Hi everyone,
I've been reading through the responses in here, and you all seem like really great people. I haven't found resolution to my situation so I'm hoping your insight could help me.

My boyfriend of a year a half finally called it quits with me. We met only a week after I called quits with my first boyfriend of 3 years. He really helped me get over that relationship, so I feel like this is my first real heartbreak. This man was so amazing to me. I left for college only 2 months after we met, and he stayed in a long distance relationship with me through that. We saw each other every weekend. Anyway, he treated me perfect in everyway.. except he was a little more flirtatious with other girls than I would have liked. I had only been with one guy before him, but he had been with quite a few girls. That was something that always bothered me, and I really gave him a hard time about it. It got to the point where I tried to break up with him a few times because I thought I needed to experience more people before I was with him. I started to realize that the number of people you're with doesn't really matter, so I started getting better about all that stuff. I had worn him down too much though, and finally he told me he needed space. So, as of 1 month ago, we have been "broken up." He said he still wants to talk to me because he might want to get back together eventually. He said he "wants me, but feels like he can't be with me." He's afraid I'm going to make him feel like a bad person again. We've hung out about 5 times in the past month, and when we do he treats me like his girlfriend. I feel like I'm always the one calling to hang out though. I have great friends, but they don't fill the space in my life that he has left. Him and I connected on such a high level. Sometimes it makes me more sad to hang out with my friends because it makes me realize how special him and I were.

Basically, I don't know what to do. I haven't called for 3 days now, and of course he hasn't called me. We were thinking about getting together this weekend, but when I'm the one always calling I feel like I'm forcing myself onto him. I mean, if he wanted to hang out, he'd call me. Whenever we talk he makes it sound like we have a future together, but it really just kills me inside. I feel like crying every time I see him, knowing that I can't have him anymore. I feel like I had everything I want, and I pushed him away. I feel like there is no one better than him out there for me because he had everything I wanted. Some of my friends say he's trying to keep me on the side in case he doesn't meet another girl. I don't really know what he is doing. I've seen a lot of things on here about having no contact. I've tried to be really strong about that, but it's so hard. It's been three days since we haven't talked and that's been almost impossible for me. In fact, I called him today from a blocked number but he didn't answer.

Sorry this is so long, I just don't know what to do. I cry everyday, and I just want to be better. Thank you for any help.

It's hard for me to say. I would keep pursuing him, because it sounds like you're the one who started all the issues. I'm sorry, I know it's not very supportive, but I'm just being honest :( You have a lot of crow to eat if you want him again. However, your friends have a valid point, that he could be keeping you on the side. Does he get angry if you try talking to him about getting back together? If so, then I wouldn't talk about it. If he doesn't, ask him, truthfully, because you realize now that you were wrong, what you can do in order to let him know you think he's a great guy. I mean, to be honest, if he said that he's just worn out from handling your jealousy (I get jealous too, trust me), and it made him feel like a bad person, I can understand why he's not making an effort to hang out with you. In this case, you're the one who has to do the wooing, and apologizing, and there's no guarantee he'll get past everything that happened. He probably is seeing other people, which is fine, he needs that. Tell him that you respect his feelings on things, and that you want him to know you love him, and that, yes, you are his FRIEND! I don't think women have the first clue how important that is to guys, more so than girlfriends! Or even sometimes wives! When you think about it, you weren't being a very good friend (and I smile shamefully at this, because I've done the same thing). The important thing now is to concentrate on your friendship. Good luck with everything. Keep in mind, I'm a dumpee too, and even though we're still friends, he's moving to another state to live with another girl... now I'm losing my friend as well. You don't want to lose both, trust me :(

First, most people don't answer blocked calls. Why would I want to talk to someone who doesn't want me to know who is calling. Don't play that game. He is sending a strong message by not calling. Are you sure you want to be with someone who doesn't even bother to call you?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ballengerb1

First, most people don't answer blocked calls. Why would I want to talk to someone who doesn't want me to know who is calling. Don't play that game. He is sending a strong message by not calling. Are you sure you want to be with someone who doesn't even bother to call you??

