Entire story merged

I just found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me. She basically blames the fact that she had to ask me for affection as the root cause for her seeking comfort elsewhere. She says she carried me and that she was sick of it.

I really miss her. I have had several conversations with her and foolishly told her how deoressed I am how in love with her I am - I also cried in front of her and begged for her to come back to me. Didn't work, she became very cold and said that I was 'weak and pathetic'.

She also blames the fact that I was always too good for her, and that whilst she loves me as a person she is not in love with me.

I know she has been seeing the guy that split us up.

Im just devastated.

Will she come back?

Im making imporvements to my life, I intend to invite her to a comedy showcase that I will be performing in to show her how much drive I have.

That's not excuse to cheat. If she had problems with you, she should try to work it out with you. If she can't work it out, she should make it a clean break.

Why would you want her back? How can you ever trust her again? You shouldn't blame yourself for her cheating on you. You deserve better than that. Have more self-respect and more self-esteem than that.

I know - I'm going through a rollercoaster. She is a lot younger than me, and we were so in love, but the last six months I got lazy - you're right its no excuse to cheat - I'm just thoroughly exhausted at the moment. Ive laid new plans in place but I can't help but think about her. We had such a good relationship and understanding and during the break up she still used pet names and said she loved me then when I called her on har cheating she got really defensive.

She has changed overnight, she used to be my little angel now she's putting slutty Facebook profile pics, which I told her wasn't her and that I think that whoever she has been modelling herself on (a new girlfiend at work) clearly has her mind messed up.

I love her so much and I'm tryign to move on but I keep having setbacks.

What are your age ranges?

Harshness warning

Unfortunately she's not the same person as when you first started this relationship.

The question is, can you accept the change. Living in a fantasy world hoping that she will go back to her old ways is not healthy for you.

She's moving forward with her life and so should you. Quit living in the past.

She's now 20 I'm 27, she's 21 end of April.

I know I need to move on... do you think she will ever come back to me?

Ive been in these situations before and the girls have always been back

She cheated on you. (strike 1)

Blamed you for it. (strike 2)

Then dumped you. (strike 3!! )

She is out... NEXT!

Disappear from her life, as why would you want a selfish, lying, manipulative cheating slut back??

I don't think she changed overnight,there's usually a building up of things over a period.

You should,as I wish said,move on. .

Entertaining false hope of a reconciliation is most often just that,false hope.

Breakups are painful,all we can do is heal and start getting on with our lives.

I guess I feel such attachment as we have spent literally everyday together, I nurtured her through a crisis of confidence and ironically now she appears to have zapped mine.

I didn't see this coming really, she just went out one night and kiss this guy she works with, and was texting him flirtily, I threw her out based on this.

I miss all the time we spent together. It did get a little heavy and I did warn her that I was feeling very stressed, she said she was depressed... then she kissed the guy and now the are screwing

I'm gutted

Nobody can take your confidence away unless you let them.

Gutted or not,pick yourself up and take the first steps on the road to healing.

We have all been there and we have all got through it.

And so will you.

This girl isn't for you man.

Liar, cheater, blamer. And you love her so much.
Get a reality check.

Is that what you want?

A 20 year old that says she's carrying you? What a laugh.

I sympathy you, you were blinded and is blind for the moment. Open your eyes and let your heart heal. It is too weak for it to absorb any damage, this will cost you a very long recovery.

Had a revelation when out with the boys last night- there are far better people out there (brought two home) and I'm not going to carry all this into my next relationship.

Yes I still love her, but you're right the only reason why she said she carried me is because she earns more but ihave more potential then she will ever have and if she wasn't so deep rooted I'm becoming a domesticated fishwife to my liberal dreamer then this wouldn't have happened.

She has changed (for the worse) pictures of her clearly indicate this - but she will not change me

Yes! Plenty of fish in the sea.

If she's willing to cheat on you, then she doesn't really value you much. She would rather cheat than work things out with you. What does that say about her?

With time, it will get easier. To help, go do positive things for yourself. To make yourself a better person.

I agree . Before I me her I was studying pick up artistry - it was working wonders and then my romantic ideals slipped in around Xmas 2007 and I got caught up in an obsessive and unhealthy relationship, don't get me wrong some of the memories are the best of my life. I've achieved so much without her though and I have to give myself credit that I had a fantastic life before her, with her and I will after her.

I really want to send her an email to state all of the things I haven't had chance to say - I.e that I will not but made to feel guilty about our break up, that I should never have begged her to stay with me and say that I'll change and that I do not need her in my life. Do you thinkthis is a good idea?

We haven't sat down properly and gone through this instead she patronized me and called me weak and pathetic

Why would it matter anymore?

It's just opening a can of worms. The things that she can possibly say will only add to the confusion and drag out this healing process.

You've already made some great progress, talking to her will only reset your progress.

I know you want to find closure, but closure comes from within yourself and not from interacting with her.

