It is 6 in the morning and I woke up and cannot sleep, so I came here to share my story and maybe get feedback. I am a mess. Ash has impressed me and I hope I hear back from him as well. Forgive me, I am a little hung over.

We dated about a year, but only became serious about the last 6 months. He basically lived with me, had a key etc. We had problems and typical fighting. Every time he always seemed eager to work through it and always wanted to stay with me. Well, this time no. Wednesday of last week I was being stupid and needy, and complained that I didn't get enough affection. Blew it all out of proportion. Told him not to come over Thurs(the next night) cause I wanted to be alone. Thursday evening I got home from work and most of his stuff was gone. I immediately called him and asked why. He said he it was me that told him not to come, and he didn't know when he was coming back so he took a lot if his things. Then he said we should take a break for a few days until Monday(that just passed), and that maybe I need time away from him to realize he isn't so bad. I agreed to this even though I knew it would be hard for me.
The next night (Fri) I did well, I didn't contact him all day or evening, until I made the mistake of going on his Facebook (Its private but can still see his main pic) and it was a picture of him and a girl. I of course flipped out and called around midnight asking him is this picture about and told him to get the rest of his etc. He acted like I was crazy and said he would be glad to, and that he doesn't even know that girl and he liked the picture. Then said I am drama and he can't deal with it anymore. After we calmed down and talked on the phone for about an hour we went back to our original plan and agreed to wait until Monday before talking again and we would figure it out. He said we still needed a few days, and I said OK please don't come get your stuff until we decide what were going to do and talk, he said OK.

Now, fast forward. Gave him the time, didn't contact him all weekend. Monday finally comes, I am so excited and eager to talk to him. Been waiting all weekend. Text him in the afternoon, asking him to meet at my house and we can get a drink. No response. Text again a little later. No response. Call when I get off work. Nothing. Get home from work. Guess what, all his stuff is gone, Everything. Key on counter with a note saying "Here is your key back, Sorry it ended like this. I think you're a great person and I'll miss you, but I don't think we should get back together. Let me know if I forgot anything" Just like that. Done. He was gone. I tried calling A MILLION times after getting that note. Yes, I was in shock and hurt. He ignored all my calls. I begged him in a message to at least talk to me once. That he owed me at least a chance for us to talk as promised. I said everything I could and nothing, no response. I finally gave up and told him I would stop bothering him and that he broke my heart for ending it without even talking to me. Never heard a thing.

Then Tuesday comes(yesterday) I didn't contact him at all, was hoping to hear from him and thought maybe he just needed Monday to think. But no, never heard from him. I made the mistake of going out drinking last night and my dumb called him drunk sounding pathetic and asking for a ride and said if you give 2 s about me you will call, of course this was on his voice mail. Nothing, no response. Now I feel extra ty cause now he doesn't even care about my well being either and for all he knows I could have drove home drunk and crashed.
Now here I am wed morning. Lost, confused, hurt, angry, depressed. I understand the whole no contact thing. But my problem is, I never got to talk to him that one time I needed. I never got to get anything off my chest. I have absolutely no closure. I don't understand how after spending the night every night for several months, you can just vanish on someone and refuse to talk to them. It is not like I cheated or did something terrible to him. I never got to have my break up talk. I never got to talk to him like we planned and say any of my feelings. I feel so bottled up and he refuses to speak about anything with me. How can I move on when I feel like there is so much unfinished business? All I asked for was one conversation, and he won't do it. It's very bizarre.

Please help me to understand why someone would do this? Do you think he really just never wants to talk to me again?
Why would a breaker cut all contact, without even a single word or conversation? How could you do that do someone?
Do you think this sounds like someone who would contact me again?
And, how can I get through this when I feel like I never got my chance to talk to him about anything, he just disappeared? This is so hard.

I have so many memories of us in this house. Now out of the blue, my bed is empty and I sit here alone every night without any closure. It hurts so bad. One minute someone is with you every night, and then they are just gone without explanation. All I do is think of him.

If you made it this long, thanks for reading. Any help is appreciated.

