My ex and I are getting back together but I keep putting it off because I've become so possessive over him and I don't want that negative energy to be a part of out relationship
He used to go to an all boys school but now he's in uni there are obviously girls. He's become close to a very pretty girl he says she's attractive but that she's not even close to how attractive I am :/
She has a boyfriend (they started going out in the beginning of the year) but she was flirting with my ex at the same time he told her about me and how he wants to get back together with me she stopped talking to him for a short period and just made awkward conversation
They started talking properly again not much texting just in person as they share the same classes
I can't help but get jealous because she is the same religion as him and the way he talks about her is so much more different than he's ever talked about any of his other friends who were girls
The worst part is whenever he justifies why he'll never be with her he immediately says because she has a boyfriend not because he wants to be with me :(
I don't know what to do :(

Hmmm well lolzmy boyfriend used to be like that and he used to talk to many girls and last thing he started to talk about my best friend in a different way but latly I found that he doesn't loves me anymore and he loves my friend so you better leave him and move on because even if she has boyfirned she still can leave her boyfriend and if when he talked to her about you she stopped talking to him that means she wants him so don't try to get back to him or if you want tell him to don't talk to her and leave her if her really loves you he would do it

He said if he wants he will stop talking to her
But I know that it may make the situation worse because humans are always most attracted to what they can't have!

He said if he wants he will stop talking to her
But I know that it may make the situation worse because humans are always most attracted to what they can't have!

Well trust me if she likes him that thing will be the worst thing because she might knows a way to take him from you trust me you don't know that kind of girls I know them because it happens to meeeee and its up to u

I totally agree she definitely has the power to take him away from me
But should I throw away my relationship because I'm scared of what she can do

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lalaagirl

i totally agree she definitely has the power to take him away from me
but should i throw away my relationship cos i'm scared of what she can do

---

Your scared because your letting yourself be scared. Step up to the plate and be the loving girlfriend he wants and deserves. Your causing your own misery stepping back and being jealous and cautious. If you want to be with him then do it and make it work. If your meant to be with him then befriend her also hang out as couples. Your giving up before your even trying. At least if you give this a shot and he does end up with her you then know the truth. If you sit back and watch from a distance you may lose your chance at happiness. That choice is yours.

Well don't be try to make him your own and not one1 else don't let him go if you really love him and he loves you back its so up to u... u r the only one who can get everything solve

Thank you
Also she invited me to a double date with her and her boyfriend
I can see it being very awkward because all 3 know each other and go to the same university
What are your thoughts?

Its only awkward because your making it that way. I say go for it. Who is to say you won't have the best time ever? So what if they go to the same university. They are friends at the same school its not a big deal.

I have a question. Are you jealous because she is so pretty? Are you feeling threatened? Gain some confidence and go have fun.

I don't think its so much the fact that she's pretty but I mean there is a much prettier girl in his class also which all the boys drool over!
I mostly feel threatened by her personality and how well they get along with each other, personality can win someone's heart over in my opinion
The fact that he just thinks she's pretty is just another annoying thing

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lalaagirl

personality can win someone's heart over in my opinion
the fact that he just thinks she's pretty is just another annoying thing

---

See you are destroying this yourself. I fully agree personality can win someone over. But why is it annoying that he thinks she is pretty? Is it that big of a deal that he thinks that? Do you not see guys you think are good looking? Attraction between humans is natural and not a big issue. Its how you personally handle it that's the issue. So what. Period. She is a gorgeous girl with an outstanding personality. What are you going to do about it? Don't do this to yourself. I am sure you have several qualities that out shine her. Your just being far to hard on this entire situation. I say you do one of two things. You either snap out of this and accept it for what it is and possibly she could be your next best friend. Or you forget them all and move on and try to be happy. You truly seem like your making yourself crazy over this and its not worth it. Truly its not. You need to give her and the friendships a chance then you can sit back and judge all you want.

It must be a lifetime of rejection that's made me become like this

Do I have to try make friends with her? :/

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lalaagirl

it must be a lifetime of rejection that's made me become like this

---

Then I suggest its time to try and change. Do you like these feelings? Do you want to live this way the rest of your life with so much negativity? Rejection is a part of life. It's the way it is and you can't avoid it. You can either choose to live with it in the way your are or you can learn from it and move on. I don't know how old you are but rejection will happen over and over in your life. It's a good time now to learn from it. Sometimes it can be a good thing.

Do you have to try and be her friend? Absolutely not. But lets say your all out and you see she is laughing and funny and everyone is laughing with her. Are you going to sit and snarl in a jealous rage or are you going to play along with the fun? You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. But you could be passing up a great friendship also if you don't try. That doesn't mean try once with this attitude and not do it again. That means you go and do it and make the best of it.

You cannot have any fun with others, and be fun yourself to others, as long as you are afraid of being rejected. Rejection is seldom about you, but more about the person that rejected you, so the trick is, DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Now relax, and enjoy what you do have, and keep it real will you!

