Ok, its abit complicated. I'm was with my ex for a very rocky five years. I deeply love him although I know it is going nowhere. We broke up previously and during this time he got a girl pregnant *Sarah. We tried again, and he broke up with my to try make it work with the *Sarah however he always came back to to try and make it work and continuous to do so. I am in University and have made a lot of friends of new friends. He didn't like this and regularly contacted me. I was with his quite recently and stead with him for the weekend. We had a great time but as he went to the shop, I looked through his messages and seen messages of Sarah saying she wanted to meet up and she still loved him. It hurt deeply and I admit I was very jealous. It hurt immensley as the said girl cause mahem in our relationship. I then asked him if he still loved me and he avoided the question and this has caused a huge argument. He kept saying it me over the weekend, in front of his family but I'm so confused now, and I wonder if it has anything to do with *Sarah. We have had an extremely rocky relationship which I will not elaborate on but I'm just enquiring does he still love me? If so why did he not say it to although this was over text message. After our arguemnt I said it didn't matter as I he treats me well but He said I was really annoying him and to stop. It's infuriating, the tables have turned. Usually it is him who is constantly bombarding me with messages etc. And know it is I. What should I do? Does he really care?

just forget about him.

Yep... that post above me is the answer to "What should I do?"... why keep stressing yourself over this, what's the gain from it, how is it helping you? It isn't... I came from a semi-similar situation to yours and me and that person broke up recently for the forth and FINAL time in 8 years, on and off and when you know as you professed at the beginning of the paragraph " I know it is going nowhere"... there's no reason to hold in when something like that is definite... I know its really hard because of the emotions you have and the length of time you've known him but you have to forget about the guy..

As for "Does he really care?"

Another reason you shouldn't be with him... If you have to ask yourself that question there is a huge problem there... You should just know someone cares and see it and believe it, if there's doubt that's not good...

Let *Sarah have him and show that your not going to put up with the stress from this and move on and find someone who won't put you in a situation like that and have you thinking like that

You know in your heart this is a losing battle with a guy who actually sounds like a loser! Sorry ,but true.

A man never defines you ,be a strong independent woman without a man and you will one day find a man who truly respects you because you demand it because you are *too good to deserve crap*.

You have to believe that and act accordingly!

People only disrespect you if you allow them. Your better than that!

He doesn't love you or he wouldn't have a problem telling you , what he's doing is keeping you on a string so whenever he needs a booty call your there , and he'll keep doing it while you allow him.

I say forget about the lousy cheater , move on and one day you'll find someone who'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Well I unfortunately suffer from OCD so I take these things a lot worse but... what I learned is that no matter how much you love a person or how much they may love you... If there's going back and forth and doubting and all these uneasy feelings, that's the time to jump ship before you get even more hurt

99% of the time the saying "if it doesn't work the first time, it'll never work" pertaining to relationships is correct

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Originally Posted by GrettaBette

What should I do? Does he really care?

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It doesn't matter.

You are a bad fit.

Done.

My ex is a woman I dearly love. Can't be with. Good as friends. Screwed as mates. Doesn't have to make sense.

So... is it better if he loves you and you are a lousy pair or he doesn't love you and you are a lousy pair?

Sure... it's a bigger blow to the ego if he is doing the healthy thing... moving on, or trying to...

You can love someone you can't be with. Been there, done that, more than once.

By your own words,

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I deeply love him although I know it is going nowhere

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That's enough to leave him alone, as the 5 years you were together before, wasn't enough

