Ask Me Help Desk - I want to save my relationship more than anything else in the world please help me...

I want to save my relationship more than anything else in the world please help me...

... um okay, I've never gone as far as to ask for the help from strangers... but I'm pretty despite to save this relationship.

I'm 19 years old. I've been going out with a girl for over 3 years... we met in high school and started dating when school let out... we went out for 2 years in high school and now we're going to different colleges.

We would be so happy to spend time together, we always had something to talk about (or we would just not talk and just stay on the phone <3) and we had a healthy sex life.

I can only visit her on holidays when she can come home or like once a month ( I don't have a lot of money to see her all the time) we used to talk on the phone for 4 hours a night and sometimes I would get on the computer to chat with her into the early hours of the morning. We had been planning to get married for about a year now... shes been way more enthusiastic than me but I'm happy don't get me wrong. I mean this is the girl that I want to spend my life with.

About 3 weeks ago everything got randomly weird... she told me she was feeling bad and didn't want to talk that night... so I told her I hope she would get better and good night. Then things got worse... she would only talk to me for like 5-30 minutes a night and then she started saying she needed space. She then said that I was boring and she didn't like me online.

I didn't sleep for 4 nights straight and have been a wreak. She goes back and forth saying that things are okay and then they are not. Then about a week ago she finally confessed she liked this guy on a game we play... some guy that lives really far away from us. I asked if she still liked me and she said yes. But she spends more time with him online then with me... I don't know how to compete with that... When I call her she gets angry and sometimes she is happy. We went on a date the other night and we had a great time and then she wanted to go home real quick because I think she wanted to be with him...

In fact the week before that (before I knew about him and her) I came all the way to see her and we had a good time and she came on to me hard and then said it didn't feel right... she did the same thing the other day so I don't know...

When ever I call her she sounds like she's having to do a task. Like she doesn't enjoy talking to me... and she hangs up on me abruptly now... she says she loves me when I say it(most of the time) and she still kisses me (sometimes or she'll avoid my kiss)

I don't know what to do... If I give her space I feel like she'll only talk to him and fall in love with him... but If I bug her all the time she'll just yell at me like usual...

I want to spend my life with this girl but I don't know what's going through her head... She has huge mood swings but nothing like this... the last thing that happened like this was a few months ago she said that I wasn't going anywhere in life and that she loved me but didn't want to be with me.

So I went to college to make something out of myself and she started dating me again... that was like in November and sense then everything was just like it was before... everything was a perfect love bliss.

so... I don't know if she's bored with our relationship because we can't discover anything or what... we were so happy and if anyone has any advice I would greatly appropriate it... I just want everything back to the way it was :( I am in so much pain... we've always been so happy I don't know what to do :( We wanted to get married this summer and she still brings up our honeymoon sometimes but she doesn't want to get married now... its like she has a split personality... we wanted to have kids we had even named and I've never been happier than I was with her...

I'm trying to get her to spend time with me at the park sometime this week because its spring break... :(

if you need any more details tell me... I don't know much about how this site works though... I've been crying for weeks please someone help me :<

She is more than likely telling you it's over. I'm sorry. High School

Romance sometimes doesn't last. She may feel she has outgrown
You.

If she is talking to a guy online who she doesn't know and whom she says she's attracted too, then she is not very smart.

Give her up! You have too. No Contact. I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you know we are here when you need us!:)

You two are young and started dating young. Perhaps being away from you she is growing out of the relationship.
This happens a lot when you go off to college and are exposed to more people and you begin to grow socially and emotionally.
Perhaps you two should take a break from each other. This may be and end to things or It may help.

Its just... my life has been like this longer than I remember, my future was planned around out wedding, our children, our home... its like some kind of nightmare.

The only constant thing in my life is going away... and I feel like its chaos theory... what I do right now is going to effect what happens...

I understand you are hurting-we have no magic wands here to help you getting back to where you were,but we can help you with advice when it comes to dealing with what is most likely heading for a breakup.

Her feelings are changing,she is young,as are you, and that,maybe sadly,is life.

You need to get some balance back in your life and get back to sleeping right.

Have you got friends and family to talk to?

Yeah... I've been talking to one of my friends... I haven't even told my best friend because I thought things would get better... I've been talking to my best man too... hes been getting over his relationship too...

Quote:

Originally Posted by hugostrange22

Its just...my life has been like this longer than I remember, my future was planned around out wedding, our children, our home...its like some kind of nightmare.

