Threads merged, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

Hey everyone,
Thank you for reading. I have been dating this guy for about a month, I am his girlfriend he asked me 2weeks ago.
I know it seems kind of fast but we have gone out on about 8 dates and then a few times casually. We talk everyday, the only days we get off work we spend together. He's a great guy, a gentleman everything also he's 25 and I'm 21. Well we were suppose to hangout on Thursday but 1 hour before we were suppose to meet he told me he felt really sick and was going to stay in. I was little upset over the short notice but it was OK these things happen. He then said we will get together the next day on Friday. Well Friday morning was the world cup as most you probably know so he was up at 8am watching the game he txted me a bit during It just saying how are you and stuff. Then around 11am the texts stop, I texted him around 2pm because we had plans . No answer then again at 5pm no answer around 8 pm I send him one last one saying how I was upset he forgot about our plans and stuff. Saturday morning I get a text messaging saying I'm soooo sorry I went out an forgot my phone and got so drunk I forgot about our plans. This made me so mad, also makes me wonder if I should continue dating him because if he got so drunk he forgot about our plans , what would happen in the future. He's sent me 747363 sorry texts all day. Am I over reacting or is this a huge red flag? Help please guys. I really like this guy but I don't want be a push over.

Thank you

You say you've only been dating for a month, I think that's hardly long enough to start giving him ultimatums, however Im all for starting as you mean to go on, but as this is such a new relationship, then I feel you should give him the benefit of the doubt and let it go, if however it happens again, or starts to become a regular occurrence, then I say drop him from a great height, but for now, accept that he's human and men and football does seem to leave them brainless and senseless too at times LOL.

Don't over react,I would give him the benefit of the doubt and let things unfold.

Its early in the relationship,slow down,enjoy getting to know each other,and try not to get so serious too soon.

Yeah, I think you might be overreacting a little on this one. This is still pretty fresh and even though you're official it's important not to loose sight of just how fresh this is.

One month is way too early to give him ultimatums. You should def give him some slack. One thing is to say that you don't appreciate getting stood up.. but to break it of?

Thank you guys! I will just explain I was upset he stood me up but forgive him hehe

I can't believe he went along with any plans during the World Cup!

That's like planning a Tupperware party during the Super Bowl.

You both should be slapped, him for not being honest, and you for not understanding.

Have a laugh, and patch it up!

Lighten up and give him another chance. He probably was telling you the truth.

As long as it only happens once... but if it happens again, then it may be time to move on.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I can't believe he went along with any plans during the World Cup!

Thats like planning a Tupperware party during the Super Bowl.

You both should be slapped, him for not being honest, and you for not understanding.

Have a laugh, and patch it up!

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Had to spread the rep Tal... but LOL so true! Most guys I know are pretty much glued to their sofa's right now.

Rule number 1 for any relationship: never make plans around any major sporting events. I know around superbowl, the world cup, and any other major game not to make any plans with my husband because he is going want to watch the game with the boys. So I don't bother!

Also, him leaving the phone at could have happen because I have done that plenty of times.

I know this realationship is fresh but take baby steps rather then big ones.

Hey everyone I've been dating this guy for about a month iknow it isn't very long but we connected really fast and spent everyday off work together. He asked me to be his girlfriend about 2 weeks ago.

Well for about a week now he has been acting very distant, I haven't seen him at all he won't even meet me for coffee. I told him I needed to talk to him but he still couldn't make time for me. Also he wouldn't ever answer my phone calls. He would text me but only after id text him and he would take forever to answer me. I got really fed up last night and left him a voicemail saying I'm not wasting my time with him anymore. An hour later he texts me saying he was busy with him parents and what was wrong with me. I told him everything I told you guys and he said he really busy right now and I'm an amazing person but he has to many complications he has to take care in his life, he said he has to deal with other things and he might be leaving soon. Also I shouldn't be upset because we weren't that serious. I know he isn't citizen and had an appointment with the government that morning so maybe somethig happened there but he told me he to busy for a relationship, by the way this was all in text messages he kept ignorig my calls.

I seriously don't know what happened he treated me so well he took me out everywhere paid for everything. He introduced me as his girlfriend to all his friends and coworkers, showed me pictures of all his family. Post cute pictures of us o his fb. He would even ride an extra hour on the bus to make sure I got home safe. This was so sudden from him, I am really hurt and kind of confused I don't know what happened to him. Should I go nc and forget him. Or wait for this problem to get fixed in his life? I like him so much everything seemed so perfect. It hurts me a lot I thought everything was fine. Also he's 25 and I'm 21.
Thank you for the help everyone

You really don't need to be starting another thread, just update this one.

I think someone merged my threads, ill keep everything on this thread

It's time to let this go.
Things were great at the beginning and now the whatever it was is gone, at least with him.
I didn't understand the first stand up.
When you are fresh into dating a new girl, you get in touch with her if she is important.
Now he is distant and rude. He may have a good reason but unless he wants to give you an explanation, you won't know the reason and he has told you "you shouldn't be upset because we werent that serious"
That alone should tell you this guy has moved on and so should you.

Sometimes life throws us curved balls, by this I mean one day everything is honky dory the next its full of drama and serious issues that we may have overlooked because we were having a good time. They then get overlooked.

Which you say you and this b/f were having, and at those times its so easy to think Oh ill do that tomorrow, and so it goes on.

