Ask Me Help Desk - Myself esteem cost me my last relationship

Friends or more?

All threads have been merged about this relationship.

There is this girl(30) I(28) met at the park a few months ago. We would get together and talk once a week and things were nice. I then sent her a text message telling her I would like to pursue things further with her but wanted to take it slow. I only sent this message because my ex had called me and then hung up on me and I was just mad so I became brave. Being brave I sent the message. Both this girl have had relationships end over 6 months ago. She sent me a message back telling me I'm a great guy and that she still hasn't healed from her last relationship and that she was sorry. I wasn't surprised because I knew I shouldn't have sent the MSG. What kind of man sends a MSG like that anyway. I only did it because I was bothered by the phone call from my ex. So we didn't hang out or talk after that for about a week, and I was bothered by this because I really liked hanging out and talking about life and everything in it. We got along quite well. So I text her telling her that my ex had called me that day I sent that MSG and yada yada I wouldn't have sent it had I not received that call from my ex.

She ended up texting me back saying she was intrigued and wanted to hear about it and so we met up at the park and talked. From that point on we became closer together. We would meet up at the park more and talk for hours at a time. Another month goes by and I wanted to do something together other then hang out at the park. So I asked if she wanted to go to the movies. She said how about tomorrow. I said no problem that works. We went too the movies and all was good. We have continued to hang out and enjoy each other's company. That weekend we ended up going to another park and eating a lunch I made.(pasta and meatballs). It was nice. We then seen each other everyday at the park for at least a couple of hours talking for the next week and then made plans to go cherry picking on the Sunday. After cherry picking we stopped at a conservation and spent the remainder of the day.

I don't know what to think.

It feels like dating to me but I am not sure... I need help,

She feels comfortable with you and loves your company. She probably is having fun getting to know you without any labels.

Actions speak louder than words but she told you she over her ex and you should respect her honest (Btw, I know you do).

I know you like her and believes me she knows it too but she probably isn't ready to face it yet.

So this is one of those situations that you can ask her again (in person maybe in a joking matter) or try being just friends with her.

You need to be straightforward with her and ask where this is going!

It sounds like she likes you, but she doesn't need to dance around it, especially if you've made your interest known.

It feels like sometimes I feel like she wants me to be closer to her and at times she says things that make me think she only sees me as friend, I just don't get it cause we both want the same things, I am trying to just be friends because I don't want to lose that the friendship we have created>

Can anyone else give me some advice or perhaps shed some light?

Keep doing what you are doing. The best relationships are built on the basis of friendships. Enjoy getting to know one another

Have fun just hanging out but don't get too attached. As the voice of experience, unrequitted/semi-requitted affection in a friendship can cause unbearable heartache...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-304709.html

I agree to keep hanging out and enjoying her company.

At some point you might want to say something like, "Your friendship means everything to me and I don't ever want to ruin that and I know you've been working to get over your ex, but I'd like you to know that if you ever want to do out on a "date date", romantically, I would be interested in that. If not, that's cool because I really like your friendship."

Why not bring up her ex in casual conversation. It's usually easy to gauge how someone is feeling about their ex by their body language when they come up in conversation.

Something simple like "After all of this talk about my past relationship, how are you doing with your healing? I know it has to be hard and I want you to know that I am here for you"

I wouldn't change what your doing at all. You just have to relax, and enjoy it for now. That's letting it develop at a pace you can both handle.

She plays with her hair a lot but always sits cross legged... Helllpppp!

I want to kiss her or tell her but as a man I think its better to be a man and kiss

Threads merged

How would you tell her if you did when you had the chance... im in this dilemma right now... I don't want to miss the opportunity... but I feel like I am... she isn't seeing anybody yet... can you help...

Why don't you start by asking her out or have you done that already?

Of course a guy wants to kiss a girl he is attracted to. Get to know her first, and see about dating, and hanging out, as you have been doing, so you can see if she likes you well enough first, though. There is no reason to panic, or rush into things because believe me, if you pay attention, you will know if she wants you to kiss her, any way.

Take it slow and enjoys each other's company. To me it sounds like its heading in the right direction.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Why don't you start by asking her out or have you done that already?

What do you mean?

Update... things or still going like they have, we spent last weekend hanging out on all three days...

I want to be a challenge for her cause that's what women want... a bad boy... I feel I am failing in this department...

I haven't had much to say this week when we have gotten together...

Anyone have any advice?

What? Every female doesn't want a bad boy. You should be yourself and enjoy the time the two of you share. And if you want to know what she thinks of you then open your mouth and ask.