The only constant thing in my life is going away...and I feel like its chaos theory...what I do right now is going to effect what happens ...

It's not the end of the world. It may feel like it, but it isn't.

You have to think about more than just her! She doesn't have to be the one who dictates your life. Give it time! Who knows what the future holds? There is a big, beautiful, fasinating world out there.

Don't wallow in your misery, by watching and listening for her calls or texting. She may throw you a crumb every now and then, but you deserve more. Get out! Go running, go visit friends.
Don't let this girl drive you crazy! :)

"Don't wallow in your misery, by watching and listening for her calls or texting."

Lol you hit the nail on the head

Quote:

Originally Posted by hugostrange22

"Don't wallow in your misery, by watching and listening for her calls or texting."

lol you hit the nail on the head

Thanks Hugs. It's true don't be a victim and don't be weak! I have said this many times, women despise men who are weak.
They have no respect for a man who jumps at their beck and call.

It's true, I'm sorry to be so harsh but if she knows your waiting she knows she has a spare waiting around, just in case the online guy doesn't work out. Stop being weak! Get your life together!:confused:

I wrote her a really frank letter last week and she called me and said she knew she was being crazy and it would probaley pass... later she put him above me on her friends list. My heart felt like it would explode... she later put him way down again. But she kept posting hearts on his profile and crap... it just is so painful because it was unexpected... today was the day we were going to go talk to our paster about our wedding... this whole thing a few weeks ago was literly over night and that's why I'm having such a hard time...

Quote:

Originally Posted by hugostrange22

I wrote her a really frank letter last week and she called me and said she knew she was being crazy and it would probaley pass...later she put him above me on her friends list. my heart felt like it would explode...she later put him way down again. but she kept posting hearts on his profile and crap...it just is so painful cus it was unexpected...today was the day we were going to go talk to our paster about our wedding...this whole thing a few weeks ago was literly over night and thats why im having such a hard time...

I know it hurts. Just let some time pass and have no contact with her it may bring her to her If she truly cares and she knows you're not waiting around, if she loves you it may be bring her to her senses. TRY IT for a couple of days and if she calls don't answer or tell her you are sick of the games and when she's ready to grow up she can call you!:)

Thanks for talking to me, I'm really lonely and confused.

I hope she never finds this post... its so obvius that its about us

I'm guessing its midday where you are-so make a plan,go meet some friends,do something to take your mind off things.

Go to the gym,go for a run,these things will boost your mood.

Yeah. I'm about to play some video games soon... lol

Just everything I do... it just seems so depressing

Thanks for talking to me though :)

Whoa. I just realized this has 100 views almost.. lol

You got modern warfare 2 on 360? If so add me up, I'm going through some tough stuff right now too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RSmyth58

you got modern warfare 2 on 360? if so add me up, im going through some tough stuff right now too.

I have halo 3, I don't want to post my name in this fourm though, um how do u send private messages? Lol

I think a wedding is definitely out if the question. You are both students, too young (in my opinion) to get married and you're knee deep in drama.

You two have been dating a good while but it has been when you two were and are still young. I would venture to say she cares about you (you two have been together for a while) but she is also changing and it maybe hard to totally let go. Just as it is hard for you to let go. You are each other's comfort zone. Part of growing up means you have venture out of the comfort zone and move into the real adult world and that may be moving away from each other.
Don't put your focus on her. Spend time with your friends, get to know who you are apart from her.
I hope when you talk with your pastor he will tell you guys that you are not ready for marriage and need to take a step back from each other.

She called off talking to her... so yeah lol

Then you need to leave her alone and move on with your life. You are both young and have a lot of living to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Then you need to leave her alone and move on with your life. You are both young and have a lot of living to do.

Move on young man! You can do better!:)

There is someone else out there for you just as there is someone else out there for her.
I think you both are merely growing up and away from each other.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

There is someone else out there for you just as there is someone else out there for her.
I think you both are merely going up and away from each other.

Take the advice!:)

Call me stubborn... I've been hanging in there... but I haven't given up... a bond like I had just doesn't disappear... I'm going to wait this out even if it hurts me more in the long run...

I cried last night for hours... and I felt so good, I must be doing something right...

Just a small update... she showed me affection and said she still loved me when we were supposed to be only friends...

