About 6 months ago my girlfriend seemed to spend a lot of time with me.

Id see her on a Friday evening, sometimes on the Saturday and maybe once or twice through the week.

She started working a Saturday evening so over the weekend I would see her on the Friday. On occasion she would get asked out by her girlfriends so she wouldn't be over which was cool. But then it started happening every week and Friday became her night with her friends. She was working on the Saturday evening, so I would see her on Sunday.

This was cool for a while until she started grad school which is an hour or so away. She is there from late Sunday afternoon and returns home late Thursday evening. Once she left this meant I couldn't see her on week nights anymore. She leaves to go back there on sundays around 4pm so I couldn't really see her on the Sunday either so this left about 4 hours during the daytime on Saturday. Now she would sleep in until about 1pm and by the time she got ready it was about 2:30pm and I would only see her until 5:30pm when she started work. I asked why I couldn't see her on Friday nights anymore and she said, you know I go out with my friends then.

She's home next weekend, as are some of her other friends who attend different schools. I asked to see her next weekend and she said, Ive got plans with my friends on the Friday, working sat and plans with them again on the Sunday, I'll see you through the week though because none of them will be doing anything during the week and I know you'll be free on the week nights.

It made me feel like crap to have somebody not value my time like that.

Ive be patient all this time but I had to say something. I called her up and asked why she couldn't see me on the weekend. She said she has plans with her friends, the same friends on both the Friday night and the Sunday night. I asked why she couldn't see the on one night and see me the other, she said she told me she'd already see me through the week. I asked why I should have to wait until through the week and be worked around her other plans, I explained it doesn't make me feel good to be an after thought. She said she won't be making plans with them through the week because 'nobody goes out during the week'.

I said yeah but I'd like to see you on a weekend for once, people see their girlfriends on weekends, girlfriends like to see their boyfriends on weekends, but not you.

She blew up at me and said, all you want is your own way all the time. She said I haven't seen my friends since christmas so I apologise for wanting to see them. I said that's fine, but you have 3 weeks to see them and you can't even give me 1 evening this weekend. She said I was trying to create unnecessary problems.

Many people have made comments uncluding my mum who said 'oh she's not just going to plan her time with you around her other plans with her friends, that's not on. But if you're going to let her get away with it, you deserve everything that comes to you'

Ive been a little bit off with her for quite a few weeks because this has been getting to me. She keeps saying how I over look the fact she used to make all that time for me 'used' to being the important word. Its no good barely seeing me now then saying, well I used to see you often before.

I just don't like that feeling, oh well I'm busy on the weekend but you're free during the week and I won't be doing anything then so I will see you then. I don't think she's acting like somebody who wants to be in a relationship.

Maybe Im in the wrong and way off, what you guys think?

Personally, I would cut her out of my life.

It sounds like she is no longer making you a priority like she used to. I can understand wanting to go out with friends, but she should try to be flexible and spend time with you on the weekends like she used to!

It sounds like you tried talking to her about it, she is putting up walls and getting defensive. Since she is not willing to compromise or discuss any problems with you, is she really worth your time?

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

Personally, I would cut her out of my life.

It sounds like she is no longer making you a priority like she used to. I can understand wanting to go out with friends, but she should try to be flexible and spend time with you on the weekends like she used to!

It sounds like you tried talking to her about it, she is putting up walls and getting defensive. Since she is not willing to compromise or discuss any problems with you, is she really worth your time?

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Im not very petty, if she wanted to see her friends who are home from school this weekend, I WOULD have said fine. Had she not have seen her other friends EVERY weekend for the last 6 months. But because I haven't seen her for 1 evening on a weekend for that amount of time, Im not fine with this.

I explained this on the phone and she said I was being unreasonable and said ' I haven't seen my friends since xmas and I really want to see them' I replied ' they're going to be here for 3 weeks so you have time, do you really need to see them twice in 1 weekend' She said well after that she probably won't see them until the following weekend since they don't make plans through the week. Well they do because they did during the xmas break. Then got defensive and said, 'you know I barely see them'

I replied 'you barely see me' she didn't say a word!

As far as she's concerned, Im not getting my way and being 'Number 1' so Im making a fuss.

I feel like calling and telling her I don't want her to come during the week. But obviously this is going to be a pathetic move because Im only saying it because she can't fit me into her weekend.

Thanks for your advice.
It sounds like she's only coming to see me through the week because she won't be doing anything with them.


