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Threads merged
Soo, I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year now and in the last couple of days I just haven't felt anything when kissing her.
This is odd because before I always felt this positive fuzzy feeling and now I'm worried that maybe I won't ever feel it anymore.
Please help!
(PS: I'm 18 and she's 19 for reference)
Relax, the lust is wearing off, and you have to find other areas of connection, or its not love.
Totally agree with Talaniman here. After a year the same old things can get boring. You must find other more exciting ways to entertain your thoughts with her and show your affection to her. Wost thing is it would be much better for you if she did this however find something that makes the both of you fuzzy.
Goodluck man. Don't forget, if you are fearing losing that connection then there is a real connection there to lose. So try a little harder.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larken85
Unfortunately, this is where relationships fail. People get too comfortable and stop being new and exciting and partners seek affection elsewhere (cheating).
Its good that you realise this now so if you truly care about her you will, like tal and lark said, have to find other connections between the two of you. This is about the point when you start learning about each other. The good and the bad. Good luck!
Threads merged
So she dumped me cause she has a crush on someone she met on a Religious activity about 2 weeks ago.
I love her, but I don't really want her back.
So, initiate NC and what else?
Initiate and stick to it. If you don't want her back than move on with your life and do what you want to do!
Sorry about your breakup,go
NC and start moving on.
Read the stickies at the top of the relationship page for lots of good advice.
Couldn't help but drug myself up to be able to sleep and keep the emotional pain at bay.
This is not healthy but I don't know what to do...
NC just isn't enough.
Please help me.
Patience
With time, things will get easier.
One reason why you are suffering is because you are rushing the healing process. You can't expect to recover overnight. Find ways to distract yourself so that you don't dwell on the break up.
Don't push so much pressure on yourself. Ease up. Do some positive things for yourself. Go to the gym. Hang out with friends. Volunteer.
Patience.
Pressuring myself always worked thus far...
But still... isn't there any way to help cope with pain?
Seems like any minute where I'm alone with my thoughts, the pain surges and stays until a distraction comes up.
Being distracted is all well and good, but I can't be distracted at all times of the day.
I failed at NC because I absolutely had to know something...
Why am I so weak?
Dude, take it from me.. The guy who's gone insane for a month trying to figure questions like that out. You're only weak because it's fresh and you lost someone you've been around a lot for a little while. You get stronger, my man..Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
You've got to give yourself some time and some props for at least challenging yourself to NC. NC is often broken multiple times before it's fully initiated. It has a lot to do with our curiosity and the question "why" ,and sometimes because we need to feel like we've tried everything and it takes a good beat down of rejections to accept it once and for all(doesn't seem it in this case though).
You said yourself you don't really want her back, so I'm assuming you're just missing the company. Go hang out with some friends and some new people, it should help a lot when it comes to the alone feeling. Again, no one likes the alone feeling.. it's most people's weakness as well so it's not just you. People are just naturally social creatures..
You'll be OK, bud.. Just go shoot some hoops, play some games, and mingle with humans.. Keep busy and before you know it you'll be out dating and meeting that special girl once again..
Just a question for you guys.
How can you motivate yourselves to finding another significant other if despite all your best effort to be the best boyfriend you could be, you'll still end up with a broken heart?
I honestly can say that I'm quite afraid of dying alone now... I can't see myself trying to be the best boyfriend I can be to another girl if deep down I know I'll probably end up heartbroken anyway.
Maybe it's just best to follow the examples of many of my friends and have meaningless relationships where they keep on cheating and disrespecting their girls? At the end of the day, they might be happier than me.
I don't want to do it but at the same time, I don't think I could fathom putting in the dedication for another girl when I know the most likely thing to happen is for her to find someone better or realise that I'm just not enough.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
I am like this too, always wanting to find out the truth no matter what, however, I learned that sometimes it doesn't matter anymore. This is my 4th Day of doing NC with the girl who dumped me (and I intend for it to stay for forever), after a futile attempt at friendship. I tell myself it just does not matter anymore.