---

I actually understand what you're saying and, believe me, by no means would I ask anyone to lower themselves by begging or pleading :(... I just think this is a different case, because, and I'll be honest, if he didn't want to talk or see her at all, he would ignore her entirely. The problem also is that, unfortunately, she might have brought this one herself :(... I know I have before. I don't think she should expect anything out of him. She should not let him string her along, but, from what is sounds, she wasn't being a very good friend even at the time. And, again, I have done the same thing :( I was guilty of a lot of things I had done, and I had to eat crow to just to rebuild a friendship.

In the long run, it depends on whether you still want to remain friends with him, not whether you'll get together again as a couple. If that is the only reason why you're pursuing him, then I would stop. If not, then I would continue on.

I really don't know a lot of the situation, but like I said, on the surface, that's what I would do.

So this guy breaks up with you claiming that he needs "space"... ok fine. So why then, are you calling and calling? How is that giving him space exactly? Your calling him from a blocked number sounds a bit stalkerish in my opinion. You are only going to push him further and further away if you keep this up.

I disagree with your friends' idea that he is keeping you around just in case he doesn't find another girlfriend because he is not the one initiating the get-togethers. You are. You are keeping yourself hanging around. I remember reading this passage in a book called Girltalk About Guys when I first began dating, "Hanging around and being available if he wants you back does nothing for your self esteem and nothing to make you more attractive in his eyes. Neediness is not as appealing as self confidence." This may help you because you seem very needy here.

You are hanging around with an ex, doing the friend thing, desperately seeking his approval at the expense of taking care of your own emotional needs and this will NOT get him back. Do you notice that he is not calling at all on his own? You need to back off here and give him his space. You need to develop some independence and get a life of your own if you ever want him back. If he comes back to you at all, he must have a desire to do so on his own. You can't beg him. You will only serve to turn him off more by hounding him.

I'm not suggesting that you never speak to him again, but my advice is to stop initiating calls, stop asking to hang out, and stop talking about getting back together all the time with him. You said it yourself, if he wanted to hang out, he would call. So, let him. Back off and gauge his interest by letting him initiate some contact for a change. If you truly want to be friends with him only, be friendly if he calls and stop talking about the relationship all the time. If you want to get back together, give him some space and let him miss you. This is no guarantee either, but it would be better for you to stop being so obsessed with him at any rate. And if he doesn't come back, it will help you to start moving on and letting go. You may be incompatible anyway, since you have jealousy issues and he flirts with other girls. It may be best to separate. I dated a guy who was a big flirt and it was not fun.

Daisydew,
I too was with a guy who was extremely flirtatious and would even go as far a checking out other women in a very obvious way. However, he treated me like gold. I started creating trouble in the relationship because this was really bothering me.

We broke up and made up 3 times! Needless to say, every time we were apart, I would regret my actions and beg him to take me back. Each time I thought... "this is it, I'm going to change". The truth of the matter is that unless you get help or sort through these jealous feelings, they will never go away. When I talked to him about how it bothered me, he made me to be the "bad guy".

Some people have characteristics that cannot be changed, which creates clashes among some couples. You really need to ask yourself, are you truly missing him or are you missing the thought of just being with someone. Are you prepared to get him back and deal with his flirtatious ways? He doesn't see anything wrong with it, so why does that mean you need to be convinced there is nothing wrong also.

My belief is, if there is something in relationship that's bothersome, then each should respect what is being said and if there is true love, they will try to change. It's not like you're asking him to stop hanging out with his best friend. He can't even respect that fact that you don't like him flirting?

It's funny how he has made this about you now and taken his responsibility completely away. He's gotten you to feel guilty!
Personally, I don't think he's worth it. You're not asking for the world, you're just asking for him to be not so flirtatious. If it were me, I'd find someone else... that's exactly what I did and I couldn't be more happier. Do yourself a favor, don't wait around.