Also just to mention, she said it was ME who wasn't making a compromise on this occasion.

I said to her that she isn't making me feel like her top priority and she said, no and Im not going to either. Its not all about you.

Her priorities have changed and it seems so have her feelings.

I would suggest you have a serious conversation with her and find out where this relationship is heading.

Yea my ex pulled the "you are unreasonable" card when she was breaking up with me.

Which is completely untrue, it sounds like you are trying to be reasonable.

I would agree with amicon, to try to have a serious discussion with her, but based on what she has said so far, I don't see it going very far.

Be ready to cut it off.

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Originally Posted by amicon

Her priorities have changed and it seems so have her feelings.

I would suggest you have a serious conversation with her and find out where this relationship is heading.

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We've kind of had that conversation but not in as many words and the outcome was, its me creating a fuss over nothing.

I actually tell a lie, because Ive seen her over the past 3 weekends on the Friday evening but ONLY because 3 weeks ago her and her girfriends decided that going out every weekend was too much. So she told me, I'm not going out every Friday now so I can see you again. That made me feel like a million dollars!

She's said to me a lot of times over the past 2 or so months, you're not being yourself with me. I thought well I wonder why?

Regardless of what she says, her actions are those of a girl who wants a boyfriend. She seems more interested in going out with her friends and it makes me feel like a fall back plan. Especially this recent episode.

We've been dating for around 20 months as well.

The thing is she still calls and texts me all the time, says I love you plenty, shows me a lot of attention/affection when Im with her. But for the past 6 months, the only times Ive seemed to be with her is around her other plans. When I remind her of this, she reminds me of how I forget she used to see me often.

Its no good saying I used to do this or that. Its about now.

I just don't know what to do. Ive brought this issue up a couple of times now, not as directly as I did over the phone but she still got the point and we have the same outcome.

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

Yea my ex pulled the "you are unreasonable" card when she was breaking up with me.

Which is completely untrue, it sounds like you are trying to be reasonable.

I would agree with amicon, to try to have a serious discussion with her, but based on what she has said so far, I don't see it going very far.

Be ready to cut it off.

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For what its worth and even if I was being unreasonable, which I don't think I am.

Its making me feel worthless and honestly, I don't think you can have a good relationship unless you put the time into it. Its easy to not see your friends for a couple of weeks and you're all still cool but when you don't see your partner, and you don't make them a priority, its not so cool.

Well if you are getting the same outcome you need to make a decision if this is how you want to live.

If you want to stay with her, how about you start living your own life apart from her. Is it possible for you to start going out with friends on the weekend? Make yourself less available to her?

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

Well if you are getting the same outcome you need to make a decision if this is how you want to live.

If you want to stay with her, how about you start living your own life apart from her. Is it possible for you to start going out with friends on the weekend? Make your self less available to her?

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I do, either on a Friday or a Saturday but the days switch round all the time. Lately its been on saturdays. She works that evening so its no problem. Still leaves me free on Friday, which I could fill up. But that still leaves me free through the week nights. She actually said to me that she knows Im free most of the time so why should she rearrange her plans when she can pretty much arrange to see me anytime. Of course this is true but its about principle. You don't just make your other plans round your boyfriend because you know he will probably be free.

And you can bet your bottom dollar, when she goes back to school in 3 weeks. If she comes home and see's me on the Saturday afternoon like she normally does and I say, oh I have a plan to see my friends. She'll make me into the bad guy. I can picture her saying something like 'but you know I normally see you on that day, why can't you see them another day' which is exactly what she did.

I suggested I can't go on much longer like this. She's back from school for good around June and said, I'll be able to see you more when Im home so it won't be a problem.

You're maybe talking but you're not solving the problem/problems,so there's no real communication.

Relationship are about compromise, I don't see her trying to at least meet you somewhere in the middle.

I would go do my own thing,and regardless of what she says,be busy when it suits you.

"She actually said to me that she knows Im free most of the time so why should she rearrange her plans when she can pretty much arrange to see me anytime."

She no longer respects your time or effort. RUN!

"She'll make me into the bad guy."

Some girls do this when they know they are wrong, its just to shift blame to make you feel guilty and mess with your instinct.

Trust me, you are starting to see her true colors and behaviors now. Controlling, manipulative, disrespectful. (Which is probably what she will claim you are when she breaks up with you!)

Look, I could be totally wrong, this is just how I see things.

