Fell head over heels with a wonderful man or so I thought. He convinced me to open up and fall completely. After 5 months of gifts and him coming to see me and finally allowing him to meet my daughter... I saw something on his Facebook... it was a gross dirty message from a woman... who says it was a joke. I posted back and said... what the hell? He then jumps my case... defends her... and now won't even speak to me... he said at first he still loved me and warned to work it out... then hasn't called or texted in 3 weeks. Also... he has my 800 dollar camera and I have asked politely for it back and he hasn't returned it. I have apologized and tried very hard to make amends. He said I was his world and he wanted to marry me and have a future... then one fight and its over? Help me understand this?

I guess it was just a line.

You held back, he chased you when you relented its over within a few months.

Perhaps it's the thrill of the chase for him,maybe he liked the thought of marriage but the reality was not what he expected.

I don't think you overreacted to the Facebook comment ,in fact I think his reaction speaks volumes.

You may have had a lucky escape.

As for the camera,you have asked,perhaps some legal advice to get your property back?

IF he was innocent IF there was nothing untoward going on,why won't he accept your apolige?

Maybe you 'caught' him out.

He's not interested in getting back together,you tried,time to pick yourself up dust yourself off and start no contact.

Sounds like he's all talk no action. In other words, he says he loves you and wants to marry you, but his actions say the contrary. He's not even willing to try to work out the issues with you, instead he chooses to hide.

When the going gets tough, he chickens out. Is that what you really want in a boyfriend/husband?

As for your camera, do you have any common friends that can help you pick it up directly from his place?

Be glad you found him out. He's a player.

I had the same situation. I found out something on his phone and fb. After the fight, I apologized. For 3 weeks, he contacted me twice. Finally, I made up my mind and broke up with him and he said he let me go. He is a player.. liar.

He was coming down to see me twice a week from another city, traveled 400 miles to come down to the coast and see me and my daughter for our birthday. Treated me like an angel... then one argument and he just shuts completely down... said his friends are all giving him a hard time about the Facebook post... it seems so high school... that if he really cared he would at least want to discuss it.

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Originally Posted by lisaa12

He was coming down to see me teice a week from another city, traveled 400 miles to come down to the coast and see me and my daughter for our birthday. Treated me like an angel...then one arguement and he just shuts completely down... said his friends are all giving him a hard time about the Facebook post...it seems so highschool... that if he really cared he would at least want to discuss it.

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He sounds like a ten year old throwing a temper tantrum. Tell him you want your camera back or you will send someone else to retrieve it. Let him go to his friend on Face book.

Yes I just cannot understand it... from total devotion to shut out cold and won't return camera and he makes really good money... I was going to sell it to him and he took it to charge it and try it... then we have this stupid blow up and he just keeps it? I just don't think he's a thief! It is so disturbing to me... I am devastated!

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Originally Posted by lisaa12

Yes I just cannot understand it...from total devotion to shut out cold and wont return camera and he makes really good money...I was going to sell it to him and he took it to charge it and try it...then we have this stupid blow up and he just keeps it? I just don't think he's a thief! It is so disturbing to me...I am devastated!

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OP who is the woman on Facebook and how long have you known this guy?

The woman is a stupid girl... she is a little sister of one of the firemen he does volunteer firefighting with. The commnet was how he was "feeling up her titties etc...then jk lol like it was a joke...he says it was because they were doing a timed fire drill and he had to strap on her chest gear...and that everyone knew it was a joke...I didn't and when I saw that on his FB is went ballistic...it was gross...so he goes off on me for reacting...he shoul have defended me and said hey..she doesn't know about this joke and what would you expect her to think... instead he said thanks to her for "opening his eyes" We have dated for 5 months.

She posted back... sorry didn't mean to break you up on Facebook... and said it was all a joke and that she hadn't seen him... well if that's the case why didn't he just say so. Also.. he says he had a really jealous ex fiancé who saw something on his Facebook and snooped and checked up on him for a year... and if he ever had someone like that again he would be out. I am not that person... I am not even jealous but that post of hers was disrespectful. I profusely apologized for going off, and saud he still loved me and wanted to work it out cause he knows I am not that same kind of person... then just blows me off and it had been 3 weeks and I am so upset.

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Originally Posted by lisaa12

She posted back... sorry didn't mean to break yall up on facebook... and said it was all a joke and that she hadn't seen him...well if that's the case why didn't he just say so. Also..he says he had a really jealous ex fiance who saw something on his facebook and snooped and checked up on him for a year...and if he ever had someone like that again he would be out. I am not that person...I am not even jealous but that post of hers was disrespectful. I profusely apologized for going off, and saud he still loved me and wanted to work it out cause he knows I am not that same kind of person...then just blows me off and it had been 3 weeks and I am so upset.

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He's hiding something and if I were you I wouldn't wait around for him.
He is looking for excuses to break up.

First of all, in the future at least, you might want to lighten up a bit. Silly comments and Facebook fiascos should never be treated or handled in the same way we approach them in reality. Facebook /= Real Life. The thing is, you let a little kid's comment offend you. I mean, for the same reason you'd never argue with an idiot, you don't give weight to the comments and chatter of children... ESPECIALLY NOT ON FACEBOOK. To be honest, Facebook has been the beginning and ending of countless relationships up till now. People overreact to insignificance.

As far as this guy goes, did you expect him to keep all that up? He played you, but only because you let him. You have to let people's actions speak over their words, you have to let intuition reveal intentions. When a guy is whispering in your ear everything you ever wanted to hear, when you ask him if you're the world to him and he doesn't hesitate... then he probably didn't really even ever think about it. People blow smoke, and it's so much easier than honesty. Be careful what you let into your ear.