Sorry to make this so long!

Thanks for all the great responses. To be honest, I don't want to be just friends with him. He's a very attractive guy, and gets a lot of attention from girls. I'm sure he'll find another girlfriend fairly quickly, and I can't deal with that. When I talk to him about being in a relationship in the future, he says things like "I hope so." He tells me that he loves me and feels like were very compatible... but then he doesn't call... so many mixed messages.

I like this quote
"Hanging around and being available if he wants you back does nothing for your self esteem and nothing to make you more attractive in his eyes. Neediness is not as appealing as self confidence." Thank you for that.

I read a lot of quotes and things like that that make me feel strong enough to be independent and get through this, but then it seems like everyday I have a breakdown at some point. I feel like I just can't go on like this anymore... and I ended up calling him tonight, of course he didn't answer so I left a blubbering message. Now I regret it, but can't take it back. What should I do when I feel like all I want to do is call him?

About the jealousy thing... I think I was getting better about it. He wouldn't blatantly check out girls or anything.. he was just very huggy and things with his female friends. And MySpace was a really awful thing. I would get jealous whenever a new female friend would leave him flirty comments, and I had no idea who she was.

I keep thinking I need to learn to be happy and single. I'm 20 now and haven't been single since I was 13. I just felt like he was the "one."

Karolina.. I wondered for awhile if I'm just lonely. Right now I feel like I'm not lonely, I sincerely miss him. But for awhile I felt like maybe I was just lonely. How do you tell the difference?

The best thing you can do, is stop calling. He knows he has you if he does decide he wants you, or not. It will only hurt you a lot if you do call him, especially as you still care a lot for him. I would stop all contact with him. Each time you call, you are setting yourself up for another fall. I don't mean that to sound hurtful, but I have learned a lot.

Honestly then if a "friends only" relationship won't work for you, then you do need to stop. I agree with everyone here on that.

I really feel for you and do completely understand your pain but your comments above are really detrimental to yourself. Who cares if he finds another girl? He's just going to end up doing the same thing to her! You are doing yourself a huge injustice if you wait around. I am 10 years older than you and have been through big breakups only to think that my life won't go on. Well it has gone on, and it's much better.

You say you haven't been single since you were 13, this is not healthy. No wonder you're having problems, you don't even know how to funciton on your own. I mean that with real sincerity:) Please take my word on it, this is a blessing in disguise. You have the perfect opportunity to help rebuild yourself esteem and make some good changes in your life. Do so now. HUGE RECOMMENDATION - DO NOT CALL

Besides, who's to say you won't be the one that meets someone next. You're really not giving yourself credit and it's very sad to see that. If you set the standard in which you allow men to treat you this way, it's going to be very hard to change in future relationships.

I'd just write him a letter, or go to his house or work, or call even .Tell him you love him very much, tell him you need him, why you need him and what he's done for you. Make him see how you feel. Make him hear you. Maybe a lightbalb will click in his head. Ohh and practice what you want to say first, sounds stupid, but it works :P

I'm trying to initiate no contact with my ex, but he still wants to be friends. He said he won't call me if I don't want him to. The problem is, I get to about day 3 of no contact and completely lose it by giving in and calling crying. Does anyone else feel like there's no one that can make them feel better except their ex? How do you get through the days where all you want to do is call them?

Daisy, it's hard, but not impossible. You need to have a strategy or it won't work. Make yourself busy. Really busy. Buy a really good book and dive in. Do you have a dog, take him for an hour long walk every day. Not only will it be good for you but your dog will repay you in being a good pet, tired dogs are good dogs. Come on, you can do this, just get busy with life and yeah, tell him you need no contact right now and tell him not to take your calls cause they're made in moments of confusion.