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

"She actually said to me that she knows Im free most of the time so why should she rearrange her plans when she can pretty much arrange to see me anytime."

She no longer respects your time or effort. RUN!

"She'll make me into the bad guy."

Some girls do this when they know they are wrong, its just to shift blame to make you feel guilty and mess with your instinct.

Trust me, you are starting to see her true colors and behaviors now. Controlling, manipulative, disrespectful. (Which is probably what she will claim you are when she breaks up with you!)

Look, I could be totally wrong, this is just how I see things.

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You could be wrong, BUT your not the first person to say this to me...

And in response to the time and effort thing, when I challenged her on it she said, look don't get at me because I have more of a social life than you. If your free and Im busy, why would you want to be awkward and see me when I have plans.

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Originally Posted by BigJC

You could be wrong, BUT your not the first person to say this to me...

And in response to the time and effort thing, when I challenged her on it she said, look dont get at me because I have more of a social life than you. If your free and Im busy, why would you want to be awkward and see me when I have plans.

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That sounds a little ridiculous. Instead of trying to compromise with you, she is trying to put you down.

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

That sounds a little ridiculous. Instead of trying to compromise with you, she is trying to put you down.

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Well in this instance she said I wasn't compromising because she agreed to see me through the week. How is that a compromise on her behalf?

I ask to see her at the weekend, absolutely not, I'll see you through the week. That is just me getting pushed to a time she is not seeing her friends AGAIN.

She was really raising her tone of voice on the phone this time too and said she is sick of me making a big deal out of this. Said I can't be first in everything. Then kind of made a suggestion that if I keep on like this, its not going to end up good.

I got a text from her about 5 minutes ago saying something about her dads leg has a clot and its travelled to his groin and she doesn't know what to do, if to ring the hospital or not. She clearly knows what to do, a 5 yr old would know. She's just texting to see if I'll respond.

After we had an argument last summer about something and she was abrupt on the phone then hung up, she text me about 30 minutes later saying her wisdom tooth absess burst and she came over all shakey and was scared and didn't know what to do.

I think that's quite a maniuplate little quirk because it seems she's testing to see if I'll reply after she's been unreasonable on the phone.

I would be busy during the week, and unavailable on week ends. And Mr. Smiley face when she did catch up to me.

She is doing her thing, you should be doing hers, and what's the point in having a girlfriend who is too busy to make time for you? Let her have her friends, but don't whine for time, get busy, and do your own thing.

Don't let one monkey, stop the show.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I would be busy during the week, and unavailable on week ends. And Mr. Smiley face when she did catch up to me.

She is doing her thing, you should be doing hers, and whats the point in having a girlfriend who is too busy to make time for you? Let her have her friends, but don't whine for time, get busy, and do your own thing.

Don't let one monkey, stop the show.

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Ive tried to be busy during the week before. I actually enjoy writing, I write a blog too so I spend time doing that durin the week. Ive said before, oh I won't see you tonight because Im going to write for a while but because that isn't a real activity such as going out to a restaurant or going to a bar which is what she does its almost as if it doesn't count and it gets waved and she expects I'll see her with comments such as, can you not do that another time.

If I say Im busy, she will also ask and probe to see what Im doing, if Im not actually busy as in out every night, this isn't going to work.

And lets be honest, if I get super busy and she is always busy, what is the point in us going out?

Right now, she only seems to see me when she's not busy with her things, but that's cool because she used to make time for me and I'm so silly I keep forgetting that!

I really don't feel like I have a lot of options on this one. No matter what I say Im in the wrong and Im not willing to compromise as far as she's concerned yet I think those same things about her.

I don't feel like I have a lot of options here.

My friends suggest I go meet up with my girlfriend and her friends on a weekend. I don't mind going bars, I just don't like her friends. Ive tried with them several times and I get nothing. One of them has a dislike for me because she thinks Im always moaning to my girlfriend about when Im going to see her haha. Surprising I know! The main reason is, a few of them are wasters who do hard drugs and I DO NOT like being around people who behave like that. My girlfriend is from a very conservative family who also don't worrent this kind of behaviour but since my gf's friends are all at school when she comes home on the weekends, these are the only girls she has to hang out with. Ive told her time and time again I won't associate with people like that and that is MY choice. She responded by asking me who the hell I thought I was to speak bad about people like that...

It seems like you are making excuses every time. Almost as if you don't want it to get better. I would suggest finding a life outside of your girfriend. Start doing things you enjoy and make time with her when you both can. You are too avaible to her. If that doesn't work for you then maybe you should think about letting go and moving on.