I really feel your pain, I'm sorry you're going through this. I can understand that you want closure, who wouldn't? But the reality is, you don't always get closure.

Every relationship is a learning experience. You said you blew things of proportion and got needy and he said he can't handle your drama anymore. These are things you need to work on.

It's quite possible that he doesn't want to talk to you again, I know it's extremely hard but you really have to stop calling him... everytime you call him and leave him a needy message and he doesn't call you back, you're only making this all even more painful for yourself.

I know its hard to believe now, but trust me, things will get easier. Just think, they can only go up from here, right?

First things first, no more getting drunk to ease the pain. It doesn't do you any good in form or fashion. In fact, it makes things worse.

True 'closure' has to come from inside you. Many people have talked out relationships and their endings and still don't have what they consider 'closure'. 'Closure' is an accepting that the relationship is over. It is the understanding that there is no going back to what was that you have to move forward. Nothing he says or you tell him can bring that 'closure' to you. As I said, you have to find and recognize it in your own mind and heart.

You are going to go through a form of grief. Shock, anger, denial, and, finally someday, acceptance. I know it looks very dark right now, but keep the light that acceptance shines firmly ahead of you. It probably looks like a firefly in a stadium, but it is there.

Do yourself a big favor and go No Contact with this person. No phone calls, voice messages, text messages, Facebook, MySpace or any other form of communication you can think of including asking friends about him. Keep reading the stickies at the top of the Relationship Board. They hold some great advice.

Keep yourself busy. Mind and body. Some people find the gym to be a good outlet. Some people try cooking or baking. Try getting involved in new things with new people. Try not to allow yourself to push everyone away because you are upset. Allow yourself to mourn and heal. Someday, and it will take awhile, you will find yourself feeling better with him a distant memory.

We are here for you. You are nowhere near alone. Just keep adding on to this thread and you will get a lot of good advice.

Cat

Thank you for your input. I understand it all and it makes sense. I know closure comes from within, but I feel like if we could have talked at least once I would have a clear understanding of his feelings and be able to accept this better. The fact that he just vanished like a ghost with nothing but a short note, when we were planning to talk is hard for me to accept. What changed his mind? Why didn't he want to confront this with me instead of running away and ignoring me like I mean nothing? It makes me feel as small as ever. I just wanted the respect of at least a conversation. I dream of him and talking to him, and its consuming my life just thinking about having at least some final words. That's all I want and need. I will not contact him anymore, but do you feel given the circumstances that I will ever hear from him again? I really want to and feel I need to or I don't see any light for me.

To be honest, I think he planned it to go the way it did. I don't think he planned to talk anything out with you. Actually, I think he was out of the relationship in his own mind when he picked up the first batch of his stuff.

I think he took the coward's way out because the two of you were fighting instead of having discussions. Constant fighting isn't normal. Disagreements that are discussed and talked out are. Everyone has differences of opinions. It is how they resolve those differences that can determine the health of the relationship. I get the feeling that you two kept fighting and not resolving anything.

Will he ever get in touch again? I don't know. Should you accept any contact from him? I would say, 'no'. I think it would just cause you more pain.

I feel like I am in a nightmare and can't wake up, the thought of him never contacting me again is unbearable. I need some hope, I wonder if there is anyone out there that had someone break up with them, with no conversation and if they ever heard from their ex again? I'm in such a state of shock I cannot function. I want to know what he's thinking and feeling, I want my chance to talk and say what I want and I can't. He won't let me and I feel so hopeless. I can't handle this.

I made it through work, barely. Just sat in my car and cried on my lunch break. Am I normal? All I want is him to call me, just once. I can't handle the way he did this. I need to hear his voice one more time. If I don't, I don't see how I can't pick up and move on. I can't eat a thing. I am smoking like a chimney. All I see in this house is our memories. I lay at night thinking and dreaming of him. I dread getting up each morning and seeing him not in my bed like he used to be. I miss him so much. I am praying for some answers. I am praying he will reach out to me and give me the chance to talk with him. He wants nothing to do with it, not even one opportunity to speak. I am so miserable right now, I literally cry every few minutes. Anyone else going through this? Any other advice for me? Anyone have any words of hope? I am desperate for any replies and any words of wisdom. I have already received that and more from this site and the few people who have responded. But I still feel horrible, and desperate for as much advice and answers as possible. How can someone you have given so much time and loved you so much, leave without talking to you one time. Why is this so hard for me to understand?