Sounds like there's a bit more to what you posted than you're letting on to. Regardless, both of your reactions seemed rather high-school. Hopefully there's a lesson to be learned here for you about relationship breakers, i.e. accusations, over reacting, jealously, distrust, unwarranted drama.

Not knowing your boyfriend I could only speculate regarding his reactions. One would be the behaviors listed above have been going on for months and as another poster said, you finally crossed the line. Second thought would be he’s immature and hiding his true intentions.

I would be very careful about dating guys who made comments about a child or young girl. Joking about, "feeling her up " is totally
Inappropriate. Stay away from him.

SHE made the comment not him if you read the post! She is 23 not a child!
And I had no reason to be jealous.. if you read that a woman posted that on your mans Facebook tell me you wouldn't respond back! Bull crap!

And by the way... we are both in our 40's so we are all grown up here folks!

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Originally Posted by lisaa12

SHE made the comment not him if you read the post! She is 23 not a child!
And I had no reason to be jealous..if you read that a woman posted that on your mans facebook tell me you wouldn't respond back! Bull crap!

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I don't have Facebook. I hate Facebook. I've read of so many relationships in trouble because of Facebook... Good Luck.

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Originally Posted by lisaa12

The woman is a stupid girl...she is a little sister of one of the firemen he does volunteer firefighting with.

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Actually, I did read the post. I refereed to her in the same sense that you did. It was pretty obvious you thought of her as a "child". And quite honestly, she's behaved that way.

And NO, I wouldn't respond to some disagreeable comment a guy/girl made on my significant other's Facebook wall... EVER. Mostly, because it would give weight/validity/attention to someone and something that is insignificant. The second you do, you've been sucked in. You've brought yourself to their level.

Look at what happened here. You took something that would have resulted in ABSOLUTELY nothing, and turned it into a H bomb for your relationship. Granted, if this guy really loved you, he'd actually UNDERSTAND you and ACCEPT you. And your reaction would not have been an issue.

That's my point... he should have had my back and did not. Plus we live in two different cities and that just was gross and totally inappropriate for her to post... but if he really loved me I guess he would have been willing to at least talk it over... my main problem is my 800 dollar camera he won't return. I have asked 4 times. And isn't forgiveness part of love... that is the one and only disagreement we had the entire relationship... it is so very painful to me.

I think you fell for someone who had not yet showed his true colours,the comment about his ex only shows that he still had baggage.

Your right 23 is not a child,and yes I would have some questions about the comment,I would not be happy at all,BUT you did apoligise,and he was not willing to accept it,or discuss it,there's the difference between a mature adult and manchild.

5 months is not that long,and at 40 I would think as you that this is a grown man he's not about to act like a horney teenage boy... but alas,that's how it went.

Try and pick yourself up,this one is over and you have learnt a valuable lesson.

There will be another chance for love.

The point I was trying to make was this if he isn't uncomfortable with a young lady making comments about him "feeling her up" I would be a little upset.

Also have you talked with his "ex" he broke up with about his reason. You said he broke up with her for the same thing... looking at his private things?

I think if my husband had Facebook and I looked on it and saw some young 23 year old making those comments.. I would be ticked.

Get your camera back and leave him alone. If he loves you he'll come back.

I have not contacted him in 2 weeks, and I sent a letter just asking for my camera back and at this point its all that I want... since he was supposed to buy it from me... I am a single mom and really needed it to buy school clothes for my little daughter... it really has hurt me financially and that is so cruel to keep it especially when he makes 6 figures.

I hope you get your camera back.
What he did was pretty childish but I thought you both were wrong. To approach this girl on his page was a bit much, but he wasn't upset about her posting this, that tells you something about him as well.
You live and learn.
You might check to see if there is any legal recourse for getting your camera back.

If you know where he works call and tell him you want the camera or the money. It's hard to be a single mother and I would tell him, "Since you're so concerned about your privacy if you don't return my camera, I will come to where you work to pick it or the money up.. Just a thought!

Yes, I profusely apologized and he said he still loved me and wanted to make it work... he said all of his friends chided him about it.. then the next day came.. he called me and said he would come down... then he just never did... never called texted anything. The only contact I have had with him sense was to ask for my camera... with it not being returned... I just don't get it... I thought he had more integrity than to keep an expensive piece of equipment.

He's a jerk and you might have a fight on your hands in regards to your camera.

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Originally Posted by lisaa12

Yes, I profusely apologized and he said he still loved me and wanted to make it work...he said all of his friends chided him about it ..then the next day came..he called me and said he would come down...then he just never did...never called texted anything. The only contact I have had with him sense was to ask for my camera...with it not being returned...I just dont get it...I thought he had more integrity than to keep an expensive piece of equipment.

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I'm sorry about your pain, but really call and tell him or leave a voicemail and lay down the rules about the camera. I think the girl may have wanted to embarrass him and you. I'm really sorry.

I am sorry to hear that. Sounds like he is a total jerk.. however I agree with homegirl50 u both are wrong here.. don't get overly concern with what he said to you previously (loves u, wants to make it work.. etc).. he is more like an all talk guy than anything...

About the camera I would try to contact him again and nicely say the only thing you want from him at this point is the camera that is yours and if he doesn't have the decency to return it back to you within a week then you might have to make a trip to show up at his work place to pick it up...

Yes, I am giving him until Friday and then I will try to talk to him about it. Really at this point he has shown me that he really is very mean. Even if I say I am going to show up that won't make him bring it.:( Thanks for all the good advice.

Check with your local law enforcement and see if you have any recourse

Small claims court, get your camera, and have no more to do with him!

Listen to yourself. Get in check. Yo.

Forget this guy, your camera, his booty calls & lies.

Never talk to him again. Move on.

It's your camera and he said he would buy it. Get it back and leave him alone.

It's your property and you have a daughter who need things. Get the camera back or the $800.