Here's my story.. so unique and so similar to all sad love stories...
I was in relationship with a man who is younger than me.. I'm in my 40's and he's in his 30's. First 2 years we were just friends (with romantic feelings) and after that 4 years together.. until Monday.we fought a lot in past 3 or 4 months... almost about everything.. and he broke up 2times but we made up same day... and now it's final. He says he loves me but can't go on anymore, he doesn't see the point of continuing something it doesn't work.. he is miserable just as I am.. but he doesn't want to be with me anymore... and I'm devastated.. I don't know what to do. I just want the pain to stop and I think I'm not going to make it... I tried not to contact with him, but in wednsday we texted all afternoon... and he is determinant not to be with me... I sugested a pause... time out.. but he said -no point... he said his heart was bleeding too but that was the best for both of us.
Now it's Friday... I'm in NC again, day 2... and I... hope.. he will call... :(
.. and my question is... of course... will the pain ever stop? He was my everything.. and.. sad but true.. I've never been so deeply in love... in fact.. I never loved before him.

Its sad and of course painful,but that pattern of breaking up,then trying again-without resolving your issues is not healthy.

You really should go no contact proper.

You are prolonging your own suffering by staying in touch.

You need to allow yourself time to heal,and,yes,that will take time.

Be with friends and family,make plans for your day,your week and keep busy.

Read the stickies at the top of the relationship page for more advice.

Be patient with yourself and take care.

Of course the pain will stop.

Much as you don't like it, it's a natural part of grieving the loss of someone you love. It hurts when you accidentally burn or hit yourself doesn't it? But the pain eventually stops.

Try to see this experience like a terrible wound. It hurst like hell, but it will heal if you look after yourself.

It takes time and you've got to give it time. You will love again, even though it seems as if you never will.

I know you're in a tremendous amount of pain right now, but you just have to accept the fact that your relationship is over and start making the effort to move on.

Healing doesn't take place overnight. Sometimes it takes months, but I promise you that it will get easier everyday.

You've got to go full NC to get over him. Don't call him, accept any calls from him, text, see or e-mail him. It's the only way to heal.

The pain stop once you leave him alone, and heal properly, and start rebuilding your life without him in it.

I'm really sorry to hear about your break-up Heart_Line. I'm still in the healing process myself, but in my experience; yes, it does get easier. Like everyone has been saying, you really have to go NC, hard as it is. Spend as much time with friends and family as possible, and let them know that you need some support. Try to have something to look forward to everyday, even if it's just a small thing.

Check out the NC related threads in my signature so that you can do NC properly. You are torturing yourself by staying in contact.

It's very hard to breakup with someone you care about, it seemed the relationship was going downhill. You must of expected it. Time heals everything. You just have to keep yourself busy, as hard as it is. He told you he didn't think things would work, and it was best for the both of you. There is nothing you can do to change things, It is was it is, at this point. Sad but it happens to all of us. We learn from our mistakes and hopefully you don't carry them into the next relationship. Just say strong and if you have to vent, vent to us, don't call him or text him. It just makes it worse in the long run. Good luck.

All of us in this site had experience a heart break some like me once and others more then once, they were all in our shoes thinking that we can't move on and life has no reason without that person in our life. But life is to good to think your only happiness is to be with that person, we let our emotion control our judgement's and thoughts and that's what makes it hard for us to move on and heal. We tell our self that we can't face tomorrow without that person in our life. Initiating NO CONTACT in the beginning is going to be torture, but you need to establish self control so you can oven come the bumps in the road and eventually start seeing the sunlight in your life again. Like what they said, its not going to be overnight, its going to take time, in your case many months or even a year but know that each day gets easier and easier and the pain you feel eventually dies down and disappear. Be strong and know that its better to love and not have love at all.

