So glad I found this place, nice to see I'm not alone in my pradicament.

Here's my situation, we are coming up to our four year anniversery. I am in the military and have been undergoing training for about two and a half years. We had a distance relationship until we decided to move in together late 2008. Initially living together worked well however she became isolated socially by living in a country town and working from home. We thought that when we moved into our new location that the situation would change however that didn't happen. She had given up her career to come with me for me too follow my dream, but it eventually became too much for her. She went to Thailand with her friends and decided that she wanted to take up her old job and live in Sydney. I became very upset and thought it would be the end of our relationship, I foolishly said that I would breakup up with her if she left, it was so stupid and I regret saying that so much as I didn't mean it. That's when the relationship situation began to spiral out of control. She returned for five weeks however she felt it wasn't working and left back for Sydney where we continued long distance that was in march.

She hasn't seemed to get over the bitterness of the Christmas period, however I dearly wanted her to stay as I thought it was the best for us but she doesn't see it that way, she thought it was the last chance for us. I'm deeply in love with her and I want this too work but she doesn't feel the same way.

Here is the other problem, during August last year I received a text from her, she accidentally texted me instead of her American ex-Internet boyfriend, asking him to come and talk to her online. It has snowballed from there, they have been talking regularly online and texting each other. I was extremely uncofortable with this and told her so but she didn't seem to care, he was her friend nothing was going on etc. She decided she was going to America for a holiday, I asked her to delay it so I could go with her but she refused. She decided she wants to meet this guy, for a couple of days over summerfest in Milwaukee, with one of her mates. I begrudgingly agreed, because she said it was something 'she had to do', I later told her I was really uncomfortable with this and could I be there when they met, she refused and attacked me saying I didn't trust her. Well what could I do? I agreed... She told me it was only a couple of days. Before she left we had 'the talk' she said that because of everything she was in love with me but not the same way she used to be. That was devastating, she also admitted that she had been talking on the phone to her ex boyfriend in the last couple of months and had been hiding that from me. So she had been deceiving me regarding the person I consider to be her 'what if' guy. Anyway we decide to use the trip to do some thinking. Anyway I look at her itinerary, she is spending 7 days with the ex boyfriend! I confronted her on this and her reply was that I didn't ask and that 'i don't report to you' I feel itsvery inconsiderate and this now makes very upset that she's been lying to me about this, I sent her a text saying so. My trust in her has taken a major hit because of this. She has called me twice since then, huge fights have accured. After the first fight she said that she would probably breakup with me when she gets back in person, last night however she pretty much said that wanted to breakup over the phone before she met her ex so she 'wouldn't feel guilty' my reply was you only feel guilty if you are doing something wrong. She swears that it's only plutonic and that nothings going to happen but I can't help but be suspicious, why was there a need for deception? Sorry it gets even more complicated but I'll post more as I go along, I'm basically at the point where I'm refusing to communicate with her but she knows that I still consider us together so if it does happen as far as I'm concerned she's cheating on me...

This sucks, I'm in love with someone that doesn't think she feels it back and is spending our anniversery with another guy. Pretty heart breaking

All you can do in a situation like this is walk away. She obviously doesn't respect you based upon her actions. If you've got the mustard for it... don't say a word and just cut contact completely. She'll come sniffing around wondering why you're not pleading over her. Snub her. It'll be hard. But I tell you what, she'll damn sure know that you're not going to take her crap again.

Now, find yourself a real woman.

I had already typed out a reply to this however my p.c. is being temperamental and decided to eat it.

Hi elwoodb
Ive read through your post a couple of times now, from I can tell your g/f is not wanting to remain in a relationship with you, as you said she may be holding some resentment from back when she first decided to return to Sidney. Or when she first put her own plans on hold to follow you with yours. No matter what I do feel she wants out of the relationship, either to embark upon a new venture with the guy in the USA, or to just be a free agent again.

Something seems to have died in the relationship, or just the sheer distance between you both could have been enough for her to have a change of heart. However you aren't being given much consideration from her in any of this, and it would even seem she's got a total lack of regards for your role in her life.

Has she gone to America to meet this other male? If so when will she be coming back, and will she be going to your place or back to Sidney?

