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I'm single man raising my son. Well I had a dinner date tomorrow night for pizza. And I ordered pizza tonight to have with my son. Now she's mad and broke our date saying I put my son over her. I see no problem with what I've done. What's it matter what we ate the night before the date.
Nothing.. tell her to get over herself.
Wow! She is already showing her true colors. Run... as fast as you can from this woman.Quote:
Originally Posted by billp57
I can relate to you. I am a single Mother with little ones, and I have had men that I dated say things like that to me. Throwing my children in my face. Saying that I put my children before them. You damn bettcha! My kids come before anyone, Hell, even myself. As the way it should be.
Find a woman who will respect you and your child.
NO, you didn't do anything wrong.
Enigma's spot on. I haven't hit the dating scene yet.. but any one who throws a tizz over what I eat or do with my child the night before a date.. one can only imagine how that may continue in a relationship. /shudder
It just amazes me how some women are just.. well.. wow?
hmmmm... son, random girl, son, random girl. I know who I'd pick. (the son in case you were wondering)
I'd say that she is already giving you a little glimpse into what a relationship would be like with her. I second the RUN advice!
Wow- you have had some excellent insights given to you here.
Just thinking if I had been her, and realized that you and your son had pizza, and you and I were going out for pizza the next night. What she could have done, instead of throwing a hissy fit, was said,
1. I hope you two had a great evening together. How about we do burgers instead tomorrow night if you're tired of pizza!
2. Why don't we rent a movie, and I'll make dinner at your place.
3. Why don't we rent a movie, and you cook dinner at my place.
4. Why don't we instead, all three of us, barbecue up some hotdogs and watch the game together.
The point I'm making is, while her consideration should be putting others first (just as a human being), she chose to make this all about her. She is only one of the three people involved here, who has the least say, the least influence, and the least importance.
That she expects that her needs, her opinions, her demands, and he expectations should come first, is a huge red flag! HUGE.
I wouldn't put up with that attitude from a grocery store clerk, a bank manager, the Prime Minister himself.
My advice to you, is to take the very obvous insight that everyone here has very aptly put to you, very clearly, and very observantly, and dump the woman.
Enigma- had to spread the rep, but you are my kind of person putting your children before everything.
I hope you and your son enjoyed a second evening of pizza and fun together.
Seriously, I think she was looking for an excuse to change her plans, but was too much of a coward to admit it.
Treasure the time you have with your son. The person you had the date with is missing out on a lot.
Good luck.
Good point about her looking for an excuse.
I agree with all of the advice given so far but I would add or ask, how long have you been dating this woman, is this the first time this has happened or is it an on going problem with you two. Does she have a relationship with your son and how old is he?
This statement would have had me running for the hills straight away , your son will always be more important than any date , so you have done absolutely nothing wrong.Quote:
Originally Posted by billp57
Be thankful you dodged a bullet here .
Thanks for all the great input it really got me thinking.
We have been dating for about a year and a half now and no this isn't the first time she has had issues with me giving him time over her. She says she likes him and gets along with him. He's seventeen she has 3 kids her own.
I'll be honest. I don't see what business it is of hers what you had for dinner when you weren't with her. I am still trying to figure out how she thinks what you do and eat with your family impacts your time with her. I would find it a bit disturbing if she plans her family meals around what she 'plans' to eat on her dates.
I still think there was more to her 'upset' than what you chose to eat when not with her.
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Cat1864 again.
Sounds like something else going on here. This is not a small child and she gets along with him. Sounds like you guys are having other problems.
Do you maybe use your son as an excuse for not doing something with her?
I'm not saying your kids don't come first, but this sounds like an ongoing problem.
If it was solely about your son, why have you put up with it for a year and a half?
My son is 17 and has mental health issuses. My girlfriend says I let him use it as a crutch. He sees therapists and psychiatrist been in and out of hospitals. I keep him home sometimes because of his PTSD ADHD and his anger issues. Now she says she won't talk to me or see me until I keep him in school and raise him the way she says I should. She has kids too and I feel the kids have nothing to do with us. Am I wrong?
He's your son. She's not his mother and has no say in how you raise him.
Does he miss a lot of school because of his issues? Is he on medication? Is he in a regular school or a special program that deals with the issues he has?
If you, his doctors, and his mother are comfortable with the way things are being done, I see no reason for your girlfriend to have any say in this. You're not married to her.
She sounds a bit controlling. Maybe it's a good thing that you find that out now.
Yes he misses a fair amount for his appointments and I have only kept him home 3 days so far this year without doctor excuse. He's on lots of meds. He goes mornings to regular school and bus takes him to an afternoon therapy program and life skills.
Either way, he's your son, and no one other than you and his mother has a say in how you raise him. Unless of course you're abusive, which you're not.
Like I said, maybe it's not a bad thing to see how your girlfriend feels about all of this before you get in too deep.
Your son comes first. He's your son. In the grand scheme of things, she's nothing. Not being harsh, just being honest.
If it were me I'd rethink the relationship, find someone that understands that your son will always be and should be your first priority.
I'm guessing this thread was merged. Is this the same g/f from the original post?