Thank you all for your support... of course, hope dies last... so I spent last week hoping he would change his mind... and I broke nc again in Friday.. we talked almost an hour in relaxed maner.. with lot of laugh... and he wanted to see me.. so we did it in Saturday... and he hugged me and talk about what happened last week.. and he kept saying he missed me... even cried... but.. he didn't want to kiss me :(.. he said.. sorry... I can't go back.. sorry... and that was pretty much it.. . (except the part of me crying again and accusing him of being cruel and then apologizing and leaving and then coming back again and all over again... )
So... after 3 hours of wich last one and a half was pretty ugly... I yelled at him to go away.. he tried to kiss me in hair but I pulled back... and that was it.
He won't change his mind. And I don't want to think he will.
I'm calm now... (I think I cried all my tears when I was with him in saturday) and I hope I will be calm.. forever :)
I packed all the stuff he gave me... deleted his number.. his email... changed the number of my cell (I started to use my old number again)... and I hope eventually my heart will heal.

Now you are doing all the right things.

You WILL heal,with time and patience.

Keep NC.

Take good care of yourself.

Hi heartline. Even though Im a lot less experienced in life as you, and you might think Im still a kid, Im in the same boat as you. (If you read my thread you'll understand). While I am not 100% over my ex or even close to it, I can say that it does get better. It has been almost 3 weeks since my ex asked for a "break." This might sound mean, but I'm happy that your ex didn't allow for a break, because this only leads to false hope. I wish my ex had to the guts to do what your ex did, and that's tell you straight up that its over. This allows you to start healing right away, while I have to wait to properly start healing. Even though I know its over and she isn't coming back, I know deep in my heart there is still hope that she will. You said it best, hope dies last. And even though I don't think of her all day like I use to, I know that when this break turns into a breakup, Im going to be back at square one. You are very lucky in a very unlucky situation. Breakups suck (this is the first true love I had also), but I know you will heal faster than me even though I got dumped before you did.

Yesterday I accidentally ran into him on the street.. I was... stunned. I tried to be cool... he asked me how am I... I said.. OK... and then he said some stupid thing like.. hey.. smile... you didn't see the devil... and I just turned and left.
..
Then I did something foolish... I texted him saying I was confused... he didn't text me back, of course. So I vent to his home and trow the book he gave me and wich I carried with me all the time until he broke up with me (love poetry, To my true love) in his front yard. No one saw me...
...
Oh, I'm so mad at myself... why can't I let go? Yes, I'm better now then a week ago.. but still... I wish I could simply forget everything about him :(

Give yourself time and stay no contact.

And don't go anywhere near his home in future.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by heart_line

yesterday I accidentaly ran into him on the street.. I was...stunned. i tried to be cool... he asked me how am i... i said.. ok... and then he said some stupid thing like.. hey.. smile... you didn't see the devil... and I just turned and left.
..
then i did something foolish... i texted him saying I was confused... he didn't text me back, of course. so I vent to his home and trow the book he gave me and wich I carried with me all the time until he broke up with me (love poetry, To my true love) in his front yard. no one saw me...
....
oh, I'm so mad at my self..... why can't I let go? yes, I'm better now then a week ago.. but still... I wish I could simply forget everything about him :(

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Don't beat yourself with it, everybody broke NC when they started up with it in the beginning. The cold hard truth is perhaps you will never forget about him but the key is to come to accept it and be in peace with it and be happy and move on. Stop breaking NC now, and stop texting him forever andy a just move on with your life. Do the things you love and time will pass you by and before you know it you ll be over him and meet someone new.

Best wishes.

Heart line you make the mistake of contacting him after you ran into him. We all have done it! But, your back to square one, again. Throwing the book on the lawn isn't going to accomplish anything he will just laugh, oh she still cares. You need to be independent, and not chase this man. He has made it clear it was over. If, and I say if, there is any chance of this man coming back to you, your going around it the wrong way. He thinks, oh she still cares. Maintain NC, let him miss you. The more you run after him, the more he will go further away. Work on yourself now, and keep busy. Good luck.

It hasn't been that long since the break up, and your wounds are still very fresh, and tender, of course you had a very emotional reaction. Who wouldn't.