When you made the ultimatum to her about if she goes to Sidney then it would be over, it might be that she then lost respect for you or just decided to hell with him, it would appear something went wrong around that time. Your g/f lack of regards for your concerns at her going to the USA to meet a man she met online, is a huge red flag, then you discovering she's planning to stay with him for 7 days is another, then her telling you she`ll probably tell you in person that its over before meeting this other male in USA, 3 red flags in that alone.

It would to all intents and purposes imply she was considering making something more than a platonic relationship with him. However that's neither here nor there for the time being. What you need to do for now is if possible get together with your g/f and ask her straight what her intentions regarding her involvement with you are, it would ideally be better if you can do this in person, you can judge a lot more about a persons integrity in person, their body language gives away certain things if there is any dishonesty in what the person claims. You won't have that aspect or advantage on the phone, plus with phone calls or texts they can be misinterpreted and cut off or ignored, and she could tell you without hesitation that she's not been unfaithful to you, and you'd not be able to judge for yourself if she is lying to you.

Also if she has cheated, and you still want to pursue the relationship, then you'll have much to consider, however for now you need to find out where your relationship stands. I would though suggest you brace yourself for the worst.

If a female had done to me what she has done to you over the past year or so, I would not consider us together, nor would ever have confronted her about anything.

I would however had disappeared from her life back after Christmas for good and been doing my thing since.

You had enough hints, and red flags to have known she wasn't interested a long time ago.

So what ever you thought you had, you didn't, just in your own fantasy. Reality says you took way to long to read the handwriting on the wall.

Sorry, but it happens.

Thanks guys,
She returns from the trip in two weeks, for some reason she seems to justifying seeing this guy because all of her friends said they would be fine with it. I said the fight that they must be liars because that's bs and that everyone I've talked too said that there was no way they would be fine with that... She then called them all my friends 'minions' who were obviously wrong! I have been struggling with this issue for a longtime, I fought long and hard for what I thought was right, whilst trying to be understanding of her need too finally meet a friend of nine years. I guess there's another red flag in the situation as well, he's always the rebound guy it seems they always get together after a previous relationship has ended, she's done it probably 3 or 4 times so it's pretty much a habit. Here's the real kicker for me, they were meant to meet up before she met me while she was in America working at a ski resort, this fell through because he cheated on her. This caused me a lot of heartache because of the trust issues this guy anda previous boyfriend had cheated on her so I had to work hard on the trust front. Yet she still wants to see him, I've been accused of ruining her trip etc because of this but I needed to tell her one last time that it wasn't right.

I figured this is over I hope that nothing happens with the guy in fact I hope he's a complete tool she ends up hiding from him for week. But I guess that's only hope, I'll always feel that she chose someone else over me from this point on. Her reply to that was I was being a drama queen and needed to grow up. She shows a complete disregard for my feelngs, even if she loves me but not the same way anymore then surely she would at least respect my feelings.

Thanks for reading guys, its our 4 annivesery today, and needless to say I'm really struggling with the fact she's spending it with him. I've gone into no contact mode, but unfortunately I can't undo the order of roses that I had arranged to go into her hotel room for our anniversery. She gets back in two weeks, I've decided not to meet her when she gets back I'm going to see my family instead.

The one thing I can't understand is why is she treating me like this? I know she's bitter about Xmas but still I've been a great person to her and treated her as well as I could.

Thanks for the help...

Although she has lied, probably cheated, and kept secret things that she shouldn't have been doing in the first place, she somehow manages to turn this around and make it your fault.

The arguments about you being unreasonable, is arrogant, to say the least.

While I believe you love her with all your heart, and you are hurting badly right now, try to realize that this is all about her. Her needs, her wants, her desires, her independence, her fun, her decisions. I cannot see where she has compromised even slightly in regard to your thoughts and feelings.

She is who she is, and that includes how she treats you, as well as her questionable motives and actions.

Try to consider that although you love her, there is nothing there that I can see, left to build upon to make the relationship work. She abandoned you, yet doesn't have the decency to fully end it.

I think you should.

She wasn't the nice person you thought she was, and probably didn't deserve having a caring person like you who treated her well. Not your fault she didn't know any better.

Thanks for the replies again, I talked to my family at length about it for quite some time and they were very supportive. I found it very hard to tell my father that there was another guy involved, I felt ashamed that I couldn't keep her from going to another boy ( I use boy as I don't consider him a man). Dad was very understanding and said it wasn't my fault she went to another boy and that I gave it my all and that he was proud of me.