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Originally Posted by overayear1

It seems like you are making excuses every time. Almost as if you dont want it to get better. I would suggest finding a life outside of your girfriend. Start doing things you enjoy and make time with her when you both can. You are too avaible to her. If that dosent work for you then maybe you should think about letting go and moving on.

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You're right, I do appear to be making excuses.

Its been 6 months, actually more. Its been the same ever since. For the year she made plenty time to see me then it slowly dropped off. I have a life which Im quite happy with, I go out and see my friends about twice per week, the other nights I spend a couple of hours in the gym and either write or play my piano.

Its not showed any signs of changing and when I bring it up it causes nothing but arguments. Maybe Im done with this and Im just dragging it out now.

Thanks guys, I'll have a good think about this one.

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And lets be honest, if I get super busy and she is always busy, what is the point in us going out?

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Read my signature and see if anything applies to you.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Read my signature and see if anything applies to you.

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All of them!

Only two points that I don't understand. My life hasn't changed Ive done my own thing all this time and Im happy with it. So knowing that.

1. why did she give me plenty of time in the first year

2. most girls I know actually want to see their boyfriends on a weekend

She can't have a week day boyfriend, or a boyfriend she can see when she isn't doing anything else.

Im going to take your advice and start being busy.

Thanks

Maybe you're a boyfriend in name only.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Maybe your a boyfriend in name only.

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I suggested that and she got defensive.

On the flipside its quite true what she says.

'if I know your going to be free on a weekday, why should I have to not see my friends on the weekend when I know they will be out and about'

While its true, its not very respectful of my time.

YouTube - Everwood Scene: Hanging Out

Watch that... It applies to you directly!

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

YouTube - Everwood Scene: Hanging Out

Watch that...It applies to you directly!

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Thanks man I appreciate it.

I already explained that I can't be a second choice, she denied it, because apparently its not second choice if she makes other times to see me.

Ive decided Im going to make myself a lot less available. Im not going to call her, going to wait until she calls me. Im not going to ask to hang out, going to wait until she asks me and I may or may not be busy.

I'll let you guys know how it goes.

Thanks again for all the advice, its helped me understand this a lot better.

First, I haven't read every post, so if I repeat something someone else has said, sorry.

I am female and I've sadly done what your girlfriend is doing.

Here's why. I wasn't that interested. I was hoping he'd get the hint and I wouldn't have to be the one to break it off. He didn't get the hint. He ended up proposing, even though we really hadn't spent that much time together in the 2 years we dated.

I ended up cheating on him, a lot. We broke up, he forgave, and because I couldn't figure out a way to break it off, I was stuck.

Your girlfriend is telling you loud an clear that you are not a priority in her life. Of course she should spend time with her friends, of course she needs to go to school to better herself, but to expect you to be at her beck and call, no way!

The question is, how long are you going to put up with this before you realize the message she's sending you, that you're really not that important to her.

If it was me, I'd break it off, find someone that at least wants to be with you, wants a relationship.

You're not on the same page as her, so buy another book! :)

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

First, I haven't read every post, so if I repeat something someone else has said, sorry.

I am female and I've sadly done what your girlfriend is doing.

Here's why. I wasn't that interested. I was hoping he'd get the hint and I wouldn't have to be the one to break it off. He didn't get the hint. He ended up proposing, even though we really hadn't spent that much time together in the 2 years we dated.

I ended up cheating on him, a lot. We broke up, he forgave, and because I couldn't figure out a way to break it off, I was stuck.

Your girlfriend is telling you loud an clear that you are not a priority in her life. Of course she should spend time with her friends, of course she needs to go to school to better herself, but to expect you to be at her beck and call, no way!

The question is, how long are you going to put up with this before you realize the message she's sending you, that you're really not that important to her.

If it was me, I'd break it off, find someone that at least wants to be with you, wants a relationship.

You're not on the same page as her, so buy another book! :)

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Aha, this makes more sense!

I kind of suspected this, except. She keeps putting me in these emotional hooks. She'll say 'I miss you' or 'I love you' as soon as I stop bothering with her so much. It will spark my interest and when I show more interest and attention she seems to back off.

I feel like Im being used as somebody to have when she's not doing all those other things. Seems going to eat chinese this weekend is more important than seeing me even though she's seeing those same girls at a bar 2 nights later...