I think you were just caught off guard, and reacted badly after, but not something to beat yourself up over, its done. You just have to get back on the path, and keep it moving on.

I'll try to move on. I know I have to. There's nothing else it could be done.
I 'm thinking... our exes have as much power over us as we give them.. I refuse to give him that much power anymore. I'm not mad at him... he broke up because of his.. sake... not because he wanted to hurt me... I'm still desperate about it.. but nothing will change and he will not come back... so I have to accept that. I still love him.. and part of me will love him forever... but it's time to wipe of my tears and move on. It's going to be tough, but I must and I can make it.
Thank you for all your support, it's... priceless.

Good thinking,I agree with you!

One day at the time.

And come here whenever you need to
Take care.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by heart_line

our exes have as much power over us as we give them.. i refuse to give him that much power anymore.

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I like your thinking, your attitude. Mindset is very important.

... and back to square one :(

I broke nc again... we texted all night... I didn't beg him to come back... just trying to understand.. but, really, why is that so important? It's over - no matter why...

OK.. I'm still not so strong as I wish. So, my heart can't accept what my head already knows. I know exactly what I have to do, but for some strange reason, I can't hold on to that.

Loss of dignity... another terrible consequence of being dumped.

I'm such a sorry mess...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by heart_line

...and back to square one :(

i broke nc again... we texted all night... i didn't beg him to come back... just trying to understand.. but, really, why is that so important? it's over - no matter why...

ok.. i'm still not so strong as i wish. so, my heart can't accept what my head already knows. i know exactly what i have to do, but for some strange reason, i can't hold on to that.

loss of dignity.... another terrible consequence of being dumped.

i'm such a sorry mess...

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Its okay, don't beat yourself up for it. Instead, take it as a lesson. Don't break NC!! It took me around 100 pages on this forum for people to telil me to stop breaking NC before I actually stood up and stuck to NC. Its only natural for humans to feel and you got to admit, you broke NC because deep down you still wanted him back. Try to control yourself! "If your hand is holding you down, cut it off". I don't mean it literally but some things you can do is, delete his number.

If you have it memorized. Cancel your cell phone service until you can control yourself or give it to someone you trust to hold on. Stop thinking about him!! Keep yourself very busy. Exercise! So when you have nothing to do at night you ll be too tired to contact him. I know you can do it. After all what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

Lesson learned I hope-it makes no difference whatever the reasons were-what matters now is that you regroup and find the strength to start moving on.

Breaking NC only slows down your healing process.

This is the only song I want to listen :)

Don't be so hard on yourself. It's been what, a week-and-a-half? Of course you're still going to suffer from the fallout. Try to keep NC though. You might miss him, but remind yourself that the pain is exponentially worse if you contact him.

That's the lesson I've learned. More contact - more pain. Less contact - less pain. Even if I think it would be better if I saw him or contact him(and that's the reason I broke nc several times) it's not true. And I find myself thinking - oh, no, I don't want to cause myself such a hurt.. so I'm not tempted anymore to text him or call him. I want to heal.

We have a little saying here - "away from the eyes-away from the heart". And that makes sense.

Stay strong and keep busy,time is on your side.

Out of sight is out of mind-there's some truth in that.

It will get easier,day by day.

3 days nc... doing well... sort of.
I cried last night, and the night before... but it's a little bit easier. Deep deep deep down... maybe I'm still hoping... but hey,I'm only human :)... and I know there's no real chance, so I don't think anymore about it.

Its OK to cry-stay NC as I think you have realised that this does the confusion.

Once you have accepted that its truly over,the real healing begins.