In hindsight Im still in love with the girl I knew a year ago, I guess I have accept that's she's changed. Occaisionally she let her old self out but it seems that's changed, the person I'm in love with wouldn't have done this. I'm still struggling to understand how this has happened and I may never know the full story.

I've cut off all communication with her, it's been a tough 36 hours but I feel that I have regained some personal control of the situation. I thought today our anniversery would be tougher, I do struggle with the thought of her with another boy on this day. But being able to talk to people who are independent of the situation is really very helpful and I appreciate it a huge amount!

Well she just tried to call me, it's midnight here, she sounded very weird in the message. I guess because she's not used to me not dropping everything for her, maybe it's because it's our anniversary. Who knows, she said she is going to call later, it's going to take a lot of self control not to answer and I'm wondering if I should? I think I need to protect myself so I probably shouldn't :/ feel so bloody torn on this!

It may not be enough just to ignore her calls.

When you said that she wasn't the woman you knew a year ago- that speaks volumes. She could very well have started sincere and honest, but what you see today in her, was always there. Just at bay.

It's good that you talked to your family; now you know that they too don't blame you for what has happened. There is no way you could have read her mind.

As to wondering what to do when she calls. My opinion is that you will have to tell her straight up that it is over. It shouldn't come as any surprise to her; it is a consequence of her own actions after all. Try to keep it as short and to the point as possible, and go back to that place where you feel some control.

There is no turning back the clock now, for either of you. Concentrate on getting stronger, and the more time that passes, the better you will feel.

I hope you keep on posting.

Well I've made almost 12 hours since the call, haven't spoken to her at all. This is the first time I've done anything like that before and I feel torn between wanting to text her and the urge for self presivation. I talked to my sister about it this morning, her opinion was that the call was probably an attempt by her to get me to validate her choices and to ease her guilt. I know my sister is probably on the money with this one. I guess I need time to think about this a whole lot more, and to try and gain some perspective before I talk to her again. Yesterday I was doing OK but the call is really mixing my emotions up a great deal, I guess it was the voice message and her tone really set off a reaction in me. I'm in love with her and it setoff this caring reaction in me, which over rides my own self preservation I guess. It's taking a lot of mental strength not to go to her at the moment. I'll probably keep posting for a long time yet, don't worry about that! Who knows this might help someone else out in a similar situation one day!

Cheers
Elwood

Keep going, 12 hours is a good start. Now go for 12 days, 12 weeks, 12 months, 12 years.

You are doing very well, and I too agree with your sister. It's good you have people you can count on to help you get through this.

One thing I'd like to suggest is to get yourself a notebook, and start keeping a journal. Write in it whenever you can when something hits you. Any thought, or emotion, or idea, or question, anything at all to do with her, and your relationship together.

There is a lot of strength in words, and the more you write, the more clarity you will have, as well as a sort of confirmation that yes, you feel this way today. Then by next week, when you read things over, you will see that you have made progress, and have also gained some insight.

You have given so much of yourself, it will take time to reclaim yourself again.

I write quite a bit, in fact, I'm about to start yet another journal on a personal matter too, and I know it isn't easy, but, it really does help.

It's now up to 48 hours since I've talked to her, it seems to be taking a lot out of me. I feel in some ways that not talking to her shows that there are consequences for her actions and decisions, instead of my usual I love you and will always be there for you no matter what. I have always told her that if we break up I'll cut her out of my life completely, I've already gotten the friends line from her, I basically told her that it would be a form of mental torture and I couldn't do it. For some reason I feel she's got a bet each way at the moment, the I'll see what this guy is like but I can always go back to him. She blew up when I said that of course! The last call we had just made everything thing so much worse, she made huge hurtful insults towards me, almost like she wanted me to breakup with her so she could play the victim I guess.

I got a call from a withheld number (all international calls come up that way on my phone) wasn't her but I noticed my hands were shaking, I must be a very stressed individual at the moment. Thanks for all the support, means a lot, I'm hanging in there but today feels so much worse then yesterday.

Remember that it is no longer your worry what she thinks, or how she lives her life.

The only one that needs to change, is you.

I hope that you keep a little section in your diary where you can write out all the attributes that you will bring to the next relationship, and right beside it, what you expect of a partner in return.

And, I think too that when a relationship ends, or is ending, it is hard not to remember good times; it wasn't all bad. Some of it made up memories that you will remember fondly all of your life. You don't have to hate a person to let them go. They are sort of the sum of all that makes them who they are- good, bad, indifferent, they are human.