No contact is the best tool for you. Read my signature for no contact related threads.

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We haven't sat down properly and gone through this instead she patronized me and called me weak and pathetic

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Don't hold your breath on this one. I think dumping you, and getting someone else is a clear indication she doesn't intend on talking about anything with you, so leave her alone, go strict no contact, and disappear from her life.

The challenge is to cope with your own feelings in a positive way.

Don't write a letter to her. It's over so just let her go and move on with your life.

She really did you a favor by breaking up with you - you got to really see what type of person she is.

Just be certain to give yourself enough healing time before getting into another relationship.

The problem is we have an apartment together still, so I have to be grown up about it - its painful, communicating with her about 'business' matters - she says that I am her best friend which I guess I did become, as she doesn't have anybody else to turn to, she comes from a very splintered background.

I do miss our chats and our fun. I have to deal with it.

Do you think the best friend thing is just a ploy to guilt trip me for throwing her out or do you think this is genuine?


I need to vent all this of my chest I really thank you for your comments, otherwise id be telling her.


Ironically I ended up comforting her through our break up... the nerve... I was weak.

Further to my other post - my ex just got in touch saying 'hope your OK. How has the flat viewing gone?X'

I know I shouldn't read anything into this - but how do I respond?

You don't. That simple. She doesn't deserve a response so ignore it.

She isn't your best friend. She's a cheater.
Aside from what she texts. She proved that one already.

She's playing you, buddy.

She wants you when she wants.

Don't put up with that. Who would? You?

Even after three yrs of it just being me and her?

I'm really struggling today - trying to concentrate on work it's proving very difficult

Try not to keep banging your head on that brickwall-but see the writing on it-you need to let this go and take whatever steps necessary to sort out the flat so you can go complete NC and start to heal.

Of course it hurts,and it will for some time,but accepting that its over is the first step on the road to recovery.

Thank you - we have a lot to sort out still re the flat - I still love her deeply and I wanted to be the one to make her happy. Having a real low today. I feel physically weak. Can't stop thinking about her. It's driving me crazy

Some days are like that,busy yourself with work-fake it till you make it-go for a walk during your lunchbreak,sometimes it is one hour at the time,but trust me when I say it will get better.

Being alone takes getting use to. But don't be dramatic and use this time to do anything but plan your next move. Time to find and do your own thing, without her.

Its not going to be easy, but just love yourself as much as you say you loved her, and do good things for yourself.

I'm getting a lot better - thanks for your messages guys... I am contemplating however one last thing - I got on really well with her mum,nan and aunt, I am thinking to see if there is a slightest chance of us working this out - as that's what her mum said. Do you think this is wise if I assure them not to say anything?

Im struggling again, ahd a great morning and now I'm pining again.

She was my lobster... I tried to push her away so I could propose to her on her 21st and it would take her by surprise, it appears to have worked far too well...


Like Chandler and monica in friends it is something that we always discussed

Your grasping at straws now, and it's a very bad idea to involve her family in this, no matter how well they may like you. Leave them alone too!

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Being alone takes getting use to. But don't be dramatic and use this time to do anything but plan your next move. Time to find, and do your own thing, without her.

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Oik... I agree moment of weakness! I'm an old romantic, I don't think me inviting her to my comedy performance in June is a good idea either do you?
I think I'm clinging on to this at present - its giving me motivation to go to workshops and progress with my stand up to show her how talented I am

Forget trying to impress her she is the past.

Repeat after me,

No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!
No Contact with her any more!

Got it yet?

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Originally Posted by snakebiteadl

Oik...i agree moment of weakness! im an old romantic, i dont think me inviting her to my comedy performance in June is a good idea either do you?
I think im clinging on to this at present - its giving me motivation to go to workshops and progress with my stand up to show her how talented i am

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You just don't get it...

I think you know that any contact and that includes contact with the nan,mum etc would be a bad move.

Invites to your show would also be a bad move so-no,don't.

Let the false hope go and stop clutching at straws-they always break.

OK... still I'm 5 days NC! Doing pretty well... just need a verbal slap every now and again

Five days is good.
Verbal slaps are always available!

She was in touch again last night re the flat - when she knew the answer to the question - why??

I'm not overanalysing now - I'm in a good place... but I know she misses me and the special time we had

Its called playing mindgames in my book.
Ignore her messages.

Last night I got very drunk on guinness and sent her mother a long email about the plans I had for her... woke up this morn and thought what the heck have I done - what will this achieve, I've seen the light but let myself down badly last night - I know we are over, she is a liar a cheater and I don't want people like that in my life... damn alcohol


Yes... im going to block her on everything and change my number to today - I am a douche.

Well,not a great move.

Best forgive yourself,and not do it again.. .

Broke nc - badly - left silly horrible voicemails - when drunk: I am sick of myself

Aren't you the clutz?
Stay away from the booze-it makes you do silly things-not cool.

Drowning your sorrows doesn't work, as you may have noticed.