About a month ago, my GF gave me a note saying that she wanted to end things with me. We had dated for about a year and a half and spent a lot of time together and did everything together. She basically summed the reason for her decision up as me not "growing up" in a sense. My ex GF is 21 while I am 20.
Over the following week, her decision changed from wanting to end the relationship, to not being sure, to wanting to end it, to wanting to hang out and spending a day together, to wanting a break, and then wanting to end it. I am so confused and I think she did something with other guys during that week. I can't stop thinking about her, but I am currently moving on. I have started to do more activities and hobbies etc, but I still can't stop thinking about her.
She also drunk dialed me a few days after we last talked. She didn't say anything though, and I know she could not have butt dialed me either. About five days later after that, we ran into each other at the grocery store. I saw her from a distance, but didn't make any contact with her in case she didn't want to talk to me. She ended up walking up to me from behind and started talking to me. We had a simle conversation, told her I had to go, but kept some mystery as to what I had to do, which is good right? Because it will keep my in her mind?
I know that if we get back together again things would be different because I have changed and improved myself FOR MYSELF. After all, what would be more attractive. She also kept saying that she doesn't have feelings for me now, but maybe later. As in , if we see each other later, maybe try again? Or is she giving me false hope and stringing me along as a "saftey net"?
I have been exercising the No Contact rule with her for the past month, but something in the back of my head says that it will probably not work out. Or am I being paranoid? Should I call her? Should I wait? How much space do you think I should give her and for how long? Will she eventually call me? She eventually called her previous BF in the beginning of our relationship. Is that a sign she might call me?

Any help is appreciated

I think you stick to No Contact no matter what. Makes no sense to want someone that doesn't want you.

I think maybe your feelings were stirred up and brought back to the surface when you met her at the store. If a casual encounter can do that to you, then imagine how thrown off you would be if you had a longer deeper conversation.

Yep, you would be completely hooked all over again, so stay on the path.

But does the fact that she called her ex BF after some time apart mean anything? I would like nothing ore than to be with her, but I know that it might take more time apart and if it is meant to be, it will happen. The wait is just killing me. I know that it shouldn't be because I shouldn't care, but I can't help it. They all eventually call back, right? At least that is what I'm told

The facts are that YOU don't wait for any one. Especially not a confused female who bounces around like a beach ball. You do your thing and get busy with your own life that you enjoy, as the details of her life is not relevant to what you have to do for YOURSELF.

The secret is that most people after getting healthy through a proper healing don't want the exes back because they have coped with those old feelings in a positive way and have found other options and opportunities that they enjoy better.

Plus stop, and wrap your head around the notion, that while you put your life on hold waiting for her, she is doing her thing with another, or the ex, and if it doesn't work, your available as her second option. He is an ex, and now so are you.

That's not love, nor is it healthy, and it certainly will not make you happy.

Doing your own thing, and forgetting about her will!

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Originally Posted by chrisdaniels

I have been exercising the No Contact rule with her for the past month, but something in the back of my head says that it will probably not work out.

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No Contact is not a way to get her back at some point in the future. NC is a way for you to end the confusion in your own mind and allow yourself to heal.

She can't give you false hope or string you along if you don't allow it. Since she did this with her ex-boyfriend (I am unclear if they got back together again), I think this is a habit she has. I would bet that she doesn't wait long between going from one relationship to another. She seems to be the one who needs to mature emotionally.

You seem to be doing a lot of growing up very quickly. Let her go. Let yourself heal. Continue to improve yourself for you. Go out on dates with people you want to have fun with. Someday, when you are ready, you will find a person who wants to build a relationship with you.

If I wanted to be back together with her (I'm not saying right now but maybe after she realizes what she had) and you say that NC is not a way to get her back, what do you recommmend I do? Everyone I have asked suggested NC because I shouldn't pursue her because it seems needy and clingy. It has been about a month since the whole thing started and it has been about 2-3 weeks since we last ran into each other.
As far as the ex, they are not getting back together. He has a GF and they both agreed that they would never work out when the first broke up.
What I think will happen is that she will wake up one day, realize she made a mistake, and call me. I won't pick up however, which would send her in a panicky mode of where is he, what is he doing, etc. This will keep me in her head and I will call her back a day or to later, if I want to. But at the same time, I don't know either.
I also forgot to mention that she is currently sitting at home doing nothing almost everyday because she doesn't have money to do anything, hates driving, and has almost no friends to hangout with. No job also.
I just don't understand how she hasn't gotten bored to the point where she would want to talk to me/hangout etc. I know she probably doesn't want to because of the break up, but I thought she would because she probably still has some feelings towards me.