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Originally Posted by Chris0107

a clear understanding of his feelings

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I'm sorry you're going through this. If you read your posts again, I think you will agree with me that he has expressed his feelings very clearly.

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The fact that he just vanished like a ghost with nothing but a short note, when we were planning to talk

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He left your life in stages. I don't think talking with you wouldn't have helped, in light of how you sounded in all the messages you left him. Would you have been mature and not needy and rational in a "last talk"?

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What changed his mind?

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Read this part again:
Everytime he always seemed eager to work through it and always wanted to stay with me. Well, this time no. Wednesday of last week I was being stupid and needy, and complained that I didn't get enough affection. Blew it all out of proportion. Told him not to come over Thurs(the next night) cause I wanted to be alone. Thursday evening I got home from work and most of his stuff was gone.
Now, please tell me what changed his mind.

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I will not contact him anymore

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I hope not. No Contact, as Cat has said, would be the best possible thing to do. Note how your ex is a master at it.

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do you feel given the circumstances that I will ever hear from him again?

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I hope not. If he starts to play mind games with you, you will never heal.

Honestly I think he got fed up with you, he knows how you handle things and he didn't want to deal with it so he left you a note. Do I think he's coming back? No. I don't think he will contact you either.

Now you can take this time to work on your insecurities your temper so that you will be emotionally healthy or you can wallow in this and nothing will change.
You can get past this if you choose to. This door has closed but there is another one along the way. Take this time to prepare yourself so you can walk through it as an emotionally healthy person.

I wish you well.

Hi Chris

I'm really sorry your going through all this pain and confusion , but what you have to understand is the way your feeling is quite normal.

Your in shock , denial and all the other things that come with a break-up and we all go through it.

I think he'd already thought of the break-up for some time , hence his being able to just seemingly walk away without any feelings , you see he's already conquered his emotional demons when he made the decision himself , and your just starting because it's all so fresh and you probably didn't see it coming.

So now that's he's gone , in his mind he would feel he has no responsibility to explain to you why , where or whatever. As Cat said he's probably taken the cowards way out and he feels if he has to have that "last talk" it will just be you trying to talk him out of it and as far as he's concerned he just doesn't want that drama.

You need to be honest with yourself here too , because you probably want that talk to change him around , and will stoop to anything to get that last chance , to convince him that it can work. And then when that doesn't work you'll probably want a 2nd talk , and it becomes never ending until you finally accept that it's not going to happen.

Unfortunately all you end up doing is making yourself look weaker and to him it justifies why he broke up with you.

So No Contact , as hard as it may seem right now , is the way to go. It hurts and there's no Magic wand to make the pain go away , but the longer it goes the less pain you will have as the days , weeks and months go by. By trying to contact him , looking at Facebook etc. just holds you back and makes the process longer.

We're all here for you and we'll listen to all your ranting to let it out , read the material on the forum and I guarantee you by this time next week you'll feel that little bit better , and the week after better again.

Sorry to rant on but hopefully my words helped you a little to understand how things work with breakups , because when your in the emotional state that your in at the moment it's very difficult to see.

Have you tried writing out what you wanted to say in a letter, but never sending it? That will help work through some of your feelings.

Chris,

First off, shut down your own Facebook for a while so you have no way of seeing his Facebook. Find ways to make it hard for yourself to contact him via any form of communication. Delete his number from your phone list, email address from your address list and find new and cute items to change your place around a bit. Buy a few fish (I bought two betta fish to help me cope with a break up and they worked wonders). Rearrange your place so that it'll feel and look different. Your goal here should be to change your place around as much as possible so that it'll won't remind you of him.

