Biggest mistake of my life
Hi everyone,
I've been reading through the responses in here, and you all seem like really great people. I haven't found resolution to my situation so I'm hoping your insight could help me.
My boyfriend of a year a half finally called it quits with me. We met only a week after I called quits with my first boyfriend of 3 years. He really helped me get over that relationship, so I feel like this is my first real heartbreak. This man was so amazing to me. I left for college only 2 months after we met, and he stayed in a long distance relationship with me through that. We saw each other every weekend. Anyway, he treated me perfect in everyway.. except he was a little more flirtatious with other girls than I would have liked. I had only been with one guy before him, but he had been with quite a few girls. That was something that always bothered me, and I really gave him a hard time about it. It got to the point where I tried to break up with him a few times because I thought I needed to experience more people before I was with him. I started to realize that the number of people you're with doesn't really matter, so I started getting better about all that stuff. I had worn him down too much though, and finally he told me he needed space. So, as of 1 month ago, we have been "broken up." He said he still wants to talk to me because he might want to get back together eventually. He said he "wants me, but feels like he can't be with me." He's afraid I'm going to make him feel like a bad person again. We've hung out about 5 times in the past month, and when we do he treats me like his girlfriend. I feel like I'm always the one calling to hang out though. I have great friends, but they don't fill the space in my life that he has left. Him and I connected on such a high level. Sometimes it makes me more sad to hang out with my friends because it makes me realize how special him and I were.
Basically, I don't know what to do. I haven't called for 3 days now, and of course he hasn't called me. We were thinking about getting together this weekend, but when I'm the one always calling I feel like I'm forcing myself onto him. I mean, if he wanted to hang out, he'd call me. Whenever we talk he makes it sound like we have a future together, but it really just kills me inside. I feel like crying every time I see him, knowing that I can't have him anymore. I feel like I had everything I want, and I pushed him away. I feel like there is no one better than him out there for me because he had everything I wanted. Some of my friends say he's trying to keep me on the side in case he doesn't meet another girl. I don't really know what he is doing. I've seen a lot of things on here about having no contact. I've tried to be really strong about that, but it's so hard. It's been three days since we haven't talked and that's been almost impossible for me. In fact, I called him today from a blocked number but he didn't answer.
Sorry this is so long, I just don't know what to do. I cry everyday, and I just want to be better. Thank you for any help.
Opinions on being friends with exes
Hi everyone,
I'm about 7 weeks into my breakup now and I'm doing so much better! I'm so thankful for this board! I started seeing a counselor today because I was having guilty feelings about things I wish I could go back and change in the relationship.
One thing that really bothered me about my ex was that he kept in contact with ALL of his exes and ex "flings". He even went so far as to take ME out on a couple lunches with them. I voiced my opinion about how uncomfortable it made that he was still messaging, phoning, and occasionally hanging out with his ex girlfriends. He said it is just a sign of his maturity that he is capable of being friends with his exes. Personally, I felt like he was kind of keeping them on the backburner "just in case". He tried to go back to one of them right before he met me, but she wouldn't take him back as she had already met someone else.
The counselor today said that she thought him needing to remain friends with his exes was a sign of immaturity. She thinks he felt the need to hold onto the past, and it made him incapable of committing to the future. She also said it was immature for him to try to change my boundaries of not being okay with him hanging out with his exes. He made me feel like I was the one who was wrong.
I feel like I could NEVER be friends with one of my exes. I haven't talked to my first ex boyfriend since we broke up 2 years ago, and I never plan on it either. This most recent ex was my best friend, and we are extremely compatible personality-wise. I still feel like I could never be his friend though. I think I will always be attracted to him in some way, and that wouldn't be fair to whoever he was with.
I was just wondering what everyone else's opinion is on this. Are you friends with your exes? Is it ever appropriate?