Hey guys,

I've been reading these forums over the last 3 or so weeks, and it has helped me immensely with what I'm going through at the moment, and thank you all for reading/answering the questions in advance.

Summary (try to keep it short):

So my ex and I had been going out for just a bit over 8 months. We met through an online game essentially, but really over Facebook. She lives 1000km away from me, but its an hour flight. So we hit it off, and everything was going amazingly. She had just got out of a 4 year (emotionally abusive) relationship which she got cheated on in the end. So I helped her through that and we ended up falling in love. I flew over there every week/few weeks. We had SO much in common. Anyway, she chased after me from the very start, after only one meeting she said she loved me (we talked for about a month or so online before we actually met). And she said that she wanted to get married/have kids and all that (which I have now realised a lot of couples say that... wasn't aware of that before I hoped on these boards).

During all of this, she wanted to move here after she finished Uni (at the end of this year). So skip to about a month ago, I had just visited her, all went well, I flew back for an exam I had, and she was going to be flying down 2 days after that, and she had an exam on the day she flew down (before the flight). So basically something snapped in her that night and she went out, got really drunk, played computer games at a friend's house and ended up sleeping for about 3 hours and then going to her exam.

She then flew here and we had a week together, there was a big argument with her where I had noticed that something just wasn't right and asked her, and it ended up turning into an argument (this is key to later on). After the argument she was here for another few days, and all seemed to go back to normal. All lovey dovey, and so on. She then flew home and we seemed to be going all right.

A few days later she said she was going out with her best friend (who I trust completely, he is a great guy). I tried to contact her, but her phone was off, so I smsed the mutual friend, only for him to tell me that she said she went somewhere else, and said it was work related. I obviously over reacted and smsed her and called her a thousand times. After about 5 hours of not hearing from her, she called me and told me that she went to talk to her ex boyfriend who was having issues with his girlfriend and they talked (as soon as she told me, she added 'nothing suss'). Anyway, the next day she called me up when I was at uni, and told me that she thought it would be a good idea to go on a break. I agreed as I thought that it would at least give her time to think/reflect, she was surprised that I agreed to it.

Anyway, she kept talking to me during the break, which I was always as nice as I could be, but I wanted to give her space so she was always first to initiate. (this is when I found these boards and discovered NC). So as the week passed (we set a date to talk), I called her up and she ended up saying that we should break up. Wasn't expecting it, but since I respect her and also myself, I didn't beg/plead or whatever (probably helped that I read about this on here) I accepted it.

During the whole break she had been going wild, going out... etc

The next day I took her off Facebook (and I warned her that we cannot be friends now that she wants to break up) and she called me up about 2 minutes later and we had a talk, but she still wanted to stay broken up. I was as nice on the phone, being as comforting as possible.

Anyway, the next day I get an sms in the evening to which I didn't reply (which pretty much said avoid a sad song). The day after that she called me up twice, I ignored both her calls. Then I didn't hear from her for a full week.

She called me up a week later, I decided to answer it (probably a mistake) and we talked, she ended up saying that she wanted to fly down in a week (when she got paid) and try sort this whole thing out, and actually get back together. So I agreed to it. I did ask where we stood at that point in time, she said "technically we are broken up, so there are no repercussions for your actions". =/

And then I didn't hear from her again until today when I called her up (as I wanted to see what the deal was as she got paid today) and she ended up telling me that she wasn't going to fly here. I was pretty hurt... again. So we ended up texting each other throughout the day, she was all lovey dovey still, but yet she wasn't going to stay in the relationship (mixed messages much? ). Well as before I started work I texted her, 'Are you sure you don't want to fly here'. She didn't say no/yes. So I waited until I finished work, and then I smsed her that I guess she actually has decided on her decision, I am still completley in love with her, and I honestly saw myself being with her for the rest of my life, and wished her all the best at Uni/life. I got a response about 30 minutes afterwards saying 'I love you with all my heart'.