Secondly, break ups are extremely painful for everyone especially during the first few days of realizing that it is actually over. This will sound crazy but let reality hit you and cry, cry as much as your body will allow you to. Cry for as long as you need to. Just let all of your emotions out and once you're done crying, get out of your house and go for a walk. Do this every single day if you have to until you have no desire to cry anymore.

Many people think that it's always best to up and go and keep yourself busy so you don't think of the other person but I personally think that up and going so quickly actually hurts you more than help you. Take the time to mourn the death of the relationship, take the time to let yourself truly feel the pain--to know that it is real and that it won't go away until you learn to face it head on. Take the time to soak in the memories, smile at the good times, cry at the bad times and laugh at the funny times. Take the time to truly allow yourself to enjoy the memories of your relationship.

Allowing yourself to experience the emotions and memories immediately after the break up gives you the opportunity to rid yourself of the pain as quickly as possible so that when you do move on, you don't get pulled back into the past in a negative way.

Like what others said above, please go NC. Speaking with him and wanting "one last talk" will hurt you more than help you. You may not see it now but some things are better left unsaid, unknown, and kept a secret.

Now,

Are you located in the states? If so, you can ALWAYS message me at night when all of your friends and family are asleep and you have no one to turn to and need an immediate talk or vent session. I am currently located in Seoul, South Korea and am on the computer all day since I'll be at work so I will be available to email/message/chat with you to help make your nights go by faster. This is simply an offer since I myself have gone through a break up just recently. My own wounds are just as fresh as yours and I know how hard and long the night can be. No pressure but if you need someone to talk to, message me.

Good luck and keep your head up. There's always a rainbow after the rain.

Thank you Strength. I can't really rearrange my house, I have only lived here about 7 months and it's kind of small. Everything is kind of in place, but I do appreciate the suggestion. I will probably take you up on your offer to talk soon. I am tired tonight and will try to get some sleep for now. Hopefully I don't dream about him again.

I appreciate everyone's feed back. I think it really is helping already, though I am still a mess. Forgive me if I sound like a broken record, but I guess I am still in my huge denial phase and don't want to believe it because everyone on here seems to think he will not contact me. I don't understand? I mean, I thought the guide said ex's almost always circle back, or make some kind of contact once you to the NC. They eventually reach out. But everyone is telling me he probably will not call me. Is my situation really unique? I guess I am just upset because I was hoping to hear "oh yes I am sure he will call soon" or "probably will hear from him" But everyone instead is saying "no I don't think so" or "I doubt it". Why is this? Please bear with me with all the petty questions, I just am having a hard time accepting that answer at this time. Won't he feel uncomfortable leaving the relationship this way? He must think about it? I can't imagine someone could do this and not have it bother them. I really wonder if he misses me at all or cares.

I understand a "last talk" may or may not do me any good. But for some reason I feel like it's making my wounds deeper without that. Like I never got to say what I wanted but he did in a way. It makes me crazy knowing he left without a word. I feel like after all my time and effort with him and opening my home and my heart, he deserves to give me that. I know I wasn't perfect but I am still human and a good person. Again, sorry for repeating myself with some of this stuff.

I am dying inside. Regretting that night one week ago today. Wishing I had just went to bed and shut my mouth. We had such a great time that night prior too. I can't undo it. I just wish he would reach out to me in some way. I will be strong with NC. I am not ready to let him go though. I don't know how to be strong when I feel so betrayed and tricked by him. Leading me to believe we were going on a break for just a couple days, and sneak in here to get everything and poof gone. I can't get over it. He seemed to care sooo much for me. How can someone's feelings change that quick?

Sorry I am rambling. I may do this for a while. I hope I am not annoying.

Now off to bed, alone.

I understand that emotions are running high and that personal contact with another individual can be comforting, however, site rules discourage off-board contact. The site tries to keep everything in the threads so that those getting help by reading other people's stories can see the progression of the story.

Chris, something has been bothering me from your first post. Do you have a Facebook account?

Cat yes, but I deactivated it yesterday hoping in some way that will help me, what was bothering you about my post? Also, what does everyone think about those books on winning back your ex? Do they ever work? I dreamt of him again last night, its torture. Does anyone think he will ever contact me ever again? If not I want to understand why and how that is possible for him to do? I wonder if he thinks of me?? I want so badly for him to reach out to me.