I guess what I'm asking is how do I get her back if I want her back?

Doesn't matter if YOU want her back, she has to WANT YOU. If she doesn't want you, she's not coming back. Leave her alone, trust someone with too much experience in this.

If it's meant to be, and she's the one for you... she will come back.

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I guess what I'm asking is how do I get her back if I want her back?

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You can't. You have to want each other, and she doesn't want you. She obviously no longer cares what you want any more. That happens all the time.

Sorry but if she doesn't want you back then all you're doing is setting yourself up for even more hurt.

People change their taste in music changes their taste in fashion changes, and so does their taste in men, she has made her intentions known, if you don't give it up, all you're doing is making it harder for yourself.

Accept when its over its over, you can't revive something that died.

No matter what you do, and you cannot make someone want you.

Its not the end of the world you'll eventually move on and one day out of no-where you'll meet someone who does want you and you them, until that day arrives though work on yourself, make yourself your number one priority until you meet the one for you.

Its all you can do, let the past go. Learn from it but release it and move on...

Whilst you're wasting time waiting around for something that's not going to happen the right one for you is out there waiting for you to find her...

NC is the best way. She has moved on and you should do the same.

And you all seriously think she is completely over the whole thing?

She doesn't have many friends, maybe two or three, and she mentioned something to one of my friends (through Facebook, she doesn't know that we are friends) that she was dealing with some serious stuff right now. Wouldn't this make her bored and depressed? Wouldn't it give her a lot of thinking time, time to think about what is going on in her life and what we had together (such as "normally he would make me feel better") or something along the lines of that? Wouldn't it lead to her calling me or something to hangout, do something, or just to see if talking to me would cheer her up and remind her of all the things we had together and did together and the way that we made each other feel?
Everyone else I have talked to has been almost completely sure that she will eventually call me after being together for 1.5 years. I am moving on, but I don't want to complete forget about her and lose feelings for her.

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Originally Posted by chrisdaniels

And you all seriously think she is completely over the whole thing?

She doesn't have many friends, maybe two or three, and she mentioned something to one of my friends (through facebook, she doesn't know that we are friends) that she was dealing with some serious stuff right now. Wouldn't this make her bored and depressed? Wouldn't it give her a lot of thinking time, time to think about what is going on in her life and what we had together (such as "normally he would make me feel better") or something along the lines of that? wouldn't it lead to her calling me or something to hangout, do something, or just to see if talking to me would cheer her up and remind her of all the things we had together and did together and the way that we made each other feel?
Everyone else i have talked to has been almost completely sure that she will eventually call me after being together for 1.5 years. I am moving on, but i don't want to complete forget about her and lose feelings for her.

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No Contact...

You are trying so hard to get around NC, and getting her back, but assuming, and presuming how you think she should act, and react, is like grasping at straws for any morsel of hope.

Thats known as desperation. So go ahead, and call her and see if your begging, pleading, and rationalizing works to get her back. Let us know how confused you are after a talk with her. Or how really hurt you are this time.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You are trying so hard to get around NC, and getting her back, but assuming, and presuming how you think she should act, and react, is like grasping at straws for any morsel of hope.

Thats known as desperation. So go ahead, and call her and see if your begging, pleading, and rationalizing works to get her back. Let us know how confused you are after a talk with her. Or how really hurt you are this time.

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Stop being so weak. Do you know she probably knows all she has to do is call and you'll come running. I've said this before, women despise weak mem. They know they have them right where they want them. She'll continue to do this as long as you keep acting like a little puppy dog.

Are you being sarcastic talaniman?

Is it possible to get back together with an ex using NC?

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Originally Posted by chrisdaniels

is it possible to get back together with an ex using NC?

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NO!

As I have tried to explain before, NC is not a tool to get someone back.

It is a tool to end self-confusion and give yourself a chance to heal while unpacking the stack of baggage from the relationship. It is for coming to understand yourself and what you want in a relationship instead of who. It is building a relationship with yourself that makes you a better partner in your next relationship regardless of who that person is.

IF the person comes back it is not because of NC. It because he/she wants to try again.

OK, I see that now
I just have to wait... but not sit on the bleacher, get out and live my life, if it happens, it happens.

