Hello everyone. I need your help because I don't know if I'm thinking right... My boyfriend and I stayed together happily for 2 years. He didn't say he loved me (he's formatted that way) but he cared for me like a true loving husband. He took care of my eating, sleeping, feelings... He reminded me of every little things like the tiny hole on my T-shirt, he remembered and bought me the things I like when he was back from business trips... He shared housework and listened attentively to all my life and work problems. He helped with my financial needs generously. And I in return, I cared for him like a king at home. I cooked as many good dishes as I can for every meal. I massaged him everyday and sometimes special hot baths with herbs. He said one time he graded me 9.5/10 as a housewife, and he told me that it was too good on bed...

I love him devotedly with absolute trust until one day (2 months ago) I suddenly got no news from him for weeks when he was on vacation without me (I had to work and the trip was too expensive... ). I became panicked but tried to wait until he returned. He returned, and broke up with me, threw me out of the house and later informed me that he had had someone else and slept with her as well. I far as I know, he told her about me. And at the moment she came to stay with him.

You could imagine how terrible it has been to me... Could you give me some of your comments and opinions on this.

If this guy ever cared or respected you he no longer does anymore... he threw you to the curb like yesterdays garbage. As horrible as this has been for you there is nothing you can do except move on. Concentrate on yourself and your happiness... find another man , a good man. You will find love again.

Thanks for your kind words, ironhide262... On the day he confirmed the fact I held my tears asking him to tell me all what he disliked in me. He thought for a while and told me he liked it a lot when I was proactive in my life but at the same time it made him suffer because I was also very proactive in love, that I always decided to do what I believed to be right.

For the moment I'm living my life quietly without any disturbance to his new life, but I love him still. I love all his cares and sacrifices for me... Would anyone tell me that patience and faithfulness will finally win?

Hi...
petiteabeille, Only you can do what's best for you.
I will say to get over him.. stay busy, focus on your work.. try not to think of him and if you do,think about what he did to you so that you can get that hate and angy inside you!

I know you are thinking about all the good times and you really miss him, but he wasn't the man for you.. and he will do the same with the women he is dating know! He will never stop! DO NOT sms him or try to call him.. he's going to ignore you. Disappear and erase that man out of your head! His not worth your tears! At least you know you were a good wife to him.. maybe to good and I can assure you one thing.. he will never ever have a women in his life again like you NEVER!!

Just let go sweety, I know its hard but move on! YOU WILL find someone better that will respect, love you and adoure you!

I wish you all the best, and that you will find the perfect man that loves you!!

Thank you very much for your kindness, Sweedypie... Yes I'm being torn apart... When he disappeared for days on his vacation I was worried and got down on my knees every night to pray for him to be safe and fine... When he used all hard words to push me out of the house I managed to cook a lot of food and store them in the fridge so that he could eat well while without me... Later I knew he did all this for her... Before he told me the fact I couldn't imagine why he pushed me away and I missed him so bad that I hid myself at the corner near the house in early morning just to see him going to work...

Without him, I'm working at night too. I work and study all the time but he's always in my mind...

Just try to focus on your life and your things! CONCENTRATE! Do not let him into your head.cuz he's only going to bring you down - because of the love you have for him!

Be STRONG and go out with friends,stay busy - and you will see you will get over him!
Who knows it can be much quicker than you thought - just don't try to see him or talk to him! The best for now is to stay away and do your own thing! HE WILL SOON REALISE HE HAD MADE A MISTAKE! The more you going to sms or try calling him - or writing your heart out(telling how much you miss him )is going to push him further away, believe me.. guys do not like that!!




But good luck and hope you all the best.

REMEMBER... BE STRONG MY GIRL!

With my ex-fiancee he told me about 1.5monts before wedding that he just couldn't get married. I of course was shocked, so lashed out said don't let door hit you in backside.. We did get kind of back together about 4months, then he just stopped contacting me, and found out 2 weeks after that he was living with another woman.

I was devastated, and its been 1.5 years, still have hard time, but am getting better.

You are going through very difficult time. But don't every let him see that!! He may of hurt you beyond belief, but never let him know it! If possible check through you work see if they have any assistance for counseling, or check with your clergy. It does help to talk to other people. Just talking to other people on this site has helped me.

He is beyond caring what,where, or even how you are doing with your life. I know its hard, but no matter what don't just had him the pride you still have. I know its hard not to what him back, and to do anything to have him back. But bottom line is he doesn't care about your wants. Iam sorry for what your going through, but I do understand how difficult it is. Please feel free to let me know how your doing!!

Thank you very much answerme_tender. So you have stayed alone for a year and a half now? He married that woman? For me I've been crying since it happened though I work, eat and sleep normally...

