Ok it's been 3 months since I've heard from him, and well he broke up with my 3 months ago and then just disappeared out of my life because I told him that I couldn't be friends anymore and I've kept no contact but I cann't help wondering everyday how he is and I'm so tempted to email him "hey, can we be friends now?" but I guess I'm scared he won't reply... I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that he could just cut me out off his life like that, but it's for the best right?

Do you really want to be friends with him or do you wish for more.

Can you handle if he has found someone and is in a relationship with another woman, and as friends he wants to talk about her to you. Would you be okay with that. I personally think seeing my ex-fiancee with another woman would STILL seem like I was having my heart ripped out all over again.

Bottom line is what do you really want out of this friendship and what you can handle.

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Originally Posted by flowerchildfala

Ok it's been 3 months since i've heard from him, and well he broke up with my 3 months ago and then just disappeared out of my life because i told him that i couldn't be friends anymore and i've kept no contact but i cann't help wondering everyday how he is and im so tempted to email him "hey, can we be friends now?" but i guess im scared he won't reply...I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that he could just cut me out off his life like that, but it's for the best right?

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Why he would answer you?
He broke up with you (he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you) you told him you can't be friends (you didn't want to be in contact with him) and you kept NC for months.

These are your own words, you two went different ways. Your ego is hurt because he "cut you off his life"... he's moving on because its what EX-boyfriends/girlfriends do. Is that a good enough reason to try to go back into his life... just because you "can't help wondering"??

Move on with your life, you don't need him as a "friend" that will be way to hard esp this early

You are still wanting him back, so after you are dating and could care less about him is when you could be just a friend "maybe"

Yea you guys are right, I guess I want to contact him because I still want to believe that he loves me and misses me and wants to give our relationship another go and maybe if I contact him then that's what I will hear from him but that's not going to happen in real life most likely... I don't know how to stop having hope! It's driving me crazy!!

Having him as a friend won't help you! If he talks about another girl.. your going to get crazy . Ur willing to having him more than a friend, it's obvious . Your only missing him maybe physically more than anything, maintain NC and see how you feel after a month. Talking with him as a friend will let you feel good for a very short while, then u'll come to an end .

Ok so I thought I was pregnant and told my boyfriend, then he said he didn't want a baby and he doesn't want to be together anymore!! I've just done a 2nd pregnancy test but it's come uot negative, what do I do? Leave him and move on or get back together?

Tell him that you are not pregnant first of all, but keep in mind that if you do get pregnant he will be stepping out of the relationship, if that is someone who you want to be with then try to fix it, if not then find someone who wants the same things you do.

Good Luck,

Javi

Consider this a test that you passed, and he failed. You misjudged your pills, had a scare you were pregnant, but weren't. You were given a get out of jail card free- use it.

He took the test of learning he was a father, and he bailed on you. He failed.

Why you would consider risking pregnancy again by choosing a man of such low character; he spent more time having sex with you, than thinking about the consequences of you possibly becoming pregnant. Then when you though you were, he bailed on you. No interest in sharing the horribe time you spent worrying yourself sick that you could be bringing a life into this world. He didn't step up and take responsibility before you knew if you were pregnant, so why would you think he'd be a better man now that you're not.

Please re-evaluate your contraceptive needs, and make sure you either don't have sex, or that you are well prepared with contraceptives, and/or, you trust the person you are with enough to know that if you DID get pregnant, he wouldn't bail. You don't need a potential deadbeat dad in the picture, anymore than you need an unplanned baby.

I agree with Jake. This is a test. He failed it. Take this as a hint. He won't be supportive of you through a pregnancy, what purpose does this person really serve in your life?

I would still go to the doctor just to make sure which way or another! I certainly agree with others advice, He FAILED stepping up to be a REAL man.

I personally wouldn't even tell him that I wasn't pregnant, why should you, he took a walk, just let him keep a steppin!!

I agree with jake, please make sure you don't waste this get out of jail free card, use better contraceptives. I would also take this time to re-evaluate the type of characters that you want in your next boyfriend. Don't have anytype of sexual relationship until you REALLY know this is the right guy, one that is really into this relationship because he wants to be with you for the long haul.

Ok so I've known for 2 months now and we've been on 3 dates over this period (I've had exams during this time) and we text but it's been a week since our last date and he hasn't asked me out again and he texts me every 2 or 3 days but I don't know what this is or where it's going. Should I ask him or what do I do because I'm so confused! Any guys tat can give me some advice would be kindly appreciated!!