Just a quick clarification of things that I forgot to add during the story/didn't think of where to correctly put them:

She is a very attractive girl who I know gets A lot of attention at pubs/clubs, which made it hard for me, but I gave her all the room she wanted, never really pestered her about going out and such, even though it was long distance. I trusted her.

She had a very dark past, which I won't go into it too much, but she got herself out of it, and is now one of the top students at her uni.

During the whole 'break up' (3 weeks worth >.>) she said that I was the perfect boyfriend, and I actually did nothing wrong, and her reasons for the break up was her being scared of the future (everything getting too real) with Uni finishing/job hunting/moving out/moving here.

She still says that she loves me, on the phone... etc

She got promise rings (which I have now taken off as it kind of defeated the purpose that I believe) which she said she will keep wearing.

Throughout the talks she wanted to stay friends... I have told her that no, we can't be friends.

Feeling like crap at the moment, just trying to get my head on straight, all my plans I had for next year have kind of crumbled. I have my friends around me who have been here for me, but its just not the same without her. We talked on the phone several times for 8+ months and now its like I'm quitting an addiction.

Just wanted to vent, and pretty damn confused on what's going on in her head. She wants to be together, but doesn't...

Argggghhhh

P.S. wow... that was a lot longer then I thought it would be, and I tried skipping over a lot. Sigh, sorry about that

/end walloftext


Oh, she also told me today during the break up that she went on a date that sucked (thought it would make me feel better) after I told her that we can't be friends.

After she told me, I was like... THAT is why we can't be friends, stuff like that hurts me, you have no idea how much

LDR are hard to maintain and often after you meet and spend sometime together the novelty wears off. Not to even mention that she was coming out of a 4 years relationship, you were the friend and then became the rebound.
This relationship may have been doomed from the beginning.
I'm sorry you are going through this but right now NC can be your friend. You don't talk or chat or text.
She has probably moved on, so should you.

Thanks Homegirl,

I was actually thinking that, that what I thought at first, but we hit it off so strong from the start, that the worries went away.

It was my first true relationship, I'm 21 and before this I kind of just played around without much in the way of relationships.

I was/am completely in love with her, so it's a huge blow to me.

The worst thing is she keeps talking to me like she sees a future, but just doesn't want to continue.

And I agree with you on the LDR, its just so hard

You stop talking to her. Tell her you just cannot contnue this relationship.
If she calls, don't answer.

Yeh, I've started that from today. Again. Hard seeing that name pop up and not jumping to the phone, been doing that for 8 straight months

Well you hang in there, you'll get through and over this in time.
You can always come here for encouragement.

This place is a heaven for help. Honestly I think I would be a complete mess if I hadn't started reading posts about people going through the same thing, and all the successful outcomes that have happened. Really helped me prepare myself for the break up as soon as I heard the words 'we should go on a break'

Thank you again

Sigh, woke up this morning with a realisation that this is the end of it, before this (the first break up) honestly knew she would try to get back together. And she did, but this is it.

Feel sick in my stomach, and feel really down. God the down is bad...

It will get easier. Hang in there my friend.
Go do something exciting today. Something you've wanted to do but didn't have the time.

Sounds like you had a great relationship in the beginning, but then it started to crumble. I see a lot of mind games and confusion on both ends.

On her end, it seems like she has no idea what she wants. She can wake up one day wanting something completely different from the day before. Then she can go back and forth on her feelings.

As for you, I know that you're trying to be nice and respect her wishes, but it also sounds like you're not clear with her on how you feel. This is going to be a lesson for the future, but when you want something, you need to make your intentions clear so that the other person doesn't doubt your feelings. The other person might be flipping back and forth on their emotions, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be clear about yours.

As for your current situation, it sounds like she's moved on with her life. If she's ready to date other people, she knows that she might lose you forever. Therefore, she's already ready to let you go. So I don't see any reason for you to hang on anymore. That would be banging your head on the wall.

It's going to take time to heal. But you last spoken to her yesterday, so you progress only really starts today. Re-read the NC related threads in my signature.