THREADS MERGED



Hey guys, I'm going to try be pretty brief with my relationship with tyler, as if I into too much detail I would be here for year. A typical Romeo and Juliet with as much Drama in the equatian. Who ever said love was easy huuuh?Basically me & tyler where never destined to be together partly due to my social setting but also for various outher reasons. My family would disown me if they knew I continouned to talk to him. I'm currently in University but he isn't as career orientated, however as I'm got with him quite young, it wasn't as heavily prioritised in my mind so I was quite obvilious to it's importance.On the contrary my parents exremely disagreed. His family also have no time for me, which I find quite insulting, as I have never done anything wrong, but they are entiled to their opinions. I did however get paralytically drunk one night, and decided to ring tyler, it was after I found out he began dating Sarah( I will explain further) and called him very vulgar and offensive names but I was angry.It's amazing, when you break up with somebody you only remember their good points. I will be brutally honest, tyler was and is no angel. We were on a break and he met a girl, I met a guy. It was only suppose to be a break, but Sarah ended up getting pregnant. Me and Tyler got back together after many arguemnets BTU we loved each other as funny as it sounds. (Tyler had cheated on me before I won't lie not once or twice maybe more this was before our break. I know your thinking how can somebody cheat on you if they love you? And I ask myself that time and time again, he also regularly spoke disresectfully too me calling me AWFUL names and hurt me in more ways than you could ever imagine. I like to believe it was his environment if that makes sense. He didn't know better.It's the easiest way of thinking of it. Love is blind as they say. That was quite early on in our relationship I might add but it still doesn't justify what he did or make the hurt he cause any easier.I don't think it was as serious for him at the start as it was for me. This rebel guy, and a blonde school-girl not exactly a match made in heaven.) So as I was saying we got back together but he finished with me to get back with sarah before she had the kid, and it hurt like nothing I have ever experienced. I risked everything for him my family, school... But apparently I was suppose to have cheated on him it really killed him his brother told him? I would totally admit it now 3 years on but it is not true. There was a lot of anomosity between us, after he heard that so finished with me got with Sarah. It was a very tough and emotional time, a lot of tears, he knew I deserved better than what he could ever offer and it hurt but maybe he was right. Sarah was a girl that his family would have known she was immediately accepted and if anything wanted in the family.They had a beautiful baby girl. I never knew how Tyler felt about Sarah, and still to this day don't because he refused to talk about it, why do you think that is guys?During this time he never stopped calling or texting and after nearly 3 years together, it was difficult to say goodbye I justified talking to him in as many ways as I could unbeknownst to my friends of family. All the while I was heartbroken over what had happened, truly devastated. Till one day we decided we couldn't take it anymore and got back together. But as you know things didn't work out which I will take full blame for! We never stopped contact, and it is the most reasurring feeling knowing he is there. Never a day goes past where he doesn't ask how I am, or how my day went. Maybe its just comfort and security at this stage. Over I'd say the last half a year I got with a beautiful handsome guy studying medicine he was 'paper perfect' and I thought just maybe this work giving guys a chances.I made a lot of new friends, and I only met up with tyler maybe 3 times. I thought it was time to leave the past at bay and start afresh. It wasn't an easily made decision and with a heavy heart I ignored ty. Refusing his calls, deleting his messages it was devasting and I knew I was hurting him as he bombarded me with texts and calls. It was the right thing to do you know. For about a month or so this happened, and it was a lot easier than I had thought. Me and the guy I was seeing unfortunately didn't work but I was on a high. I heard though just 3 weeks ago his cousin died and I just wanted to see was he okay.so we got back in contact and he didn't question me over ignoring him and it was forgotten about. But just last week he suggested drinks as he does, and I said to bring a few people but he wanted just the too of us, I didn't think it was a good idea so it ended up me and a few of the guys. I ended up staying with him for the weekend, and we had an absolute great time and it just felt right being with him those old feelings I tried to bury resurfaced and here I was head over heals, infactuated, blissfully happen. Nothing else mattered if there sky fell I wouldn't have noticed or worse I wouldn't have cared. Whilst I was there, he went to the shop and I sat reading my book and decided to take a look at his messages as he left his phone behind. And there right in front of my eyes were messages from sarah saying how much she loved him and desperatly wanted to meet up. I was so annoyed but I didn't want to ruin anything or admit my nosyness so I just left it. But over the past week he has been so off with me, its scary. He hasn't been ignoring me but not contacting me as much. I asked him if he loved me and he avoided the question. Whilst over the weekend he said it to me and in front of his family. I'm as confussed as ever. Now it is me who is contacting him regurly. I don't understand like and he won't talk to me about which is so unusual. Sorry guys this is abit of an essay but I'm in tormoil and I need some advice ASAP.I can't even talk to my friends about it because they would kill me if they found out we still talked. Thanks guys :)

Should you keep trying with your ex? No.

You don't have to keep starting new threads about the same thing, nor give any personal info over the net.

My advice, leave this guy alone, and disappear from his life, and rebuild your own, without him in it.

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Should i keep trying with my ex?

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Advice from a whole bunch of total strangers: No!

Gretta: I think every one here has given you a clear answer.

You are addicted to turmoil. Take a break from ANY dating for 12 months. You need a time out to get your head together and see what you are really made of absent a guy in your life. He needs to focus on Sarah and his daughter. You talk about them as if they don't even matter. They are his family, although he's clearly not much of a partner to Sarah.

Why you would want this guy is beyond me. It seems like you have some serious problems that you would want this man and excuse his many failings. How yours stack up to his I don't know, but he's NEVER going to make your life better--always worse. And you have some things to work out.