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Originally Posted by Chris0107

Cat yes, but I deactivated it yesterday hoping in some way that will help me, what was bothering you about my post? Also, what does everyone think about those books on winning back your ex? Do they ever work? I dreamt of him again last night, its torture. Does anyone think he will ever contact me ever again? If not I want to understand why and how that is possible for him to do?? I wonder if he thinks of me??? I want so badly for him to reach out to me.

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You said that he had his Facebook set to Private, but that you could see the main picture. What bothered me was that if all you could see was the main picture then you aren't/weren't on his list of Friends. I am wondering if the Wed. argument was a bit closer to the truth about how much attention he was giving you and if the picture isn't as innocent as he was attempting to portray.

I really think he has been wiggling his way out of the relationship for longer than one week. He may have been spending a good bit of time with you over the past six months, but how was the relationship over the past few days/weeks before the last split? Look at it as an outsider looking in instead of one of the participants.

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Originally Posted by Chris0107

Cat yes, but I deactivated it yesterday hoping in some way that will help me, what was bothering you about my post? Also, what does everyone think about those books on winning back your ex? Do they ever work? I dreamt of him again last night, its torture. Does anyone think he will ever contact me ever again? If not I want to understand why and how that is possible for him to do?? I wonder if he thinks of me??? I want so badly for him to reach out to me.

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I don't think you can win someone back who does not want to be with you.
You said you guys argued quite a bit anyway so things were not that great to begin with.
I don't think he will come back and I think he left you long before he moved out.

Cat

Wed argurment was the I was not getting enough affection. He didn't hold me or cuddle me enough etc. I didn't see that picture until 2 days later. I was not on his friends list on Facebook, because he said it's less problems that way. He is a very social guy with tons of friends, male and female.

Homegirl, Yes we fought,sometimes. We had issues. Some me some him. I have a problem letting things go and I am a sensitive person. I don't think he was out of the relationship for a while, because he always acted like he wanted to be with me and always wanted to be around me. He would always tell me how much he wanted to be with me etc. All up until very recent (This incident). This is why I am so confused. To care so much, and then vanish. I can't process it.

I am not even saying I need him to be with me or come back to me, though I would love that. The only thing I wish is to have a conversation so I don't feel hung out to dry. He left in a very cruel way, which seems so different from his usual traits with me.

I wish I knew if he missed me or even cared. I wonder if he thinks about this, or if it's really just nothing to him anymore. I guess I just wish I had more answers.

Yeah, he left in a cowardly way, he may have left when you brought up the picture because maybe he was seeing that girl.

You may never know, but you need to let this go otherwise you will not move forward.

A lot of people don't get closure , so trying to hang on for it is pointless and a complete waste of energy. I know it's hard , we all want answers , unfortunately that's not how it works. He's made his choice , and remember you don't leave someone you love , and whether it's right or wrong he has no obligation to give you closure.

Let it go and you'll get over this a lot quicker.

Chris,

Let me answer your questions for you.
He walked out on you the way he did because he did not want to face you and have to explain himself. He did not want to see you cry and try to hold him back. He did not want to admit that he is no longer in love with you to you. He didn't want to deal with you and your “issues.” That is why he left the way he did.
Now, he's ignoring your calls because he owes you nothing—no explanation, no talk, no apology—NOTHING. You and he both did not sign a contract about needing to have a “last talk” before you two part ways. Yes, you two agreed to one last talk but it is a free country and he is a grown man with the ability to change his mind as he pleases. HE CHANGED HIS MIND. What can you do about it? You can do NOTHING to change his mind about having a last talk.

