My ex and I have been broke up for a year. He is living with someone else. But we still email and still seem to be attracted to each other, well at least we flirt of email. We actually got together about 6 months ago, before he moved officially in with her.

He lost his job and moved right in with her. Now to give you some idea we are middle aged people and professionals. I am still in love with him and I know that he is fully happy with her. He acts like we should have an affair, I can't believe it. We are not married to anyone here. I keep thinking that he will realize that she isn't want he wants.
I am going crazy here.

First off, there is no way that he's "fully happy" with her and wants a relationship with you on the side. I'd say that he simply is a cake lover who wants his cake and wants to eat it too.

Why should you hold out for crumbs from someone similar to a dog waiting on the doormat for a couple of crumbs of attention? Don’t you really deserve to have a fantastic relationship? YES! You do! Everyone does.

I wouldn't wait around for him to give me an STD or break my heart... I'd get out there and find someone that loves and respects me... and he ain't it!

He will not realize she isn't what he wants if he can have her and screw you too.
Are you really wanting to lower your status to booty call, because that is what you will be.
If he wants you he will leave her and be with you, but how in the world could you trust him knowing how willing he is to cheat?
Open your eyes and get a clue.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

He will not realize she isn't what he wants if he can have her and screw you too.
Are you really wanting to lower your status to booty call, because that is what you will be.
If he wants you he will leave her and be with you, but how in the world could you trust him knowing how willing he is to cheat?
Oen your eyes and get a clue.

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Don't be used by him. If he loved you he would be with you. He wants a side dish.

How do I get over him. God knows I have tried. When I said " I love you" I meant it. I have dated some very nice men, but I just don't want to commit myself. Believe it or not, I am a strong woman,and canot seem to get myself over this.

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Originally Posted by jillia

How do I get over him. God knows I have tried. When I said " I love you" I meant it. I have dated some very nice men, but I just dont want to commit myself. Believe it or not, I am a strong woman,and canot seem to get myself over this.

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First stop the online flirting. Go out with friends. Go completely NC with him. You haven't gotten over him because you keep letting him give you hope. Don't fall for it.

If you cut all contact with him whatsoever, and enjoy a life you build without him, you will eventually get over him.

If you fall for his BS, and keep listening to it, yes you are crazy.

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Originally Posted by jillia

How do I get over him. God knows I have tried. When I said " I love you" I meant it. I have dated some very nice men, but I just dont want to commit myself. Believe it or not, I am a strong woman,and can't seem to get myself over this.

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Stop communicating with him in all ways. The longer you stay away from him, have no contact with him, you will get over him.
Think about it this way, you are the piece in the side. He is cheating on his girl friend with you.
Stop playing with fire, throw away the matches, leave him completely alone.

Yo, Its been a year.

Hes with someone.

If wants to flirt, let him flirt with his girlfriend, not you.

"get over him. God knows I have tried"

No you haven't. Sorry.

Stop.

You have very sound advice, one more question. Do I send him a letter and tell him how I feel about him using me,etc or just cut off communication entirely?

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Originally Posted by jillia

Do I send him a letter and tell him how I feel about him using me,ect or just cut off communication entirely?

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Just cut him off.

Why waste anymore of your time on him.

Honestly, think about it, do you really think he cares about how you feel?

If he did you wouldn't of been in the position you are in now.

Time for you to put yourself first,

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Originally Posted by jillia

you have very sound advice, one more question. Do I send him a letter and tell him how I feel about him using me,ect or just cut off communication entirely?

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You don't send him anything.
He does not care about how you feel and he already knows he's using you.
Leave him completely alone. If he text don't read it, delete it. If he calls, don't answer. Block him from your email. Erase him from your life.

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Originally Posted by jillia
Do I send him a letter and tell him how I feel about him using me,etc or just cut off communication entirely?

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Sends a better message when you just suddenly disappear from his life, and stop all contact from him, by completely ignoring his attempts. Then you have control, not him.

Write him a scathing letter with all your feelings spelled out, and burning the letter afterward, is a good therapy for yourself.

Don't send him anything. You've wasted enough time on him.

Okay am I the only who goes through the " I want revenge" cycle. I really would love to tell the new girlfriend just what kind of man she is with.

You know what's so ironic, is that his ex-wife tried to tell me,and did I listen (that would be a big fat NO). I know that I'm just rambling here, just need to get this off my chest. I have taken everyone's advice and started the no-contact.