What else is going on in your life that you need this kind of distraction and turmoil?

How you could imply I used him as an excuse to distact myself is infuriating. I asked for advice not to be criticised or basically called a drama queen. I said all his downfalls and failings but not his good points.

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But he doesn't love her at all,his family wants them together but he doesn't!ofcorse the kid matters, and sarah as she's the mother of his kid but he isn't her 'partner' he isn't with her he got with her after she got pregnant for a very short time

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I think you are deluding yourself.

Tyler will always have an obligation to this child. He is still in contact with Sarah, and he has no boundaries--with her, you, and probably other women. He cannot tell you he loves you (I would say to his credit), he regularly goes back and forth between the two of you. From your story, it's not clear at all who is the "real" girlfriend and who is the "other woman." You are his co-mistresses, with neither of you happy.

Your story is more sordid than romantic. Romeo didn't knock up some other teenager and then go back to Juliette. And even without that, I've always thought R&J was a pretty depressing story. It's not for nothing they killed themselves...

You deserve a better life than this.

Hes an Ex, then leave him where he belongs in your past, he's been stringing you a line, I would say.

Move on move on move on.

Its history leave it in the past where it and he belong...

First of all.. obviously I'm a lazy arse when it comes to capital letters and grade school grammar rules... but when you post, use the enter key now and then... its just hard as hell to read a big block of text like the essay in post #9.

All I'm saying is when I see a ten by ten block of run-on text, I'm too damn lazy to read it all through. Slam in a few breaks along the way. Pretty please?

Moving on...

Why do we hold onto an ex or feel lousy when its over?

Time spent in the relationship? The desire for rejection to be retracted? The desire for the known and familiar?

Sure. Whatever. Pick one. Throw a dart. Don't care.

Again... unless this guy chases you down and Needs you. Really Needs you... well... he doesn't really need you. And that isn't really worth the pain, is it?

So... you can try to explain all you want... look... I could write pages and pages about by Biggest Love Lost Ever... after all the dirty details and twists and frustrations and joys... it'll still be simply "it is over"...

And needs to be over... like it or not.

Sorry. Don't spend any more time trying to work this out. It isn't worth the frustration.

My boyfriend beat me up on the other night but I said something extremely offensive to him. It really was my fault because although he's done it before I started with him the whole entire night and kept picking fights with him. And he just lost but what I said was really bad but I'm 'black & blue', and now either of us are talking. Who was in the wrong? Should I apoligize. He said I'm lucky to be alive like.

Leave. Get out. He'll do it again.

Is this the first time he's hit you?

I've read your other threads. Does this have anything to do with the gay guy?

Leave him before he ends up killing you! It won't get any better. NO MAN SHOULD HIT A WOMAN! No he wouldn't hit a man.

Does he cry and apologize and tell you it will never happen again?
It will... abusers don't stop.

Pleas tell me you don't have children with this man? You can call me Kat.

No matter what he should not have beat you, he was wrong for losing control and striking out at you, no man should ever hit a woman, and please take a tip from a survivor of Domestic Violence, don't have anything more to do with him he may promise to never ever do it again, don't believe him, click link below to read more about this.

Click HERE

Read every page or one page, but please don't allow this man to hurt you in this way, prosecute him, don't allow this behaviour to become part of your life.

I have been there, it doesn't get better it gets worse.

There is a page with links and helplines to contact on that site the link above is for.

Nothing you said gives him the right to beat you NOTHING..

OP you need to post in the Answer this question box at foot of page there's not enough room in comments section

Sorry Kat have to spread the rep.

OP please listen to us we have been where you are and it doesn't get better, really it doesn't, just click link in my first post in this thread, and read the page contents, or any page on that site,


Get help now, before he ends up killing you or seriously wounding you..

OP you need to write out your replies in a reply or answer this question box at bottom of the page, or you won't have room for what you want to say. Like one this reply is in.

The following is taken from one page of the site the link leads to.

Your situation is critical if the following applies to you:
You express your opinions less and less freely.
You find yourself walking on eggshells, careful of when and how to say something.
You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge.
You find yourself making excuses for your partner's behavior.
You feel emotionally unsafe.
You feel its somehow not OK to talk with others about your relationship.
You hope things will change... especially through your love and understanding.
You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of reality.
You doubt your own judgment.
You doubt your abilities.
You feel vulnerable and insecure.
You are becoming increasingly depressed.
You feel increasingly trapped and powerless.
You have been or are afraid of your partner.
Your partner has physically hurt you, even once.