Love is one of those things that only makes up part of a relationship, and that part is the foundation. The solid ground that you build on, together. Without the commitment of love, and all that entails, you are left with nothing to build upon, and eventually, the foundation itself falls apart.

I'm glad you are doing a journal. :)

Elwood try to focus your attention elsewhere other than her. Yes, easier said than done I know. But honestly you should be mad about this, no, actually pissed!

Listen, this girl hasn't been treating you very good for some time. You're blinded by love and just not seeing it. In a year from now you're going to look back and actually feel a little embarrassed that you took such crap from that trollope!

Right now work on just sucking it up and getting day to day, then month to month, etc. I believe your sister was right on the money with her calling you looking for validation of her actions. She would have instigated a fight with you, you'd retaliate with hurt feelings, she of course would blame everything on you and then she feels better about herself. All this while she's with another guy in another country. Serously...

From here on out you need to ignore her attempts at contact. You no longer have time for her childish games. By ignoring her she will actually feel 'bad' about the whole situation, bad about herself. She'll sense what she's lost. And unfortunately, you're going to run into her sooner or later. My advice; smile, a quick hello followed with goodbye as move along. Don't act mad or bittter rather be unaffected by her. Elwood you no longer have time for her. No asking how she's doing, what she's up to or anything else for that matter. And for the love of GOD do not argue with her about what you thought was a relationship or why she did this or that to you! Since you have mutual friends don't bad mouth her and refrain from asking them about her. When these friends ask a simple, “I was ready to move on.” and leave it at that.

Hang tough. Not all women act like disrespectful skanks.

Well here's an update for everyone, haven't heard from her, which makes me feel a whole lot better as I didn't have to deal with a phone call in the middle of the night. To be honest I'm seething with anger about this which is why I haven't been helping on the fighting front, the best I feel I can do for both of us is to step back and calm down as much as I can.

I should explain a few more details on this complicated situation. She came back after Xmas in feb for 5 weeks and we lived together again, she had been doing some work in sydney and had been offered a job which was where most of the fighting began. We had been fighting a lot whilst apart and she thought that just coming back would be enough she didn't reallymake an effort to change our situation. I got deployed for work for two weeks, whilst on that she called me and said that work needed her in Sydney and she was leaving the week I got back. That was pretty devastating, I failed my course in the week that follows and lost my dream job 3 weeks after that. At the time I could deal with the failure because she was a very special part of my life, I used to think it could be worse I could have lost her too. So I got posted to a location within a 150km of where she lived so we could see each other on the weekends and rebuild our relationship. First weekend I saw her was great it seemed like she had let go of the bitterness and we could move forward. Then I saw her the weekend before the trip and had a very long talk about everything, this is where she spilled the beans about the phone calls to the ex, I was pretty upset about it needless to say and she thought I was over reacting. I asked why she didn't tell me her reply was 'you didn't ask'. I found out about the 7 days after I read through the itinerary, the othe thing that's odd is that she goes to Chicago then flies back to Milwaukee for the last night then la. Would have thought there would have been direct flights Chicago la that would have been cheaper. I haven't confronted her on this, really not worth the effort.

I am going to have to see her, I still have a house full of her stuff be it still in boxes only moved in 3 days ago, and god knows what to do about the dog. I'll just have to make the meeting on my terms, so much to sort out...

Other thing is I guess I dodged a bullet, I was meant to propose to her at Xmas but the timing didn't work out, I'd say I just saved myself 5 grand...

Hi Elwood

I agree you are going to have to see her in order to tie up any loose ends, to arrange for her to collect her belongings and the Dog ( it is her dog I assume ) when you do see her it would be better for you if you don't ask her about her trip to America, that I feel may end up hurting you even more. You've decided to let her go so let everything about that trip go too, her going on that trip has shown you how thoughtless she is about your role in her life and involvement with her, leave it at that.

She has shown her true colours in being how she has, you're better off out of a relationship that only serves to hurt you, it seems you were the only one making any effort to keep it going.

I wish you well and Im sure in time you'll look back on this and wonder what all the fuss was about, there's a young lady out there with your name on her heart and in time you'll find each other.

You will have learned something from this relationship, you may not know what just yet but in time you will. You're doing the right thing for you.