Why not get busy doing the things you enjoy without him. No Contact is hard, but it gives you time to find out about you. You must get busy, and stay off that pity pot and start to build you a life. Time will heal you if you let it. Get a hobby or two or three and fresh air and exercise is great, put new people in your life or volunteer your time to those less fortunate, they always need help to read to children, or serve lunch to the elderly. Fill your time with positive actions.

Excellent advice from tal and momincali.

No contact is very hard and I know how you must be feeling. The way to do it as the above responses say is to keep busy doing positive things like exercise or any hobby that you can take up that keeps your mind off the ex. I like tal's suggestion about volunteer work. Not only will this keep your mind off the ex but it is a positive contribution to your community and will in turn give you a sense of achievement and will also open your eyes to problems in the community. Even if you do not choose to do this, you must in some way occupy your mind with positive actions. Time will help put things into perspective and believe me when I say that it will get better in time.

Enough of this humiliation, and wondering about him. Leave him alone and work on your life without him, or any other man for that matter. You have tied up your happiess and self respect into some one else and now you don't have a clue who you are. Yes it hurts but, this was a wake up call for you to get healthy and make healthy decisions. Leave him completely alone and put you and the life you need first. He will not change for you or anyone, so move on and get your life together. You don't need this in your life.

I can't move on. I think I'm seriously spiraling down into depression. I wake up thinking about him. I think about him the entire day when I'm trying to stay busy and distract myself, and I think about him before I go to bed. He was my life. I know that's not healthy. I just don't know what to do with myself now. Maybe I should have a couple sessions with a therapist?

"Basically, I don't know what to do. I haven't called for 3 days now, and of course he hasn't called me. We were thinking about getting together this weekend, but when I'm the one always calling I feel like I'm forcing myself onto him. I mean, if he wanted to hang out, he'd call me."

Daisy, I think you do know what to do and I think that's where you struggle because it's what you don't want to do. Your brain is trying to guide your heart and you're not letting it do it's job, it's trying to protect you, listen.

Wap has been through quite a bit, she knows, listen to her, no contact with this guy for any reason. That doesn't mean that if he initiates the contact it's okay, no, its not. No contact either way.

It will take time, other things will take over these thoughts about him believe me. You should just concentrate on things that you enjoy, going to the cinema, going out with friends, shopping : ) that kind of thing. Fill your head with other things, it is the only way to get through it. I know how much it hurts believe me, I felt better when I hadn't contacted him. The longer you do not contact him the easier it becomes, because you think, what would I actually say to him? Then you stop and don't do it. Delete his number if you have to, I did.

Hi,
I wrote a couple days back about my ex-boyfriend. He called me today, and had a lot to say. He says he is still in love with me, but he's not ready to jump back into a relationship with me. He wants to know if I want to still be his friend and hang out from time to time. We had been doing that a little bit, but it's very hard for me. I told him I didn't think I could just be his friend while I'm still in love with him.

I really want to be back together with him... do you think the best way to do that is to continue my no contact or be his friend? He left it up to me to call him if I ever want to hang out. I don't really want to hang out unless we are back together, it's too hard for me... but then again maybe hanging out will be beneficial so I can prove myself to him. I just don't know what to do.

Maybe you should stand your ground, not be his friend if it hurts you, and tell him, "Well, I'll leave it to you to call me if you want to get back together in a relationship." Then leave him alone and go on with your life, but be friendly if he initiates contact. Remember that neediness is the ultimate man repellant. Also, did you notice that HE finally called you? Had you been leaving him alone and letting him miss you? If so, perhaps since you showed a little independence for a change and gave him some space, he had a change of heart.

If he loves you but wants to just hang out and be friends... he wants to have his cake and eat it too... meaning.. he wants to keep your butt hanging while he checks out other stuff.. dont hang around to watch this... go on with your life... toughen up and get moving.. if it was meant to be.. it will be.. but don't waste your time trying to MAKE it happen.. be polite if you see him... dont be intimate at all at this point if you ever have been. That makes you a "booty" call. Be better than that. Smile and be nice to everyone. Write him off though

No contact is for you to get over this break up, not get him back and you will look foolish hanging out with him and trying to PROVE yourself to him. Reread your other posts the answer is still the same so please accept that this is over.