Before we know it they have piled so high its hard to know where to start on sorting them, you say he isn't a citizen, does that mean he is awaiting immigration or something along these lines? Or maybe he is tired of the relationship and this is way of letting you down lightly.

If its immigration problems that could be behind his saying he may have to leave soon.

Whatever is behind this one could spend from now until xmas deliberating what it is.

As he had indicated to you that the relationship is basically over, then yes go NC, and even if you do get back together you'll have had this time to sort your own life out.

I hope this helps in some way of course I am not you, so I can only say what I might do in your situation, and only knowing the bare bones of how it is for you this is based on your question, and how I might deal with it so am advising you to do this.

Let him solve his own issues, and you solve your own. Wondering why is not an option, because only he knows.

Maybe you are finding out something you need to know and pay attention too.

Thank you guys. I am trying to get by I don't know if I should feel sad for him, be mad at him or feel guilty for demanding his time when he was busy. I was so happy with him an now he's gone. :(

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Let him solve his own issues, and you solve your own. Wondering why is not an option, because only he knows.

Maybe you are finding out something you need to know and pay attention too.

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What do you mean about maybe I'm finding out something I need to know?

Learning something about him, or about yourself!

For you, the expectations of a month long relationship.

About him, his lack of being forthright, and straight up. I would have certainly told you of my plans with the boys well ahead of time, and if I was interested in continuing enjoying your company, you would know that too. I doubt I would disappear with nothing said, for you to know of that interest, despite my other plans.

As I say though, this may just be your to close, or in to deep, and maybe this is not as great a thing as you think.

By the way the World Cup is still going on!

Thank you, I have been thinking a lot about it lately and I think I was more serious then he was. Even though he acted so serious, also him and his eX broke up 2months ago. I was probably his rebound or something. Oh well I am focusing on work now. Hoping on getting the up coming promotion. The only thing that sucks is I'm new to this city and he was the only one I met also his friends so I'm back to knowing no one :(

You will be OK.
It's good you are not still with him. Too many red flags.
There is a someone out there. Take your time.
I wish you well

So I think I was his rebound, I was doing nc since I last posted here. I slipped last night I looked at his Facebook which I did delete him but checked anyway... All of our pictures are gone and his exgirlfriend is added on it again. Also all of out old love cute posts are deleted. I sent him a kind of mean text just saying if you wanted to get back with your ex you should have just told me instead of being so chicken. He responded oh that's not true. But I know he's lying I saw his Facebook. I'm happy to have closure but Im sad because he make me happy before, the first guy who's made me feel like that since my ex of 3years . Aww this sucks where can I meet decent gentleman guys??

You invested a month. That is like trial period, and you found out you were a rebound and he is a liar.
Lesson learned. This is what the dating thing is about. You go out for a while and you learn about each other. You learned this about him. There are other fish in the sea.

I hope this has not opened a door of communication. You fell off the wagon. If by chance he texts or calls you don't reply.
Your wounds are still raw.

Talaniman Rule-When you stop looking for love, and do your thing, and enjoy ALL YOUR OPTIONS, AND OPPORTUNITIES, love will find you.

Talaniman Rule-Build a life that you enjoy without a mate, and your happiness will attract people who will want to share in it with you.

The thing that hurts me the most is that I slept with him. I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps around. I've only done it with a boyfriend. I'm so scared to sleep with men because they might just leave me like this guy did. How long should you wait to sleep with someone?

Well in my opinion a month is not long enough to get to know someone, let alone sleep with them.
A month is a short time. Next time take your time. Don't give your all to a person after 8 dates.

Sometimes that strong connection is lust or it is one sided. You need to make sure you have not ignored any red flags, give that "I'm on my best performance" time to past. See how things go when the newness starts to fade. In your case he was showing what he was about after a month. There were probably signs that you just ignored.

He never showed any red flags until after the 2nd time we did it then all this started . It was a complete 360.


While we were dating he even added me to his blockbuster account. I could go rent 377837 movies under his name right now. I wouldn't do that but he must have had some trust with me

I have never heard of being on someone's blockbuster account, was a show of love, or trust. But I think the lesson you take is no matter how right it seems, don't get so carried away by those feelings that you get so deeply involved, so fast.

That was the red flag you ignored, as he didn't just change, you just were beginning to see his true nature, behind his actions. You gave too much, to soon, to a stranger before you had a chance to know him very well.

You can't know someone in a month, no matter how much time you spend with them, because he was on his best behavior to impress you. It takes a while for someone's true nature to emerge.

Now forgive yourself because you learned a very valuable life experience.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I have never heard of being on someones blockbuster account, was a show of love, or trust. But I think the lesson you take is no matter how right it seems, don't get so carried away by those feelings that you get so deeply involved, so fast.

That was the red flag you ignored, as he didn't just change, you just were beginning to see his true nature, behind his actions. You gave to much, to soon, to a stranger before you had a chance to know him very well.

You can't know someone in a month, no matter how much time you spend with them, because he was on his best behavior to impress you. It takes a while for someones true nature to emerge.

Now forgive yourself because you learned a very valuable life experience.

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This is very true, that's exactly what I needed to hear. I got caught up in lust, yet I could see a future with him. I guess you have to wait till the lust dies down before you really see cleary. I will remember this for next I meet some I like. All my previous relationships started with extreme passion and lust and things just stayed amazing until a few years later. But that must have been luck.

Thank you everyone I have officially deleted him from everything. I don't even know his number anymore. Time to heal and move on