Women want a challenge, even if they don't want a "badboy", in ways,

I don't want to ruin the relationship by opening up my mouth and saying something I shouldn't... she's already given me a chance once...

Women also want a guy who is straight up with them and isn't afraid to tell her how he feels or ask how she feels... confidence my friend! Women for sure don't want a guy to be afraid to ask them a question because they are scared of saying "something they shouldn't."

I am trying here

Stop trying and just be yourself. Have a good time with her and enjoy moment. I would make sure that I flirt with her a little so she knows that I am interested in being more then just friends. Not to strong but enough for her to know and maybe flirt back.

It’s not that easy to forget someone you deeply loved buddy. Give her time.
Don’t talk about your ex or her ex when you call her.
When you meet her, share your problems. Go emotional.
1st thing that you need to keep in mind.
Never ever give and show love and give mighty attention to a girl.
If you really love her, so go cool with her.
Text her, call her. Don’t talk about you two.
Shoulder her; you need to act simple as you have been before.
Don’t swear, smoke, show respect to others. That’s the only way that you can make her fall for you at a point.
Take her out somewhere she would enjoy, she would feel secure with you; a walk.
If you really want to find out if she loves you or how she might be feeling for you; don’t text or call her for only 2 days. You’ll get your answer. She won’t tell it to you but you’ll sense it.

I really appreciate that advice Terry MJ Carter, I could use all the advice I can get, I would do anything to be with this girl, she is the complete package, from brains to braun...

overayear... this is going to sound ridiculous but how would I flirt with her... I always here this word... flrit flirt flirt... not towards me but... when I look it up online I just don't get what they say... how could I flirt with her... I really am stuck when it comes to this... and its not like I'm some dude that has been sheltered my whole life but I am new to dating and flirting, any examples or ideas really would be great so I can have a sense as to what or how I should go about flirting...

Thanks for both your help guys...

BALANCE- sometimes we try to hard to impress a female. We get caught up in all kinds of plots, and strategies, to win their favor. I think it best to keep doing what your doing before you met them, and not let them take over all your time, and attention. That's when you get boring, when you spend too much time together, and start getting into a routine, or rut.

That has got to be the most boring waste of time there is, trying to impress a female. Be yourself, and do your thing, and she will like you for who you are, or she won't. If you act like she is the only girl in the world and nothing else matters, then you will be in a rut yourself. ALWAYS have a life that you enjoy, without her. Then you will always have something new, and interesting to share with her.

Thats balance, and it keeps you from doing things that are not part of your character.

I guess its hard to explain flirting, but what taliman said is right on the money, just be yourself and if she likes you then you know its for who you are. Flirting is something you can't really explain it kind of just the feeling that people get when they are around someone they like.

UPDATE

I get this text today after I responded to an earlier text, I just don't get it, I mean it just seems unexpected... "gonna miss our convo...sorry. Luv our talks, ur a great person..Keep being yourself!

i just dont get it, I mean, its only the third day since July that we haven't seen each other, we spent the weekend hanging out.

Then i get another text reminding me that we have plans to go this festival on Saturday to which we can get in free..she ends it with "woohoo"

It throws me off because we talked about it on the weekend that it is this coming Saturday...

I am wandering by both these texts I received today that I may not see her this week, which we be shocking considering we haven't gone two days without seeing each other in the last month and a half..

Mind you I am perfectly okay with whatever happens, its kind of fun watching how she is playing her card because I am cool with whatever her actions are...

She is balancing her life with other things besides you, and taking it slow.

That's cool. You have the week to yourself, and a date this weekend.

I just wanted to update...

I don't know what to do anymore...

Its hard being with her now because I like her more then a friend and yet I don't want to bring it up that I like her more because I don't want to freak her out or make her uncomfortable...

Its like I almost want to break up with her as a friend and become an aquaintence with her instead, rather then continue to spend and hour and a half with her each night and going out to different places on the weekends...

Do you know exactly why her last relationship ended? Is it possible she was so hurt she has built this wall and you can't break it down? Maybe she is afraid to be hurt again. Maybe she does like you and does want to pursue more but its very possible she is afraid of the pain again if it doesn't work out.

She has to know I like her is what bothers me...

Am I wrong??

I did tell her that I wanted to pursue thing further with her but wanted to take them slow in the text after my ex had called me...

What bothers me right now is the fact that she may just be using me until she allows some dude to sweep her off her feet... I don't want no part of that... I don't even want part of hearing her date some other guy... who will definitely be older then me and most likely make more money... I say that because from July 1st to NOW

We have spent every weekend together going to so many different places... mind you we both go to our separate homes at night and nothing physcial has ever happened... but were back together in the morning and then till the night... plus during the week we hang out for a couple hours... only 4 times since July 1st have we not hung out for a couple hours during the week... we started going to church a couple weeks ago together and are continuing the trend this weekend...