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Originally Posted by talaniman
That's known as desperation. So go ahead, and call her and see if your begging, pleading, and rationalizing works to get her back. Let us know how confused you are after a talk with her. Or how really hurt you are this time.

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Sarcasm, to make you think as you do sound very desperate.

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Originally Posted by chrisdaniels
Is it possible to get back together with an ex using NC?

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NO!

copy and pasted from CAT, because I agree with her answer exactly.

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Originally Posted by chrisdaniels

ok, i see that now
i just have to wait... but not sit on the bleacher, get out and live my life, if it happens, it happens.

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That's basically it.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

That's basically it.

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Take all this advice. NO CONTACT means just that. This girl is not coming back and the sooner you accept it the better off you'll be.

I also discovered something about myself today.
Throughout most of our relationship, I did a lot of things to please her, which is normal, but I think I was too nice.
I think that she lost interest, got bored, wasn't challenged enough, probably thought that she had "tamed me" for a lack of better words.
I now the saying "nice guys finish last" and I am not changing who I am unless I want to for myself, but would it help to not be so nice?

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Originally Posted by chrisdaniels

I also discovered something about myself today.
throughout most of our relationship, i did a lot of things to please her, which is normal, but i think i was too nice.
i think that she lost intrest, got bored, wasn't challenged enough, probally thought that she had "tamed me" for a lack of better words.
i now the saying "nice guys finish last" and i am not changing who i am unless i want to for myself, but would it help to not be so nice?

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Be nice but don't be a doormat.

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would it help to not be so nice?

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How about just focus on being a good human being who loves themselves enough, not to take any one bad behavior?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

How about just focus on being a good human being who loves themselves enough, not to take any one bad behavior?

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I started to say those exact words.:rolleyes:

Ok, that's what I was thinking, now if I can ask another question.

I know that you can't "make" someone like you, but in my situation, is there anything I can do in order to not have her completely forget about me? We haven't talked for about a month, but I fear that not talking to her for too long will give her the impression that I don't want to talk to her ever. I have been doing my own things, staying busy and whatnot, and I know that I have lost her (possibly only for now) but is there anything that I should do, such as call her and tell her that I respect her decision and will give her space, or call her to ask how she has been?

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Originally Posted by chrisdaniels

Ok, thats what i was thinking, now if i can ask another question.

I know that you can't "make" someone like you, but in my situation, is there anything i can do in order to not have her completely forget about me? We haven't talked for about a month, but i fear that not talking to her for too long will give her the impression that i don't want to talk to her ever. I have been doing my own things, staying busy and whatnot, and i know that i have lost her (possibly only for now) but is there anything that i should do, such as call her and tell her that i respect her decision and will give her space, or call her to ask how she has been?

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NC... that means no calling , texting anything. This girl doesn't care. Why bother?

Oh, looking back how do you ever remind me of myself. From a guy who has been going through this same thing, twice this year already... let her forget about you, and forget about her. There is nothing wrong with remembering good times, but leave her alone and go NC, entirely. If you guys had good times together, and she really did care about you... she will remember you, regardless if your split.

Don't call her, talk to her, email her, just don't talk to her at all. I use to go around town hoping to bump into her so I could jag the memory of my ex if she saw me and she would want me back. What a waste of gas and money that was, never worked... pretty dumb idea too, lol. Just let her go man.

You don't think that she is not caring now, but might realize she made a mistake later? If so , why? Normally when people make a mistake, they don't care at first, but then re-evaluate what happened and look at it differently. Or am I wrong?

Do your own thing, and if you don't know what that is, find out and stay NC, as far as she is concerned.

You leave her alone and let her think she made the mistake, cause she did. You leave them thinking, for all you know two years down the road she shows up on your doorstep, the thing is... you'll be over her, moved on and won't want anything to do with her. Trust me, she needs TIME... and TIME isn't just a month (trust me on recent experience, recent as in two days)... she needs like a year.

What part of NC do you not understand? This girl fooled around with who knows how many guys and you still want to check on her and see how she's doing? I'm sure she's doing anybody she can.

How in the world can you have
Any self respect and still want this woman? She used you, she cheated, she lied.


She doesn't want you because you do not have any backbone or you would tell her where to get off.

I think you need help. She has you jumping through hoops and doing her bidding, while she sleeps with whoever is around.

Unbelievable!