I guess my brain is wanting to let go but my heart sure as hell isn't for some reason I'm holding out hope that she will realize that what she is doing is really hurting me. I feel like an idiot for feeling that way and I guess it's going to take a while to get through this. I guess the combination of the 'first love' and 'she's the one' isn't helping either.

We only really have one mutual friend (the one who set us up), I talked to her about what was going on and she told me to walk away. That I didn't deserve what was happening to me, she also explained a bit of what was happening before she met me with this other guy. She said she could never understand her relationship with him and neither could her other close friends. And that she really couldn't explain her actions now, except that she has a personality where when she gets something in her head she will do it no matter what. That sounds familiar!

Haven't heard from her for a while, which is making NC a bit easier, whenever I feel the urge to txt her I either come on here and read posts or txt and call my friends. I'm in a new location, and don't have any friends here so loneliness is a big factor as well. Trying to keep myself occupied, went flying yesterday for the first time since march, it was the first time in a long time that I hadn't thought about her for a 3 hour period. Other things I'm doing is a complete refusal to post anything on my fb page, I'm not blocking her but she can't keep tabs on what I'm doing if there's nothing there (I know her well enough to know she would check my page first instead of trying to contact me).

I'm trying to let go of this trip and what she is doing but I can't get it out of my head at the moment...

Again thanks for all the help, this place is a great outlet for me!

You need a plan that gives you something to do when you are alone (a big difference than being lonely), or a nice routine that you enjoy.

I have been trying to work on a routine, it's been difficult though changing locations living in a hotel room and now finally moving into a house it hasn't been that easy. Only really been able to go to the gym every second day as anything consistent. Started writing down what I want to do for tomorrow before I go to sleep, starts with 'keep going your doing great' then it's stuff like install washing machine.

The NC has been difficult today, feeling guilty for not replying to her message from a couple of days ago. But then again she's made no attempt to contact me, trying to hang in there at the moment but still suffering from the feeling of complete devastation.

My sister thinks she's going to come sniffing around because I'm not giving her any attention now. I'm unsure that this will happen but she was certain that it would happen. Do you guys think that would be the case? My sister has been very blunt on the situation too me, saying that she's very selfish and acting like a spoilt brat, she also mumbled about her being an only child with divorced parents but I'm not sure that if that would have any influence on the situation and an almost passing of the buck of her responsibility. I'm no expert that's for sure!

One of the hardest things I ever had to learn is that you can be in love with someone , but can't live with them.

If you could choose who you fell in love with , life would be easier by far. But love can be inexplicable. Why people develop the feelings they experience will be the subject of study and speculation as long as there are people.

When in a similar situation I spent my time learning to play the guitar which made me unaware of everything but the music. I would play from when I woke up until I slept on more than a few occasions.

NC is torture at first but as the contact stops the pain diminishes. Take it a day at a time. It is not easy and will not be fast. Learn to deal with it rather than expect it to stop completely. That takes time.

Anytime a relationship we had thought would last forever ends its devastating and in many ways its like a death, and with that comes a mourning period, you are going to have days when you'll feel great and positive you've made the right decision, then you'll have days where the pain is almost unbearable and you'll wonder if you've got it all wrong, and then days where you know you've made the right decsion, but you'll still have a niggling doubt as to if its right or wrong.

You will hurt you will question yourself and even your sanity, it will seem never ending and you'll think the pain is never going to diminish.

Losing a love interest does hurt, it hurts like nothing on earth, however in time it will ease, and will get easier to bear.

Just try to keep telling yourself this will pass, and that you're doing the right thing, its better to have this episode of pain and uncertainty now than to have stayed in the relationship, only to find it fails at a later stage, where there may have been children involved.

You will overcome this and you will go on and in time you'll learn to love and trust again, and you'll find the happiness you long for and deserve.

When you feel its unbearable you can always come to this site, and you'll find support and understanding.

Just hang in there, it takes time, but it does eventually go away. And you'll emerge from this stronger, more mature and will have gained inner strength you didn't know you had.

This will pass. It will that's a promise...

In reply to your question of will she come sniffing around, yes that's quite possible and that's the time you will need all your strength to resist temptation to re start the relationship, unless of course you're willing to fall back into something that's not good for you and won't help you live a happy and fulfilled life, you'll have to consider, can you trust her, will she also be willing to work on herself and with you to deal with the issues that are behind this, and much more. For now though you need to concentrate on you, and you alone.