Why isn't this enough for right now? She surely knows you like her. I mean why are you spending time with her then right? She obviously likes you. Just relax and go with it. Its like your dating but with out the title. Who cares. Don't ruin it. Run with it and see where it goes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

Do you know exactly why her last relationship ended? Is it possible she was so hurt she has built this wall and you can't break it down? Maybe she is afraid to be hurt again. Maybe she does like you and does want to pursue more but its very possible she is afraid of the pain again if it doesnt work out.

He blamed her for doing something she didn't do... not cheating... but they were friends for about ten years before they ended up becoming a couple... he was 42 and she was 29 when it ended... according to her they had this really strong connection and they were going to start a business together... or so she thought... she also had become sort of a step mother to his two kids from his previous marrige... which I know hurt her to lose contact with those kids and the being a "mom".

You know what bothers me is I just don't want to think that she has spent all this time with me these last two months and is sleeping with some other guy(friendwithbenefits)... because I know I don't want to be sleeping with anybody else because I feel if anything it should be her I am suppose to be with...

So here it is...

My dilemna is this... I don't know how to try and advance things with her... verbally or physically...

I want to have our first (and maybe last) kiss but I just don't know how to do it... this friggen sucks... the more I type the more I have realized that I friggen love this girl... who is 2 years older and guys drool over...

I think her problem with me is that she would never have imagined her "man" to look and be me...

And what's funny is I don't care about her looks... thats not why I like her, that's not why I first talked to her... nothing...

Well why not have flowers delivered to her. See her reaction to that.
Or after you end your next "date" walk her to her door or car and just do it. Its not going to happen unless you make the move. What's the worse that will happen. She will lean in and kiss you, or she will lean back and avoid it. Then you know. Your torturing yourself just wondering about it. Just do it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

Why isn't this enough for right now?

It is but when does it end? I think I have been pretty patient... am I wrong?

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

She surely knows you like her. I mean why are you spending time with her then right? She obviously likes you.

Physical affection would just be nice... and I don't mean sleeping together either... I like her/she likes me... it would be nice to show it to each other in an intimate way... romantically...

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88sunflower
Just relax and go with it. Its like your dating but with out the title. Who cares. Don't ruin it. Run with it and see where it goes.

I just don't want to get burned... cause I have been running with it and seeing where it goes... Im really going to have to dig deep to stay this course... I really feel the urge to make my move... I just feel if I don't do it some other guy will and then all the great times this summer were for nothing... and nice guys finish last... because by not trying to have a first kiss with her after 2 months of spending time together seems just crazy...

I don't want to miss my chance with her because I know its going to have to be me to make the move and not her...

She wants a man... she is aggressive... she has told me that...

Then you have to do it. Don't let her go without taking your chance first. You know what you want and what you have to do. Next time we talk I want to hear all about it. Well not in detail (wink) but how it went.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

Well why not have flowers delivered to her. See her reaction to that. Long story short she is a florist.
Or after you end your next "date" walk her to her door or car and just do it. Its not going to happen unless you make the move. Whats the worse that will happen. She will lean in and kiss you, or she will lean back and avoid it. Then you know. Your torturing yourself just wondering about it. Just do it.

Thanks... just do it is what I feel I have to do...

I won't have to wait long for our next "date" because its Saturday and we are meeting up at 1030am and spending the day at a park to enjoy this great weather we are having, and then we have plans to go to the carnival again to finish the night...

Excuse me while I go punch in my punching bag...

Thanks again sunflower... I hope I don't lose her if she rejects me but I think I would hate more knowing I didn't take a chance... you have a great weekend, all the best...

OK one more thing. Even by chance if it does ruin it you will then have your answer. Don't you see that? Just keep me posted and I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

I just wish she could know that I'm not going after a tile of her as m girlfriend by kissing her... I want to kiss her cause of the great times and time we have and the connection that we share... I don't want her thinking that she has to be my girlfriend right away... grrrrrrr

You won't know until you try.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

Why isnt this enough for right now? She surely knows you like her. I mean why are you spending time with her then right? She obviously likes you. Just relax and go with it. Its like your dating but with out the title. Who cares. Dont ruin it. Run with it and see where it goes.

To take the chance or not take the chance...

I'm just going to grab her gently and mind my language but kiss her... I doont care!!

She knows I like her, she obviously likes me... HOW COULD IT NOT WORK??

LOL,

I hope everyone crosses their fingers for me...