" I still love you, but I only want to be your friend." Please!

Here's what really happened. You two broke up and he found out he wasn't Joe Smooth like he thought. So he's calling you back up and want to remain friends only and hang out because he wouldn't mind a piece every now and then but he doesn't want to be tied down in case someone else actually falls for his stuff. Keep your distance from this guy he is neither a player or a keeper, he's just useless.

I would remain distant from this one. He is asking too much of you to remain friends and you are emotionally well enough to cope with friendship with this man. You still have too many feelings for him. You may never be able to have a friendship with him and I would be inclined to say that most (not all) people can be friends with ex's successfully. It sounds to me that you have done the No Contact thing and remained distant, things may not be working out as he had hoped, so he decided to ask you if you want to be on the sideline for him, since he knows you still have feelings for him. He is worried that he is now going to be left alone and perhaps worried that you will move on before he does. Either way, he sounds like a player and I would avoid allowing him to hurt you anymore. I would suggest No contact, obviously be polite if he contacts you but say to him that friendship is not something that you feel would be appropriate.

You must look after yourself and protect yourself and No Contact is the best way to allow yourself to heal and move on!! Whatever problems he is having with his new found freedom is nothing to do with you and is his to deal with!

Hi Daisy,
This is a tricky one :) I'll give you an example of a relationship I had:

(I was 22 years old at this time)
We dated for 2 1/2 years, he was my first and he eventually broke it off with me only to keep me on the side until he sorted out his feelings. Well, I waited, I didn't know any different and I'm not kidding you... I thought my life was over. Honestly I did, cried for MONTHS, depressed, couldn't get out of bed, left school, made horrible choices at work, the list goes on. I wasted an entire year of my life waiting for this loser. I couldn't deal with the fact that he dated other women and I just waited for him. This hurts soooooo bad and I understand the how PAINFUL it is. BELIEVE ME, TIME HEALS PAIN. Being as young as you are and as you go through life, you will have so many other issues that don't even pertain to men and you will see the real importance of what is worth grieving over. I'm not trying to lower the pain of this, but you are just beginning your adult life and will face many struggles.

I have/had the same jealousy issues as you. A lot of women do, whether they admit. You have to know that this is not because your boyfriend is good looking, or how many girls stare at him and vice versa... this is something inside of you and yourself esteem. It will never go away unless you build confidence within yourself. TRUST ME. Many of my relationships suffered cause of it. Good part coming :)...

I made a point to change my life and give myself the things I deserve. I lost the weight ( I gained 80lbs during that breakup) that I gained. I learned a new language, began taking my courses at school to finish my degree, started my own cosmetic/skin care company, travelled, focused on my friends, family AND MORE IMPORTANTLY - ME! I spent 2 years alone and when my old boyfriend heard of my success and tried to contact me, it was the greatest satisfaction of turning him down and having no feelings towards him. I am in a wonderful relationship now, of which we do struggle with issues, but I now know if this one doesn't succeed, I will find another man who would love and adore me because I am an attractive, kind, loyal person and I make a great girlfriend, not perfect, but pretty darn good :)

Find something you're good at, forget him for now. Focus on a hobby, school, charity - anything. Shock the world with any of your talents, start loving yourself and making good choices to set the path for your entire life and you will be amazed on what men, things, wealth will come your way. Use this website as a source of support, the people here are wonderful. Sorry to make this long, but if I can spark something inside of you to change, it was worth it :) Good luck.

You're welcome Daisy :) You are going to look back one day and thank him for this valuable lesson, I just know it!

So after I told my ex I didn't want to have any more contact with him, he decides to send me an email with the lyrics to a song about missing your girlfriend. I tried so hard to ignore it, but part of me wants him back so much. He said he'd always accept a phone call from me, so I decided to call him to find out what he meant by that message. He answered and basically said it didn't really mean anything, he was just feeling that way towards me that day. He then said he had to go and *maybe* would call me some other time.