Hey heart_line. I just realized that broken heart is like breaking a bone in your body, Its one of the must painful thing you can ever experience.
For your bone to heal you need to have a cast on it and you can't move it for months depending on the injury maybe a year. For a few days you feel that pain when you sleep and when you wake up, and months comes by, you feel it but not as bad as the beginning, then 8 months comes along and you start feeling better, then a year comes along and your bone is now better and stronger then ever before. The reason for that is because, you let your injury healed the proper way.
You will always feel the pain as long as you stay in contact with that man. The more you hope the more you prolong your healing. Put a cast around your heart and don't let anyone touch it until you are completely healed. No one can take good care of you but yourself. Love from someone else comes and Go but the love for yourself will never die.
YOUR BEST YEARS IS NOT YESTERDAY, BUT YOUR BEST YEARS IS TO COME!!

I'm a little bit afraid of what's going to happen when I see him... and we are living in a small town, I will see him, probably, soon or a later.. I don't know how to behave.. I don't know what my reaction would be.. right now I feel like I'm in some kind of bubble, and I'm protected as long I stay nc.. but, what if he break nc (I doubt it... but maybe he would want to know if I'm doing ok)? What if we meet accidentally? Maybe it will start again for me.. all the pain and suffering and silly hope... I'm still not over... it's just two weeks since he broke up, and about 4, 5 days since I last saw him...

... oh, I'm so confused...

NC means you have no contact whatsoever with him,so delete/block his number/numbers-email FB etc.

Should you bump in to him,polite but very busy and keep walking.

Don't let him stop you from going about your business.

I deleted his number, blocked his email and fb... I deactivated my fb account about a year ago... now I just reactivated it to block him, so I could not be tempted to see what's happening in his life... and deactivated it again.. until I heal.. or for ever.
He hasn't deleted my number... I guess. So he can text me... but OK, I'll think about it if that happens.
I hope I will be strong enough to be polite and busy when (if) I bump in to him...

Ask your mobile phone network provider if they can block texts from his number.
Some have that service available.

If you can't block his number,delete without reading!


Stay strong and once you are past that first seeing him around town,you will realise that that was just a bump in the road.

Why is everything so hard?
I tried to do all by the book, and I'm constantly breaking all and ruining all my progress... and, omg, I'm so smart and I know everything what other should do.. but for myself.. I'm so stupid.

I'm so ashame to admit again... when everybody here is telling me to stay nc... that I'm not listening...
Last night I initiated contact again... and it ended, of course, very bad.. he said it's the best thing to not being in contact anymore and he wishes me luck... and hope I would forgive him some time.. and I said that the best thing would be if I've never met him in a first place and that ill never ever going to forgive him and that everything he told me was a lie.. and he said.. that's nothing more we can say...


So, my dear friends, THAT'S the bottom. How lower can I be?

... but in somestrange way... I feel kind of better... :( maybe...

Now remember what he said and don't contact him again.

This forum is FULL of people who do things the hard way, and have to go through the emotional fall out.

The good thing about NC is, you can always start over when you screw up, because its all about how you cope with your own feelings any way. Its never about the ex. That's what we focus on though, what they are doing.

Focus on what you do.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by heart_line

why is everything so hard?
i tried to do all by the book, and im constantly breaking all and ruining all my progress... and, omg, im so smart and i know everything what other should do.. but for myself.. im so stupid.

im so ashame to admit again... when everybody here is telling me to stay nc... that im not listening...
last night i initiated contact again... and it ended, of course, very bad.. he said it's the best thing to not being in contact anymore and he wishes me luck...and hope i would forgive him some time..and i said that the best thing would be if ive never met him in a first place and that ill never ever gonna forgive him and that everything he told me was a lie.. and he said.. that's nothing more we can say...


so, my dear friends, THAT'S the bottom. how lower can I be?

...but in somestrange way.... i feel kind of better...:( maybe...

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You honestly need some self control. You are an addict. So you have 2 options. To keep being an addict and to keep going lower than what you already have and become a stalker and a possesive jealous person, or detox and wait for the next person to come along. Sorry to be so rude but you need some good slap in the face to wake up!

Thank you all.

I'm awake. I'm alive. I'm stronger... and hopefully, I will be better person.
I'm not going to contact him anymore.

That's all. My life doesn't stop here.