Ask Me Help Desk - What might it mean?

What might it mean?

Hi everyone,

I have read some of the articles on the site and it's great so I hope you can help me with my dilema.

I live in the UK and a guy I have been seeing for the past 5 months lives in Jersey. I was seeing him only a few weeks when I got a promotion with my job and had to move to mainland UK. When I told him this he confessed he wasn't sure about whether he wanted to continue or not but we did continue and it has been very difficult especially for him to maintin the interest. Anyway Christmas was very awkward for us as I brought up the discussion about where we were going. He told me that he just didn't know where we were heading and thought I might want soemthing more serious. How on earth can I have soemething serious when we are in 2 different countries I said? Anyway a week has passed and he has called me every day this week which he never did before. I have not iniaitiated any contact with him. Can anyone tell me what's going on in his head please? Most grateful if some advice could be given.

Personally it sounds to me like he has lost interest in the relationship and is looking for an excuse to end it. By calling you, I think he is trying to catch you doing something wrong so that he can end it.

I sincerely hope I am wrong. But you need some straight answers from him and you need them soon.

I totally agree with BlueRose on this one.

I just also want you to know that I wish we knew what was going on in his head but he is the only one that knows that.

Maybe it is time for a heart-to-heart chat with him to find out what he is thinking. Long distance relationships sometimes work, but rarely. You need to discuss with him if he feels that there is enough there to go on with your relationship or end it while you are still on speaking terms and friendly.

I guess I'm going against the curve here. To me he indicated to you that he wanted something more serious, which you resisted because of the distance, so he is trying to make up for the distance by calling you all the time.

Hi everyone,

I'm beginning to agree with the first two responses. We had words over the holidays and I just wanted him to show he cared a little about me by getting to know me. He understood this as me wanting to get serious which I don't want but he has totally misunderstood. Things are awkward now and he is so polite which I don't want. I would just love him to be the way he was when we first went out, considerate, thoughtful and romantic. That is all I want!

I agree with chuff!

<< Anyway a week has passed and he has called me every day this week which he never did before. I have not iniaitiated any contact with him. Can anyone tell me what's going on in his head please?>>

Why would the others think he has lost interest?

<<He understood this as me wanting to get serious which I don't want but he has totally misunderstood>>

You don't want him to be serious? What do you want?

<<Things are awkward now and he is so polite which I don't want. I would just love him to be the way he was when we first went out, considerate, thoughtful and romantic. That is all I want!>>

You don't want him to be polite?

Tell him what you want!

I agree with Rol and Chuff.

Calling you everyday makes me think that he wants to show you that he is willing to go above and beyond to make a long distance relationship work. It sounds like the two of you need to communicate a bit more

Call the guy back. Ask him what his intentions are. Its not impossible to have a long distance relationship. Just harder.

What about when the guy has told me that he does not see me and him in a long term relationship and he thinks less of me now than before... and now he contacts me more than before. His dog died over the weekend and it was like the death of a human being with the way he went on. He contacted me about this and I said I was sorry and I hoped he felt better soon. I sent him a card today hoping he feels better because I do care for him. He rang last night and said he would ring me during the week. I have deleted his number from my phone because if I didn't I would initiate contact. I want him to continue with the contact to see if there is any little interest there. I had to do this as I am so confused. I know that all I want to do is leave him to mourn his pet and if he rings me in the meantime maybe I can see what happens from then on in.

Here I go Chuffing again! :p

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the guy has told me that he does not see me and him in a long term relationship and he thinks less of me now than before....

It means he is a jerk.

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and now he contacts me more than before.

It means that he is taking advantage of your insecurities or kindheartedness to get what he wants.

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I have deleted his number from my phone

That is a good thing. Don't answer if he calls you.

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I want him to continue with the contact to see if there is any little interest there.

Why? He already told you he thinks less of you. Why would you put yourself through that?

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if he rings me in the meantime maybe I can see what happens from then on in.

Do I need to repeat what I said above? Ok, I will. Why? He already told you he thinks less of you. Why would you put yourself through that?

Look, he is just using you. Drop him and move on with your life. You can do better than someone who admits they think less of you than they did before.

Honestly, your story doesn't make much sense to me. Is there a lot that's being left out? I mean you seem to wanted him to like you then when he gave an effort you didn't want it.

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What about when the guy has told me that he does not see me and him in a long term relationship and he thinks less of me now than before.... and now he contacts me more than before.

Well that's not the way it came across in the first post. I'm so confused myself right now but maybe he thought better of that initial comment or thought that he didn't see you in a relationship based on what you told him before you moved.

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His dog died over the weekend and it was like the death of a human being with the way he went on.

Wow. You are cold hearted. Extremely. I may be wrong about every thing else but I'm not about that. It took me months to get over my dogs death. I, a grown man, cried for a week when my dog died. Many civilized and caring people accept dogs as part of the family. Dogs are also loyal and loving animals if you ever get to pet one sometime try it. You'll find that 99% of them actually like it, and in turn will like you back. Yeah they might shed on you but it's a small price to pay for having someone, even a dog, truly appreciate you for how you are.

You know women say they want a nice and caring guy and a sensitive guy. And many men take that way to far, and I am certainly guilty of doing that myself, but I would never apologize for being upset at losing a family member, even on that isn't human. This is a damn great example of being a caring, compassionate, non selfish man that he could feel loss for a friend and companion who died. It's to bad that you can't appreciate a man like that.