I'm scared that she only started this out of boredom and now she can't see reality from the internet... I'm still keeping in small contact with her every once in a while and I'm planning to visit a week and a half from now witch she is fine with...

Anyone have any comments? I'm going to bed soon, I'll check this later

Thanks guys :)

Oh... but she's still with him... and I'm hardly getting any attention (sorry the last post could be misleading)

I hope you start thinking with your brain soon instead of with your heart.

Its up to you how much longer you want to spend in this limbo,but a good move would be to start moving on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hugostrange22

oh...but shes still with him...and I'm hardly getting any attention (sorry the last post could be misleading)

Well that ought to tell you something!
The longer you hold on to this fantasy the longer you will hurt,
And until you are ready to let go there is nothing anyone can say
To help you.

You are completely ignoring the facts, as she has slowly been leaving you alone, and putting you in the friend zone, while getting with some one else.

Can I ask where has your dignity, and self respect gone, to accept this sort of treatment? You are holding on to a false hope that she will change her mind, and she might if this new guy doesn't work out.

Young man, its time to stop being stubborn, and look after you for a change, and tell your broken heart to shut the "F" up so your brain can kick in. You have enough facts to leave her alone, and start doing your thing, and stop waiting for her to take you back.

Happens to us all, as we go from high school, to the reality of the real adult world, so start acting, and thinking, like the adult you are, and not the high school kid you were.

We started talking a little more recently... she says sometimes it hurts to talk to me but we both still really want to be friends, is there anything wrong with that? How often do people stay friends after being engaged for a year knowing each other for 3 and a half? Lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by hugostrange22

We started talking a little more recently...she says sometimes it hurts to talk to me but we both still really wanna be friends, is there anything wrong with that? how often do people stay friends after being engaged for a year knowing each other for 3 and a half? lol

It would be difficult to remain just friends with someone you were so close too. It will only make it worse. Break free.. speak when you run into her.. but start rebuilding your life without... her:)

Stop letting her control what you want.

Her, basically...

You will only be able to be friends with her until you forget the romance.
Not sure why you would want to. Unless she was a long time pal.

And get over the fact she doesn't want a romantic, sexual or any other relationship with you, really.

She's letting you go slowly. That's how girls are. They want to stay pals.
She won't be your girlfriend.

Are you into that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

Stop letting her control what you want.

Her, basically...

You will only be able to be friends with her until you forget the romance.
Not sure why you would want to. Unless she was a long time pal.

And get over the fact she doesnt want a romantic, sexual or any other relationship with you, really.

Shes letting you go slowly. Thats how girls are. They wanna stay pals.
She wont be your gf.

Are you into that?

You can not go on thinking there is a future with this girl. There isn't! We cannot wave a magic wand and make her love you. Stop letting her lead you down the garden path. Stop wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself. You are too nice a guy for that. Make a clean break... Sorry that's it!:rolleyes:

Do you want to heal from the breakup?
Then NC is your best option.

Or do you want to spend another couple of months in limbo,feeding off the odd crumb or two of false hope you are being feed?

Then by all means,try friendship.. .

Yup, right now she is your end all...

Just past memories actually.

Nothing else that's important or to live for. Huh?

Silly.

Focus now on other stuff.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

Yup, right now she is your end all...

Just past memories actually.

Nothing else thats important or to live for. Huh?

Silly.

Focus now on other stuff.

You need to stop whining and stand up and walk away. She doesn't love you! It happens! Look at the world around and enjoy it. There are a millions of girls and I guarantee you this.. if you ever want to have a relationship you're going to have to grow up and stop being a weak, whining kid... Good luck.:)

Oh, yeah. One thing I forgot to tell you which can help you move on.

She doesnt want you. Shes moved on, Shes with someone else.

Didja get that?

Ouch, but after all, she's already slapped you. Mines just in text form.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanheart

Oh, yeah. One thing I forgot to tell you which can help you move on.

She doesnt want you. Shes moved on, Shes with someone else.

Didja get that?

Ouch, but after all, shes already slapped you. Mines just in text form.

Good.. somebody needs too. Use the wand Van!:eek:

Should you stay friends with her? Absolutely not. Do not give her that satisfaction after she dumped you for some guy she met on the internet, come on now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by High Max

Should you stay friends with her? Absolutely not. Do not give her that satisfaction after she dumped you for some guy she met on the internet, come on now.

No more coddling you... Stand up! Walk away! Get a life which doesn't include her!:rolleyes: