Hey everyone,
This is my first post, I've been reading a lot of stuff here about other stuff and found it useful.
Anyway, so last night my girlfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me and the sad thing is her prom was the night before and we had a blast together. I have no idea what to do like we have taken breaks during our relationship before but nothing like this. She has deleted me from BBM(blackberry messenger) won't answer any texts her phone is always off when I try to call her parents hate me now so I can't call the house she also went as far as blocking me on Facebook. The words she said before all this happened was that we would always be bestest of friends, so much for that. I think I'm most scared of her going out clubbing or something and having sex with another guy or something that's all I can think about. I haven't slept the last 2 nights. PLEASE HELP I Don't KNOW WHAT TO DO.

Sorry for your loss, but recognize that your in shock right now over this, and you're a jangle of emotional mess.

Right now you need friends and family who are close to you, that can get you through your shock.

Can you give us more details, and information of this relationship, and what you think lead up to the break up? Sounds like your high school sweetheart has been planning this for a while. That's why your in shock, because you probably never saw this coming.

Sorry this has happened, but there is really nothing you can do but leave her alone. It will take time and support from friends and family.
Did you two have an argument about something? Some of this could be leaving HS/going away to school anxiety. Would you two be going to different schools?

Jeeze, that REALLY sucks. :(
And you have no idea why this came about?

Talaniman,
Her and I have been going out since I was grade 10 her grade 9. uhm she came to me 2 weeks ago or so and said we are becoming different people and she thinks I was smothering her. I said ill back off we can work something out, so we hang out only a few times within those 2 weeks when normally I would have seen her about 90% of it. I kind of knew something was up and wanted to fix it but for it to happen like this isn't right and that's why I'm hurt. I don't want to lose a close friend, I even said id rather keep you a best friend then lose you all together. My friends and family are helping me as well I haven't stayed in the house, I try to keep going or I just break down. What else would you like to know about our relationship?

Homegirl,
No we didn't have an argument although she got really upset at my parents for some reason and now her parents hate mine and me. You she is going to university and I'm second year college. But both in the same city. We never went to the same school through out our relationship (which in my opinion is why it lasted as long as it didn't we didn't get tired of eachother). I don't want to text her anything because I will never get a response and that will break me.

What did she mean by saying that you were smothering her? And you really have no idea why she hates your parents and such?

ohsohappy,
She said we have been together throughout her high school life and she never got to be single. She wants to go clubbing with her girlfriends (but we all know what happens there) so I always went with her. My parents loved her and her parents loved me. She told her mom that she thought my parents never really liked her and felt uncomfortable around them yet she never mentioned this to so I had no idea.

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Originally Posted by prowaker

ohsohappy,
she said we have been together throughout her highschool life and she never got to be single. she wants to go clubbing with her girlfriends (but we all know what happens there) so i always went with her. my parents loved her and her parents loved me. she told her mom that she thought my parents never really liked her and felt uncomfortable around them yet she never mentioned this to so i had no idea.

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This must be very hard for you. But I can also understand where she is coming from.
I for one know sever people who go to clubs and go back home alone (I personally never go) As far as you guys not talking right now, it's probably for the best. You both need time ti heal, and believe it or not, this might be very hard for her too. Four years of feelings don't evaporate overnight. I think she needs to sort herself out. You need to do the same. Focus on you, even though it's very hard for you to not think about her.

its just weird not waking up to a text saying morning or something or a text in the middle of the day. I've been reading a lot about the NC but its not my thing I like to have a lot of communication. But I'm going to try it anyway. I haven't sent her a message in a while. And that's what I said to hear how do you not love me after 4 years and just end it like this (about 2 weeks ago with the smothering) I said deep down I know you love me still. But she will not admit it. Last night when we talked for about 2 seconds she said your going to make this very hard for the both of us if we keep talking, she said I don't want to talk to you because I know you love me. And I'm not going to tell her I don't because I know I do. But she is not willing to admit she still does as well. I have been trying to focus on myself keeping busy. My family and friends are all keeping really close to me because they all knew how long this relationship has been and how close we were. But there's random times when I think about what she's doing or something and I just break down.

Well I know it is hard but you need to leave her alone. She needs space and it sounds like you never gave her much even when you were together.
This break up is about her, her getting the space and time she needs, she does not need you trying to talk her into admitting anything.
She may just want to be free, and that is her right.

Do the no contact, and understand she has been think of how and when to end this for a long time and she finally got the courage to tell you.

Leave her alone for a solid month, so your shock can wear off, from the suddenness of the break up, and the emotional dust can settle, and you can think clearly, because now your too emotional to rationalize anything logical. Nor understand HER feelings, because of the intensity YOUR feelings.

I'd say she's been unhappy for quite a long time, and it was really hard for her to break up with you.

Problem is that there is nothing you can do to change her mind. You need to accept that the relationship is over. Let her go and move on with your life.

I understand about the moving on part but I still want to be her friend and everything not ignored and blocked from all contact.

And eventually you may have that after a proper healing. What you can't give it the time it takes? Obviously that's what she needs (and so do you), so what's your hurry to force something she , or you, may not be ready for yet? Or is it the hope she will change her mind? Be honest.

Honestly,
I want to be friends with her she has been a big part of my life we went through so much stuff together. I'm scared she will go out and just hook up with other guys. I'm not expecting her to change her mind I know that's out of the question at this time.

So how would you feel if your friend dated another, and had no time for you?

It would hurt like hell wouldn't it? That is why forcing a friendship to keep someone in your life would be a bad idea, and cause you more misery, and pain than you are in now.

I think friendship with out the proper recovery will stop you from being a good friend as its extremely difficult to go from romance to just friends without healing the wounds and hurts, so you can make the adjustments to good friends.

You cannot force the process without making things much more miserable for your own mental, and emotional health, as true friends will be friends, without seeing each other every day, and no matter what they do with their own individual lives.

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I'm scared she will go out and just hook up with other guys.

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Don't let your emotions, especially your fear, make you impulsive and force something neither of you may be ready for.

The hard part about our relationship as well is that we were never friends to begin with we kind of just started dating and went a long with it. But that's all I think about is her going out and hooking up with guys. Like its just in the back of my head I can't shake it off. But I see your point like if she started dating and had no time for her friend.

I have a situation on my hands, so I just realized she has my camera still from her prom. I kind of want it back. I don't want to go to her house because I'm scared her mom or dad will shoot me. I want to kind of meet up with her alone (if she's up for it).

One last note, I have really no idea what I have done to her to make her want to end all contact as sudden as this and block me from Facebook and such. I have done everything for her and treated her the best. Do you think it was an impulse from her parents/friends to do this?


Do you think it would be all right if I gave her a call in the next few days about my camera?

Or ask a friend to get it for you. That's probably the best route, as she doesn't really want to see you, because I suspect she is suffering through this also.

I really don't see her suffering. If she was don't you think that she wouldn't of blocked me from everything and would have wanted to stay friends?


Sorry if I'm asking a lot of questions I never really went through this before. I never felt this way about another girl. All the other little breaks that we took throughout our relationship we have always gotten back together but she said the night this happened that there is no chance.

You may not see her suffering but going No Contact with you would be the advice for her to get through this break up.

That's exactly why we have told your to do the same. Have NC with her. That's to heal, and recover.

About that camera, let a good friend do it for you.

You ill do that. But yet another situation I need help over coming. So the weekend is coming up. Do you think she would go out intentionally to hurt me or hook up with other guys?

Hey prowaker, I have just replied to you on my other post but thought I'd have an attempt at answering your above question.

The feelings I have for my boyfriend are so strong, and the break-up so raw, that the thought of even looking at another guy right now makes me feel a bit sick. Seriously, I could not handle it. And I know my boyfriend is the type to be sitting there worrying the same thing as you, so my answer to him would be "stop being so silly! You know me so well right? You know I would never do that!!"

But obviously I don't know your girlfriend, and I don't know what she will do to try and make herself feel better, but at the end of the day as hard as it is it's her decision what she does now and you unfortunately can't do much about it. By trying to find out about it and worrying about it, you are only causing more pain for yourself, not for her. It is so much easier said than done, but not knowing in this case might be the best solution. Not even TRYING to know or find out, or pay attention to what she's doing. Because like I said, it would probably be only you that's getting hurt.

And her going out and rebounding might be what's right for her at the moment, who knows.. but again, she has made it clear it's her business. At the end of the day, if she really would have the heart to go out and hook up with another guy, wouldn't that perhaps make you feel more happy that it's over and glad you're not wrapped up with someone who could make you feel like that anymore? And who could have such little disregard for you that she'd go and do that at the drop of a hat? Just an idea.

I really feel your pain though, tonight will be so hard, I can empathise with you as I know that it's like to be alone after all of this and after being so attached to someone. We spoke on the phone for about 2 hours every night for 2 years, and now it's all gone. It is complete and utter crap. Sorry if I haven't done much good here but I hope you know that there is someone else out here (me) who might just be feeling as rubbish as you are.

Good luck

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Originally Posted by eveamee09

But obviously I don't know your girlfriend, and I don't know what she will do to try and make herself feel better, but at the end of the day as hard as it is it's her decision what she does now and you unfortunately can't do much about it. By trying to find out about it and worrying about it, you are only causing more pain for yourself, not for her. It is so much easier said than done, but not knowing in this case might be the best solution. Not even TRYING to know or find out, or pay attention to what she's doing. Because like I said, it would probably be only you that's getting hurt.

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Its so very true.
The past few nights I've just been wondering what she has been doing trying to get to her Facebook profile wondering what's going on in her life. We have talked on the phone every night same as you for almost 4 years, so not hearing from her for even a day is like heartbreaking. We took a break about 7-8 months ago which we both agreed on and it was very healthy for us both. Although, she did go out clubbing behind my back and hooked up with another guy (nothing serious just kissed). I found out after the weekend had ended a friend of mine told me. And I went to her and freaked and then I let her explain herself and she said she regretted everything that happened. But this time she said it is over FOR SURE between us and there is absolutely no chance of us getting back together. So I feel that she will be going behind my back and stuff. I trust her and don't see her being the type of girl to find another guy anytime soon though. Which I'm glad for.

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so I feel that she will be going behind my back and stuff. I trust her and don't see her being the type of girl to find another guy anytime soon though. Which I'm glad for.

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She has a right to, as its not a matter of trust any more, because its no longer your business, right? If she did, and not saying she will, how would that be breaking your trust since she has said no way for you?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

She has a right to, as its not a matter of trust any more, because its no longer your business, right? If she did, and not saying she will, how would that be breaking your trust since she has said no way for you??

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You make me think so deeply into this...

Good.

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Originally Posted by prowaker

its so very true.
the past few nights ive just been wondering what she has been doing trying to get to her facebook profile wondering whats going on in her life. we have talked on the phone every night same as you for almost 4 years, so not hearing from her for even a day is like heartbreaking. we took a break about 7-8 months ago which we both agreed on and it was very healthy for us both. although, she did go out clubbing behind my back and hooked up with another guy (nothing serious just kissed). i found out after the weekend had ended a friend of mine told me. and i went to her and freaked and then i let her explain herself and she said she regretted everything that happened. but this time she said it is over FOR SURE between us and there is absolutely no chance of us getting back together. so i feel that she will be going behind my back and stuff. i trust her and dont see her being the type of girl to find another guy anytime soon though. which im glad for.

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Hi prowaker,

I know, it's painful isn't it, I've been doing the same with my boyfriend, trying to see what he's up to via Facebook etc.. But there's nothing really on there. It is hard for me because I think what he's really doing is sitting alone in his flat and doing nothing except feeling low all day, and part of me almost WISHES that he would just get up and go out with his friends and try hard to distract himself. Because knowing he's in pain is almost as hard as feeling the pain that I'm going through. So in a way, the fact that your girlfriend isn't sitting around miserable and complicating her life even more (like mine has said he's not going to do his University exams this week or even go to his big boxing match he's planned), in a way isn't it a slight comfort knowing that she's okay? It's painful because she's okay and you're not, but as you care about her lots at least you know she's not suffering really really badly.

You say that she's kissed somebody else before whilst you both were on a break. I am sorry to say this, but don't you think that's quite a strong hint that even then she felt like things between you both weren't working? I think you need to believe her when she says this time it's "for sure". Because to me it seems clear that she doesn't want this relationship anymore, and if she did decide to come back to you, it might only be out of boredom/sympathy/curiosity... not the true love that you feel. And do you really want that? If she does suddenly have a change of heart, wouldn't you know deep down that it's due to her current life events, not her true feelings for you? And again, would you really want that?

I think it's easier to try to help other people than go through it yourself, because obviously what you're going through is so much more complicated and deep than can really be expressed. And it hurts so much, it's good that you're trying to keep yourself busy... I find though that people (family and friends) only want to hear about it for a certain amount of time and then they're like "okay, stop going on about it now!!" which is frustrating and makes me feel worse, but it's understandable really. That's why this site is so good because you can say as much as you want and not feel bad about it.

I hope you're getting through the day okay and had a reasonable sleep. These are the sorts of things I want to say to my boyfriend, but I'll say them to you instead! Good luck for the day

Hey,

You its hard knowing she's not suffering one bit. My best friend is in a few of her classes and he said she looks fine and doing well. I wish I could be. I'm sorry to say it but I did call her last night, I held in the tears and just tried to have a good conversation and clear some of the things up in the air. It worked, I told her that I understand she doesn't want a relationship with me but I still wanted to be friends. I didn't want to become one of those couples who say they will still be friends but in reality they just kick one or the other out of their lives. I agreed not talk/text everyday maybe like once a week just catch up kind of thing. She explained what happened and why she did it so sudden (mainly because of her and my parents which is a very long and confusing story) which kind of sucks but you are 100% right why would I want to go back into a relationship where I would love but wouldn't be loved. About that kiss that happened a while ago she did admit to regretting everything even the part going out that night so I took it as she really did love me and she messed up (was that the right move?).

I appreciate all your help, it helps to know what's going on on t he other side of things. I for one never have been the dumper so I have no idea what kind of feelings she is going through.

Hey prowaker, I'm glad you seem to be feeling a little bit better and understand things slightly better. If you really are content with being just friends and you don't feel this will be too painful for you, then why not. You might feel in time though that it is too painful and that's fine too... then you can make decisions based on that.

You say she appears not to be suffering one bit. Well, on the outside, it may appear to some people around me when I go out and about that I'm not suffering one bit, as I try to put on a really brave face and pretend everything is okay. A lot of people don't even know what's happened. But inside I feel crushed and deal with my emotions when I am on my own, or on here. So, it is actually quite possible that she is very upset too but is trying not to show it, as let's face it, after 4 years with somebody she'd be a bit of a robot if she wasn't hurt by all this!

I hope things get better for you slowly. I really feel for you and hope that seeing her happy will one day make you feel happier too. Do you still find you cry a lot and feel down a lot too? That for me just doesn't seem to be able to go away!

Best of luck

Sorry I haven't replied or updated in a bit I've been trying to keep busy. I would be happy with just being friends and I think I would be able to be content about it. We have a solid relationship as friends at this point I think anyway. Yah I can see me being in pain when that time does come where she finds another guy or something. But on the other side of things if I do find another girl she might have the same feelings as me so its something her and I will have to overcome.

Yah that's true I didn't think about her when she's on her own. I know she tries to be busy as well, she told me she's getting her summer job set up and has a lot of stuff to do and said she will probably be with her friends/family on the weekend (which in my head was sort of a relief). I know I try to pull through when I'm with friends/family or at work. Some people didn't even know until the asked me how her prom was. I was like uhh we broke up the day after.

I try to hold in the tears because I don't want my parents to see because then ill have to explain to my mom she caused this break up and she's the reason why I can't see her, at this point I think I would break down hard if I had that talk with her and she would to. I don't want to cause any more fighting between her my parents and her parents. But I feel down pretty much 75% of the day. I was at work yesterday and all I could think about was her and how I used to get 'have a good shift' text or in the last hour like 'one more hour baby' but that's gone and same with the calls at night. Everything reminds me of the times we shared and how great we were. Some of the things I own that I can't get rid of due to being used she bought me and when I pull them out its like oh mann.

When I did talk to her a few days ago, just because I had to, she helped me. She said we would be friends but she needed space and time. She says we can't really talk or see each other because she feels that I still have feelings for her (which I do but I don't want to tell her I do). Every time I get a text or call from a friend I hope its her. Although, she did add me back on Facebook and bbm. I've been trying my best not to go to her profile and id say I've been pretty good about it.

I'm just taking it day by day and waiting see what's around the corner.

This sounds almost identical to my situation, a sudden break-up. It really sucks big time!
One thing I have learned over the past few days was that being friends just makes it worse, I stupidly text her charged with raw, feeling crap emotion, and regret it now because it just made me look desperate.
I would hope to get her back, but I recommed just deleting her number and every means of communication, because getting a short text after you ask how are you and try to start a conversation is just too heartbreaking. And I'm sure you look for signs that she still loves you and wants you but don't find any?
Stop looking, and maybe out of the blue one day you will get a really nice surprise! Or maybe not but you will have moved on at least.
But I get you man, it's tough, just got to push through and not contact her or she will always take up your mind with thoughts of her. I mean right now, I can't think of one other girl I fancy and would like to be with. But hopefully that will change.

I'm not texting her with any raw emotions or anything I just like to talk you know. We know each other so well and we have gone through so many things together. Honestly, I'm not really looking for any signs that she still loves me but wants to talk to me. I just don't want to cut all communication because I'm afraid of losing her as a friend as well, if you know what I mean? And yah I know what you mean I can't stand not being with her right now and I can't see myself dating anyone else at the moment. It sucks.

I know its none of my business but I need help getting over this. What if she does go out clubbing and starts hooking up with guys? I don't know what to do. I know we aren't going out anymore but I really care about her and don't want to see her turn into that kind of person. I still have feelings for her and I know she doesn't have any for me and she can do whatever she wants. Somebody help if they have been in that situation.

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Originally Posted by prowaker

i know its none of my business but i need help getting over this. what if she does go out clubbing and starts hooking up with guys? i dont know what to do. i know we arent going out anymore but i really care about her and dont want to see her turn into that kind of person. i still have feelings for her and i know she doesnt have any for me and she can do whatever she wants. somebody help if they have been in that situation.

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You need to focus on yourself and not her, concentrate on other things, the gym, friends, hobbies etc. Right now you are not doing that. Look at it logically, worrying about it will not make a bit of difference to what will happen between you, it will only tear you up inside. Focus on you and you only. Over time it will get easier and you will look back and think what the hell was wrong with me to think that she was the only girl in the world for me.

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Originally Posted by Tired10

You need to focus on yourself and not her, concentrate on other things, the gym, friends, hobbies etc. Right now you are not doing that. Look at it logically, worrying about it will not make a bit of difference to what will happen between you, it will only tear you up inside. Focus on you and you only. Over time it will get easier and you will look back and think what the hell was wrong with me to think that she was the only girl in the world for me.

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I'm trying trust me. But being with someone for 4 years of your life and helping each other through things other people couldn't makes a huge impact on your life. I'm doing everything for myself, going to the gym, hanging out with friends doing my thing. But no matter what I end up thinking about what she's up to and if she's going out or something. It makes me nervous. It is tearing me up inside and I'm not scared to admit that. I know there are many other girls out there but its just like we were meant for each other right now, I miss her, I really do.

Hey prowaker, just going back to what you replied to me earlier, I just want to say that you sound like you're keeping really strong and managing to get through this so well - I would love to have one ounce of your strength! I am the same as you - my boyfriend bought me a beautiful and quite expensive bracelet for my 18th that I normally wear every day and every time I look at it it makes me feel so sad.

And with regards to the clubbing thing - my gosh I know how you must feel. I have this complete and utter fear that he will start talking to this girl again who he liked just before me, and who tried to contact him at intervals during our relationship, and that that will start up again. It makes me feel sick to imagine him with anyone else. I suppose it must help to know that you were obviously SO special to her, otherwise she wouldn't have been with you for 4 years, so really even if she did meet someone else, her feelings for you would probably overtake any feelings for some random guy in a club and it wouldn't really mean anything. But like the others said, it's not like it's really your business anymore, and in a few months if she does meet someone else that's when it might be best to break contact as seeing her with someone could tear you up even more. At the end of the day nothing anyone says on here can take away those feelings - you're totally entitled to those feelings - but like everyone keeps saying, over time you will gradually stop feeling such strong nerves, and WANT her to meet someone so she will be happy.

So we have to hold on to the hope that one day this will get better! One day we will feel sad 1% of the day, not & 75% or more! We will get through this! Still the best of luck to you : )

I bought her a nice ring as well for our second year anniversary or christmas. She wore it everyday well at least she told me she did. I also got her a 'pandora' bracelet which is like a charm bracelet and I would say I got her 80% of them and she never takes that off. (and these weren't cheap) and I know she still wears it so I'm guessing she is feeling the same as you but I don't want to assume.

You it makes me sick to think of her with someone else. I was actually sick one night because that's what I dreamt about and I was like oh my god! I hope that I meant something to her to be with her for 4 years. I know its none of my business but 4 years is long I REALLY REALLY care about her. I don't want to break contact I want her as a friend...

I think its getting worse.. today I couldn't get my mind off her and I cried all day..

This is going to take time, but you need to stop thinking about her going out with other people. It will happen, she has moved on.

Stop thinking about wanting her as a friend. Your feelings are raw and you would never be satisfied with that. You still want her back. Continue with NC. There is no justification for your calling her. You just want to talk to her and she has moved on.

I guess but I've seen so many couples say they will be friends but don't be. I don't want that..

I like to have a lot of communication though.

You want her back. That is what you want.

You can call her and try to be friends and you will be here posting about how she is ignoring you and how bad you're feeling.

Take the advice given to you. Take the time you need to heal. There may come a time you can talk to her without being so desperate, but the time is not now.