Maybe you're trying too hard and she doesn't. Don't give your heart to someone else if they are not giving their to you.Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
Take your time and try to get to know the girl and don't fall in love so quickly. From Talaniman "Too much, too fast, crash and burn".Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
You lost your confident and faith in relationship because you was cheated on and it's still fresh. It takes time to heal from the wound.
I suggest you go NC and try to heal from the breakup and reassess. Don't try to find another girlfriend just yet because you will end up getting hurt again because your mind is not clear.
I wasn't cheated on.Quote:
Originally Posted by hungtoronto
She fell in love with someone else, somehow I actually believe her when she says she didn't cheat on me.
If she dump you for someone just meeting him for 2 weeks, she's never that much into you in the first place. It was lust but wasn't love.Quote:
Originally Posted by JK191
Like I suggest, in the future, take your time and go slow and try to get to know the girl before you invest too much into because you'll get hurt if she doesn't love you in return.
You are still in denial and make excuse for her. She cheated emotionally.
That's where I'm not entirely certain.Quote:
Originally Posted by hungtoronto
She could've kept seeing me while getting to know the new guy better and when she was certain make the switch. That would've been emotional cheating in my book.
But maybe I really am making excuses, I don't know...
You may be down now, but its not forever. As you heal, and rebuild a life that you enjoy, your confidence will return and you will be willing to take risks in the future.
It just hard while the wounds are still fresh, and raw, but in time, it gets better.
How much time though?
You're the same age as me. You've got your whole life ahead of you and a butt load of girls who you haven't even given a chance yet. Take a chill pill for a few weeks, stay away from her. Then you can look at what to do next.
I actually felt much better once I got into my head that she wasn't the girlfriend I want (or deserve).
Basically, in what I would call the "perfect" girlfriend, my ex didn't fit into the mold.
This just makes me somewhat happy for the experience and that I can look for someone closer to perfection in my eyes now.
You will NEVER find perfection. Don't con yourself into thinking that way. Go out and meet new people, girls and guys. Stay occupied by hanging out with friends, enjoying a new hobby, going to the gym.
Don't go for the whole "meaningless relationship". It doesn't sound like you and trying to fit in that mold will be detrimental to your already fragile emotional well-being. I've done the whole one-night stand/meaningless sex thing... it's definitely not as fulfilling as you think. There are host of other worries that type of lifestyle brings on and from personal experience, worries that I wouldn't want to have to deal with anymore. Plus, you will not meet the quality women you are looking for this way.
Stick with NC and do your own thing. Don't try to follow and fit into someone else's mold or frame. Be you! Someone will come along and see that and things will be better.
One more piece of advice, do not turn down any social invitations.
Been sticking to full no contact since Saturday now. It kind of hurts like hell though.
Still can't shake off the feeling that I may never find another girl though. I'm just too shy to approach a random girl on the street without feeling like a creep.
I think you stop worrying about the future and concentrate on healing,staying busy and moving on.
When you're ready for a new relationship,it will happen.
Till then,work on getting to know more people and make new friends.
Threads merged
Long story short:
-Relationship of almost a year
-Broke up with me because she fell for another guy
-Now starts trying to contact me and treating me exactly like when we were dating
As much as I try to keep to No contact I just can't upfront ignore someone that comes talking to me face to face as that would be extremely rude.
So... AMHD, what the hell do I do about this? Even if getting back together crosses my mind from time to time I doubt it would be good for me.
Tell her that you don't want to talk with her, and if that's too hard for you, just flat out avoid her & don't return her calls. It's not rude. It's self preservation. I know I had to do it, because my ex was doing the same thing.
You're right: getting back with her would not be good for you. She's probably treating you this way because she's used to the familiarity of it, not because she truly wants you back.
Cut contact & keep busy. You'll feel a lot better when you don't feel obligated to talk to her. Good luck!
Ignore texts, phone calls and emails and block them if you can. But be polite, but busy, and unavailable when you see them in public.
"Excuse me but I gotta go, nice to see you."
I told my ex that I never wanted her to call or text me again. It has worked so far... Haven't heard from her in almost 9 months.
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