Thanks for the kind words guys, sure is helping a lot! Today has been a better day, wasn't much happening at work but the great thing is I don't take my phone in so can't check it every two minutes! I'm going from the god I miss her to the how the hell did this happen (what snapped in her head) to not missing the drama if I was talking to her. It's been a bit over 5 days now, I don't think I'll hear from her until she's goes to Chicago away from the guy and gets some perspective. I'm not sure how she will react when I'm not at the airport to meet her like I said I would... I've decided to take some leave off work and visit my family and friends for 1 to 2 weeks when she gets in. I've seen them twice in a year so it will do me some good.

Cheers
Elwood

She will be highly pizzed when she flies in, and no body to meet her. That would be something to tell someone about, a change in plans.

The family visit is an excellent idea and will probably do you more good than you realize.
Continue to remain strong and take it a day at a time. I know it is no easy task.

It will be easier as time goes by. The change you talked about from missing her, evolving to not missing the drama shows you putting this into a better perspective.

Keep up the good work.

The family visit is something to look forward too, I never realized how much the drama was about her being away from her mum and friends when I think it was only a 3 month gap at most. It was six months for me... I'm beginning to realize how self centered she has become. I know the situation we were in was crap at the best of times but I always thought that being together would get us through.

I don't think I was the only person going to be at the airport, I can always through her mum a txt saying I'm not going to be there. But that moment is still a week away.

Unfortunately, reading your thread is like watching you bang your head on the wall over and over again. I just want to help you stop hurting yourself over and over again.

Unless you can fix the problems, things will just blow up over and over again. If I were in your situation, I would find it extremely difficult to trust her again. It's obvious that she wants to see if things work out with the American guy. If it does, then she can completely cut you out. If he doesn't, she has you as her backup plan. Do you really want to be her safety net?

It's not easy to end a relationship of 4 years. You have a lot of history.

As I can see throughout your thread, you've been on and off on the no contact aspect. Check out the no contact related threads in my signature. I'm sure it will give you some insights if you haven't read them already.

It's not going to be easy to cut her out of your life, but in the long run, it will make it easier for you to move on with your life.

G'day I wish, certainly have been banging my head against the wall. Trying to stop and I'm getting better at it. I initially posted here to get an independent viewpoint and to clarify what's been going on in my head. The support I have received here to be frank is unbelievable! As for the no contact I haven't tried to contact her since I initiated it last Wednesday, with her only attempt to contact me on our 4 year anniversary, which I chose not to answer.

As for the trust, it's pretty much went the day she chose this guy over me. She said to me I don't want this to end because of him, we had other issues etc. Well I was willing to work on the issues, but I can't accept her seeing the other guy, it's killed it for me. She can spin it as much as she wants but for me that is the final straw. There's isn't much anyone can do now except protect myself from further devastation :/

Don't be torn. There's nothing good to be had with any more contact with her.

She's just feeling guilty. And she should. Typical.

Don't spend any more emotional time worrying about her.

After all, she's with another guy. So... no reason to invest anymore.
Just you from now on.

That's personal control you mentioned, keep it up.


Oh yeah,

"she accidently texted me instead of her American ex-Internet boyfriend, asking him to come and talk to her online"

And the fact that she attacked you for questioning your trust. Screw that. She's a liar.

That would have sold the deal for me.

Vanheart - Everyone is awesome in hindsight! When I thought about it I found it hard to breakup a 3 year relationship over a text message. It's only in the last couple of weeks that I have found out how much their relationship has redeveloped. Who knows what has actually happened with them, I doubt If I'll never find out the whole truth. Unless of course the guilt sets in bigtime and she needs to blurt it out. I think this guy is a bit of an obsession for her, I've never come across anyone that has an Internet friendship of 9 years without meeting? Stand be corrected though. She's denied the whole time that he's her whatif guy, so be it. Either way she chose a boy who has some dodgey qualities over the guy that's supported and stood by her for 4 years. Seriously there should not have been much of an argument, he should have been kicked to the curb a long time ago.

On a side note, personal milestone, it's been a week of NC feel a bit of an achievement with that! However there's a football game on tonight that reminds me of her a lot. It will be the first time ever that we haven't had a bet with each other and a lot of banter. Fortunatly when Queensland crush new south wales tonight I'll feel much better!