Maybe you can advise me about how to go about breaking it off?

Ive read the stickies here about NC.

Do I tell her that its not working because she's not making me a priority anymore then I leave her? Or do I just leave without saying a word and she'll get the picture?

Thanks

Breaking up is going to be the hard part. It's never easy.

Be honest with her, tell her what you've told us, that you feel like a backup plan when she doesn't have anything better to do.

I can guarantee that she'll tell you she loves you, she doesn't want to lose you, you're just being too sensitive, it's your problem, not hers.. blah, blah, blah. She doesn't want to lose her backup plan.

Stick to your guns. Tell her that you deserve to be with someone that actually wants to be with you. Tell her that you don't expect to be together 24/7 but at this point you're not even as lucky as a divorced father with visitation of his kids. You don't need it, you don't accept it and you think it's best to end things now because you can't see it getting any better.

No contact after that. It's not going to be easy but that's what we're here for, you come here to vent, you come here if you need to talk, you come here if you have weak moment. You just come here and we'll be here. :)

Do it soon so you can move on. You deserve someone that wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. Don't take anything less. :)

Well.. If she is so busy during the weekends... why are you so available during the weeknights?

It probably sounds childish, but why make yourself available for someone who is unavailable when you would like to spend time with her?

You need to tell her how you want YOUR relationship with her. She is not the only deciding factor on what either one of you can or can't do. Why not go out with her and her friends? Have you suggested that? That could be a possibility that will make everyone happy.

If she is not willing to make sacrafices, and her friends are more important than you, then its time to end the relationship. You need to be her priority, not her friends. You are the one she can potentially spend the rest of her life with. But if she is not putting you first, why are you with her? I know I wouldn't stand around waiting for sloppy seconds.

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Originally Posted by Lucky098

Well.. If she is so busy during the weekends... why are you so available during the weeknights?

It probably sounds childish, but why make yourself available for someone who is unavailable when you would like to spend time with her?

You need to tell her how you want YOUR relationship with her. She is not the only deciding factor on what either one of you can or can't do. Why not go out with her and her friends? Have you suggested that? That could be a possibility that will make everyone happy.

If she is not willing to make sacrafices, and her friends are more important than you, then its time to end the relationship. You need to be her priority, not her friends. You are the one she can potentially spend the rest of her life with. But if she is not putting you first, why are you with her? I know I wouldnt stand around waiting for sloppy seconds.

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She seems to be the only deciding factor. If she says I will see you through the week and I say, I want to see you on the weekend she says no. Now it wasn't always like this and when I said that to her, she started reeling off a list of excuses such as, you know I don't feel good right now, have lots of work, stressed, don't see my friends as much. Then she brings it back with, I used to see you loads but you forget that. So it seems like she's the deciding factor and if I have my say she tells me, Im not willing to compromise...

I asked her on the phone the other night why she wasn't putting me first anymore and she said she won't put me first anymore, I can't always be first.

Like I said Ive made a fair few indirect approaches to this subject over the past 6 months where Ive asked for what Ive wanted and its made a difference for like a week, then its gone straight back.

After I brought it up on the phone properly this time she said she is sick of me going on and on at her and she asked if I ever stopped to think that maybe why she doesn't want to see me as much.

When I first met her she used to go out with her friends loads, then once we started going out she didn't see them half as much and wanted to see me often, especially over the weekend. It seems like she's gone back to her original set up.

Anyway, she was really pissed off on the phone and ended up saying she can't stand me when Im acting up like this.

I haven't contacted her and Ive not heard from her since...

That's probably just what she wants, for me to call her up and say sorry like I usually do. Im not going to call her and if she doesn't call me I'll assume its over.

If this is so, how do I get my stuff back she has?

" I am getting my stuff back this weekend" have a good time. When you get your stuff back, then really disappear from her life. No need to drag this out any further than it has to be.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

" I am getting my stuff back this weekend' have a good time. When you get your stuff back, then really disappear from her life. No need to drag this out any further than it has to be.

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Yeah but it means Im going to have to call her which will break the no contact. I know as soon as I call her she's going to ask me what's going on, on the phone. So what do I say, 'I want to come get my stuff at the weekend. And if she asks I say, Ive told you that I can't be second best in your life, thanks'?

I don't want to get hooked back in.

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Originally Posted by BigJC

I dont wanna get hooked back in.

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Then stick to your guns!