I was starting to feel better until he wrote me that little note and sparked my hope again. I feel like I've taken a giant step backwards... of course it's my fault for calling him. I wrote a huge email telling him how I felt about the way he treated me. It included that I don't want any more messages about how he feels. I made sure to include how happy I was with my new life, and that I hope he is happy with his. It wasn't a mean email, but it firmly said that I'm still healing and don't want him contacting me.

I just woke up feeling very angry today about the whole thing. I'm angry at him for leading me on again, and I'm angry at myself for giving into it and taking a step backward. I'm not even sure why he would lead me on like that.

So I'm going on my 6th week of being single, and it really is getting better. For everyone out there who is fresh out of a breakup, please know that it will get better. I remember thinking there was no way I could go on in life without him... but now I can start to see the light and know that things are going to be okay eventually. I still think about him everyday, and sometimes I still cry... but it really is getting better.

Hey. That last paragraph was really encouraging. I came to this thread thinking I may be able to help you, and instead you helped me.
I know what it's like to need to vent... I've been venting a lot too. I'm sure my mates are sick of it by now.

I think it was unfair of him to lead you on and send those messages, especially if he wasn't sure he meant it. I can't really give any advice, but I hope he leaves you alone now.
It's great that your recovering so fast.

It is very good that you share your hope, light at the end of the tunnel to all those who are experiancing similar situations. Just venting is good. This is the best place for it.

Enjoy being single.

(;

Joe

It nearly always gets better in time and in the early days, most people slip up with the no contact.

No contact is important for healing and making positive progress and should be used for this purpose.

I am glad you are finding that time is healing the wounds. Trust me that I and many others here know what you are going through and send you my best wishes.

Venting is great and you always feel a little better, so feel free anytime , use CAPS if it helps.

It might be helpful to bock emaisl from him as well.

I know you told him not to but who knows, if he gets that feeling again he may be tempted to do a similar thing again and then you you take another step backwards.

Other than that is great to hear that you are making progress.

Just remember that there are going to be so many ups and downs. It really is a roller coaster and this won't be the last set back. There will be many more to come, but you sounds like you are going about things in a healthy way so I'm sure you will be back to your 'best' sooner than you think!

This is a great place for venting. Vent away every day if you have too. It beats getting back on the rollar coaster.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by daisydew

I wrote a huge email telling him how I felt about the way he treated me. It included that I don't want any more messages about how he feels. I made sure to include how happy I was with my new life, and that I hope he is happy with his. It wasn't a mean email, but it firmly said that I'm still healing and don't want him contacting me.

---

Although in the future I wouldn't suggest sending the letter back to him writing down you thoughts is a great way to get things off your chest. It helps get out the pain and also organize it. It helps you see that some of what your going through isn't as bad as your brain tends to imagine. It puts logic back into an emotional problem.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by daisydew

So I'm going on my 6th week of being single, and it really is getting better. For everyone out there who is fresh out of a breakup, please know that it will get better. I remember thinking there was no way I could go on in life without him...but now I can start to see the light and know that things are going to be okay eventually. I still think about him everyday, and sometimes I still cry...but it really is getting better.

---

So you just had a momentary lapse. Not a big deal. In fact if you look at it as a learning experience you actually gained some strength and knowledge. You now know what contacting him will really mean. More pain and games. Don't see this as a setback but as a reminder that you are making progress and a reminder of why you left that situation.

Don't allow for more set back from him again. Change you email and any number he has.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by momincali

Don't allow for more set back from him again. Change you email and any number he has.

---

Do you really think that's necessary? If she's getting on fine now, then changing her phone numbers and email is a bit over the top.
She'd have to inform all her contacts of her new details, and that could take a lot of effort and put on a lot of stress, especially if she had friends who knew her number, but she didn't know there's.
That's just my opinion though...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pagan_soul

Do you really think thats neccesary? If she's getting on fine now, then changing her phone numbers and email is a bit over the top.
She'd have to inform all her contacts of her new details, and that could take a lot of effort and put on a lot of stress, especially if she had friends who knew her number, but she didn't know theres.
Thats just my opinion though...