Thanks everyone, today has been a much better day :)

Elwood, Im happy that you're going NC.

Stick with it. Ya, know, all Ive been hearing from your posts is about the other guy. Let that crap go.

Don't waste anymore time on those thoughts or the reasons.

You got with a deceiver that wasn't really invested. Your gain, actually. Glad that you realize it now rather than later.

I was in an LD relationship & got dumped over the phone.
Go figure...

Well I'm trying to let go not having much luck with that at the moment! Seems my subconcious is even starting to come to the party now, had my first nightmare about them last night. Needless to say I struggled to get back to sleep and struggled even more at work today :/ Not what I was planning after having a decent day yesterday. Restrained my a huge urge to send a text today, all it was going to say... Why?

The phone call breakup, very harsh! But that is pretty much what was attempted on me as well. I'm heading home for two weeks tomorrow which is something that will definitely help. I haven't been able to talk face-to-face about this yet so that should hopefully help too. Seeing my best mate, he's the only guy I know that's been divorced by 25, as he said on the phone "you helped me through my breakup, but I honestly never thought I'd return the favour".

That's the plan, hopefully I'm left alone by her for a while so I can regain my strength for moving all her stuff out of my house...

You should be glad that you're subconcious is joining in.

My ex still creeps in, never a good one. Never discredit a sign, awake or not. Be open & aware.

Glad your going back. That's what loved ones are for. To love.

Hope you know that it takes strength & time to get over a breakup.

Use this. Life works that way.

Hey guys, a quick update.
It's still all quiet on the girlfriend front, I have been spending the weekend with my friends who have cheered me up a huge amount. Been a good weekend off going back to my roots so to speak, watched my old rugby team play then went out and saw so many old friends and have had a fun time. 2 weeks of this is definitely going to do me some good. Trying not to think about the coming conversations with her, how is the best way to deal with firstly the official break then of course sorting out the removal and sorting everything out whilst maintaining a semblence of NC. I've decided that I need to wait until I can talk to her about this without getting hurt and angry about it or have another fight. I'm thinking if we have to meet it should be a public place like a café?

Well, the break is already official. So, forget that part.

NC isn't temporary. Its full on.

Not sure what you mean by removal. But if its about things or items, then send them or dump them.

You have already received her answer. That's closure even though it hasn't set in yet.

She's shown you nothing but disrespect.

In case you forgot:

"she doesn't feel the same way"

"she accidently texted me instead of her American ex-Internet boyfriend".

"She decided she wants to meet this guy, for a couple of days over summerfest in Milwaukee"

"i don't report to you"

"I'm in love with someone that doesn't think she feels it back and is spending our anniversery with another guy."


This girl isn't worth another second. Don't meet in a café or anywhere else. Disappear.

Well she arrived today, she sent me a text this morning just after she got in. It went along the lines of I have arrived it's been an exhuasting day of travel, how are you? How's the dog? I found it to be a text of her playing the innocent and it has annoyed me great amount. I haven't bothered to reply to the text, I just can't believe that after what's happened she sends me a token text. I guess she was probably expecting me to be there with flowers etc. Sorry guys felt the need to vent after this. Must keep the NC going!

Don't cave & fall into that trap.

Don't let her use you anymore.

My ex tried the same BS.

Stay strong with NC. Don't respond. You are now the invisible man. How cool is that?

You are absolutely right.

This is a token text. How's the dog, or better yet my puppy.

So lame & predictable.

She wants to lie, jet around, screw guys & have you there to return to.

I hope you are getting pissed off over this. I would.

The great thing about this now, is that YOU are in control.

Like chuff told me, when I was dealing with the same crap was " the opposite of love isnt hate, its indifference"

So incredibly true.

Remove yourself from her life. It's the only way.

Just avoided the first call from her, if she had of cared she would have called after stepping off the plane? Not 14 hours later! No voicemail was left... Got a text though - asking if I was still alive, then stated she was tired and going to bed. I'm guessing she is pretty annoyed at the moment! As for being p****d off well I am! I'm getting a small amount of satisfaction from NC at the moment. She couldn't be bothered to try and contact when she was overseas, she comes back and all of a sudden 3 attempts in one day? What can I say I feel like I've been played, and now I'm taking my bat and ball and going home!

So I take it that this kind of behaviour is standard by someone that has the kind of behaviour? I'm trying to work out the mental characteristics so I can avoid it in the future!