Thank you again Sweedypie... You're so strong girl. No I'm not contacting him anymore, as I don't want to be between them. They are now a couple and I never want to be between a couple...

Petiteabeille,


No he hasn't married her, I really doubt that he ever will, she will be in same situation I was, he will not marry. He has been married twice, and wants nothing to do with it. I don't blame him, but then he should have just said that in beginning, instead of asking me to marry him. It was on of those DUH moments, if you know what I mean.

Hi everyone. I'm back to write some updates. This is for my own as well, to look back after some time... Two months after throwing me out, one night he contacted me. As I wrote before, I always love him. I agreed to come a few days after that, which was his birthday. After giving him a passionate night of his birthday, I told him that I would wait. I know that I sounded stupid but I couldn't help believing that love would finally win. And time has passed, I've been waiting for him for half a year now. He's still in touch with me and did everything he could to support me in my life and my work. He still replied to my questions about his future plans and still said about his feelings for me. So I have the energy (hope) to keep on waiting. This is hard, as I need my man physically sometimes, as I imagine his being with the other woman and suffered from jealousy sometimes... I don't know if I'll survive this long road...

Then chose another road,one that doesn't include hanging aroung in limbo waiting for something that will most likely never happen.

You chose what you do with your life-do you want to be somebody's booty call?

Or wouldn't you rather start respecting yourself and start living your own life?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by amicon

Then chose another road,one that doesn't include hanging aroung in limbo waiting for something that will most likely never happen.

You chose what you do with your life-do you want to be somebody's booty call?

Or wouldn't you rather start respecting yourself and start living your own life?

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Thank you for your kindness, amicon. But it's hard, as I also believe this is just due to physical attraction. After the short time on holidays together with my man, she missed him so much that she took a flight to our place just to stay with him for a week (that time I got to know why he kicked me out of the house that hurrily). And then they kept on spending money on flights to see each other.

Another thing, she knew that he was in a relationship with me when they started their story. When she came to live for a week at our place, I'm sure she saw all traces of a woman's hands everywhere in the house. Even my little plants in the bedroom are still fresh. I mean if it were me, I'd feel soooo much guilty of stepping on someone's happiness and would run away immediately.

But I'll listen to you. I'll try to make myself emotionally independent of him. Whatever tomorrow will be, it's first good for me today...

Sweet pea;
My husband just did the same to me. Please do not let him have the best or worst from you, he deserves nothing. You are so much stonger than I am, I called him frantically, begged him on my knees, went in his phone account, went to his home... and it is all over. After 2 weeks he dumped me and blamed me all for it, he is seeing this girl... I just want to confront her has she knew him from before, I want to tell her he is married, he had a stepson... but I know there is no point for this. So hard... I will keep you in my prayers.

When you didn't get enough misery and humiliation the first time you will keep going back for more.

You want better for yourself, you have to do better for yourself. You are not, because you really do need to get him out of your life, and keep it that way. Then you can heal, and rebuild and find happiness, instead of being a booty call while he cheats on the chick, he cheated on you with.

Its you that's still out in the cold waiting for another booty call. What kind of message does that send to him? "She is waiting for the next booty call, whenever I get ready."

Pathetic, and humiliating.

@misshurt: No I wasn't that strong, I did exactly the same things, I cried, I begged on my knees... All this didn't bring him back to me, but it did show him how much he hurt me, I believe this is unforgettable to him. At the moment I'm still waiting for him. This is what I think: I don't leave my man just because he has another woman, because out of this, he never ill treated me. However, I don't wait for him forever, I'm giving him one last chance. After the reality with this woman hits him, which hopefully helps him understand what he needs in a "life companion": if he comes back to me, I have done the right thing. If not, I move on, maybe with another man, maybe alone.

If ''your'' man has another woman, he isn't your man anymore.

If ''your'' man leaves you and throws you out-he is illtreating you.

If he comes back to you and you allow him to do so-you're setting yourself up for yet another heartbreak.

@talaniman: Thank you very much for your kindness. I've learned the nature of your advice. I'm doing myself better (I got promoted at work and admitted in a good university to do my master). I've completely left behind all pains and anger from what happened. I've forgiven and I still love him but he's not everything in my life. I'm taking advantage of the peaceful free "time without men" to achieve my other goals.


@amicon: My sincere thanks for your words. I understand what you're trying to tell me. I imagine that when the desires for sex and new fresh things come up in some man, he might become blind and will heartlessly do anything to be satisfied. So I've decided not to feel hurt from what he's done and is doing in this state of mind. However, after all, if he never comes back to me, life doesn't end tomorrow.