Remember, every time you break NC, you're going to reset the progress. Furthermore, the pain is most likely going to get worse before it gets better. Just don't give in the urges of breaking NC, because you will only drag out the healing process.

Thanks I wish,

You are completely right, I regret a few things that I did like not contacting her during the week when she said she'd fly here, she put herself out there and I didn't really realise what I should have been doing until it was too late.

Day 2 of no contact today, but she smsed me last night, I didn't respond. I actually have my first breakdown last night, I'm not usually one to cry over stuff, but it all built up in me last night and I let it go.

And you are very right, she has no idea what she wants, she sees this herself and just can't help it. She is blaming it on her uni finishing and she is scared and confused about the reality of the future, but I have no idea how accurate that is and I have to accept it as that.

It sucks that to heal I can't contact her, but her voice is the only thing I want to hear right now ><


Argh, main thing I wanted to write... and I forgot ><

I have let her know on every occasion that I am completely in love with her, and never had any intention to leave, but I wanted to make her feel better, and give her space. Wasn't really expecting a break up, and when it happened I told her all that and asked if she was sure, she never really said yes. Honestly if this wasn't LDR then we would still be together, she makes up her mind when she doesn't talk to me, as soon as she starts talking to me she starts to question her decision.

I'm going to have to be strong and try to move on, I know that, but at the same time she just sends SO many mixed messages that its hard not to have false hope

You just stay strong. Don't talk to her don't text, don't listen to her calls.
This is helping her too. You both need NC

Listen to everyone here. They're right. You are so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Chances are you'll find someone in your hometown when you least expect it. I would also delete her name/number from your phone. Even if you still recognize the number, maybe it won't be so hard if you don't see her name pop up.

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Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

Listen to everyone here. They're right. You are so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Chances are you'll find someone in your hometown when you least expect it. I would also delete her name/number from your phone. Even if you still recognize the number, maybe it won't be so hard if you don't see her name pop up.

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Yeah, I realise this. Even though I know that I can find other girls, right now I have no urge at all to do so. During the conversation where she told me about the date, I actually told her just before that I got asked for my number and replied "sorry, can't, have a girlfriend" without even thinking about it.

Its hard because she pretty much seems like she wants to be friends (I know about the have her cake and eat it too) but to be friends only till the end of the year (finishes her uni) where she has the freedom to move anywhere.. and then get back together, which right now I would want to do, but waiting 6 months for a CHANCE to get back together is just not going to happen.

And I really do appreciate everyone's advice/help here, I usually feel like complete crap until I hop on this website and have a bit of a read, which usually puts me in a better place. And I am taking everyone's advice about NC and improving myself, its just hard with the constant over analysing mind at work!

On a brighter note, how is everyone? Woke up this morning with a bruised up wrist after I tripped last night when I was out with mates.

It's so hard to be friends with someone that you have feelings for. I've been there. It didn't get better until we cut ties completely. To be friends was never good enough and actually put strain on the relationship. I'm not by any means saying that you should go out and try to meet someone else, though. That's why I said "when you least expect it." Hang in there though. It sounds like you're on the right track.

Hehe, yeah, I wasn't really looking for a relationship at all when I kind of fell heart first into this one, so I understand what you're saying, and you are spot on.

And honestly, trying to be friends seems like a really terrible idea after a break up, unless you both somehow fell out of love for each other and instantly went into friendship... which seems non realistic at all. I've told her both times (first break up and 2 weeks later when she said she wasn't going to fly down here to try sort it out) that I can't be her friend.

Unless you're self destructive... how can you possibly sit there and listen to someone you truly care for and want to be with tell you about them going out/meeting new people, confuses me, but I hear it happens a lot.

Zoe, how did you end up cutting ties, did it just happen over time or did you get to a breaking point and both just say, that's it..

It did get to a breaking point. We had started hanging out more frequently. One thing lead to another. We ended up being more in a relationship than being friends, but I found out that he hadn't even broken up with his girlfriend, that I didn't even know he was dating. That was pretty much the last straw and I haven't talked to him since. I deleted him from my phone, took him off my buddy list, etc.