Tell her okay, and never call her again. Time for a new girlfriend, or is the make up sex THAT good?!Quote:
Now she says she won't talk to me or see me until I keep him in school and raise him the way she says I should.
No your not wrong, but she knows she is always right, and if she doesn't tell you what to do about your son, there is the real danger that you might share a pizza, or something with him, and call that a proper meal. She is always right, just ask her.Quote:
She has kids too and I feel the kids have nothing to do with us. Am I wrong?
Yes am I stupid or what
Yes they merged should I try reposting my question
No please don't, unless you have found another overly sensitive, overbearing, control freak since the pizza girl... er... woman.
Listen Bill. We have all warned you of the controlling nature of this woman from the start. Are you really surprised to see her act like this? I mean after the whole pizza debacle there isn't much more we can say besides RUN. By the sounds of it excluding this woman from your life is in yours and your son's best interest.
Darn, fresh out of greenies!! :eek::( Dead on the money though.Quote:
Originally Posted by ITstudent2006
No she's the only one I'm letting walk all over me. You'd think I'd know better at my age.
Bill, now that I see the whole picture I have to agree with the others. Run! Run fast. Run hard. Run long. Don't look back. Just keep running.
You do know better at your age, that's why you're here. You just need someone to confirm what you already know. She's dead weight. Cut your loose and concentrate on your son, and finding someone that doesn't try to control everything you do.
You know we're right. I know you do. Read the whole thread now that it's been merged. What advice would you give to you?
The merged post is in the correct place. We try to keep all posts/questions concerning a situation in the same place. It ensures that you get the right advice for your issues.
Just a tip: You can use the My Answer box at the bottom of each page to respond to the thread. It allows for longer responses and has more options.
You are working with professionals and the school system to do what is best for your child. I would bet that she would not like it if you disagreed with the choices she makes in raising her children. While it may not seem appropriate to her, she isn't the one who lives with him and takes care of him. She isn't the one who talks to his doctors and teachers. She isn't the one who is responsible for what might happen if he were sent to school on an extremely bad day. While you might allow her to walk all over you and trample the boundaries of parenthood, you don't strike me as the type who would allow his child to walk all over him.
Listen to the people who know more about him and his situation than she does. They have his best interests and yours in mind instead of their own.
Good luck to you and your son.
Bill, you seem fully aware of the situation and seem to have a good head about yourself. What's preventing you from doing what needs to be done?Quote:
Originally Posted by billp57
OMG thanks so much you spoke word for word what I roll around in my head over and over again, its nice hearing it from an outside source. I've even shared some of these thoughts with her. She won't listen.
Bill, your main focus should be your son... not this little b!tch, oh... yeah... with all due respect.
I just want to know one thing, where are her children. She seems to preoccupied with YOURS and your sons life then she is with her own children...
What does that tell you.
I think the same thing at times I throw at her what she does wrong raising her own with simularites to mine and she always has an excuse why its OK with her kids.
Bill, you overlooked my question. What is so special about this woman where you can't do what you even acknowledge is the right thing?
Bill, are you seeing now that this isn't a good situation?
I hope that the feedback you've gotten here has opened your eyes.
You sound like a good man, a caring father. You deserve better than this. So go out and find better.
Umm nothing really. Ive been devorced for a little over 3 years and my son was in placement and I was lonely for some adult companionship. My son has been back with me since July and that's when her and I started having problems. Omg I rest my case
So you were lonely...
Now you're not.
You have your son.
I rest my case...
I hope you're not feeling overwhelmed by me and my questions for answers. I agree with Alty, you sound like a good guy with a great relationship with your son and this woman seems to be more of an issue then a companion.
The sex/companionship (if applicable) may be amazing, but is it worth the hassle? Is it worth the fighting and conflicts?
I loved my Ford Mustang but it wasn't worth the insurance and maintenance. So I got a Sunfire ;)
Bill, you used the phrase 'at my age'. No one is too old to make changes. I can understand if you have tried making this relationship work because of trying to keep some stability in your life for both yourself and your son, but, honestly, I see no reason to keep her drama around. Does she have some good points that make it worth it? Is she more stable than it seems here? Do you really enjoy the relationship?
To paraphrase a line from Pippin (a musical): Is the fornicating you're getting worth the fornicating you're getting?
Comment on Cat1864's post
Wow I love Pippen.. "We've got magic to do just for you Weve got miracle plays to play...."
Comment on ITstudent2006's post
Not overwhelmed at all just thanks for all the advice
Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.
Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind, cripple or crazy.
Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.
Talaniman Rule - If they can't treat you like you want to be treated, don't mess around with them.
Talaniman Rule- When you allow bad behavior, you will get it.
Talaniman Rule-When you stop looking for love, and do your thing, and enjoy ALL YOUR OPTIONS, AND OPPORTUNITIES, love will find you.
Talaniman Rule-Build a life that you enjoy without a mate and your happiness will attract people who will want to share in it with you.
Talaniman Rule-if they don't like you, forget 'em.
Talaniman Rule-Never let another's ignorance be your wisdom. They don't know you!
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