---

I actually do think it's necessary, if you read her post from yesterday, you'll see that she received an email from him with the lyrics to a song about missing your girlfriend which got her hopeful, she had a bit of an impulse to call him because of the note and BAM, she falls on her face again and gives him a chance to say some hurtful things. He baited her just cause he was feeling down and that's wrong.

When you've suffered a break up like Daisy has, sometimes you have to take some drastic measures to secure yourself and your success in getting over someone. He was feeling low and without regard for her feelings sent her this email, which any broken up person would take as a sign and when she called him, he'd changed his tune and slammed her heart on the pavement. Sure it may be a bit inconvenient, but I guarantee, it will give her such a feeling of power and control because she's taking serious steps to assure this guy doesn't get the chance to do that to her again. She's showing him that "hey, I really don't have the time or desire to deal with your games or your sillyness and I'm moving on..."

Thank you so much momincali, you perfectly described how I feel. I can't seem to shake this feeling that he left me with though. Now I'm still holding onto the hope that he might want to get back together. It's so hard to look back and remember how great I felt in the relationship, and then to be feeling so hurt and sad right now. I feel like he pushed me right back to square one. I'm back to not wanting to leave my room or really talk to anyone. There was something about hearing his voice that made me miss him so much.

I really wish I could understand what was going through his mind when he does this kind of stuff. I'm sure you're right momincali, he was just having a bad day.

If anything, I guess this is just another incident that let's me know this is REALLY over. I mean if he had any hope of rekindling things in the future, he would not be treating me like this, right?

I hate this feeling of being stuck in a slump on a Monday and knowing I have to make it through the entire week feeling like this.

Thanks for listening and responding everyone. It's good to know there's such great people out there.

Daisy, unfortunately you let your weak heart lead the way and you called him only to be hurt by his response. It has put you in a place you don't want to be in.

It's time to start changing your attitude. Take no prisoners Daisy. Make all those changes we suggested, even if they're scary, they will empower you. And yes, this incident should serve as a wake up call that this may really be over. Even in a weak moment of sending out those lyrics, he could have had a more compassionate response by telling you he was really sorry for doing that and he understands it only confused you. I know you "feel" stuck, but your actions can pull you out of that slump of you let them. Change your attitude.

Hi everyone,
I'm about 7 weeks into my breakup now and I'm doing so much better! I'm so thankful for this board! I started seeing a counselor today because I was having guilty feelings about things I wish I could go back and change in the relationship.

One thing that really bothered me about my ex was that he kept in contact with ALL of his exes and ex "flings". He even went so far as to take ME out on a couple lunches with them. I voiced my opinion about how uncomfortable it made that he was still messaging, phoning, and occasionally hanging out with his ex girlfriends. He said it is just a sign of his maturity that he is capable of being friends with his exes. Personally, I felt like he was kind of keeping them on the backburner "just in case". He tried to go back to one of them right before he met me, but she wouldn't take him back as she had already met someone else.

The counselor today said that she thought him needing to remain friends with his exes was a sign of immaturity. She thinks he felt the need to hold onto the past, and it made him incapable of committing to the future. She also said it was immature for him to try to change my boundaries of not being okay with him hanging out with his exes. He made me feel like I was the one who was wrong.

I feel like I could NEVER be friends with one of my exes. I haven't talked to my first ex boyfriend since we broke up 2 years ago, and I never plan on it either. This most recent ex was my best friend, and we are extremely compatible personality-wise. I still feel like I could never be his friend though. I think I will always be attracted to him in some way, and that wouldn't be fair to whoever he was with.

I was just wondering what everyone else's opinion is on this. Are you friends with your exes? Is it ever appropriate?