Wow, I don't think my ego could take that. That's my worry, not that we'll start hanging out more (LDR) but the emotionally draining conversations that are bound to happen since so far, the calls/texts I get from her have been when she has been down and needed emotional support.

I honestly think that the heart/brain should have switches which we can just turn off/on, much easier. Thank god I do engineering where there is only one answer for a maths question, simple

and sigh...
was randomly talking to a mutual friend who I never really trusted, we had our first issue with him and her sleeping in the same bed (spooning) when we first just started going out, and she had been in relationships where her ex bf's didn't give her any freedom, so when I actually gave her freedom to enjoy herself, she didn't know where the line was, we fixed up the miscommunication after that incident, but I never really trusted this 'friend'.

So anyway, just found out that he actually has feelings for her. Not sure if she knows, but he pretty much told me, and they hang out a lot, I know nothing happened, and I honestly don't think she sees him in any way like that, but why upset me by telling me that. Argh

back to feeling like crap, awesome >.>

Harshness warning

It takes time to heal from a break up. But getting updates about her life, such as other guys liking her, is only going to prolong your suffering. No contact includes no hearing about her life. The less you hear about her, the less material you have to overanalyze about.

Who knows what the future holds. Maybe one day you will be friends again, maybe never. The point is to focus on the present. The present situation is that she has no idea what she wants. But in healthy relationships, you lean on each other for strength, when times get tough, regardless of whether you're long distance or in the same city. However, in her case, she chose to ask you for a break, which means that you were an added burden to her. If you're an added burden from a distance, then you're probably an even bigger burden when you're in the same city.

At this point, she has to deal with the break up her own way. You're not responsible for her. You're responsible for your own healing. So focus on yourself. Once you've healed, you will be more objective about the situation and you will be more capable of making a better decision for yourself going forward.

I agree I wish, it's up to her and her decisions, however she wants to deal with it, then that's that.

I've been wondering why she would push me away when she said I was her rock and other similar things. I always put her first, and whenever she was down, I was there for her. So it kind of surprised me when she wanted to break up because of something that she was going through, even though it really had nothing to do with 'us'.

Yeh I wasn't trying to get updates, was just talking and then he told me out of the blue, which surprised and pissed me off. I understand that guys/friends of hers like her, and I'm not naïve enough not to think that, but I don't really want to hear it 2-3 days after the proper break up.

I have been doing my best to keep busy, hanging out with friends, studying for uni, going to gym. There are still those moments when I have a second to breath and then my mind goes into over drive. I know this happens to everyone, it's just hard. And I've found that apart from talking with friends, venting on here really gave me a pick me up and usually got me out of my down.

The weird little things that she does that make me wonder is she still smses me (didnt sms at all today, but over the last 3 weeks of breaking up I got smses from her all the time) and I took her off Facebook as a friend, so that I didn't know about new things happening, and she had her privacy settings on, and then 2 days ago when she told me she didn't want to try fix things, she turned her privacy settings off so I could see her wall/photos. (I've been trying very hard not to go on her page, but its always on the back of my mind)

Even though she ended it, she still makes a lot of effort to keep me on a string, bah!

Anyway, guess I should get some sleep, and thanks for reading and helping me through this, because without you guys on here, this would be a MUCH more difficult period in my life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by trond

I've been wondering why she would push me away when she said i was her rock and other similar things.

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People change. Feelings change. I used to hate eggs, but now I love them.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by trond

Yeh i wasn't trying to get updates, was just talking and then he told me out of the blue, which suprised and pissed me off.

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Just let your friends know that you don't want to hear about your ex, even if they have some juicy news. Ignorance is bliss.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by trond

I have been doing my best to keep busy, hanging out with friends, studying for uni, going to gym. There are still those moments when i have a second to breath and then my mind goes into over drive. I know this happens to everyone, it's just hard. And i've found that apart from talking with friends, venting on here really gave me a pick me up and usually got me out of my down.

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Check out the NC related threads. Especially the one about "Fighting your urges to break NC". Nor matter how many distractions, there will always be moments like this. It's only normal. You can't prevent these feelings from reoccuring. The key thing is how you deal with these emotions when they occur again. Sounds like you're doing a good job: keeping busy + distractions + venting. Just keep them up!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by trond

The weird little things that she does that make me wonder is she still smses me

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Whenever you get an SMS from her, delete it before you read it. It doesn't matter the reasons are anymore. The bottom line is that you've broken up and it's time to move forward with your life. Reading her texts will only give you more material to dwell on, which prolongs the suffering. Let's not go there.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by trond

she turned her privacy settings off so i could see her wall/photos. (i've been trying very hard not to go on her page, but its always on the back of my mind)

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Block her, that feature is in the privacy settings too. If you block her, you won't be able to visit her page and you won't see her pictures by accident. If that's not enough, then stay off Facebook.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by trond

Even though she ended it, she still makes alot of effort to keep me on a string, bah!

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Part of the reason why she still contacts you is because of her own guilt. She doesn't want to seem like a bad person for breaking up. Let her find her own way to deal with her guilt. That's part of her healing process. It's not your responsibility. Focus on your own healing process.

Ooooh, didn't know about the blocking function on Facebook! Thanks

And yeah, woke up this morning to my phone leaving me a message that I missed a call from her. (My house is in a valley sort of thing, so reception is pretty ) Just got another message about 10 minutes later that I have another missed call from her ><

How am I to heal if I am constantly getting this flicker or light from her calls and such. I told her that I'm not going to answer her calls/sms and to not call me, as this doesn't help me in any way. Bah


Update on the calls, 3 now, but all are going straight to voice mail as my reception keeps cutting in and out... and she just sent me a message on Facebook saying 'you're on Facebook but your phone is off'... I'm assuming she saw me post on a mate's wall

On a different note, it's been raining here in Australia (land of the sun >.>) for like a week straight, mood killer!

The drastic measure is to change your phone number.

But it's all about will power. When you see her calling, ignore it. Go do something else with your time instead of spending it dwelling on her.

Here's another tip. Change her display name to something like: "Do not pick up".

The more she calls, but the more you resist, the easier it will get.

Well I royally screwed up. I picked up and broke the no contact rule 3 days in. Sigh

She told me that she AGAIN wanted to fly here next week, but then when I didn't react the way she planned she kind of stepped back and told me she was just thinking about it.

I told her that this limbo crap has to stop, and until she makes a decision to not contact me. She said 'that could be in 6 months', I'm like, well that's fine then, but I don't want to be just your friend, so you go sort your own life and I'll sort mine out.

But overall I am back to stage one, went against everything tahts on here and buckled, and answered the call. So angry at myself about it now!

Check out this line I wrote in this thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nc-425290.html

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ;

Symptoms of NC
[...]
After breaking the rules a number of times, we finally realize that there's no more hope because the other person appears to have moved on. Then we go back into NC, promising ourselves that we will respect the rules this time.

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It happens. You break the rules a few times and then eventually, you'll have enough and really stick to them. You've taken a big step in your progress. You've realized that breaking NC rules is like going I circles. It doesn't lead you anywhere. So it's time to get out of the circle move your life in a different direction.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by I wish

Check out this line I wrote in this thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nc-425290.html



It happens. You break the rules a few times and then eventually, you'll have enough and really stick to them. You've taken a big step in your progress. You've realized that breaking NC rules is like going i circles. It doesn't lead you anywhere. So it's time to get out of the circle move your life in a different direction.

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Hey I Wish, well I've kind of been stupid in that regard, she wanted to come here to see me or whatever the coming Wed, but didn't end up wanting to. So we had a chat tonight (hopefully my last one for a long time) and I told her to please not contact me, as this is very hard for me and I need time to heal/get over it. She pretty said that I hated her...

I told her it was quite the opposite, but that I needed space. She got hers previously, I respected her wishes, so now she has to respect mine. It was weird, I didn't know what to say, I already told her everything, how I felt, what I was willing to do to be with her (continue my studies at a Uni near her place, which didn't really bother me, since the uni there is very good, and I would get credited for all my subjects) but that wasn't enough. So I just kind of ended it... Goodbye "name" and then I think she said something but I had already started to put the phone down and hung up.

Well I'm back to the start, in pain and missing her like crazy, but I honestly think this is for the best, and I need to try get over it.

Why is love so hard =/

It makes me mad to read this because to me, it doesn't even seem like she knows what she wants! You guys were not in the same page, you want a serious relationship, she is confused! Bahh She wanted to keep you there but not get back with you? She sounds like what I used to do! When I was dating around..!
Now I am into serious relationships! People get older and mature, she's probably young and didn't want to move so fast.
Don't waste your time with her... In fact I bet that if you ignore her calls, she might start calling you all of a sudden just to see how you are! Maybe not! I don't know her, but one thing is for sure, SHE ended the relationship. You can't keep waiting for her nice cute face to come around! You will meet someone better. [Because of people like her, guys like you turn into bad boyfriends :( I've seen it happen! ]

There will be more break ups, but each time you will get stronger. Every time you will meet someone better than the last person, until you finally meet someone that will be in the same page as you are in. And the relationship will be more successful. Because... sometimes it's not about love, it's about being in the same page. Moving at the same pace... sad but true, get where I'm going?

I hope this was helpful... take care!! ;)

Awesome advice Maki =D thanks.

Yeh well she kind of pushed this relationship hard from the start, she was the one that initiated everything pretty much, she said I love you first, she came up with the broken heart necklace thing (2 halves to a heart) and she came up with the idea of promise rings, so yeah. She seems to want to keep going out, but AFTER she finished uni in 6 months, but keep me as a friend, and keep me interested throughout the 6 months until she works out what to do with her career, but honestly I have more pride then that, even though I love this girl.

The funny thing is, I was a committophobe before this relationship, my longest relationship was 3 months, and I wasn't really invested in it.

Was funny the previous time she called, she asked if I still had my promise ring on (because she wasn't going to take it off (... wut! )) and I told her no, because obviously it meant something different then it did to her, and I was ACTUALLY committed to this relationship 110%. Guess we weren't on the same page.

Funny how things change. Rawr.

Instead of sulking at home, went out and hung out with a few of my mates at their place, they are a great pick me up. And the best thing about getting home is reading the advice on here =D always puts me in a better mood.

Of course I wanted this to be the fairytale, where I meet the love of my life, get married, raise a family and live happily ever after, like my grandparents. It's funny when you start a relationship how you always think how much better you are then other couples that break up, and you never think it will happen to... Ha ><

So, as a start I'd also really kill 2 birds with one stone. Try and get over 2 addictions at the same time. I'm going to quit smoking and get back to the shape I was back when I me her, as I got quite complacent toward the end. Who knows, that may have been the reason for the break up, in which case I'm quite glad that it ended so soon.

Time to get healthy! Omw to Uni to do exam, thank got or iPhones and being able to get a pick me up siting a bus ;) love this site!

Sorry about the triple post, but wanted to ask one more quick questin before over to Uni. Fom what/how I've described, going full NC and telling her not to contact me is a good option? Since in all honesty o have no real idea what's going on, what the future holds, I'm just doing the bes I can day by day

YES QUIT SMOKING!!

Keep doing no contact!

It will let you heal and it will let her come to a decision.

If she doesn't want you again don't worry. I know there are pleanty of great girls here in australia, you just need to look.

Getting into shape is not only good for your health but for yourself esteem.

You'll find the girl for you. She could be right in front of you waiting for you to notice her.

Yeh, I started smoking properly after I got together with her, as bad as it sounds it was something to do when I was on the phone to her that reminded me (in my mind) sitting right next to her. But it developed into a full blown addiction.

So while being with her, I did lose a lot of muscle (didnt really gain much fat) since I stopped working out, and started smoking... so overall not the greatest lifestyle change >< but knowing what I know now, I'd be a lot different in thinking about myself as well in the relationship, all I did was do everything for her. Argh

Sigh trying to study for exam sucks! DISTRACTIONS!