HOWEVER, what you can do and probably refuse to do these days because you're so caught up in the emotions is MOVE ON. You have the freedom to move on but you have to find your want and your strength to actually move on. You are in the mourning stage right now so take the time to mourn and cry all you have to but make sure that once all tears have been cried and wiped away, you pull yourself together and keep on treading along in life. No one said it will be an easy process but I can guarantee you that we will all tell you that you WILL and CAN get through it.
Also, please try your best to not ask yourself all these questions that will do unanswered. You are only hurting YOU, not us and especially not him. By you wondering and pondering about all of these questions is driving you mentally insane and emotionally destroyed. So what if he ignores your calls, it's his loss. So what if he didn't give you an explanation—that says something about his character, not yours. So what if he is no longer in your life—be happy that you and he at least had time together.

Now answer my questions.
What was the best thing he ever done for you?
What was the worst thing he ever did to you?
Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?
Do you really want to be with someone that left you behind without bothering to turn back around to make sure that you're okay?
Do you really want to be with a guy who walked out on you without an explanation?
Do you really want to be with a guy who couldn't give you the truth regarding whatever issues you two had?

Now, what if you spent all of your time crying over him and for him and wishing, wanting and thinking you need him that you let a guy who is as amazing as your ex if not better walk past you?
Think about it, some women go fishing for fishes in the sea while others go fishing for a merman. Which one to do YOU want? A fish that can swim away as quickly as you caught it or a merman that will stay for long as it took you to find it?

Again, best of luck to you--keep your head up. There is always a rainbow after the rain.

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Originally Posted by Strength89

Chris,

Let me answer your questions for you.
He walked out on you the way he did because he did not want to face you and have to explain himself. He did not want to see you cry and try to hold him back. He did not want to admit that he is no longer in love with you to you. He didn’t want to deal with you and your “issues.” That is why he left the way he did.
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Thanks for your post but I have to address this one thing. I really know that him falling out of love with me was not why he left. Maybe it was other issues and the fighting we did, but I know he still had strong feelings for me up until that dreadful night. He always made it clear he wanted to be in the relationship prior to this.

I appreciate all your advice, everyone's I really do. I will have the desire for him to contact me forever I think. Even when I am over him, if ever. He was so different, I feel like I will never meet anyone like him again. He was so fun, always made me laugh. Most guys out there are so DULL. Its hard for me to fall in love to begin with. Now I feel like I never will again, at least not like this.

I know he took the chicken sh*t way out of this, but I am still in shock that he left like that and always will be. Yes I agree he probably didn't want to face me, but to carry on like this for so long without speaking to me is just mean, cruel and I will never get it. Everyone can explain it to me a million times, but the reason is I know him and how close we were despite our problems. For him to hang me out to dry this way I will never process. I went from being with him EVERYDAY, to absolutely nothing. So, the shock of it is here to stay for a while.

On the NC thing, I have not contacted him at all. Does the longer you go no contact with someone, mean the less likely they will call. Won't they start to forget you? Again, why doesn't my situation qualify for a circle back possibly? Is it cause of the way he left, does that make it seem less likely?

I know I sound pathetic and I am right now. Writing on this site makes me feel better.

Chris,

Only you know the truth situation here. All we can give you are words of comfort and wisdom based on what you've shared with us. If you feel it in your heart that there is a chance he'll come back then be patience with him but also remember that there is always a chance that he won't.

However you're feeling, allow yourself to feel them. I know it's easier said than done when you are told by others to let it go. I know it's tough and mind blowing to have to make sense of their actions. It's painful, man, it is very painful and you have every right to be confused, hurt, and angry. HOWEVER, I'd love for you to push yourself a little bit harder to let him go mentally and emotionally.

I don't know if longer NC will make them forget you or come back. I can't answer that, every one is different, every situation is different, every emotions, love, pain, whatever is different. I cannot answer that question for you and neither can others. All we can do is be here for you and wait it out with you. Time will give you the answer to give yourself time and give time, time itself.

You are doing a good job not contacting him, keep it up for a bit longer until you know for sure that you can contact him without feeling any type of pain if he ignores your call or picks up.

You feel emptiness because you are going through withdrawal. That little hole that you feel in your heart will eat you up and spit you out if you don't push yourself to fill it with something worth while and useful.

Keep posting or PM me of you'd like. I'd be in my office all day except for a few times when I have to step out but keep posting, I'm here to help. =)

Rainbow after the rain, sunshine after the storm--life's bitter but there are always sweet people out there to help you out.