Ok so she just text me and it said 'if you want to meet me and talk tomorrow night, I'm available. I will also give you your stuff back, let me know'

So Ive just replied saying yeah I'll come get my stuff back.

I'll just explain again to her how Im feeling when we meet and that I don't want it to be that way.

I'd like to have a friendship with her but that will have to be well into the future. I'll have to go NC until Ive healed and then perhaps we can be friends after that.

Thanks

I'm not sure if you want to try and save your relationship, but... Everything needs to come to a happy medium. Apparently, she doesn't think that applies to your relationship. Maybe you came off as the guy that didn't mind his girlfriend going out with her friends every weekend night. Maybe she is the one who wears the pants in this relationship, which isn't a bad thing... It just really shows how "bossy" she is.

If she doesn't want to listen to what you have to say.. or take you into consideration, and feels that hanging out with her friends every weekend night is more important then spending that time with you, then I would highly advised to end the relationship... maybe with no friendship attached. Its kind of obvious she has no respect for you.

I'm not sure what else to say. Its going to all come down to how you word everything and her reaction to what you say. But don't allow her to push you around by giving you excuses. Its either yes or no... She's either with you, or with her friends...

Good luck

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Originally Posted by Lucky098

I'm not sure if you want to try and save your relationship, but... Everything needs to come to a happy medium. Apparently, she doesnt think that applies to your relationship. Maybe you came off as the guy that didnt mind his girlfriend going out with her friends every weekend night. Maybe she is the one who wears the pants in this relationship, which isnt a bad thing... It just really shows how "bossy" she is.

If she doesnt want to listen to what you have to say.. or take you into consideration, and feels that hanging out with her friends every weekend night is more important then spending that time with you, then I would highly advised to end the relationship... maybe with no friendship attached. Its kind of obvious she has no respect for you.

I'm not sure what else to say. Its going to all come down to how you word everything and her reaction to what you say. But dont allow her to push you around by giving you excuses. Its either yes or no... She's either with you, or with her friends...

Good luck

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I think you've got it right again. I believe I did come off as the guy who didn't mind his girlfriend going out on the weekends. I actually didn't think it was my place to say. But then once I thought it wasn't fair anymore and spoke up about it, all the problems and arguments came.

She definitely wears the pants. The thing is I think because she was so used to me not making a fuss and then when I suddenly did, she kept saying I was 'attacking her'. Its not an attack, its just me finally speaking up about it and she doesn't like it.

If I wanted to save it, Im not sure how to word everything to make it clear. Whatever I say in reference to me being second, she gives another excuse and keeps reverting to how she USED to give me time. I told her that was in the past. However now I think because Ive mentioned it so many times she thinks I want all the attention on me all of the time.

I never asked for that though, I don't just want to see her on the weekend. I want HER to want to see me on the weekend. Otherwise it'll feel like she's only doing it because I made a fuss and asked her.

She's made it clear many times. Her friends do things on the weekends and not during the week so we can't she see me during the week so she can go do things with her friends at the weekend. Her idea is if I ask to see her at the weekend Im just being awkward.

After reading your posts, speaking for myself in your situation, I'd have to walk away as painful as it would be.

First, she values her 'me' time and fun far above your relationship. You've expressed your feelings about it... she doesn't care. I sense that you're there as a filler or for her to say she has a BF. I honestly think she would dump you instantly as soon as she found someone more interesting. Second, if my GF would say, "Did you ever consider I don't want to spend that much time with you..." that would be the point at which I would be exiting on my terms. What a hurtful thing to say. I'd make plans to meet her at her place, nothing specific just getting together. Don't tell her, "We need to talk." or "I'm coming to get my stuff." I'd show up and with an "it's all business" approach, start packing my stuff while saying, "You don't have time for me." "It's not working..." blah blah blah. Choke back the pain and a "good bye" as I exit. All in a quick and efficient manner. Knock her off her pedestal.

Here are the points I'm going to bring up again tomorrow when I see her. Im trying to word them right.

1. If you work on a Saturday and see your friends on a Friday you will see me on Sunday if you isn't going back to school. The only time I'll see you is on a Saturday is if your not at work. If you are at work our night gets sacrificed yet you still manage to see your friends every weekend and your time with them never gets sacrificed.

2. You say none of your friends do anything through the week because people only go out to bars or eat on weekends, this may be true but what if I want to do something on the weekend with you, you won't give me that time because you do things with your friends on the weekends and you know you can see me through the week because Im available.