You don't need to tell her that you're doing NC. Telling her would be breaking the rules.

Think about it, what if she insists to keep in touch? Then you feel the need to explain yourself, so then there goes another back and forth. If you tell her, and then cut her off immediately, then you're going to feel guilty for not explaining yourself.

Now think about it this way, if you cut contact and completely block her out. She might try to continue to find you, but she will eventually get the hint. She will eventually realize that you're not interested in communicating with her.

But if you even respond once, even to explain yourself, she will have renewed hope that you might still be willing to keep in touch.

Explaining yourself is a way of opening and can of worms and drags out the healing process. I strongly suggest that you steer clear of that train of thought.

Anyway, you should have your hands full trying to quit smoking and getting back ot the gym. So focus your energy on that.

Yeh, I told her to not contact me. If I see 'Don't pick up' calling me, ignore! We have a lot of mutual friends so I'm pretty sure she'll try, and as a last resort actually fly here, if it gets to that. But I'm not looking to break NC anytime soon, still in a lot of pain, feel like my feelings are just being toyed around with, back and forth, and I was just pushed aside when it got tough...

But right now with your help, I'm feeling MUCH better. Apart from not smoking/gym and study I still have free time, and this is where I spend it atm, unless I got hang out with mates. Gets me through each day!

2 weeks until I'm done with this semester of uni (Civil Engineering, maths maths maths maths and more maths. YAY!) and then its time to go see my mate in another city who I helped through his break up (thats WHY he is in another city) and check out the night life with him!

Hang in there. You have a lot on your shoulders right now. Leave her alone completely, that will lighten the load a bit.

Leaving her alone is easy, it's keeping my mind off her that's the hard part. Since it was long distance, in a sense it is good that I don't have to see her at work/uni/around mutual friends.

Not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, even though I love her, after the last few weeks I have WAY too much pride to even consider picking up the phone to dial her!

And sigh, I've been bad, or good I don't know.

So she called me 4 times last night and smsed twice, seems she has finally made up her mind. Now she has told me that the reason that she kept keeping me in limbo was because she was scared I wouldn't take her back since she said she made out with 2 guys during the split. >.>

Now its going to be hard for me to get over this, but I can. I've read over countless threads of you guys saying that whatever happens during the break/break up is not to be talked about. I was going to go that route, but she told me, and I guess I was upset.

Anyway, what really scares me, is that she wants to get back together... etc, but gets angry at me when I try to bring it up, and when I try bring up my feelings, she kind of counters it with hers... and how SHE has been feeling... whatever.

I want to make this work, but whenever I bring anything up, as soon as she gets angry, she says something like "I'm not sure if this was a good idea/we can do it" etc... and I usually answer, well I'm willing to fight for it, and you don't seem to want to, so maybe, then she changes her tune and becomes all lovey dovey... etc.

To me it seems like she sees it as doing ME a favor by taking me back... but honestly, its been hard for me not to think of US as a couple, so I've been asked for my number, gone out with mates and been hit on, but just wasn't interested, its just hard that this is the way she acts when I accept to give it another go.

Interesting how this will go... but she doesn't have money to fly here atm, and neither do I, but I have exams... etc coming up so that's not going to happen for me.

(There isn't really a question in there... but just needed to vent a little)

Day 3 of no smoking though =D

Let it go guy, as you are hardly the first to fall in love with someone who needed your help as a friend. When she got through that hard time she was just ready to enjoy herself, but was still healing.

You mistook her gratitude for love because that's what you wanted, so its really up to you to cope with your situation, and put your life back together without her in it.

You will have to deal with all the emotions that this situation has stirred up and get beyond it. You may have been inexperienced before, but you will learn, as we all have that this will pass, and you will rebuild a life that you enjoy without her, and that proper healing takes time.

No reason you can't enjoy it while you heal, that is up to you, but if you want time to seem to move faster, then have fun. Its hardly the end of the world.