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Originally Posted by Chris0107

On the NC thing, I have not contacted him at all. Does the longer you go no contact with someone, mean the less likely they will call. Wont they start to forget you?

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When you do NC it makes the dumper more curious as to why you don't , so if there's a chance that he'll come back that's the best thing to do. He already knows how you feel , and the more you try to contact him the further he will pull away.

But NC isn't to hold out for that , NC is to get you on the path to healing and moving on.

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Originally Posted by Chris0107

I know I sound pathetic and I am right now. Writing on this site makes me feel better.

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Don't sweat it , read some of the other material on here and you'll see a virtual world of lost loves and broken hearts , so vent and be angry that's fine , your no different to a lot of people on here.

Just remember when we tell you something it's from experience , not just personal experience but also from all the stories we see on here and they all generally work out the same way.

You can't see that now , but you will once the emotional dust settles and decide your sick of feeling like cr*p and wasting your energy over someone who doesn't seem to feel the same.

Thanks Strength and thanks friend4u, and anyone else who replied to my hopeless posts. It helps a lot. It's funny how I found this site, I googled "my ex left me and wont talk to me" and somehow brought me here.

I wish I knew what he was doing and I wish he cared enough to see how I was doing. I hate being home now. This is where we spent most of our time together. Every morning I am reminded he is gone when I see that lonely abandoned space next to me. That space that I used to kiss long goodbyes to each morning, in now filled with nothing.

I know everyone is here to help, I appreciate all the replies. Especially those who have responded more than once with so much helpful info.

I think I feel in my heart I won't hear from him again. I figure he has went this long (been a week now since we actually talked on the phone together) and it's been 4 days since he got his things. And nothing from him what so ever. Nothing at all. Usually if someone has any doubts about the split, or they are missing someone or care how they are doing, they will reach out in some way. He has not, and I don't want to admit it but I feel inside like he never will. It kills me. I wonder if he ever gets urges to call? Or if he truly just stopped caring for me just like that. I am wracking my brain. I have nothing to go on, except pure speculation and yes it's driving me crazy.

I am isolating myself from friends. I feel depressed and don't feel like explaining this to them. I would rather sulk around alone for now and be miserable. I tried going out a couple times, and though people say it makes you feel better it did the opposite for me. Every time I went out with a friend I still just thought about him the whole time, wishing I was with him instead of them. Thinking how much fun him and I would be having if he was there, then just wanting to go home. I am really in a pathetic stage right now. I want my answers so bad. I want him so bad.

God help me. :-(

Have you read the stickies at the top of the forum chris??

If not please do , they will give you some helpful insight.

Yes I did, very informative, that's why I am doing no contact. I'm still a miserable wreck. Last night I had a dream we were back together and holding hands, and he was being so sweet. Then I woke up to return to my living night mare. I want nothing more then to let this go, but he is in my head 24 7, and nothing I try is helping yet. Still hoping and praying for a miracle. I think I need therapy.

That kind of dream, even though its hurtful, is normal.
Don't dwell on them,find other things to think about.

You need to get active,and be around people so
Don't sit at home alone and miserable.

You will get over this,with time and patience as we all have,at one point or another.

Thanks amicon. It's Friday now. The weekend is here, this is when we would have our best times. Now I get to sit through it without him. Not looking forward to it. I just long for him like nothing I have ever wanted more in this world. I wish he would contact me, still wishing for that. I know NC is supposed to be for me, but at this point I still desperately wish for him to call so I can at least have my chance to say what I want. I know it's a fantasy and won't happen. He will probably have a grand old time this weekend and not even think twice that my heart is shattered into a million pieces.

I feel like a zombie, I can't eat. I can't socialize. I feel empty inside and feel nothing can help that except him.

I think the hardest contact to give up during NC is your own thoughts and memories. However, keeping them firmly in mind is a way to hold on to the relationship.

Start coming up with lists of things that you can do to distract yourself. Not what you are doing right now, but what you can do. Make a list of things you've always wanted to try, but haven't taken the time. Find something to occupy you besides memories and thoughts.