3. when I ask to see you on a weekend you can never say yes or no, you will always say I don't know what's happening yet. By this you mean you don't know if you're going to be asked out by your friends. You can't commit to a plan with me if I ask you early in the week. If your friends don't ask you to go out you call me up and say I'm coming to yours on the weekend. This makes me feel like a fallback.

4. 3 Thursday nights in a row you went out to a bar with your friends and a day later on the Friday you still went out with the same friends to a different bar. I wasn't able to see you on the Saturday because you were working so I got pushed to the Sunday. Why did you have to go out two nights in a row, if you went with the girls on Thursday why couldn't you turn down Friday and see me instead?

5. you have a boyfriend and none of your friends do therefore they should know your not going to be able to be out as much as they are because you'll be spending some time with your boyfriend. This goes with having a boyfriend but right now you're acting like somebody who is single and not treating me like a boyfriend, even though you like to call me boyfriend by name.

6. It seems like you're more interested in going to bars and restaurants than spending time with me. You don't seem to have time for a boyfriend and I won't be somebody you see when you have no other plans.

7. I'd like you to make a plan with me first, but only because you want to, not because Im asking you to.

8. You often go out 2 nights during the week while you're at school with your friends there yet you still need to go out over the weekend when you're home with your friends from home too. While I understand you want to see your home friends too, if you've already been out with your school friends during the week, can't you miss seeing your home friends at the weekend and see me instead?

9. I've told you clearly how these actions are hurting my feelings and I will not continue to be your second best choice. If you can't accommodate me into your plans on weekdays and weekends then Im going to have to reconsider this relationship.

10. The reason I would like to spend some time with you on either a Friday or Saturday is because those are the best nights. You keep saying you're compromising and giving me a Sunday but its not a compromise because that is not what I have asked for.

I just want to add. While Ive brought things up to do with this over the past few months. She must have told her friends how I was in her words 'telling her' when to see me. She told me her friends said, don't let him tell you when to see him, if he is going to be like that, you should chuck him!

And you wonder why I don't like the friends. Also to add, I suggested Id come along and make an effort with them even though Ive tried hard before and she said ' I don't want you to come along, I want to spend that time by myself with the girls'

What do you guys think of the points Ive made, too much? Worded correctly?

Thanks, I appreciate anymore help

You have just written 10 (11?) good reasons to disappear from her life and not even talk to her.

I would let her figure it out on her own with out you there to argue with her. Sure she may call and text, but the message would be a very strong one, especially after a week where you weren't begging or negotiating for her precious time.

In two weeks she will either be gone, or ready to talk, face to face.Bet she says forget you and never sees you again, which would be a win-win for you, and you keep your dignity, and self respect.

How you have put up with her antics this long is beyond me, because there ain't that much love in the world, that I would even go a week under your circumstances.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You have just written 10 (11?) good reasons to disappear from her life and not even talk to her.

I would let her figure it out on her own with out you there to argue with her. Sure she may call and text, but the message would be a very strong one, especially after a week where you weren't begging or negotiating for her precious time.

In two weeks she will either be gone, or ready to talk, face to face.Bet she says forget you and never sees you again, which would be a win-win for you, and you keep your dignity, and self respect.

How you have put up with her antics this long is beyond me, because there ain't that much love in the world, that I would even go a week under your circumstances.

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I agree with this

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You have just written 10 (11?) good reasons to disappear from her life and not even talk to her.

I would let her figure it out on her own with out you there to argue with her. Sure she may call and text, but the message would be a very strong one, especially after a week where you weren't begging or negotiating for her precious time.

In two weeks she will either be gone, or ready to talk, face to face.Bet she says forget you and never sees you again, which would be a win-win for you, and you keep your dignity, and self respect.

How you have put up with her antics this long is beyond me, because there ain't that much love in the world, that I would even go a week under your circumstances.

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Ah OK, so you think Im an idiot? You can be honest.

She text today and say she wanted to talk face to face tomorrow. Should I let her do the talking instead of me?

Even though Ive already addressed all those points, I feel like I need to do it because a. she's either not getting it OR b. she's just trying to push her luck and see how far she can get until I get the balls to walk.

Also to add.

She found out Im going out of the country with my work in early May for 2 weeks then will be going again in the summer for about 4 months.

She's now using this as another excuse.

You don't stop seeing somebody because they're in another country for a while. I know countless people who's boyfriends and fiancés are in iraq fighting the war for 6 months at a time and they are still committed!