Relationship-Help: Domestic-Violence

"In the United States, every twelve to eight seconds a woman is beaten by a man; four women each day are reported beaten to death; and women are six hundred percent more likely to be brutalized by an intimate partner than are men

Nearly all apply to me, I'm an educated girl and I've been tolded pretty often I'm good looking.I think he gets intimidated bacause he wouldn't be as visablly attractive and is uneducated whereas I'd get a lot of attention. But after 4 years he should no better like. But I can't leave you don't understand, actually I don't understand.
I have no confidence, and every time I rebuild my confidence and leave he tells me an unlimited nuumber of promises. I should have more sense.

The last time he beat me up was when I told him I didn't love him. He's more of an emotional abuser, but it he has frequently hit me.Infront of people also. Now I'm bruised and cut.

I don't think I can leave, I know this makes no sense and I totally understand that but I've tried numerous times. But he tricks me and then calls me every name under the sun, it's unbelieveable. So I doubt myself. I'm so lost.

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Originally Posted by GrettaBette

Nearly all apply to me, I'm an educated girl and i've been tolded pretty often i'm good looking.I think he gets intimidated bacause he wouldn't be as visablly attractive and is uneducated whereas i'd get alot of attention. But after 4 years he should no better like. But I can't leave you don't understand, actually I don't understand.
I have no confidence, and every time I rebuild my confidence and leave he tells me an unlimited nuumber of promises. I should have more sence.

The last time he beat me up was when I told him I didn't love him. He's more of an emotional abuser, but it he has frequently hit me.Infront of people also. Now i'm bruised and cut.

I don't think I can leave, I know this makes no sence and I totally understand that but i've tried numerous times. But he tricks me and then calls me every name under the sun, it's unbelieveable. So I doubt myself. I'm so lost.

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Are there shelters where you live? Do you have friends or family? I want you to listen to me. He will threaten, cry, swear on his mothers life that he will change. He will not change. How can you love someone who beats you black and blue? How do you look at yourself in the mirror
While he sits there gloating. I don't know how to tell you this but if he's been in other relationshipas, don't think he hasn't beaten them too.

He has a child with another woman. Did he beat her? He is a coward with no backbone and he wouldn't dare hit a man. He wouldn't dare hit a woman if she pressed charges and had him thrown in jail. Get rid of him, have him arrested and don't drop the charges. Find somewhere to go while he is in jail and get a restraining order against him. Maybe a few nights in jail with a cell mate named Bulldog would change his mind.

You will be lost forever unless you leave ASAP. I think you should listen to what the others are telling you.

Please take this advice. YOU ARE IN DANGER!

No he was never serious with that other girl, and only got with her every time we finished if that makes sense. Aparentley he is playing the victim now, and everybody is blaming me as it is my fault what happened. I shouldn't have said what I said. He also poured drinks over me. It was just so degrading. I feel mortified talking about this, I should no better. I just can't explain why I still give him chances after chance. I don't understand it. He just makes me feel like I can't go on without him.


Guys I'm so sorry for rambling, I just need to rant. A lot of my friends & family wouldn't entertain the idea of us being together so I feel I have no were to go or talk about this. It's embarrassing portraying myself as a victim, I should no better. I'm sorry guys thanks for all your help .

He wants to degrade you. That's what they do. They brainwash you into thinking you can't do any better without them.

One minute lovey dovey the next minute having to explain why you forgot to put his boots beside the bed or why you put onions in a salad. Walking on eggshells, wearing longsleeves in the summertime so people won't see the bruises. Waiting for his fist to hit you in the face because you don't have his shirt ironed the right way.

You are somebody and you deserve more.

He wants you to have no confidence, he wants you to think everyone blames you that's what they do they destroy your confidence yourself esteem and belief in yourself.

That way they keep you under their control, he doesn't love you, he doesn't love anyone, he is a woman beater, and unless you speak out for yourself he will just do as he's done to you now over and over again, He will promise he won't, he will swear on a stack of bibles he's sorry and will never hurt you again until the next time.

My abuser almost killed me or could have then lucky for me he saw the bloody spurt from my hand and hit the ceiling and he panicked, but he was intending to kill me he told me as much.

I too was afriad to leave him, he told me no one would listen to me or believe me everyone knew I was a liar a slut and asked for all I got that it was all my fault I made him do it, and like you I believed him, This is how I can say to you in all honesty Don't Believe him he's LYING to YOU. Please don't allow yourself to be treated this way, I ask you to listen to what's been posted here and what you've read on my site, and get away from him, you might not be as lucky as I was many women die at the hands of the partners.

Don't become another statistic. Get out NOW. PLEASE.