If you have any hobbies you have let slide, get them out again. Start with some small change in what you are doing so that you can build up to bigger changes.

You may not feel like you can move the furniture around, but you can reorganize your cabinets. Change out your bedding. Get a different scent of candles, soap, etc. Play different music. Anything however small can make a difference in how you feel.

Don't think about never seeing him again or not getting closure, etc. Think about making yourself a stronger person so that you don't feel insecure in a relationship.

This guy who I am not really that attracted to asked me to go out tonight. I have been out with him before in the past, but I don't know if it's going to help me, or if I will just compare my ex to him all night and get even more depressed. Do you guys think I should go? He also asked if I wanted to go to this one place, and it's somewhere my ex took me sometimes. Should I avoid going to somewhere that would trigger memories? I am still suck a wreck, but I am hoping maybe this guy can distract me one night, even though I don't like him? What do you guys think, go or no go?

Don't use the guy, if you don't like him and don't want to go out with him, tell him no.
You can tell him you are going through a rough time and are not in the mood but thanks for asking.

Threads merged and edited


Well guys it's been a little while and I need advice. I was hurting for so long, crying my eyes out, begging God to let him contact me. 0see my precious posts) Tonight guess what happened. 2 weeks later, I received 2 text messages from him. They read "Is your mind clear yet?" I did not say anything, I was in shock. Then the second one was 6 minutes later and it read "Just needed to say I'm sorry, Hope your doing well, I mean that". And that was it. I did not write back.

I never responded cause I don't know what to say, plus I read you shouldn't respond.

What do you guys think this means? Why is he writing me this? And should I contact him or shouldn't I? Should I let this go? I still miss him, but not sure if I should ever respond after all that has happened.

I don't think anyone can tell you exactly what he's thinking, but there are some possibilities.

* He may be wanting to keep in touch with you by a thread just in case he doesn't find someone else.

* He may be feeling really guilty about the way the relationship ended and just needed to apologize.

* He may have been drinking and was just "drunk" talking.

He wasn't telling you how much he loves you or begging you to take him back or anything, so you need to continue with NC.

Sorry, but I feel like the relationship is totally over.

Keep ignoring it and him. DO NOT READ any more texts from him. Stay NC.

It doesn't matter what his thought process was in contacting you. What matters is that it sets back your healing process. The NC clock just got reset to when you last read the messages. I hope you have deleted them and him along with them.

I know the urge to contact him back is strong. Don't give in. It will only make you hurt more and settle nothing.

Good luck.

Well you got your circle back contact, and its good you have not replied, nor should you consider it.

I know you are still very hurt, but if you remember the cowardly way he ended things, maybe you will accept its over, and use that to close this chapter of your life.

He is only relieving his own guilt at this point, and he ain't coming back.

Guys, this is very confusing. I took your advice and completely ignored the 2 text messages from last night. Please see my posts above to see what he said. Now, almost a whole 24 hours later, he just texted me and said "nevermind" and that is it. What the heck does that mean? Why is he saying never mind? Can someone help me figure this out? And don't worry, I did not respond to it.

Being cryptic, is a way to piqué ones curiosity, and draw attention to themselves. Ignore it.

Ok missed call tonight at 12:06 AM! What the heck?? Why is he doing this?? I ignored.


Oh and no message.

Your goal is to get enough emotional clarity to not be confused, and distressed. That's why you ignore him totally.

By now you are seeing the confusion you have by a missed call, or a text. Is that really rational?

He is trying to get you to come to him, not to give you what he wants, but to get what he wants. He thinks by wearing you down, you will respond. If you keep the NC, he will get the hint, eventually, and you will keep your dignity, and self respect for yourself.

Then you can have a chance at the emotional clarity, and end your confusion.

Connect the dots after the break up, when you wanted to talk, he disappeared on you, and we see the hurt that caused, so why would you talk to him now after that kind of treatment?

Its important to let him stew in his own juice now, so he can see you won't be treated any old way, without paying a very big price.