It's too soon to worry about what stage or kind of relationship it is. You don't say how far apart you are, if this is college or high school, or what your living situation is. You don't say what HE is doing right now - exams too perhaps, different schedule? Too difficult for any of us to have a clue where he stands. I wouldn't ask him about his intentions straight out; I would just casually ask if he wants to grab a bite the next warm nice day and walk around town. Sort of asking him out on a daytime date and not expensive. You could even foot some of the bill by making sandwiches. If he paid for your first 3 dates, he may just be feeling broke.

Definitely he likes you and he is interested in you ,he is just playing it slow taking his time, on your own side you can maybe accelerate it a little bit , when next you see him or when next he txt's u ask him when you guys are going to meet , I don't know how much physical contact u've had , mayb just create some contact hold hands or a kiss might be spark the whole thing , as for me I me always take it slow in order not to be rejected until I see some signs that is interested the I get in, Goodluck,
Show some signs don't ask him yet

Really? So he might be interested? I thought he just wanted to be friends because he is talking this so slow and I'm not used to guys taking things slow! Im at college and he's finished and working now!

Comment on deoni's post

So what would you suggest? I've started texting him more now but he just seems more distant and when I sugested that we go out this week he said that he was quite busy and that he would have to get back to me on a date and time. Am I over analyzing?

Comment on Jake2008's post

Thanks, your advice is spot on and the advice I would give to a friend if she was in my situation! I am so thankful that things have turned out for the better and that I am baby free and jerk free now!

Just leave it be. Maybe send him a final text to say 'let me know when your not busy' and then leave it.

If he wants to pursue you, let him. Don't make it easy for him ;-)

Is this the same guy?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nt-525335.html

Comment on J_9's post

No that was my sister, she didn't want to create an account so I let her use mine and ask, and I guess she wasn't listening to my advice so I'm glad I let her use this website because everyone pretty much told her the same thing I did!

Comment on pandead's post

Thanks pandead and everyone else who has given me support!! Every time I get tempted to contact him I think of your advise and stop myself! Thank you!

It's best to let her create her own account to save from confusion like this. It is free after all.

It's easier said than done. Fighting to urges of breaking no contact can be extremely difficult. But if you ever want to get over him, then you're going to have to stay strong.

Think about it this way, if he really did love you, he would find a way to contact you. So whether you contact him or not, it won't make a difference anyway.

Check out the NC related threads in my signature for more support.

If he was interested in getting back together he would have contacted you by now. He has obviously moved on. Keep your pride in tact and do not contact him. You will more then likely feel worse after reaching out to him.

Ok so we broke up sept and now he's engaged!! I don't know what to think and it just hurts really badly and I thought I was over him but hearing this has just put me back like 30 steps!! I'm trying to be happy for him but it just hurts that he's moved on this quickly and can make such a big commitment to her when he told me he didn't want to get married at this point in his life!! Guys, any help?

It happens all the time,as hard as it is to come to terms with he met someone he wanted to marry,he did not want to marry you.

I know that's harsh but true none the less.

There is no need to feel happy for him,there is no need to send a card,the only thing to do is keep up no contact,keep in mind he found someone fell in love and is now marrying her,the same thing can happen to you too.

Keep working on you,keep busy and keep moving forward.

Ouch! I'm sorry... I know it hurts. As red said, while you may have thought the two of you were a good match, it wasn't what he was feeling. Can't make someone feel what they don't feel.

In time you will be able to be happy for him... after you have moved on more with your own life. Spend extra time with family and friends, doing things you enjoy.

It's a well known statistic that men 'move on' more quickly than women... the rate for remarriage after being widowed, for instance, is different by years. One theory is that men want that nice domestic home more than anything, whereas women already ARE that nice domestic home, and are more particular about who they choose, and also grieve longer for the man they lost.
Or someone else just clicks and the dumped person didn't. It's no reflection on how wonderful a person you are.
Everyone, men and women, will at times say what they prefer and then change their minds upon meeting someone new.
When jilted this way it's best to gather best friends around and allow them to totally trash the guy! Even if he doesn't deserve it, it's part of your healing process to let them say 'he's a no good SOB and doesn't deserve you.'

I have to "spread it" Joy but completely agree. Good post.

Thanks guys! It's just hard to deal with and it's really put myself esteem down now because I keep thinking there must be something wrong with me!! I really need to move on and stop caring about what he does but it's just really hard. I honestly thought I was over him because when I saw them together I was OK with it, but now that I know he's asked her to marry him... it's different! It just hurts he was never committed to me or ever could but can do it so easily with her!

If it helps I will share with you that something similar happened to me a long time ago. My first love, someone I had a relationship with for 4 years, dumped me, and was engaged to someone else after 2 weeks. He had started working away and unbeknown to me had met her a few months earlier. Boy that stung at the time. He had been in no rush to commit, so to discover firstly that he had been cheating and secondly that he was going to marry the other woman was quite a blow.