This is going to sound harsh, but it really isn't meant that way. It is meant to get you to see your actions and lack of them in a different way.

I think I get it. You are using him as an excuse to hide away from men and dating. You don't want to take a chance on getting hurt again so you are going to hold on to this half-existence. You're in a relationship. Not available. So forth and so on...

However, you also aren't facing reality and aren't healing.

You are not in a relationship. He isn't yours (how many more times must that fact be said.) You aren't available because you are shutting yourself off from living. Holding on to 'loving him' is just the wall you built.

You are seeing only what you want to see in his interactions with her. She isn't the other woman. She is his partner as in lovers if not more. You're the doll on the shelf that he will play with when he needs something and she isn't around like on his birthday.

You have allowed yourself to be turned into the 'other woman.' That is not good or healthy for your self-esteem especially if you believe what you wrote about her knowing he was already in a relationship when they became involved.

You don't have to start dating just because you aren't in a relationship. You can take all the time you want in building your relationship with yourself. You are off to a good start and I congratulate you on your accomplishments. Best of luck on your future endeavors. However, give the other part of you a chance to heal and grow too.

Hi Cat1864. My sincere thanks for your attention and care. I'm here because I need them...

Please allow me to add some more facts on what's happening between us right now. I told him to stop running around to search for perfect love because it just doesn't exist, that every woman would have things he liked and disliked in, that it was the question of accepting or not. He agreed with me. I've emphasized many times with him that I do support him in whatever he decides to do at the moment, but I'll give up when I see I should. I've made it clear to him that I still love him and I'm still waiting for him, but this is the last chance. And from his side, as we are not in the same country right now, and in different time zones, he's leaving his PC online 24x7 with mine, so that we can talk to each other whenever we can. He's still listening to and sharing with whatever I tell him, and gave me practical help many times. He's still sharing with me about his work, daily life and future plans. The things I love in him very much are that he works and studies very hard, and always supports me practically to improve myself.

You see, how can I ever cut this... He's the very kind of men I need. I do have many male friends, and did go out for a drink with them sometimes. But, it's always him that I feel happiest with...

About the other woman, I'm encouraging him to go to her, though. What else can I do for her... She didn't care about my feelings. Why should I care about hers... If she doesn't want "the other woman" in her relationship, she shouldn't have been one.

I get the impression that being exclusive in this relationship is not high on your list, but would settle for being #2, or #3. You seem to settle for whatever you can get to keep him around.

I have been through something kind of similar my boyfriend left one night when I was six months pregnant and never came back home a few weeks later I found out he moved in with another woman and he left his clothes and everything he just up and left while I was pregnant with my first child and his 3rd child.

I was devastated. Lets just say I found out the address where he was and he was wanted by the police and I had him put in jail and called his phone after he got locked up and spoke to the other woman she told me he told her about me and that I was trying to pin a baby on him and that he loved her and she loved him.


He is still in jail gets out christmas 2011 He went to jail the same week I found out were he was I sent him a letter when he went to the first jail and told him how pissed I was and that's when he started claiming he made a mistake and he didn't plan on staying with the girl and he still loved me and loved his son and wants to be a family.

And you wouldn't believe the crap I went threw with the other woman, while he was still locked I was working at walmart and she either found out were I work or he told her but he told me he did not tell her Im like how does she even no what I look like and where I work?

Any way this woman came up to my job constantly, called my phone constantly, threatened to hurt my unborn child over him and to be honest he isn't even worth fighting over he is a 3 time felon addicted to PCP can't get a job doesn't have a car a pot to piss in or nothing he is a true bum and I fell in love with that bum.

And now I look back and think man I don't know what the hell I was even thinking he should have been privileged to be with me I have car house work school everything!

The girl he cheated with didn't have a car nor a job and she had two kids that aren't his and she was a hot mess as far as looks, so what was the reason for leaving any way?

And now the tables have turned and he wants me back and he is begging me to take him back I thought about it and still do but to let you no if I do he is going to work his way back into my life.

And his son's life it won't be easy. You'll get your time when he is begging for you but let him beg don't call him seek him out or nothing become untouchable and let him beg and wait for you and when your ready! Good luck

@talaniman: Thank you for your words... I don't know what to say... One year has passed and I'm still in love with him. What he's saying to me now is like "what will come will come." I've read many stories about cheating, infidelity... and I just don't want anything any more. I just want to be loyal to the love I have for him...

@Mievans: I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through... You're really strong. But I can imagine your nights full of tears with all questions "why" in your head, being alone and pregnant... I'll pray for you too, as you said he'd have to work his way back to you.

You feed your own misery, and confusion just by being in contact with him. Any contact, however small is poison to you.