Have fun, be fun, and don't worry about it. We get rejected, and reject all the time in real life. Have you never said NO Thanks before to someone who wanted something of you??

No I hate these feelings!
Everyone says move on but how exactly do you do that?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lalaagirl

do i have to try make friends with her? :/

---

That would be a great start in overcoming your own fear. Why would you NOT make friends with her?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lalaagirl

no i hate these feelings!
everyone says move on but how exactly do you do that?

---

You just do it. You focus and go on. Forward. Uphill. Be happy.

I have no interest whatsoever to be her friend, I have so many lovely people in my life
Maybe if I get desperate I'll be her friend haha

You are driving me crazy misusing the comment to this post feature instead of scrolling further and giving your input and feedback in the answer ask box!!

You get crazy very easily then haha
Sorry I've only just started using this website

Yes I said no thanks when she invited me haha

I guess it would
She just doesn't seem like the kind of person I'm commonly friends with
She's very conservative in contrast to me, the kind of person who's all about keeping up appearances

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lalaagirl

i have no interest whatsoever to be her friend, i have so many lovely people in my life
maybe if i get desperate i'll be her friend haha

---

You totally missing the point. If you have no interest in being her friend then I suggest just move on and be single. Find a new boyfriend who has no friends so no one can offend you. Your not even budging on your thinking in this so its pointless. If you have so many lovely people in your life you wouldn't be so negative.

Why should I move on and ruin my relationship just because I don't want to be her friend :s I do have lovely friends :)

When your father constantly rejects you from a young age no matter how many lovely people you have in your life you ARE going to be a negative towards certain issues!

I'm just going to accept that they're friends and ignore any insecurities I have
I don't see the need to be her friend :)

So you think your father rejecting you makes it okay to reject others because you are insecure, and jealous??

I understand the bad feelings, and the effects bad events in our lives affect our thinking, but letting them affect our lives in adverse ways can be worse than the events that lead to the thinking in the first place.

Open your mind, before it reflects badly on the relationship, as your father's rejections have affected you badly. Up to you, but no doubt your boyfriend may not understand your fear, or the unwillingness to deal with it in a healthy manner, or let it go.

No of course it doesn't! I never even said it did haha
But these insecurities aren't going to disappear either
When someone who is meant to love you UNCONDITIONALLY rejects you why would you trust someone who only loves you

Of course it clearly hasn't happened to you
& you are very lucky for that
So I accept that you can't understand it :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lalaagirl

of course it clearly hasn't happened to you
& you are very lucky for that
so i accept that you can't understand it :)

---

On behalf of every member of this site I will speak. You have no idea who I am or who tal is or the next person who posts. You do not know our stories or what makes us who we are today. You can not sit there and say rejection hasn't happened to any of us. Rejection is a way of life. I am sorry it came from your father but do not judge and assume others here or you will be in for a big surprise.

Haha it's the internet what are you going do thumbs down me
I'm sorry but I've tried to be nice but you both are so rude and ignorant of my feelings
Clearly it's a sensitive topic
So answer with sensitivity :)

You might want to read the rules better before posting.

I'd love for them to delete my account :)

Comments on this post
lalaagirl does not find this helpful : rude

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

I don't see anyone being rude to you. You cam here and asked for help. And people have volunteered their time and knowledge to give you help. The only rudeness I see is coming from you part of which is your refusal to use this site according the rules.

Comment on 88sunflower's post
I'd love for them to delete my account :)

Ain't going to happen.

Quote:

---

haha it's the Internet what are you going do thumbs down me
I'm sorry but I've tried to be nice but you both are so rude and ignorant of my feelings
Clearly it's a sensitive topic
So answer with sensitivity :)

---

Thank you for the insights into your personality, and the way you deal with things that you cannot control. Sometimes when we are very sensitive we get distracted by our own feelings an stop getting, or seeking more facts to give us a chance to make good, or better decisions for ourselves.

You insecurity and fear of rejection is a response to a real event, and that's how you deal with the things that have hurt you. That same fear is at work here with this other girl, because you can't see her as a friend to have fun with, because you see her as a threat to make your boyfriend reject you. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy eventually, because your boyfriend wants to share the fun he has with you, and that's a sign of caring.

I hope you deal with your sensitivities in a healthy way, and you may be pleasantly surprised to see that your fear was unfounded and you can share good times with good people, and not let or fear stop you from ENJOYING a new, and DIFFERENT experience.

You may even learn the difference between a stranger being rude, and one being honest. Just so you know what the difference is, an honest stranger is only trying to help answer your questions, and there is no need to be overly sensitive, just think about what they say and why they have said it.

And as you can plainly see I deal with rejection much differently than you, and it no longer invokes fear in me, as it does you. Wonder why that is, since I have seen it in many ways, from many people, many times, and even from YOU!