And what I mean about what kind of man he is, I mean about us getting back together 6 months ago,even though he was apparently already living with her. I really thought he was done with her when this happened.

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Originally Posted by jillia

Okay am I the only who goes through the " I want revenge" cycle. I really would love to tell the new girlfriend just what kind of man she is with.

You know whats so ironic, is that his ex-wife tried to tell me,and did I listen (that would be a big fat NO). I know that I'm just rambling here, just need to get this off my chest. I have taken everyones advice and started the no-contact.

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No, you aren't alone in wanting revenge. The best revenge is waiting and doing nothing. She'll find out soon enough what sort of man he is. If you choose to retaliate by telling her, she won't believe it and then it will make him reluctant to show his true colors. Leave them alone.
No revenge is the best revenge. He'll wonder what you're up too.

Thanks to all of you for your advice. And I hope you all don't mind that I might be doing a little leaning on your shoulders.

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Originally Posted by jillia

Thanks to all of you for your advice. And I hope you all dont mind that I might be doing a little leaning on your shoulders.

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That's why we're here:)

He sounds very selfish.

But you know that now.

The best revenge you can have is to get on with your life without him. Leave him with the situation he has made. He obviously isn't happy with it or he wouldn't still be contacting you for a booty call. Too bad for him.

Let him lie in the bed he has made for himself on the back of your love and tears.

The best revenge is living well without him.
His future girl friends will find out about him just like you did. You just walk away being glad you are out of this. You are better than playing games. Games are for children and trying to get revenge shows the person they still have a hold on you. Don't give him the satisfaction.

Okay, I broke no contact. I sent him email telling him we didn't need to have any further contact. That I wasn't going to be his whore. I use to think he was good person, but have come to different conclusion after all this.

This was extremely hard thing for me to send, I really wanted to let him have it and go nuts, but I made it very professional. I am really shaking right now, but I do feel like I have move self respect, if that makes since

It makes sense, but let that be the last communication. You don't want to be going back and forth with him. That does not allow you to heal.
If he responds, don't read it or return it.

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Originally Posted by jillia

Okay, I broke no contact. I sent him email telling him we didnt need to have any further contact. That I wasnt going to be his whore. I use to think he was good person, but have come to different conclusion after all this.

This was extremely hard thing for me to send, I really wanted to let him have it and go nuts, but I made it very professional. I am really shaking right now, but I do feel like I have move self respect, if that makes since

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Hmmm... In my opinion you sent this because you want to start a dialog with him. You want him to fight for you, maybe a little ego stroking.

Sending anything shows that you still care.
Even if it's a "screw you"

I know you are right---Back on the " NO Contact" wagon. Man, I hope I can stick to it.

Hang in there girl. It's tough, but so are you.

Try to focus on how absolutely screwed up this situation is. I mean come on... do you really want to share your partner with someone else?!

Would you share your underwear with other people? Eeewwww...

LOL--now that's a whole new way of looking at it!!

Even if he did say to you lets get back together would ever really be able to trust him after all of this? I know I wouldn't.. Seen in time and time again even from personal experience men like him don't change.. If he thinks he will get away with it he will do it!

Okay, so I started putting a post it on my computer with number of how many days I have gone with no contact. I was feeling pretty good about and everyone would ask about the number, but I would just say its personal. ]

So he contactd me yesterday about the email I sent last week saying I didn't want anymore contact with him. No more emails , etc. Like I said then I didn't tell him off like I wanted to, just perfessional. He emailed that he didn't know what he did wrong to make me write an email like that. Also that he was having panic attacks and he feels he is a very caring person. I did email back that I was sorry to hear he was having paniac attacks, that geez he didn't have those with me, but I just didn't feel like putting myself out there anymore for him and he might want seek professional help for those attacks.

I got to tell you all, I was more upset that I had to change my dang post them back to the number 1!! Don't get me wrong I still love him, but I have read and read a lot of stories and advice given and know that I will survive. Just wanted to keep everyone who is helping me posted,

He sob story sucked you back in & you responded.

Just stay NC. Now.

That's the beauty of NC, eliminates that drama.

You are the one in control.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

He sob story sucked you back in & you responded.

Just stay NC. Now.

Thats the beauty of NC, eliminates that drama.

You are the one in control.

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Yes, pleas do that.