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He contacted me about this and I said I was sorry and i hoped he felt better soon. I sent him a card today hoping he feels better because I do care for him.

Yeah I can tell.

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He rang last night and said he would ring me during the week. I have deleted his number from my phone because if I didn't I would initiate contact. I want him to continue with the contact to see if there is any little interest there. I had to do this as I am so confused. I know that all i want to do is leave him to mourn his pet and if he rings me in the meantime maybe I can see what happens from then on in.

That's probably for the best. He needs people who can relate to his pain, not mock him for it. If he does call again, give him this website because I'd love talk dogs with some one who can appreciate them and help someone who knows what it's like to feel loss.

Right I'm sorry about my confusing messages. If you want to know the truth I think he is a big softy and I wish I could hug him right now but the recent statements he said has made me very angry and hurt. I am holding my distance so that he does not think I am taking advantage of his vunerability and I cannot take the risk of getting hurt again. I want him to get to know me but one problem we have is we have difficulty communicationing and even laughing at the minute. This has caused awkwardness and strain.

You both are confused about what you want and how to get it. You need to honestly communicate and see where you want to go. Hard to have a relationship without talking, let alone the distance between you is really making things hard. Since you both are unhappy and not on the same page I would leave each other alone .

You might just be right Talaniman. Time will tell if he contacts me in the next few days. He does not want pressure and I will not do that anymore to him. Tkans again for your advice

Yes take it easy with him . Let him initiate the contact, communicate well, he could be just uncertain about what he wants for now so I would really suiggest to stay one step behind him.

Plus I completely agree with chuff about the dog! Death or disapearance of an animal is heartbreaking!

Hi everyone,

I am going to be very annoying again and ask do you think this guy will ring again when he said he would. I was talking to him on Sunday night. When he has said he will ring then he always does but I'm not so sure this time because things are so awkward.

Another question I would like to ask you you all. I am always pessimistic about relationships with myself and hence they always go wrong. Does feeling this way do you think make a successful relationship impossible for me? I am waking up in the morning for the past week and my heart sinks to think that I might never meet someone who might care and just ask me how my day was and me to ask them the same thing. I'm feeling very down about the whole scenario at the minute so my apologies.

Geez you must do something about that attitude. I wake up everyday and thank God for another chance to see what life brings, and no matter what happens I'm grateful to have gotten through it and looking forward to the next challenge. All these people in the world, you can be alone but never lonely as long as you are getting out and doing the things you enjoy and always looking for new things to get into. Its called Good Orderly Direction and it is the way to meet and see new people and always learning about the world and yourself. Get out and get busy, even if you don't quite know what to do then go to the children's ward at your hospital and read to the children or help the elderly during lunch or outdoor time. Look there is too much in this life that shows you how to be positive and useful and you must stay busy and hopeful that you will meet some one one day but first you must be prepared. Try it for a while and see if your life gets better.

Yeah I know what your saying I am a my own worst enemy, thanks.

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do you think this guy will ring again when he said he would.

Sorry, but only he knows the answer to that question.

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I am always pessimistic about relationships with myself and hence they always go wrong. Does feeling this way do you think make a successful relationship impossible for me?

Yes, no one in their right minds wants to be around a negative pessimitic person. You need to find the good things in yourself and learn to become optomistic. No one wants to hang around another person who is a "downer".

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I am waking up in the morning for the past week and my heart sinks to think that I might never meet someone who might care and just ask me how my day was and me to ask them the same thing.

You won't find a healthy relationship unless you get yourself healthy first. You will never be truly happy until you are happy with yourself. You need to be happy with who you are before other people can see the happiness you have inside you.

Yeah thanks, I agree with what has been said and must try to improve my attitude towards relationships. Other aspects of life are fine but not this part unfortunately.

I was speaking to him last night for approx an hr and I asked him if he wanted to keep in touch. There was no reply from him as we ended up talking about other things etc however when we did speak it was with such ease which I hadn't felt before with him. I don't know if it was the fact that he was feeling very down about personal stuff and just wanted to talk or what but it was lovely. He even agreed with me that it was nice talking to me which he has never said before. He asked me if I was home for the weekend and I said I was but that I could not meet with him as I had a christening to go to. He told me that if I would like a lift that he was going in my direction and that I could go with him no problem, however I declined because I had transport arranged. I don't know if meeting with me this wkd was his waay of ending things or what. What I do know is that I genuinely care for this guy and it has taken me the past few days to truly realise this. How is this coming across to all of you?

Guys I am sorry about this but could someone please give me their take on my last Question?

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How is this coming across to all of you?

You are confused and domineering and you think you can make this work because that's what you want. You refuse to let go and he is too confused to know what he wants. LDR are hard on committed couples so even harder on confused ones. Why can't you just let go, until you both can figure yourselves out? I am confused about what it is you really want.

I want a relationship with soemone who asks how I am, are you safely yet, how was your day? I want someone who can have laugh and have fum with. I want to be with someone who I worry about and who I can care for also. I want to be with someone who is willing to get to know me with faults and all. Is that too much too ask?

I took your advice Talmian and told him it was finisehd there a short while ago this evening. I know that I have to work on myself and not be so pushy. I am glad I did this because both of us wer so unhappy that it was the right thing to do. Thanks for your honest advice

Your welcome, glad to help. There is someone for every one, so be patient and as you work on you I feel someone will appear and you don't have to settle.