All I can tell you is that it is true that time does heal. I can't remember how long it took but I had to brush myself down and get on with my life and the pain faded in time. I have been married to my husband for over 25 years now, so yes someone better did come along as well in time.

My ex did go on to marry the girl but was divorced a few years later. I'm rather embarrassed to admit to feeling a little smug that his marriage failed while mine was going strong, though I think it's a fairly human response after a deep hurt. Not only had my heart been wounded but my pride had been stamped into the ground. When he met another lady a few years later and seemed to settle down happily with her I was genuinely happy for them. I knew then that the wounds had fully healed. In case you're wondering about the rest of the story, we lost touch for a number of years then I learned that sadly he died early at the age of 40. I was genuinely sad for his family and although I didn't actually know if he was still with his partner, I was sad to think of whoever he might have made a life with losing him, but he was just a distant shadow in the past in my life by then.

I hope it helps to know you're not the only one this happens to. I cannot foretell how either of your lives will pan out but I promise you will find your own new path in time and the hurt will heal.

The only other thing I might add is that I probably made it harder for myself by not really going no contact with him. Although, I had no deliberate contact with him, I had become good friends with his mum and his two sisters so inevitably I heard things that weren't my business anymore and did bump into him and his new wife once, and that probably didn't help me to heal quickly. If you can go no contact that would help.

Wishing you happiness in the future.

You may want to consider that while you were still healing from the breakup, he had jumped light years ahead of you. You were still not over him, when he moved on with such remarkable speed into a new relationship with marriage to another.

The plus side of this is, this may actually help you heal faster. Now you know for example, that he isn't feeling the same pain, or going through the usual steps of recovering from a breakup. While it may be true that men recover faster, my experience has been that anyone who was in a committed relationship, and goes through a painful breakup, needs more than two months to recover before being emotionally ready to committ to another.

My guess is he had 'left' you long before you knew about it, which may explain his quick move to another.

But, now you know that he has made his choices. And as I was saying, the plus is, there is no doubt whatsoever that you made the right choice in ending the relationship, and healing from what was, is no longer a choice. Not to mention that it is far better for you to go through this now, before two kids and a mortgage, than later.

All the best of luck to you.

QLP: thanks for sharing your story, it's helped me a lot knowing that this does happen and that others have gotten through it and so I can too. I'm really sorry that you had to go through that and congrates on meeting an amazing guy and being married to him for 25 years! Yea I had kept no contact until my sister told me, I know she didn't mean any harm and I guess she was really shocked by it and wasn't thinking!!

Jake2008: everything you said is true and I guess it's what I've tried to deny, but your right in that he is light years away and I'm still in the caveman era with regards to moving on so I need to catch up! And yea I guess now is bettering then finding out down the line!

Joypulv: "Or someone else just clicks and the dumped person didn't. It's no reflection on how wonderful a person you are." this has really hit hard for me and it has made me feel a lot better so thank you a lot! We weren't right for each other and I guess he relised it before I did and I'm realising it now! Oh and I took your advice and had a day out with my girls and it helped to get it off my mind!

So sorry this happened to you. Keep your chin up, you'll find someone that wants you just as much as you want him. :)

Flowerchid,

It is wonderful that you have taken the advice you have been given, and used it in a positive way.

Breakups always have an 'after' part. Some days are good, then you slide a bit, then more good days, then something out of left field blindsides you. You still keep moving forward. His marriage to another woman so soon after the breakup was one of those moments that knocked you off balance.

Every day that you get back up and keep moving, moves those setbacks that much further in the past, and puts more and more good days under your belt.

Stay strong.

Ok so I'm really trying to get over him and move on!! There are days when I don't think about him at all, then there are days were something will remind me of him and I just break down in tears! I still love him but I'm having so much trouble moving on!! I've meet a new guy who's so amazing and treats me well, but I still feel like I miss my ex. He treated me badly and was never committed to the relationship, but I still cann't completely forget him and sometimes I wish he was in my life. Any advice guys?

If there is not hope, why should you still be there? Do you like suffering? Leave him alone and stay alone... try to face up to yourself..

How long were your two together?

Break-ups are tough, and it takes time to get over. Are you sure you didn't start dating too soon?

It's obvious that he wasn't a great guy, so try concentrating on the bad and why you broke up to start with. Eventually those feelings will fade.

Readers NOTE,

Again her posts were merged, not only for clarity, background, and additional facts, but to keep us readers from being confused and asking her the same questions over and over.

To the OP,

Your constant disregard of keeping it simple for us all and stop the serial posting of new threads will get them ALL closed. Please do your part, and benefit from this site.