselves. Maybe I'm hurting myself because I subconsciously believe that I messed up, somehow somewhere I could have been different, I'm believe I'm punishing myself for that. The guilt, no matter what people say I can't seem to wash my hands of that feeling. I'm holding on to nothing, I've missed the train that I'm still waiting for, hoping, that through some sheer dumb luck it will come back, even though I know it won't.

Im a fool when it comes to love. But if I give up completely, then it will never happen, if I hold on even the slightest, it's astronomical odds. But isn't something better than nothing? Isn't that tiny drop of water after a week in the desert something? You can't live life without believing in something. Even if that something never occurs, it's better than nothing.

You don't have anything with her to hang on to. She does not want you. What sense does it make to hold on to someone who has let you go? Does it ever occur to you that she was not the one for you? That by holding on you are not being fair to her. You say you love her, love her enough to let her go and get on with your life.
Desperation is not attractive.

You won't feel that way once you find something else to fill that void with. Have you always been this way after a girl dumps you? Take it out on yourself when it has nothing to do with you?

Because you don't understand your own feelings, your logic has been thrown way off.

... Still into her. Talked to a couple other girls, nothing feels even close to what I felt for her. I know there are a couple girls that are into me. But it's not mutual. No girl comes close to her, and I don't want to go backwards. All the pain, all the crap I've put myself through... It doesn't make sense, I know its only going to hurt me in the end but something about her. It's got me... And I'm inclined to let it pull me away.

It's your choice what you do with your life,of course,but why not choose a happier path and put this behind you now?

Start filling that void with things to do,people to see and get to know, and get your life back on track.

That void. It feels like it only wants one thing, every time I try to put something in that place it spits it back out with disgust and I see all those memories again. All the time I spent with her, I always comment on how I have horrible memory, but I rememeber everything about her, crystal clear, it feels like it's been seared into my mind with a hot brand. I can't give up, not yet. I won't show it, but I feel it. No cause is lost if there is but one fool left to believe in it.

You just keep wallowing in all this melodrama, I think you like it. You don't have to deal with reality.

You were with this girl for 3 months. That is no time at all.
Like I said before, when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll give this fantasy up.